‘Oh, Gio,’ she said with a tender smile. ‘It was always going to be too late. I’d been doing the same thing every time you noticed me since I was fourteen and my hormones kicked in. Only this wasn’t just noticing me, it was much, much more than that, and because we seemed so happy, I let myself fall even deeper in love with you.’ She shook her head. ‘Gio, why didn’t you just tell me about her when you got the letter? You tell me everything, but you didn’t tell me that. Why not?’
He shook his head. ‘I don’t know. I just wanted to protect you, in the only way I knew how, which was to get you away from me as quickly as possible before I could hurt you, too.’
‘Why did you think you would hurt me?’
‘Because I always hurt everybody. I’ve had a rule, for years, not to get involved with nice girls. Only sleep with women who know the rules. And rule number one, don’t sleep with your friends. And you were my best friend, Anita, and I’d broken my rule. And I thought if you fell in love with me, at some point it would get messy and I’d want out, because I always did, and I was afraid you might do the same thing as Kirsten, only you might have been more successful. I couldn’t have lived with that, with the knowledge that you’d died because I’d let you believe that I was in it for the long haul. So I had to make it clear there was no long haul and never would be, because I don’t seem to be able to do it.’
‘Maybe you’ve never let yourself try.’
‘I have. Of course I have. I gave up trying, years before Kirsten. She just caught me unawares, and she just proved what I’d known all along. I’m a lousy bet, Anita. I hurt every woman I touch.’
‘Will you tell me something? Honestly? How many times have you told a woman you love her?’
He stared at her blankly, then looked away. ‘Never.’
‘Because you’ve never loved anyone, or because you’ve never committed to it?’
‘I’ve never loved anyone. I don’t seem to be able to. I like them, I’m fond of them, I enjoy their company, but none of them make me feel—’
Like you.
He nearly said it out loud, but he was glad he hadn’t, because it took his breath away.
Was that it? Was the reason he’d never loved anyone before because none of them had been Anita?
‘Maybe you’ve never let yourself love, Gio. Maybe it’s never mattered enough to try and make a relationship work, and so you’ve never let your guard down before. Perhaps there’s never been enough at stake before, and maybe now you should, because there is. There’s a lot at stake here, Gio. Maybe it’s time to try.’
He met her eyes, aching to believe her, but the thought of hurting her was anathema to him. ‘What if I fail, Anita?’ he said, his voice strained. ‘What if this all loses its gloss and we end up hating each other? I’ll break your heart, and I couldn’t bear to do that.’
‘No, you won’t. No more than you have in the past. And anyway, we won’t hate each other. No more than we already do. And if you’re worried you’ll get bored, I’ll have to find ways to make it entertaining,’ she said with a gentle, slightly mischievous smile.
She reached up and touched his cheek with the backs of her fingers, her caress tender. ‘Gio, you can’t hurt me, not unless you’re deliberately unkind. I’ve loved you forever, and nothing’s going to change that. And if we can make this work, for ourselves and for our child, isn’t that better than never having the courage to try?’
He swallowed. ‘I don’t know,’ he said after a long hesitation. ‘I seem to have this fatal flaw, and I don’t know if I’ve got what it takes. And I’m so afraid I’ll hurt an innocent child. You’re an adult. I worry enough about hurting you, Anita, but our baby—I couldn’t hurt our baby. I’ve already got one child on my conscience. I can’t have another.’
His words echoed in her head, going round and round.
I’ve already got one child on my conscience. I can’t have another. Can’t have another. Already got one. Can’t have—
She sat back, realisation dawning. ‘Is that why you’re here?’ she asked, shocked. ‘Why you’ve insisted on looking after me? Because you’re afraid I’ll do something foolish and harm the baby? Gio, never! I will never, ever harm our child, or myself. I feel desperately sorry for your Kirsten, but I’ve spent my whole life knowing that you’ll never love me the way I love you, and I’m not going to suddenly do something foolish because I’ve found out I’m pregnant, any more than you are.’
‘Me?’
‘Well, yes. Why not? I won’t marry you under these circumstances, and I’ve told you that, but I never for a moment thought you’d go off and try and kill yourself because of that. I know you better, I know your strengths, and you really ought to know mine.
‘I’m tough, Gio. I can do this alone, and I will if necessary, but I’d much rather do it with you by my side, and if you find you can love me, if you find that our relationship is different to all your others and you want to stay, then maybe we could get married. In the meantime, I’ll carry on, and you’ll have to decide for yourself what kind of a relationship you want with me, long or short term, and I’ll do my best to go along with it, because come hell or high water, we’re going to be together in some form over this. We’ve got a child to bring up, and it’s down to you whether we do it separately or together. And the only way to find out if we can do it is to try.’
He stared at her, and let his breath out in a whoosh. ‘Really? You’d do that—take that big a risk, for me?’
It was the biggest gamble of her life, but she had no choice. If she was ever to win Gio, to convince him that he could love her, then she knew instinctively that this was her only chance.
‘Why not?’ she said gently. ‘What have I got to lose? I love you. And if you give yourself a chance, who knows, maybe you can love me, too. But you have to try, or you’ll never know.’
Could he trust himself enough to try? Trust her? He wasn’t sure. What if she suddenly realised she wasn’t as strong as she thought? What if it all fell apart and she found she couldn’t take it and wanted out? If he let himself love her...
But if he didn’t try, if he didn’t let her try, then they’d lose it all anyway. Life had no guarantees.
‘OK,’ he said, feeling the ground fall away from under his feet. ‘We’ll try—but I’m not promising anything, Anita. I’ve never stuck at this in my life, and I’m thirty five. That’s a long time to spend moving on.’
‘I know. And we’ll take it step by step, and I won’t put any pressure on you, I promise. Let’s just see what happens.’
Her eyes were gentle, her face so close he only had to move his head a little way for their lips to touch.
She met him halfway, her breath easing over his face in a soft sigh as their lips met. With a ragged groan he gathered her into his arms and kissed her as if she was the most precious thing he’d ever held, and deep inside her, she felt a glimmer of hope spring to life.
She knew he loved her. All she had to do was wait for him to realise it, too.
Sliding her arms around his neck, she kissed him back, kicking it up a gear, and with a groan he shifted her in his arms and stood up, carrying her to the bed and laying her down in the cloud-soft bedding.
He took her clothes off slowly, item by item. Her sweater. Her jeans, already too tight so that the stud had to be undone. Her bra, also on the small side now. The tiny scrap of matching lace that barely covered those soft, moist curls.
She was exquisite, and he wanted her so badly he thought he’d die. He stripped off his clothes, shucking off his jeans and shorts and socks in one movement, and then rolled back to her, gathering her into his arms again and covering them to keep out the chill.
He kissed her all over, paying homage to every inch of her body. He hesitated for a moment, his lips pressed low down against her abdomen, close to their child, and he vowed to do his best to make this work, for all their sakes.
She touched him gently, her fingers threading through his hair in a tender ca
ress. ‘Gio?’
He shifted back up the bed, cradling her head in his hands and kissing her deeply. He had to have her, had to make love to her before he went crazy, and he was about to reach for his wallet when he stopped himself. Not necessary. She was already pregnant with his child, and that brought a whole new dimension to their lovemaking.
It was the first time in his life he’d made love to a woman without a barrier between them, and the physical sensation was incredible, but the emotional connection was even stronger. And as he lay with her afterwards, cradling her gently against his heart as their breathing returned to normal and their heart rates slowed, he knew that nothing he’d ever experienced before in his life could touch this.
Was it love? He didn’t know. Whatever it was, it was the most beautiful, most terrifying thing he’d ever experienced, and it left him deeply shaken and humbled and more determined than ever that this was going to work.
It had to. The alternative was unthinkable.
* * *
The next few weeks were the most amazing and nerve-racking of his life.
When he wasn’t working on the estate or in Firenze, he looked after her, cooking for her to make sure she ate sensibly, going out for short walks to make sure she got some fresh air. And when he was working, he sent her texts, and flowers, and left notes for her inside the fridge.
He spent more and more time working in the family business alongside Massimo, taking over some of the admin and marketing work. This freed his brother up to do what he really wanted to do, which was experiment with new varieties of grapes and olives, to improve and expand their range of products, but it also meant he could go home to Anita for lunch, and sometimes lunch stretched into the afternoon...
March turned into April, and the weather was glorious. They got the cushions out of storage and put them on the benches around her loggia, and in the afternoons they lay there bathed in the slanting sun and read books and dozed.
And at night, they made love.
But still, he held something back, because he wanted to be sure, didn’t want to say ‘I love you’ until he could be certain he meant it. Not when the stakes were so high.
And Anita waited, but the words just didn’t come.
No matter. He did love her, she was more sure than ever, and she could wait. She’d waited decades. Another few weeks weren’t going to kill her.
She went to see Luca, one day when Gio was in Firenze. She rang him, and he was at home, so she went to speak to him about managing her care during her pregnancy.
‘How’s it going?’
She smiled. ‘OK. Gio’s being amazing.’
‘Yeah, he’s around a lot. How is that?’
She felt herself colour. ‘Good. Well, some of it. Luca, I’ve tried to convince him to give himself a chance to make this really work, but he can’t believe that he can really love anyone. I don’t know if he ever will.’
‘That’s ridiculous. Of course he loves you.’
‘I know, but it’s not that simple.’ She hesitated, then she said, ‘There was a woman, an Australian. Something happened, something I can’t tell you, but it’s made him so wary. It’s as if it’s broken something inside him.’
‘Well, if anyone can mend it, Anita, it’s you. I knew there was something. I’m glad he’s told you. I have no idea what it is, but he needed to talk about it, and I’m glad he’s trusted you with it. It’s a good sign.’
‘I hope so. Luca, about the baby. Isabelle and Lydia tell me I need to sort out my maternity care and I’ll need a scan, they said. Can you sort it for me, or at least point me in the right direction?’
He smiled. ‘I knew you were going to ask me that. I’d rather not look after you myself, it’s a bit personal and you might not want to look at me over the dinner table afterwards, but I’ll get someone on my team to supervise your care, and if you’re OK with it, I’ll make sure I’m up to date with your notes so you can ask me anything you aren’t sure about.’
She nodded, and he went on, ‘You’ll need a scan at about twelve weeks. I take it you’re still a bit vague on your dates?’
She gave a wry chuckle. ‘Well, I can tell you the only dates I could have conceived, if that helps pin it down. There’s a ten day window, right smack in the middle of your holiday. Stick a pin in it.’
His mouth twitched. ‘That’ll be fine. I’ll get the paperwork done and book you an appointment at the right sort of time. We’ll be able to give you a pretty exact gestational age from the scan measurements. Anything else?’
‘No. I’ll leave you to get on. I know you’re up to your eyes in paperwork, because Isabelle said you were. I’m sorry if I’ve held you up.’
He hugged her warmly. ‘You haven’t held me up at all. It’s a pleasure to talk to you, Anita. It always is. And for what it’s worth, I’m delighted you’re having my brother’s baby. It’s about time something normal and adult happened to him. He’s spent far too long chasing a lifestyle he doesn’t even like.’
It was an interesting remark, and she wondered which bit of his lifestyle Luca was referring to. The work, as a lawyer? Or his love life—actually, scratch that. Not love life. Social life? Private life? Better. More accurate.
She tried not to think about all the women who’d been in his life. She hadn’t been a nun, exactly, but there had been very few men in her life, and none of them had had a prayer of living up to Gio. And since their affair five years ago, there had been no one. If she couldn’t have Gio, she didn’t want anyone, and she’d officially resigned herself to being an old maid.
She went back to her house and checked her phone for messages. Oops. Some of her brides were getting antsy, and she made a few phone calls, set up some meetings and decided she really, really ought to tell the ones who were booked for later in the year that she wouldn’t be available to run their wedding days, even if she was able to set everything up for them at this point.
She mentioned it to Gio when he got home, and he pulled off his tie, dropped into the corner of the sofa next to her and put his feet up on the coffee table.
‘Cancel them. Tell them you aren’t going to be available if you don’t want to do it. Do you really want to do it?’
Did she? ‘I’m not sure,’ she said slowly. ‘Some of them are just spoiled brats who want every last thing going, and I hate arranging celebrity-style weddings for empty-headed little girls who don’t seem to think at all about the real meaning of marriage, but some of them—some of them are just lovely, and when it’s really important to them and I can give them the day of their dreams, it’s just fabulous.’
‘So cherry-pick,’ he said, as if it were that simple, which maybe it was. ‘You won’t need the money, I’ve got more than enough for both of us, and you’ll have plenty to do when the baby comes. Do as much or as little as you want.’
‘You don’t mind if I work?’
He laughed softly. ‘Do I have any say in it? I’m not your husband, Anita, and I’m certainly not your guardian. It’s entirely up to you what you do with your life. But no. Of course I don’t mind. But before we go much further down the line, we ought to talk about where we’re going to live.’
‘We?’ she said tentatively, but he just shrugged.
‘You, then, at any rate. You and the baby. Will you stay here, or do you want to live in Firenze?’
So not we, then, she thought and felt her spirits nose-dive. ‘Why not here? It’s got everything I need and my family are close by.’
‘It’s a little small. We could do with another bedroom or two, and I was thinking the area beyond the loggia would be perfect for a swimming pool. I can just see it now—an infinity pool, with nothing beyond but the valley. Gorgeous. Fantastic.’
She laughed softly. ‘Gio, I don’t have that sort of money to spend.’
‘But I do,’ he said, his voice quiet and sincere. ‘The pool is just a bit of nonsense, but the bedrooms—well, it would be nice to have it all done before you have the baby. You don’t want
the dirt and disruption afterwards.’
He was talking about investing his money in her house. Buying into the relationship? It sounded very much like it. Very much like commitment, but still there was no sign of those little words she was waiting for, and he couldn’t seem to settle on ‘we’ or ‘you’.
‘By the way, Camilla Ponti’s going to be OK,’ he told her, catching her by surprise. ‘I’ve spoken to Marco, her ex business partner, and he’s going to take her back.’
That surprised her. ‘Just like that?’
He laughed. ‘Well, not quite. He had no idea she had a child with disabilities. She’d never said anything about her private life, and so he had no idea what she was dealing with in terms of her finances or the personal stresses she was under. So he’s taking her back, in a different role, for a small fixed salary which will be just enough to live on, and he’s going to pay her son’s fees for as long as she behaves. And if it goes well, she gets a pay rise.’
‘Wow. That’s impressive. How did you talk him into that?’
He gave a wry smile. ‘I took him to the care home when she was there, and she introduced him to her son. He came away in tears.’
‘Have you met the boy?’
He nodded, his smile fading. ‘Yes. And I have to say, the staff there are amazing, and it’s worth every cent of what she pays. He’s very limited in what he can do, but they can tell when he’s responding and they communicate with him far more than I would have thought they could. And so he’s contented, which is more than I would have expected considering the level of frustration he must feel.’
‘That’s so sad.’
‘It is. It’s incredibly sad.’ He held his arm up, making space for her next to him. ‘Come here.’
She scooted over, snuggling in next to him, and he laid his hand over the little bump that was now beginning to show.
‘Ciao, baby,’ he said softly, giving her bump a gentle stroke with his fingers. ‘You doing all right in there?’
The Valtieri Baby Page 14
