Was this the type of shit that mothers had to go through?
How was I not supposed to act grossed out?
I didn’t want Frankie’s first period experience to be horrible or embarrassing because it was something she’d carry through life. So I sucked in a sharp breath and herded her to the bathroom.
She pulled down her leggings and held up her shirt so I could examine her. I smoothed a quick hand over her butt to feel for any bunching then I looked over the rest of her. Thank god everything felt and looked okay. I nodded and motioned for her to pull her pants up.
“You did good, Frank. Nothing looks out of place.” She buckled with relief. “I’m proud of you,” I said.
“Thank you. I was a little freaked out when I woke up.” She swiped at sparse tears that rolled down her cheeks. “I remembered what you told me about how to put a pad on.”
“See? And you got it first time out.” We went back into my room and sat on the bed. I spent the next hour putting off harp practice to talk to Frankie about everything she’d feel while she was on her period and what not to freak out over. We looked at things online and watched videos too.
When she was calm, we went downstairs and she began making bagels from a recipe she found on Pinterest. She’d even used the money on her debit card to get all the ingredients on her own. She ordered the groceries and had them delivered. I was impressed, to say the least.
I went to the formal dining room and lit candles around Sunshine so I could get to work. I knew I wouldn’t meet my goals for the day but I refused to consider it a waste.
I helped Frankie feel assured and comfortable on one of the most memorable days of her life. She sought me out and confided in me. I was honored once I got over being freaked out.
I sat on my stool and looked at the music for Damon Philips’s wedding. After Evander drafted a contract for me, I got the rest of the details squared away with Nicole and Damon and got half the money upfront. Most of my days leading up to the wedding were spent practicing so everything would be perfect.
I was an hour into plucking strings when Frankie emerged with a plate of warm bagels that smelled heavenly. I couldn’t smell, hear, or see anything besides Sunshine when I was in the zone. It wasn’t until I moved my hands away from her that all my senses rushed in again.
Frankie’s brown eyes were bright like stars against the night sky. “They came out so good!” She beamed, shoving the plate at me. I looked them over then smiled.
“They actually did. Wow, Frank. You’re carving out a niche for yourself.” My eyes drifted to the blue-purple speckled bagels on the right side of the plate. “Wait…Frankie, are those blueberry?”
“Yeah. I made some of them blueberry bagels.”
“I need all of those. You can leave them for me. Thanks.”
“Oh my god, no,” she laughed. “I want Daddy to taste one and I’ll pack some up for Mom.”
When she started for the kitchen again, I got up and followed her because well…bagels. She sat the plate of fresh, warm bagels on the island and I grabbed a blueberry one. They smelled heavenly and felt even better. My fingers pressed into the warm yeasty bread and I wondered what pastry chef was hiding inside Frankie.
“Here…” She handed me a knife to slice the bagel open and a dish with butter. When I sank my teeth into the bagel an involuntary happy groan left me. It was probably the best thing I’d ever tasted. I grabbed another small pat of butter and smeared it on, watching it turn to golden liquid as it soaked into the nooks and crannies.
Oh my god.
“Francesca,” I blurted with shut eyes. “I never call you by your full name but when you make shit like this, I can’t call you Frankie.”
“Oh my god, is it that good? Really, Xari?”
“Girl…yes. I’ll pay you to make me these for the week.” I looked at her and she blinked in disbelief.
“You’re serious?”
“Hell yeah. How much do you charge, Pastry Chef Francesca Freeman?” I winked and her grin widened.
“I don’t know. Ten dollars?”
“For how many?”
“Um, you want them for the week so…seven bagels?” She shrugged her shoulders and looked at me with worry scrawled all over her honey-brown face.
“That’s cool. I got you. I’ll Cashapp you ten dollars for seven blueberry bagels. Deal?”
“You seriously think they’re good enough to pay for?”
“Oh, absolutely. I only spend money on the best so that should tell you everything you need to know.”
“I know. I saw that Chanel bag in your closet. Is it new?”
“Navy borrowed it and she gave it back. I’ve had it for a few months.”
“So instead of paying me, can I borrow that bag?” She clasped her hands under her chin and batted her long lashes at me.
“No. Also, always take the money, Frankie. You can buy yourself a Chanel bag.” She nodded her head in response as if she were recording sage advice in her brain. “Oh my god. Listen to me. I sound old and like I don’t have a bunch of my own money problems.”
I was able to consolidate my credit card debt onto one card and I had my first payment next month. The Philips’s wedding couldn’t come through fast enough. I’d barely have any money after paying on my card and paying for my car. Thank god I didn’t have to pay rent or utilities. I’d be on my broke ass. Some progress was better than no progress though.
“Hey, I smell something wonderful down here.” Evander’s voice sounded from behind me. I spun around with a piece of blueberry bagel in my hand and tried not to let the smile burning to curve my lips, engulf my entire face.
Fuck, that man was fine.
He wore a deep navy suit, tailored only for his wide shoulders and sculpted arms. His brown leather wingtips didn’t even have a crease across the toe box. He probably took them straight from the box and slipped them on his feet.
“Look what I made, Daddy!” My heart squeezed at the happiness in her voice. Evander was her entire world and she never hid it.
Every time I saw her, I hated the fact that I was messing around with her father behind her back. I knew Evander and I were just…well, I didn’t know what we were but I knew we were temporary. There was no need to tell her about something that would never move beyond sex.
“Wow, Frankie, these are so good. You mind packing me one for later? I have a charity event tonight. I’m not going to eat enough. I already know it.”
“I’ll pack you two!” She buzzed around the kitchen wrapping up one plain bagel and one blueberry bagel and grabbing a paper bag to put them in.
She sat them on the island in front of Evander with pride shining in her eyes.
Ding dong. Ding dong.
“Oh, it’s Mom! I’ll answer the door.” Frankie ran off and Evander shot me a look that I knew meant to behave.
“I will, I will,” I sighed.
“You can hear my thoughts now. Don’t know how to feel about that.” He finished his bagel then walked over to me, pulling me against his solid frame. His warm rich smell wrapped around me and before I could inject logic into my thoughts, I pulled him down for a kiss.
I knew he would protest with Alexis and Frankie just in the foyer but he didn’t. He did the exact opposite of protest. He squeezed my ass in his big hands then slid them up my back then down.
“What time do you have to leave?” I asked, trying to find my breath after pulling away from the fire crackling between us.
“I don’t know…might be running late with the way you’re looking right now.” He tucked his bottom lip between his teeth and I stepped back more, trying to put space and air between us before I combusted.
“Why aren’t you ever dressed when I pick you up, Frankie?” Alexis’s voice reached my ears before her face reached my eyes and I didn’t know if I should be thankful for that or not. Both were equally annoying.
When she swayed her obviously fuller hips into the kitchen, she looked me up and down and rolled her eyes. “Nanny, i
sn’t it your job to have my daughter ready to go?”
“Yeah, absolutely…if she was five years old. She’s twelve. She knows how to get herself ready. She was just having a moment this morning because…” Frankie shot me a death glare and shook her head slightly.
My lashes fluttered and I plastered a fake smile on my face. “She wasn’t feeling well.”
“Is she sick?” Alexis’s eyes were as wide as her injections would allow. It was the first time I’d seen concern on her face.
“I’m fine, Mom. Just a little cold or something. Anyway, I made bagels from scratch. By myself.” Frankie was about to pop she was so full of sunshiny pride.
“Oh, okay. That’s nice. Is that what you’re wearing? I wanted to take you to a play.”
“I just want to lay down, Mom.” Frankie wrapped her lanky arms around her slender middle and I knew she was probably starting to deal with cramps and aches for the first time.
“We’ll go to the play first. Go put on a dress.”
“I don’t want to. I don’t feel well.” Alexis held her hand up, silencing Frankie so she could answer her ringing phone. She tossed a look at Evander and rolled her eyes before walking out of the kitchen.
“Come on, Frank.” I hooked my arm with hers and hurried upstairs before her mother sank her claws into us.
“I don’t want to go to this stupid play,” she huffed, flopping on her bed.
“I know but you gotta go where your lovely mother takes you, babe.” I sat beside her and rubbed her back. “Pick out a dress and a pair of black stretchy workout shorts.”
“Okay.”
“I’ll be right back,” I told her, hurrying out of the room. When I returned, I handed her the white Chanel bag she was drooling over earlier. The look on her face was priceless. I knew right then, once I had a kid, I would do anything to see that look.
In other words, my children would be spoiled rotten.
“Are you serious right now, Xari?” Frankie’s hand flattened against her chest.
“I’m dead ass serious. You can borrow it.” I looked at the dress in her arms and smiled. It was an adorable yellow Calvin Klein dress. But it was yellow. The girl just started her period, she couldn’t wear yellow. “First, you have to put that dress back and find a dark one. When Mother Nature is on your ass, always cover it with something dark.”
“Ugh. So many rules. I liked it better before I became a woman,” she grimaced tossing up air quotes.
“Girl, you and me both. I wish I could be twelve again. My parents paid for everything and I got to wear amazing clothes at no expense to me. It was a good time.”
Frankie ignored my poetic waxing and went back into the closet.
“Hey, can I ask you something?” I called from her room.
“What’s up?”
I listened to the shuffling of hangers for a few seconds then said, “Why didn’t you want Alexis to know about your period?”
“Because,” she sighed, walking out with a burgundy dress and a denim jacket draped over her forearm. “She’d say something basic then bury it and not talk about it again. At least you tell me stuff like…don’t wear yellow and take Tylenol.”
“And water. Drink lots of water. Oh, and ginger helps slow the flow so eat ginger snaps or drink ginger tea or ginger ale,” I rambled, sticking my finger in the air.
“See? She’s not going to tell me things like that.” I didn’t know what to say. When I was her age, I had my mother and Navy to help me when it was that time of the month. I had no idea what it felt like not to have support.
“The burgundy dress is good. It’s dark enough. I like the jacket too. You can tie it around your waist if you need to. Take some Tylenol before you go, okay?” I smoothed the hair back from her face and looked at how pretty she was. “Try to have some fun. I’m always here if you need to text me.”
“I know you are.” She gave me a hug then I kissed her forehead and left her alone to get dressed. I’d never kissed anyone on the forehead before but Frankie felt like my…I don’t know. Not exactly a best friend because she was so much younger than me, but I loved that little girl. I wanted to protect her and make sure she had everything she needed.
I hated how sad she looked when she had to leave with Alexis. The moment the door closed, Evander pushed out a pent up breath. “That never gets easier,” he said.
“I can’t even imagine. If I hate seeing Frankie look sad, I know it must fucking kill you.”
“It does,” he nodded solemnly. “Alexis is her mother though. She has to learn how to get along with her and she has to form her own opinions. I can’t stand in the way of that no matter how much I want to. As long as Frankie isn’t being abused or neglected, I can’t step in and play papa bear.”
“I know. I’m always counting down the hours until she comes back,” I confessed.
“Me too, Xari.” He kissed my temple then eyed me for a few seconds. “You busy today?”
“Well, practice seems like a bust so, I guess not. Why?”
“I’m having charity events all day and I hate them with a fucking passion. I was thinking maybe if you went with me, I wouldn’t feel so lonely.”
My lips fell at the mention of loneliness. “You feel lonely?”
“All the time. I don’t have real friends in politics. Just people I keep up appearances with and for. There’s nothing of substance.”
“So, would you say we’re friends, Senator Freeman?” I rocked back and forth waiting for his answer.
It was begrudging and came with a lot of huffing and puffing but he finally said, “Yes, Xari. I consider us to be friends.”
“With amazing benefits. Like…your dick inside of me.” I had to cover up the nagging warmth spilling into my chest with something funny.
“I can’t argue with that. Now take your bad ass upstairs and get dressed. We’re hanging out today.”
I had no idea why his words pumped new life into me but I couldn’t wait to go somewhere with Evander. I wasn’t even pissed that I barely got in any harp practice.
…
Evander
What the fuck was I thinking inviting Xari with me for a day of charity events followed by dinner at the governor’s mansion?
You know what? Scratch that. I knew exactly what I was thinking. I didn’t want to be lonely again at one of those things. I was always plastering a smile on my face that never reached my eyes. With Xari around, I knew my smiles would be genuine and my laughter would be honest.
Sure, I’d get a lot of eyes on me for having someone as gorgeous as her on my arm but I’d make sure it was understood that she was a friend.
Besides, Navy would be there too. Navy was usually at my side for events but there’d never been any speculation about if we were together or not. Things should go equally smooth with Xari there.
I waited in the kitchen while she got ready and drank a cup of coffee while I went over my schedule and answered emails. The distinct cadence of heels against the floor made my head lift.
When Xari walked in, the temperature in the room shifted to accommodate her heat.
She wore a blush pink dress that wrapped around her slender waist and dipped low in the back giving me a view of her delicate spine. The dress stopped right before showing off the small of her back and the two shallow dimples above her ass. A string of modest pearls was wrapped around her neck with matching earrings nestled against her lobes. Her thick hair was sleek and polished in a chignon. Her eyes were lined with an understated swipe of black and her lips were painted plum.
She was stunning.
I had to blink my eyes a few times to jumpstart the words in my brain and force them out of my mouth. “Damn, Xari,” was the best I could do on such short notice. It still granted me a soft laugh. One that brought out those dimples like sunshine.
I took her hand in mine and kissed the back of it. “I’ll take that as a compliment,” she said.
“It’s absolutely a fucking compliment.” I walked ar
ound her in a circle, smoothing my hands over her tight lines and lean curves.
“You know every time you touch me I go crazy?” Her breathing stuttered and she leaned into me. My hands didn’t disappoint. They held her the way she wanted to be held.
“That’s the goal.” Her hips felt like drumbeats beneath my fingers.
Bonita Applebum, you gotta put me on…
I wanted Xari to wear my touch like strands of gold around her waist. I wanted her to wear my kisses like diamonds on her skin. I wanted her to shine with all the adoration I showered on her.
“Do I drive you crazy too?” She knew I couldn’t hide from the truth serum in her eyes. I had to look away. I couldn’t let everything spill out. It was never smart to show your hand.
Of course she drove me crazy with every touch and every kiss but I wasn’t going to shout it from the rooftops.
Besides, after I emailed her some of my books, she barely mentioned them. She only told me when she started reading. That was it.
Maybe my ego was bruised.
I’d never mention it though.
“You drive me up a fucking wall, Xari.” I nipped at her earlobe before checking my watch. I felt the temperature cool between us and I knew it was because I didn’t reciprocate but I couldn’t. Xari brought things to the surface of me that I had nowhere to put. I didn’t know what to do with the thoughts and feelings she unleashed inside of me, so it was easier not to deal with them head-on.
“The driver is outside,” I said, moving toward the door. Since Apollo was coming along to the event, we were taking the truck.
“Right.” Her voice was different. It wasn’t pulled tight and dripping with sarcasm and attitude. I knew for a fact I detected what sounded like hurt feelings. The revelation made me sick to my stomach.
I never wanted to hurt Xari’s feelings.
The thought gnawed at me while we clicked our seatbelts in place and the truck pulled off. I didn’t even hear Apollo talking to me from the front seat because I was too busy staring at Xari’s side profile while she looked out of the window.
“Van, you okay?” He asked.
“Oh, yeah. I’m fine. Just tired.” I wasn’t in the mood for small talk so I hoped the conversation would die off.
Whiskey and Regret Page 21
