by Lane Martin
“What is your daughter’s name, Daddy?” We had talked about names. I had some idea of what Libby liked, but she had never told me she was giving me this honor. I wiped away her tears while I considered it.
“Aria.” Her mother may have healed my once broken heart, but this child gave our love wings. She didn’t just help us to fly. Because of her, we soared.
Logan came into our room just as I was about to get up. I was exhausted when we got home from the hospital, and he insisted I try and take a little nap. I was too tired to argue. I didn’t know how anyone got any rest in that place. Logan held an unhappy Aria to his bare chest. God, it wasn’t fair how good he looked. I repositioned the pillows behind me and held out my hands for my daughter who was now fit to be tied. You’d think nursing was natural; I mean it was the reason women had tits and produced milk. But let me tell you, it wasn’t easy. I tried to remember what the consultant at the hospital told me and while Logan helped position the nursing pillow, we got as a gift. I didn’t know who was more frustrated by the time I finally got Aria to latch on, her or me.
“I’m so proud of you,” Logan said after kissing my forehead before leaving the room to get me a glass of water. Tears welled in my eyes as I watch my daughter, her bright blue eyes were closed as she rested her tiny hand on my breast while she sucked. I didn’t know it was possible to love anyone or anything this much. Logan returned with my drink, and when I saw the way he looked at us, I knew I was wrong. I did know.
“Declan was just here. He brought a giant gift basket.” I couldn’t believe that guys timing. He’d been gone six months, and he chose to show up when I wasn’t in any position to kick his ass. It must have been the luck of the Irish because I would have.
“What did he want?” Not that I had to ask. It was written all over his face the second he saw my sister. I was glad for a second he’d actually believed I was Emily. It served him right. I was also delighted that tonight she had a date. She’d better not try to get out of it. Declan needed to know that while he was off trying to figure out who he was, life moved on, or at least believe it did.
“He came to say he was sorry. He also mentioned your Grandma Rose.” Logan joined me on the bed and stroked Aria’s cheek, encouraging her to continue sucking. Not only was he by my side when I was being coached on how to nurse, but he was paying attention. It was overwhelming to think about how much my life had changed. I couldn’t even imagine how different things would have been if Logan wasn’t a part of it. I lowered my head to his shoulder. What could Declan possible know about my grandmother? She died shortly after our Pop passed away. I always believed she died of a broken heart.
“Thank you,” I didn’t know what else to say. The first time Logan held Aria; he un-wrapped her blanket and counted all her fingers and all her toes. He kissed her cheek and whispered something to her. I couldn’t hear it, but I was curious to know what he would have disclosed to a newborn baby, but I figured if he’d wanted me to know he would have said it loud enough for me to hear.
“Don’t do that Lib.” The bite to his tone surprised me.
“Do what?” I asked as I moved Aria. Despite Logan’s effort, she had fallen asleep. Great. I tried and remember what I should do now. Logan got up off the bed and took the now sleeping baby from me. The pack n’play we had set-up in our room had a bassinet on one side and a changing area on the other. He gently put her down and began to change her diaper. How did he make it look so easy? He cooed at her when she opened her eyes. He didn’t answer me, but he began to speak to his daughter.
“Be a good girl and remind your mommy I’m just doing what I’m supposed to do.” He looked up at me. “Taking care of the two most important things in my life.” Before I showed up, Swayed was Logan’s life. He’d never expressed it, but I thought he was afraid that would somehow be taken away from him too. He’d put everything he had into it. He’d lost everyone he had ever loved. It broke my heart to fill out Aria’s birth certificate. More than anything I’d wanted her father’s name to be Logan Wheeler. Fuck, I wanted us all to be Wheelers. But I couldn’t risk being charged with fraud. If I’d left the information blank, paternity would need to be established before Edward could give up his rights. Edward had to give up his rights. It was the only option. So, I’d cried as I filled in my ex’s name. Logan wiped away those tears too.
“We don’t deserve you.” Logan could say whatever he wanted, but I knew it was the truth. When I came to New York I had two goals; one to help my sister in any way I could, and two to be a mother my child would be proud to call his or hers. I added a third goal along the way, maybe the day Logan barged into my doctor’s appointment. To make Logan feel the way he made me feel. I couldn’t put one word on it. He made me feel so many things: special, cared for, needed, wanted, and last but by far from least, loved.
“That’s where your wrong Libby.” A knock on the apartment door interrupted us. “That will be your mom and sister. I’m going to head over to Swayed.” Logan kissed us both before grabbing a t-shirt and moving to get the door. I knew he wanted to say more. I felt the need to lighten the mood.
“To make sure they haven’t burnt down your kitchen.” I joked. He shook his head.
“To show off the loves of my life to the rest of our family.” It was a damn good thing I was already sitting down.
“He did what?” I couldn’t believe what Emily had just told me. Well, actually, I could. Declan had utterly sabotaged her date last night. As tired as I had been when Emily arrived, I was completely awake now. Logan and mom were in the kitchen making lunch while Emily stood to rock a sleeping Aria. I swear that girl hadn’t spent more than half an hour in her bassinet. Not that I could blame them. Hell, I was just as guilty of continually holding her. I’d never thought I would be a baby sniffer, but I was.
“He showed up on my run again today.” I’d never seen my sister so flustered. Of the two us, she had always been so cool, calm, and collected. It was amusing to see her so out of her element. “I told him I would be out of his apartment by the end of the day.” Nicely played Emily, if it were me I would make him work for it too.
“You what?” Logan and mom responded at the same time.
“Well, I can’t just stay. Declan called me Lemon Drop and gave me an Eskimo kiss.”
“The nerve.” I teased, but in all reality, I was proud of her.
“He can’t just show up and expect to start up where we left off.” Amen sister.
“Why the hell not?” Logan asked in typical male fashion.
“He disappeared for six-months babe. No phone calls. No e-mails. Jut those stupid flowers every week. Then he just showed up like nothing had changed.” My mother and sister silently watched our exchange.
“Remind me to never send you flowers.” I looked at the arrangements that littered the apartment. They were given with love to celebrate the arrival of our new baby, but honestly, they were all already dead. What did that really signify? Mom and Emily took Aria into our bedroom and shut the door behind them.
“Don’t run off on me and you won’t have to.” I didn’t know where that even came from. And here I thought pregnancy hormones were bad.
“Me?” He pointed toward his chest. “You’re the one visiting inmates out at Scribner behind my back, and you’re the one that listed Edward on Aria’s birth certificate.” We hadn’t talked about my visit out to see his brother again, and I thought he understood my reasoning behind naming Edward as Aria’s biological father. That’s what happened when you assumed. It made an ass out of you and me.
“I was trying to help.” Avoiding the situation wouldn’t make it go away. See I learned from my mistake with Edward.
“By sticking your nose where it didn’t belong?” Ouch. I swear one moment the temperature in the room was scorching and the next it was freezing.
“Where exactly do I belong Logan? Emily’s moving, maybe we should just go with her.”
“You and Aria aren’t going anywhere.” The anger
in his eyes was quickly replaced by fear, and I immediately wanted to kick myself for even saying the words out loud. I had no intention of leaving. Ever. If he would have us.
“You’re right.” I was too exhausted to argue, plus he was correct.
“I am?” Logan wasn’t accustomed to me giving up a fight so quickly. Most of the time, it wasn’t because I didn’t know I was wrong, it was because I enjoyed the outcome when we made up.
“You are.” I licked my lips in a way I knew drove him crazy.
“It’s a good thing you’re off limits for the next six weeks Lib.” He growled. Yes, growled.
“We can hear you in here you know.” My sister called out from the bedroom, just as Aria started to cry, and my milk let down.
“Because this is so sexy.” I gestured to the two wet spots on my shirt before turning to the bedroom to retrieve my hungry child.
“Nothing has ever been hotter.” I looked back to find Logan adjusting his pants. Hot damn.
“Logan isn’t here,” I explained to Declan after opening the door. I wasn’t surprised to see him. My sister had called me to tell me everything about their date yesterday. It hadn’t ended well. I’m proud of my sister for making him work for it, and actually, I’m kind of impressed with him too. Aria was crying, so I abandoned him at the door, and he let himself in. I should have been worried that I looked like hell, but honestly, I didn’t give a damn. I patted my daughter’s back in an attempt to get her to settle. “Mom made it look so easy. I can’t even imagine having two of us at once. I’ve tried everything. She’s been fed, burped, changed, and rocked, but she still won’t stop. I just want five minutes to take a shower.”
“I’ll watch her,” Declan volunteered without hesitation. Did he even know how to hold a baby? Was I a terrible mother for considering his offer?
“Are you sure?” I questioned. He confirmed he was positive and reached out to take Aria from me. He wasn’t as natural as Logan with a baby in his arms, but he was cautious. And she seemed to calm down once he began humming a lullaby while he gently rocked her in his arms.
“Five minutes, and I’ll be back,” I promised before he changed his mind.
“Take your time.” Yeah right.
I couldn’t help but be impressed when I returned. “You did good Dicklan.” Aria was asleep on his shoulder. What? I couldn’t give the guy too much credit, he did break my sisters’ heart. It was my job to give him a hard time.
“What would it take to get you to stop calling me that?” One million dollars I thought in my best Dr. Evil impression while I poured two glasses of ice water before I joined him on the sofa.
“But Dicklan seems so fitting.”
“I know I hurt your sister and I’m glad you’ve got her back. But I’m here now, and I don’t plan on leaving unless Emily tells me herself that she doesn’t want me in her life.” Fat chance. Despite his screw-up, my sister loved him. Maybe it was a character flaw of the Barnes women; because my mother still loved our father despite the fact, he cheated on her and then married the other woman. “Haven’t you ever screwed up royally?”
Not that I thought Aria was a mistake, but as I looked at her, sleeping soundly in the cradle of his arms, I knew what he was trying to ask. I swallowed down the lump that formed in my throat before I looked up at him. “Mom said she gave you Gram’s ring. She wouldn’t have done that unless she thought you deserved it. What did the letter say?” He carefully shifted and handed me the letter my Grandma Rose had left for “The One.” It hadn’t really surprised anyone Gram had left special instructions for her ring. She was always close with Emily. I was closer to Pop. It wasn’t that they didn’t love us both. They did. What surprised me was that my mother knew without a doubt Declan was who it was meant for after meeting him once. My tears began to fall at just the sight of her familiar stationary and handwriting. I couldn’t help but laugh when my grandmother called me a free spirit and that I would love “many.” Basically, it was her nice way of calling me a wild child with low moral values. Thanks a lot, grandma. But she also believed when the right man came along, I would love him with everything that I had. I had to wipe more tear away when she talked about being with her “one” again. Pop loved her so much, and she loved him right back.
“Hormones,” I kidded as I wiped my tears from my eyes. It meant a lot that my grandmother knew me so well. Maybe it wasn’t so odd that my mother instantly knew Declan was the one for Emily because I think I always knew that about Logan too.
It was going to be a long fucking six weeks. Libby was infuriating. “What a pain in the ass,” I mumbled to myself as I arrived at Swayed. Everyone was pretty excited about our upcoming closure. Declan thought I was crazy last year when I suggest closing down completely, but it worked well, so we decided to make it an annual event. Brit could get in here with her crew and make the needed renovations. The kitchen would get a much needed deep clean and my crew got a vacation. Most of our business was reservations anyway, so we just didn’t make any while we were closed. I didn’t have to deal with the bullshit of everyone getting time off, and the place always looked pristine. I’d heard too many kitchen nightmare horror stories not to do this right. I had planned on taking Libby on a babymoon in the Hamptons before Aria decided to come early. I didn’t want Libby anywhere near the construction or the surprise I had planned, plus I really thought it would be nice to get away before the baby. Now it looked like I’d be spending our vacation convincing Lib that she and Aria weren’t going anywhere. Not without me anyway. Frickin’ Declan. Don’t get me wrong, I was glad he was back, but he needed to fix things with Emily real quick. “I hope you’re right Grandma Rose.” Jesus, I needed some sleep because now I was not only talking to myself, but I was talking to my girl’s dead grandmother too.
"We're getting ready to go, baby, and the doctor stressed you should nurse her during take-off and landing." Logan kissed Aria and me before he placed her in my arms. I wasn’t going to lie, I could get used to this. I mean come on, we were on a private jet flying to California. I’d never understood the saying about feeling like butter until I sank into my seat. Had we been flying commercial I know Mr. Protective would have said no way to us going. Not that I would have argued. Hell, I’d already made everyone sanitize their hands three times, and we weren’t even off the ground. We reminisced about our childhood on our flight to one of my favorite places in the world. We spent every summer at the lake with our grandparents until they passed away. Days spent fishing with Pop and eating Grams pie were the best. I couldn’t wait to show Logan the tire swing that swung over the lake. Sure, I had to get stitches because I got scared and held on too long and got cut on the rocks, but I still wanted to share it with him. Along with the tree where I got my first kiss from Nick Wright. He smelled like peanut butter and got mad at me when I told him I didn’t close my eyes. If it had been Logan kissing me I’m sure it would have been a different story.
So much had happened since we arrived in sunny California. Declan was reunited with the woman who gave him up at birth. Sometimes it was incredible what a small world it was. Forget about six degrees of separation when it came to Declan’s mother. It had been only one since Emily, and I knew her as children. After a great dinner overlooking the water and an entertaining game of Apples to Apples Logan and I were finally alone.
“I still can’t believe this is happening.” It turned out Emily was the key to Declan finding the answers he was looking for. If only he had stayed. But then what? I guessed everything really did happen for a reason. Logan and I sat in Adirondack chairs watching the sunset. Aria was asleep in her car seat at our feet. Between the trip, spending the afternoon at the farmer’s market, and enjoying a delicious meal made by my gorgeous man, it had been a long day for all of us. Logan seemed deep in thought as the last bit of yellow reflected in the calm water. He turned his mother’s chip in his hand, something he had been doing less and less recently. If we were in a room, an elephant would be in it with us, and it woul
dn’t be our daughter’s soft fuzzy stuffed one. Logan didn’t believe in living with regrets. Hell, he had the motto tattooed on his forearm. But more than that, he felt everything happened in its own time, so I just needed to wait him out. I didn’t have to wait long.
“I talked to the caseworker.” It was the first mention of his niece since our argument about me “sticking my nose” where it didn’t belong.
“Oh,” I offered without taking my eyes off the lake.
“Don’t “oh” me Lib, I know you’re dying to know more.” He was right, but I still tried to play it cool. Hundreds of scenarios had run through my head since I met with Chris at the jail.
“Hmmm,” I deflected as fiddled with the blankets that covered Aria.
“You’re so full of shit.” Logan barked out a laugh which startled the baby. He quickly picked her up, and she instantly fell back to sleep in his arms. Now, who was deflecting?
“Her name is Clara.” I didn’t stop to tell him I already knew that much. “She’s ten.” I knew that too. “Her mom, Gem,” Who name’s their kid Gem? I detected a slight wobble in his voice before he continued. “Gem decided she wasn’t cut out to be a mom. Basically, dumped her on child services and took off for Florida.” How could anyone do that, and more importantly, what were we going to do to help Clara?
“When are we going to get her?” The words were out of my mouth before I even had time to think about them.
“What?” Logan sounded confused by my questions which further made me question his hesitance.
“I asked you when we were going to get her,” I repeated my question even though I damn well knew he heard me the first time.
“It’s not that easy Libby.” Wasn’t it?
“Why not?”
“Because” I had a feeling it was a good thing he was holding the baby.
