by McCoy, SJ
Gabe surprised him though. “I think I'm too much of a big-head to come work for someone else, but I might look into working in San Francisco so I'd be closer and could come see you more.”
“Yay!” Ethan wrapped his arms around his uncle's neck. “You go get to work on that then and we'll see you soon. Right now we have to go home to see Meggie.” He turned back to Michael and climbed out of Gabe's arms and onto his dad's back.
“You really are a little monkey, aren't you?” asked Gabe with a laugh.
“Yep.” He leaned around so he could give Michael his cheeky grin. “And this big ape needs to take me home to my Meggie.”
Gabe laughed as Michael pulled Ethan around and dangled him by his ankles. “Who are you calling a big ape?”
Ethan couldn't answer. He was giggling too hard. Gabe laughed and looked at Michael. “Are you still thinking you need it to take it slow?”
Michael didn't want to say anything with Ethan listening. He set the boy down and started tickling him, knowing that he would run away. It worked. Once he was peeking out at them from behind a tree in the yard, Michael turned back to Gabe. “I am. After this weekend, I think we'll get there. She's not going to leave, and she wants to be with me....” He took two steps toward Ethan who had started sneaking back to them. He laughed and ran back behind the tree. “She wants to be with us as much as we want to be with her, but there's no rush. She needs to take her time, I think. And I can wait.”
Ethan was back again now, tugging on his dad's sleeve. “Whatever you're talking about can wait. Because I can't wait any longer to go home and see Meggie!”
Michael, laughed. “All right, little mate. We're going.”
Ethan grinned and ran around to get in the car.
“See you soon, mate. Take care.”
Gabe nodded. “Take care of you too, Michael, and the little guy. I'll see you soon.”
***
As soon as Michael pulled up, Ethan was out of the car and running up the driveway. Michael followed, smiling as Ethan let himself in the house. He could hear barking and laughing. He was loving the idea that this could be their life from now on—the four of them.
He couldn't help but smile as he passed the mirror in the hall on his way to the kitchen. He'd never be able to look it again without thinking about last night. Without seeing her bent before him taking him as he hung onto her hips and buried himself deep inside her. He adjusted his pants hoping they would add other versions to that memory in the weeks to come. He smiled. In the years to come.
His heart filled up the way it always did when he saw them together. Ethan's arms were around Meggie's waist, her arms around his shoulders, as he grinned up at her and she smiled down at him. Ollie was wagging around them. It was the perfect picture moment of his perfect little family. Megan looked up at him, meeting his gaze with a smile. He really hoped this was going to be their life.
Ethan looked up at her. “Since you're staying, when are you going to marry us? And when you do, can you make little brothers, I don't think I want sisters. Girls are weird!”
Michael held his breath. He should have talked to the little guy before they came home. He'd kept talking about Megan marrying them and Michael hadn't pulled him up on it before. He'd kind of liked that Ethan was the one putting the notion out there, when Meggie was still saying she might have to leave. Now though, now she was staying. Michael didn't want to rush her or pressure her, and he certainly didn't want to get her thinking about having babies!
She was staring at him. He had no idea what she was thinking, but from the look on her face, it couldn't be anything good. “I....I....I....”
Uh-oh! She was back to stuttering? She only did that when she was nervous and uncomfortable, she'd hadn't done it around him in a while. Wanting to save her from her embarrassment, he strode across the kitchen and scooped Ethan up. He laughed and tried to cling to Meggie, but Michael swung him away so he lost his grip.
“Who said anything about getting married, monkey? And little brothers? One of you is more than enough already. Isn't it, Meggie?” He winked at her, hoping to see her relax.
She didn't. She nodded. She even smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes.
How he hoped they hadn't blown it. She was going to need time, he knew that. It was his fault. He should have talked to Ethan first. Hopefully he'd be able to reassure her that he wasn't expecting her to step in and assume all the responsibilities of being a wife and step-mom right away. She could try them out first and only take on as much as she wanted to. He didn't want her to feel she was walking into another situation where she would have to give up her freedom. Her childhood hadn't been fun, then she'd spent years with that dirty old bastard. He didn't want her to feel she was now going to be saddled with him and his boy, let alone have to start having babies.
***
Megan hoped she didn't look as devastated as she felt. Who said anything about getting married? She couldn't believe it. Michael loved her, she knew he did. She bent down to make a fuss of Ollie, because she didn't know what else to do. She couldn't hold Michael's gaze because for once she didn't understand what he was trying to tell her. His smile seemed apologetic, if anything. Was he saying sorry? That he didn't want marry her, to have children with her? Perhaps so. When she thought about it, why wouldn't Ethan be more than enough for him? He was his boy, they'd been through so much together—just the two of them. Maybe that's what he was telling her. Like the first time Ethan had said she could take care of him and Michael hadn't liked it, she felt excluded.
“So what are we doing today?” Ethan was oblivious to the tension in the air.
“I don't know, mate. Are we going to go see Kenzie, Meggie?”
She took a deep breath and put on a smile she didn't feel. After rubbing Ollie's ears one last time, she straightened up. “No, she left already.”
“Was she okay?” Michael looked concerned.
“She said she was. She said they had an amazing night, but she decided to take the early bus.”
Michael nodded. “So what do you want to do then?”
“Can we just hang here?” asked Ethan. I like it when we're all home together.”
Michael grinned at her. “I do too. What do you say, Meggie? Shall we just kick back and have a family Sunday at home? I'll make us some lunch, these two can play frisbee. We can take the boat out later if you'd like.”
Megan had to hold back tears. She did want to. It sounded like the perfect day. She nodded, deciding that she should make the most of this one last day. If he didn't want to marry her and he didn't want to have babies with her, then there was no point dragging this on. For herself she would probably keep seeing Michael as long as he wanted to. She loved him. But if he didn't want her for the long term then it wouldn't be fair to Ethan. It would have to end at some point and would hurt the boy less now than it would further down the road. “That sounds good, but I'll have to go home this evening.”
“Why?” Michael was still looking apologetic.
“I...I...I....” Would she never get over that? “I need to straighten the house up after the weekend.” That was a pretty lame excuse, but it was all she could come up with.
Michael nodded sadly. “You've got to do whatever you need to, Meggie. I understand.”
Wow. So he knew why she didn't want to stay. Okay then. They did still understand each other. He'd told her he didn't want to get married or have more children. He knew she was upset about it, and he was accepting that she wasn't going to stay. She looked at Ethan. If it weren't for him, she would leave now. She didn't want to drag this out. He was smiling up at her.
“Will you come and watch me and Ollie with the frisbee?”
She nodded and followed him outside, deciding as she went that she would make the most of this day. She'd laugh, and have fun, be happy for one last day in this life that wasn't going to be hers after all.
***
Michael watched them through the kitchen window. Megan and Ethan were playing catch with the f
risbee. Ollie was chasing it, leaping through the air to catch it and run off with it whenever he could. Ethan chased after him to get it back and the two of the wrestled on the grass. Megan looked on with a sad smile on her face. He was pretty certain she'd made her decision. Ethan talking about getting married and having kids had scared her off. It was too much too soon for her. He knew she loved him, but she must feel she wasn't ready for that kind of responsibility. It broke his heart, but he understood. He wanted her to be happy. She was only just discovering herself. If she didn't want this life with him and Ethan, he wasn't going to try to make her. And babies? He shook his head. He had always thought he would have a whole brood of kids someday. His experience with Kay had taught him that having children wasn't right for everyone.
He would love to have more kids, especially with Meggie. She'd be a fantastic mom, he knew that from the way she was with Ethan. But if she didn't want it, she didn't want it. There was nothing he could do about it. If she didn't want to marry him, it was better that they ended it. He shook his head again, he couldn't stand the thought. He only needed to stop Ethan from building his hopes up, from getting so close to her. Maybe they could just see each other sometimes? When Ethan was with his folks, or at Scot's? That wasn't an option and he knew it. Ethan would find out somehow and it would hurt him even more if he thought Megan wanted to see his dad but no him. It looked like this might be the end then. He put the sandwiches on the tray and took a deep breath before he carried them outside. If this was going to be their last day, he'd better make it a good one. One last memory to hang on to.
***
“I should get going.” She looked like she might cry.
Michael went and wrapped his arms around her. They'd had a great day, laughed and avoided the sadness. He'd tried to talk to her, but she didn't want to go there. He couldn't believe that this was it. That the future he'd thought they were about to embark on was about to die right here. Her little arms came around his waist and she rested her head against his chest. She still felt like she belonged there.
“Meggie, I don't want to do this. I love you.”
She looked up at him sadly. “I don't either, Michael, but we both want different things in life. What else can we do? I don't want to hurt Ethan and I know you don't. If we carry on we'll only hurt him more when it ends. And if we don't want the same things, it would have to end.”
Michael closed his eyes. She was strong. And she was right. It was ironic that her reason for ending it only made him love her more. “So is this it? You're just going to walk out the door and it's over?”
Her eyes filled with tears as she nodded. “I can't say goodbye to Ethan right now. I need to pull myself together first. You tell him your reasons. Then maybe you can let him stay late at the library on Wednesday? Mrs. Slater will be closing up, so when I finish he can come in the back with me and I'll explain my reasons to him.”
Michael nodded. It was for the best. He didn't think any of them would be able to able to handle doing it now. His heart was heavy in his chest and he had to keep blinking back tears of his own. He brought his hand up to tangle it in her hair, pushing away the thought that he was doing it for the last time. Her arms came up around his neck and he crushed her to his chest. She met his lips with her own, kissing him back. It was the deepest, sweetest kiss. It tasted of tears, but he didn't know whose. When he finally lifted his head, he cupped her face between his hands.
“I love you Meggie. I'll always love you, little one. If ever you need me, know I'm here for you.” His voice cracked and he knew the tears were rolling down his face. He didn't care.
Her hands came up to his cheeks, she wiped his tears with her thumb. Her own tears flowed silently down her cheeks. “I love you, Michael. I wish things were different.” She swallowed back the tears. “But they're not. I'll always love you. I'll always be grateful to you.” She was shaking in his arms. “But I have to go.” She stepped away from him and turned around to open the front door. “Ollie!”
He came bounding down the stairs from Ethan's room where they'd been playing. Michael felt his heart breaking as the dog stopped and whined when he reached them. He went and nudged his head into Megan's hand, then came back and stood up with his paws on Michael's chest.
“Come on, boy. We have to go.”
Ollie looked at Michael and gave a short sharp bark before running after her. Michael stood in the doorway and watched her drive away crying. He swiped his sleeve over his face when he heard Ethan running down the stairs.
“Dad, where did they go? What's the matter....? Dad?”
Michael swallowed back more tears. “They had to leave, little mate.” A wave of fresh tears came as he watched his son's face crumple. He didn't need to explain. They'd been here before.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Megan stared out of the window. She felt as though she was in shock. Last night when she'd gone home, she'd wandered around the house not knowing what to do with herself. Ollie had followed at her heels, whining and pawing at her whenever she stopped. Today at work she was in daze. She must have been bad because Mrs. Slater had even made her a cup of tea. She'd sent her in the back and told her to stay here. Megan was grateful. Mrs. Morgan often came in on a Monday afternoon and she certainly couldn't face her today. She had seemed convinced that Michael was going to marry her. He wasn't. He didn't want to. She could feel the tears coming again, but wiped them away. There was no point.
She picked up her phone, wanting to talk to Kenzie. She wanted to know she'd made it safely back to Nashville, but she also wanted to talk to someone. She couldn't talk to her new friends here—they were Michael's friends really. Everything good about her life here was tied up with him. Maybe she should go to Nashville after all. Could she stand to stay here and not see him? She didn't think so. But then again, if she left she would never see him again. She knew she wouldn't be able to stand that! At least here she might see him around sometimes. She stared at her phone. What would Kenzie say? Would she be angry with him? She put it down again. She just didn't know what to do—apart from go home and curl up in a ball with Ollie. They could comfort each other. He seemed to understand what was going on and was pining as much as she was.
Mrs. Slater popped her head around the door. “Lizzie just came in. Am I to tell her you're busy, if she asks?”
Megan nodded gratefully. She hadn't told Mrs. Slater what was going on, but she had guessed anyway.
She came into the office and closed the door behind her. Sitting down next to Megan, she patted her arm. “I can't believe the two of you can't find a way to work it out. You're so good for each other, and little Ethan adores you.” She smiled kindly. “I've even dusted off my wedding hat.”
That opened the floodgates. “He doesn't want to marry to me!” she wailed.
Mrs. Slater hugged her. Megan sobbed into the comfort of a motherly embrace. It only brought more tears though, at the realization that her own mother had never once held her while she cried.
“Of course he does. I've seen him waiting outside for you. I've seen him come in here to get you. If that's not a man in love, then I never met one.”
Megan shook her head. “He loves me. I know he loves me. And I love him, but he doesn't want to marry me.”
Mrs. Slater patted her back. “I don't believe that for a moment. You'll work it out. Just keep talking to him.”
Megan nodded. Wishing now that she had talked to him at all. He'd tried yesterday but she hadn't wanted to. She been too stunned. Hadn't wanted to hear his reasons for rejecting her, especially when Ethan was with them. She knew she wouldn't be able to hide her hurt if she allowed herself to go anywhere near it. So she had refused to talk about it. Now she wished she had. She needed to know how he could love her so much, but not want her. She knew he loved her, and the way they had parted had only made it clearer. How could he love her like that, know that she loved him, and yet not want to share his life with her? She realized she was clinging to Mrs. Slater. Nestling int
o her ample bosom, but it was comforting. It made her feel safe. Not as safe as Michael made her feel, but cared for at least. More tears ran down her face. It didn't matter what his reasons for not wanting to marry her might be. He didn't want more children. Ethan was enough for him. She gulped in a big breath of air, to hold back more sobs trying to make their way out.
“It doesn't matter how much we talk to each other. We want different things in life. I just have to get over it. I'm sorry. I don't mean to make such a fuss.”
Mrs. Slater patted her back again. “Don't you worry about it, Megan. I doubt you've ever made a fuss in your life. You let yourself cry. You have to let the tears out before you can laugh again. I do need to get back out there though. You take your time. Drink your tea. I'll come back and check on you soon, all right?”
“Thank you.” Megan watched her go. “She didn't feel as though she'd ever be able to get all the tears out, there were too many of them. Even if she could, she didn't think she'd laugh again. Not for a very long time. Michael had been the one who had helped her to laugh again. She didn't think she'd be able to without him.
***
Michael opened the back door and let himself into his mom's kitchen. It had been a long day at the clinic. He'd been grateful to have so many patients to see, to keep him busy. It hadn't been enough to keep his mind off Meggie though. He kept turning it over and over. None of it made sense. She loved him, he knew she did. Even if she didn't want to get married yet, even if she never wanted to have his babies, it didn't make sense for two people who loved each other so much to just give up. It had been her choice though. She'd decided to go. He wouldn't try to make her do anything she didn't want to. He was too wary. He'd been dumb with Kay. He hadn't been able to believe that she didn't love him and Ethan enough to want to make them a priority. He'd been wrong, so very wrong about her. As a result, he didn't trust his own judgment, despite what his instincts were screaming at him right now. He loved Megan, she loved him, they needed to talk and figure out something that would work for all of them. But she hadn't wanted to talk, she'd chosen to walk out the door. He had to accept it. No matter how much it hurt.
