Portrait of Love: A Historical Regency Romance Novel

by Ayles, Abby

  “I am Miss Antoinette Byrd, daughter of Lord and Lady Byrd,” she said, smiling. “How do you do, strange man?”

  He let out a surprised laugh. “My, you are a bold one. And a funny one. I am Alexander Godwin,” he replied.

  Antoinette paused briefly. She knew that name from somewhere. “The Duke?” she asked with a slight gasp. “Alexander Godwin, the Duke of Hamilton?” she asked again.

  “The one. Why do you look so surprised?” His smile showed that he was slightly amused. “It's perfectly natural for one Duke to know another, is it not?”

  “I have heard little of you, Your Grace, but I expected you to be older,” she replied without thinking. The heat rose to her face. “I do apologize, I spoke without thinking,” she added hastily.

  “Indeed. An awful trait in a woman, don't you think?” he asked.

  “An awful trait in any person, Your Grace.” Antoinette tried to sound as polite as possible. She never did like the men who spoke in a way that suggested that impoliteness or rashness is forgivable in men. Having been raised alongside both a brother and a sister, she was of the firm belief that although men and women played different parts in society, neither should be rude if they could possibly avoid it.

  “Indeed,” the Duke replied. From his expression, she could see he could not think of what to say next.

  “I am assuming from Your Grace's invitation to dance that Your Grace is still single?” Antoinette said, in an effort to revive the conversation.

  “Oh yes, Miss Byrd, for now,” he said with a soft smile. She was beginning to see that he was not quite as bold as she had initially assumed. And yet, his slight sheepishness was not entirely off-putting.

  “And why would a man of Your Grace's status be struggling to find a wife?” she continued.

  Antoinette cringed at her words.

  “Quite the forward one, aren't we?” he replied with a slight laugh. “I suppose I am not a Duke of enough status, or social presence, to attract many proposals. And yet my standards are too high to have been met thus far,”

  “Quite the conundrum,” Antoinette replied with a sharp smile. “If one does not meet many people and does not find someone worth marrying among those one does meet, then one may stand to remain unwed one's entire life...”

  “A much less terrifying prospect for a man of wealth and status than for a young woman, I assure you.”

  “And yet Your Grace is still here, dancing with an unattached young woman.” Antoinette's eyes locked with Duke Godwin's. She knew she was giving him a flirty look, or at least that’s what she hoped she was giving him through her flushed face…she was prepared to take her chances. She could always feign ignorance if he accused her of being too forward. Life was always given to those who took chances.

  She spotted a slight flush of red on his cheeks and broke eye contact swiftly. Look too little and you are cold. Look too long and you are unladylike. In the middle was the scale of what was appropriate, and Antoinette always felt that gazing as long as was possibly appropriate would be the best way to capture a man's interest.

  Duke Godwin cleared his throat. “I am dancing with young women I like,” he explained. “Just because I can remain unwed does not mean I am committed to the idea.”

  As the dance ended, Antoinette wanted to set the next part of her plan in motion. She was not particularly enjoying being the one managing the technical and logical aspects... but if her parents weren't going to, then it would be up to her, wouldn't it? She curtsied and smiled at Duke Godwin.

  “If Your Grace truly does like a simple young woman such as myself, perhaps he would wish to meet Lord and Lady Byrd?” she suggested.

  Duke Godwin looked a little surprised, but also pleased. It seemed as though Antoinette's forwardness was feeding his ego. She wasn't sure if she liked—or disliked—this yet.

  “Very well, I shall meet the parents of the simple young woman,” he replied with a laugh, following her closely as she made her way to where her parents were still talking to the Fitzroys.

  She curtsied again. “I would like to introduce everyone to His Grace Alexander Godwin, the Duke of Hamilton.”

  Antoinette looked on eagerly as her parents finally engaged, greeted him, asked him a few questions about himself and finally incorporated him into their animated conversation with the Fitzroys—which apparently was about the true purpose of Christian Mission. She felt relieved and wondered whether she should attempt to weigh in on the matter and impress Duke Godwin.

  But she did not know enough about Duke Godwin to even begin to impress him. If he knew much less than her about the subject he would be insulted. Should he know much more than her, he would not be impressed. It was too difficult. She would have to rely on her parents to win him over and persuade him that she would make a wonderful wife.

  However, as the minutes flew by and another dance ended, the conversation continued to be about Christian Mission. Antoinette felt that they were treating Duke Godwin's presence as a mere attempt at mingling with some higher class people, rather than vetting a potential suitor. She felt the frustration rise. Should she ask him back to the dance? No, that would look frivolous. She knew she needed to join in, and she listened carefully for a point where she could.

  “I simply cannot see how any amount of peaching could possibly begin to address the lack of faith and natural Godliness in these people,” Baron Fitzroy finally interjected, shaking his head. It was just the break in the conversation Antoinette needed.

  “I do not believe there is any such thing as a person who lacks faith and Godliness,” Antoinette replied.

  Duke Godwin glanced her way and smiled lightly again, as though welcoming her back to the conversation. “How so?” he asked.

  “We are all made in God's image, are we not? We are all people, are we not? If we did not believe these people were capable of Godliness, then we would not be making an effort to convert them,” she explained. “One cannot make gold out of stone, or a Christian out of a dog.”

  “But who is to say that they are Godly?” Baron Fitzroy contested. “Being a person and being Godly are two different things, surely.”

  “They are made in God's image, as are we. Just because they have not accepted our Lord as their saviour does not mean they have no Godliness, simply that they are out of touch,” she explained.

  “So you are saying they are not ungodly, but that their Godliness is simply an untapped potential?” Duke Godwin asked with a slight spark in his eye. “An interesting idea from a young woman.”

  “My brother is in India, spreading the Good Word,” she replied. “I learned much from him as a girl.”

  Duke Godwin nodded. “Indeed you have. At any rate, it has been my pleasure to make your acquaintances, but I must see my friend Duke Haskett before I depart.” He bowed slightly and everyone bowed and curtsied deeper in respect.

  “The pleasure was all ours,” Baron Byrd replied, shaking Duke Godwin's hand before the man, nodding and smiling politely, vanished into the crowd.

  Noticing the success of her approach so far emboldened Antoinette. She danced with several more single men that night, bringing each in turn to meet her parents. And yet none seemed to leave the same impression on her and her parents as Duke Godwin had. Perhaps it was merely his status and his education, but the way he spoke and the way he carried himself made him so much more desirable than any of the other men she saw that night.

  And yet Antoinette had a nagging feeling that all her efforts would come to nothing at all. That her parents would simply pass up her opportunity with Duke Godwin and she would be exactly where she had started that evening.

  As Antoinette congratulated her cousin for what felt like the hundredth time, Mary took her hand. “What is the matter?” she asked softly.

  “Nothing at all, I am simply tired.” Antoinette tried to excuse herself.

  “You seemed so jovial earlier,” Mary pressed.

  Antoinette shook her head. “It would be unfair to burde
n you with my silly concerns on your wedding day.”

  “No, you have helped me so much, pray tell,” Mary insisted again.

  Antoinette drew a deep breath and sighed. “I am worried about my own marriage prospects. Namely, that as of yet I have none.”

  Mary nodded. Antoinette's parents' lack of interest in finding her a suitor had been a conversation topic amongst them before.

  “I know that they must eventually decide to move me towards marriage, but I feel they are passing up too many good opportunities,” Antoinette continued.

  “What would you normally do?” Mary asked.

  Antoinette shook her head. “There is no 'normally,’ I have no idea right now.”

  “If this were my problem, you would tell me, 'Mary, talk to your parents, tell them what you think, if you don't act then you will never get what you wish for,’” Mary elaborated, mimicking her cousin's voice.

  Antoinette laughed. “I sound nothing like that! But yes, I suppose I would.” She sighed. “It's so much more difficult when it's your own parents, though.”

  Mary nodded. “Believe me, I understand. But if you truly, from the bottom of your heart, believe you could miss an opportunity of a lifetime, then you need to tell them so.”

  Antoinette nodded back. “I really ought to take my own advice more often.”

  Mary laughed. “You really should.”

  Antoinette looked over to where her parents were. Mary was right. She needed to confront them about Duke Godwin and let them know she was interested in him. It was better to be a rude daughter than spend the rest of her life knowing she did not speak up at the right time…or at all.

  Chapter 2

  The next morning, Antoinette felt nervous but excited. Mary was right, after all. Antoinette spent so much time advising others to take action, she would be an absolute hypocrite if she did not take her own advice. And although up until this point none of her suitors had mainly caught her eye, Duke Godwin had definitely been an exception the night before.

  Sure, he had been a little condescending at times, but she understood it. She was a younger woman a whole class beneath him. It was natural he may know more than her, or have stronger opinions than her. For a man in his position, he was actually rather forgiving.

  And in every other aspect, he seemed desirable. He was a Duke, with great wealth behind him. He was educated and well-spoken. Her parents seemed impressed by him and eager to talk with him. Not to mention, he was handsome. She could easily envisage herself spending a lifetime with this man. And, what is more, she felt her parents would be pleased with this decision.

  Heading downstairs for breakfast, she felt a little giddy. This was just like in her romance novels, where the heroine meets her one true love, and then their courtship begins. Of course in Antoinette's case, she expected they not need overcome the sheer number of trials the heroines in her books face. After all, adventurous though she may be, she felt that continually facing social and moral dilemmas would be less of an adventure and a more of constant stress. But nevertheless, she knew that this would be the start of her romance.

  “You look most jovial this morning,” Lady Byrd said, seeing her daughter stride into the room with a bounce in her step. “Good news?”

  “In a way,” Antoinette said. “I have an announcement.”

  “Well, so do we,” replied her father. “Age comes before beauty after all.”

  Antoinette felt her excitement double at the prospect of both delivering and receiving an announcement. She sat down at the table, feeling her foot tap lightly against the carpet as she waited for her father to speak.

  “Having seen how you conducted yourself last night, your mother and I have reached a conclusion about your marriage prospects,” her father began, glancing at her mother.

  “You were polite, graceful, demure, and yet not too silent, nor too passive,” her mother said, nodding. “You were in every way a lady.”

  “We had originally had our reservations about allowing you to see your suitors seriously. You have always been a bit too bold, a bit too... unladylike. We were concerned that you would not attract the right sort of a man. But last night you showed us that you are determined to be wed and willing to behave yourself like the young lady you are. You have inspired great confidence in us,” Lord Byrd said. “Would you like to begin vetting your prospects in earnest?”

  “Oh yes!” Antoinette said, suddenly checking herself and taking a deep breath. “That would be most wonderful.”

  Her mother laughed a little. “Very well, what was your announcement?”

  “It was of a similar nature,” Antoinette replied. “I had not been too eager regarding any of my suitors until now, but... last night I met a man who I believe may make a most excellent suitor. Alexander Godwin, the Duke of Hamilton.”

  Her mother smiled. “That is fantastic news,” she said. “His Grace would make a fine suitor indeed, and he seemed to be interested in you.”

  Her father nodded his head with the faintest trace of a smile emerging on his lips also. “Yes, His Grace is an excellent option. I shall write to him immediately to ensure that he is aware of our interest.”

  “Who else would you like to consider?” Lady Byrd asked.

  Antoinette felt slightly disappointed. Not this again. She knew of countless eligible young men, and other than Duke Godwin, none stood out from the rest whatsoever. How could she select a few from that vast group? She shook her head. “Whoever you believe is a good prospect,” she replied. “I trust you, as my parents, to know what is best for me.”

  Lady Byrd nodded. “We shall make a selection, to ensure that you are not too restricted in your choices. But if you wish, we can focus our attention largely on His Grace.”

  Antoinette nodded back eagerly. “Nothing would make me happier.”

  “Then it is decided,” Lord Byrd said, “I shall write to His Grace, Alexander Godwin immediately to inform him of our interest.”

  Antoinette felt her heart soar. This was precisely what she had wanted for the past couple of years. For her parents to take her interest in marriage more seriously, for them to provide the support and assistance she so desperately needed to make the right decision when it came to finding a husband.

  After breakfast, Lord Byrd retired to his study to compose the letter, and Antoinette requested leave from Lady Byrd to go and tell her cousin, Mary, the good news.

  “Antoinette, I believe you are forgetting something,” Lady Byrd replied as she sorted some cut flowers, ready to spend the afternoon building an artistic arrangement.

  “Ah, yes...” Antoinette suddenly realized. Mary had only married the day before. Not only would she not be home with her parents, but she would probably not be at Duke Haskett's local manor either. She sat down heavily in a chair and sighed dejectedly. “But I wish to speak with someone of the good news.”

  “Father Howe, perhaps?” Lady Byrd suggested, raising an eyebrow at her daughter's dramatics.

  “The vicar?” Antoinette cringed slightly.

  “Do not speak of him in that tone. He is a good man and a vital part of our community,” Lady Byrd replied sternly.

  Antoinette shook her head. “It is not that... I simply do not believe it is a conversation men could understand.”

  Lady Byrd hesitated. “Perhaps not. You could go to see Miss Eleanor.”

  Antoinette shook her head again. “Eleanor and all her sisters are away with their parents, attending some charity events to raise money for London hospitals and poorhouses this Christmas. I would not even know where to write them right now.”

  “Perhaps you should write a letter to Lucy, then, it has been some time since you had correspondence with her,” Lady Byrd replied. “She is still at boarding school?”

  Antoinette stared at her feet. “You are right, I have not spoken to her for a month or more. I hope that she is doing well. Last I heard, she said her stay in boarding school would be coming to a close next year, and she was coming home. Yes, I
shall write her a letter.”

  As Antoinette stood up, she noticed her mother shake her head with a slight smile before beginning her arrangement.

  Antoinette did not wholly understand her parents' aversion to her nature. Sure, she was a little excitable, and perhaps a bit loud and forward. But it was nothing that would interfere with her ability to be a good lady, wife, and mother. If anything, from her experience volunteering at Sunday school and local orphanages, she found that her slightly less stern demeanor made her more endearing to children than some of the less excitable women were. And that closeness with children was something she treasured. She had a natural affinity for them and did not understand how some governesses and teachers would be so strict with the poor little things. She felt confident that she would make an excellent mother someday, not despite her slightly boisterous and rebellious nature, but because of it.

  But she was also coming to see that, even though she did not entirely understand the rigid social expectations which surrounded her, she had to conform to them. If she wanted to marry and marry well, it was necessary to act more like a Lady, to be more controlled, demure, and conforming. Once she wed, she would be in a better position to relax and be her true self. But until then, she significantly improved her prospects by hiding some parts of her personality.

  Sitting at her dresser, she nudged her toiletries to one side with her arm before setting up a writing pad, some paper, and a quill.

  “Dearest Lucy,

  I am terribly sorry that I have not written sooner. There is no excuse for my silence. However, if it is of any reassurance, I have been incredibly busy, and there is much to tell you.

  My brother, as you know, has departed on yet another Mission to India. It is hard work for him, but in his last letter he intimated that he is genuinely satisfied with the good being done, and suggested he may be away some time.