“Laramie is my heir and I wanted to include him in all my important documents.”
“I see.”
“I also needed legal advice on my rights as his father.”
Bristol raised a brow. “Your rights?”
“Yes.”
She frowned. “I don’t understand. I thought I made it clear that I would never deny you access to Laramie and you could spend as much time with him as you want.”
“Yes, but what if you decide to marry one day and your husband feels differently?”
“I don’t ever plan to marry, so you have nothing to worry about.”
“You don’t know that.”
“I don’t know what?”
“That you never plan to marry. Things happen. You might change your mind.”
Her frown deepened. “That won’t happen.”
“You can’t be sure,” he countered.
“Yes, I can.”
He shook his head. “No, you can’t. And because you can’t, my attorney suggested that I take steps to protect my rights as Laramie’s father by filing for joint custody.”
* * *
Coop watched her lean forward in her seat, at full attention. Her eyes widened. “Joint custody?”
“Yes.”
“That’s crazy. You’re not in this country most of the time. How can you even think about joint custody?”
“How can I not think about it, Bristol? In a way, it will make things easier on you.”
“How do you figure that?” she asked, glaring at him.
“You will know what times during the year he will be with me and when he will be with you. One thing I’d like is to swap holidays every year.”
“Swap holidays?” She asked the question like what he was requesting was the craziest thing she’d ever heard.
“Yes. I told you about the ranch I inherited from my grandparents. I want him to spend the holidays with me there next year. That will free you up to do whatever you want to do.”
“Free me up? To do. Whatever I want. To do?”
She had enunciated each phrase. He could tell from the sound of her voice that her anger was increasing. “Yes. I figure with me pitching in, you’ll be able to paint more. While I’m away as a SEAL, I plan on hiring a full-time nanny who—”
“A full-time nanny? You’ve got to be kidding.” She inhaled and exhaled a few times and he knew she was trying to get her anger under control. “What’s going on, Coop? What are you trying to do?”
He had no problem giving her an answer. “I’m trying to give you a reason to make our marriage real.”
* * *
Bristol’s pulse jumped a few notches as she inhaled deeply. “Why?” she asked him. “Why should we make our marriage real?”
He shifted again in his seat and she wondered if he’d done it on purpose to distract her. Did he have any idea how his movements always increased her hormone level?
“The foremost reason is our son. I just cited complications that could arise if we aren’t married. Knowing I have a child is a game changer for me. It was never my intent to father a child until later in life, and like I told you, I don’t regret him, Bristol. I appreciate everything you went through to bring him into this world. And just so you know, if the situation had been different and I hadn’t been held hostage, if I had gotten your letter, you would not have been alone. I would have come to you. I would have been there for you and for my child.”
“But how would you have been there, Coop? You’re a part of the military’s special services. When you leave on one of your missions you have no idea when you’ll get back.”
“True, but I would have taken the time off. The entire nine months if I had to. I would have made sure I was there for you. You would not have gone through your pregnancy alone.”
He didn’t say anything for a few moments. “I believe in accepting my responsibilities, Bristol, but, just so you know, I would not have asked you to marry me just because you were having a baby. I would have done right by my child and by you, but I would not have suggested marriage between us unless I thought it would work.”
At least he was honest, she thought. “So given that, why do you think it will work now? We don’t even know each other.”
“We know enough and over the past couple of days we’ve found out more. We could be together for years and not know everything. Besides, I enjoy getting to know you.”
He shifted again and her gaze followed the movement. “I know you are a good mother. As far as I’m concerned, you’re the best. I can’t think of anyone else I’d want to be the mother of my child. I watch you with Laramie and I know how much you love him and will always put him first. A part of me wants to envy that closeness, but I can’t. I want to be a part of it, Bristol. You’ve given Laramie something special. A home.”
His words reminded her of something her father had said. Even though her mother had robbed him of time with Bristol, in the end, he couldn’t resent her mother when his heart was filled with gratitude to her for shaping Bristol into the woman she was. One who was loyal and independent. Not spoiled or selfish. Although her father had never said so, she knew he’d compared her to his other two kids. After living in their household for almost two years, she could plainly see that his wife’s parenting skills had been vastly different from her mother’s. Krista Lockett hadn’t known how to tell her sons no.
“To me marriage is more than a piece of paper,” he said, interrupting her thoughts. “I can’t help but believe that, especially when I see my parents together and how they interact with each other. Even if there wasn’t all that love, I believe there would still be trust, respect and friendship between them.”
Unfortunately, Bristol thought, she’d never witnessed any such thing between a married couple. It had always been just her and her mother, and her mother had rarely dated. The few times she had, Bristol hadn’t been introduced to the men. When she’d asked her mother about it, all she’d said was that until she met someone special, there was no reason to introduce her dates to her daughter. Evidently her mother never met anyone special. And as for her father’s marriage to Krista, Bristol could honestly say she’d never felt any love in their relationship. They’d shared the same bedroom but that was about all. They’d lived separate lives.
Bristol drew in a deep breath as she thought about what Coop had said. Yes, there was trust and respect between them. She’d trusted him enough three years ago to invite him into her home and she still trusted him. She also respected him. In just two days he had made an impact on his son’s life. And there was his love for his country and his willingness to put his life on the line to protect it. There was no doubt in her mind they could be friends as they got to know each other. Sex between them was good.
But what about the love?
That was something he hadn’t mentioned. He didn’t love her, whereas she’d loved him almost from the start. A part of her truly believed she’d fallen in love with him the moment she’d seen him in Paris. There was no way she would have agreed to an affair if she hadn’t loved him.
But none of those feelings mattered because all the love, respect, trust and friendship in the world couldn’t erase how she’d felt when she’d thought he’d died. That was a period in her life she couldn’t relive. Somehow, she needed to make him understand that.
“What you said might be true, but there’s a reason I can’t marry you, Coop, and it’s one I can’t get beyond.”
He lifted a brow. “And what reason is that?”
She met his gaze, held it and said, “You might die.”
Eighteen
“You might die...”
Coop stared at her, recalling their conversation last night when she’d said the same thing. Why was she so hung up on the possibility of him dying?
Something else he recalled her saying last night was that three years ago she’d thought he’d died like the others. At the time, he’d wondered what others she was talking about. Now he had an idea who they were. Her mother, father and aunt. All the people she’d ever cared about and loved.
His heart pounded hard in his chest. Did that mean she cared deeply for him, that she loved him?
What if he was right? The thought that she could love him as much as he loved her was more than he could have hoped for. There was only one way to find out.
“I vividly remember having this conversation with you last night. Why are you so obsessed with the possibility of me dying, Bristol? Why are you so convinced I won’t come back to you and Laramie?”
He watched her closely, saw how she went still, saw the stark look of fear come into her eyes. Their gazes locked for a minute longer and then she rubbed her hand down her face before meeting his eyes again. Then he saw the tears she was fighting to hold back.
“Talk to me, Bristol. Tell me,” he said softly.
* * *
Bristol’s mind shifted to that day when Dionne had arrived at her apartment and told her what she’d found out about Coop. How could she make him understand how she’d felt and why there was no way they could have a real marriage?
There was no way she could go through something like that again.
“When I thought you had died,” she said, trying not to choke on the words, “I thought I was going to die, as well. It came as such a shock. I experienced pain like I’d never felt before. It was deeper than when I lost my mom, my dad and Aunt Dolly. And I felt so alone.”
She fought back her tears to continue. “Then I suddenly felt my baby...our baby...move for the first time. It was like he was trying to reassure me that things would be all right. But the thought that I’d lost you was more than I could bear. Even when I told myself that I never had you, that all we’d had was a holiday affair and that I probably would not have seen you again anyway, it didn’t matter. The thought of you dying like the others nearly destroyed me. It was only when I finally came to grips with the fact that I was having a baby...your baby...a baby that would always be a part of you, that I was able to move on with my life.”
Coop stood and walked over to her, extending his hand out to her. She took it and he gently tugged her off the sofa and into his arms. It was only then that she realized she hadn’t been able to hold back all her tears. A few were streaming down her face. How awful it was for him to see her like this, crying over a man who’d meant more to her than she’d meant to him. But when he tightened his arms around her, pulling her deeper into the warmth of his embrace, it didn’t seem to matter.
“Knowing you cared that much means a lot to me, Bristol. Like I told you, you were never far from my thoughts when I was captured. Thoughts of you are what helped me survive.”
“Why?” she asked, wanting to know why he’d thought of her.
“Because during those three days we were together, you made a lasting impression on me.”
Like he’d made on her, she thought. However, he’d gone a step further in making her fall in love with him.
He pulled back and looked at her, forcing her to meet his gaze. “And as you can see, I am very much alive. No matter how much torture they inflicted on me, I refused to let those bastards break me—because of you.”
She lifted a brow. “Because of me?”
“Yes. I convinced myself that I had to survive for you. That once I was rescued I had to get back to you.”
Too bad he hadn’t meant that, she thought.
“By the time I made it to Paris, you had left.”
Bristol went still as she stared at him. “What did you say?” She was convinced she’d heard him wrong.
“After getting rescued I had to comply with military procedures and get both physical and psychiatric evaluations. That took about three months. Then I flew to Paris to see you. Your landlord said you’d moved back to the States and hadn’t left a forwarding address.”
Bristol’s head began spinning. “You went to Paris looking for me?”
“Yes.”
“But why?”
He gently cupped her chin in his hand. “I had to see you again and let you know those three days with you meant everything to me.”
“They did?”
“Yes, and I just didn’t know the depth of what they meant until I saw you again the other night. But it really hit me this morning when I saw you and Laramie in bed, sleeping. Then I knew for certain.”
“What did you know?”
He dropped his hands from her face to wrap them around her waist. “That I had fallen in love with you.”
His words made her head spin even more. “What did you just say?”
He smiled down at her. “I said I fell in love with you, during that time in Paris. I tried to convince myself it was about the sex, and maybe it was at first. But by the time I left your place I felt an attachment to you I’ve never felt to any other woman.” A smile touched his lips. “Who knows? Maybe my body knew I’d left something behind with you that I’ve never left with another woman, my baby.”
“Oh, Coop,” she said, feeling more tears well in her eyes. “I love you, too, but I’m so afraid I might lose you again.”
He pulled her into his arms and tightened his hold on her. “Shh, sweetheart, it’s okay. In life there are no guarantees, we know that. That’s why it’s important to enjoy our time together. If nothing else, being close to death so many times has taught me not to sweat the small stuff and to appreciate life. Living it to the fullest is what I want to do with you and our son. Please don’t deny me that.”
He paused before adding, “You gave me the hope and the will to live before, which was how I survived that hellhole. And you will continue to give me hope whenever I go out on any covert operation, Bristol. Now I have two people to come back to. Both you and Laramie. The two people I love the most.”
His words meant everything. They were what she’d needed to hear. But could she get past the thought of losing him again?
She tightened her arms around him knowing she had to get beyond those fears. For her sake, for his sake and for their son’s. She had to be strong and believe there was a reason their lives had reunited after all this time.
She pulled back and went on tiptoe to place her lips to his. The moment their lips touched, intense heat consumed her. She felt it spreading to him. He tightened his hold on her.
His masculine scent invaded her nostrils as he took her mouth with an urgency that made her weak in the knees. When she shifted she felt the hardness of his erection pressing against the juncture of her thighs.
Bristol released pleasured moans with every stroke of his tongue. She needed this. She had to think positively and believe they’d been reunited for a reason. For a purpose. They would do what her parents didn’t do and raise their child together.
He deepened the kiss and she felt it all the way to the bone.
Suddenly, he pulled back and looked deep into her eyes. “I need more.”
She needed more, too. “Then take more. Give me more.”
Nothing else needed to be said. He swept her off her feet and into his arms and carried her up the stairs.
* * *
“I love you, sweetheart,” Coop said, after making love to Bristol again.
He pulled her into his arms and glanced over at the clock. They’d made love three times since coming upstairs and had gotten little sleep in between. If the other morning was anything to go by, he figured his son would be invading this room in a couple hours, and Coop and Bristol still needed to talk.
Coop knew she was about to drift off to sleep and he needed to get her attention. “Bristol?”
“Um?”
“Will you marry me?”
She didn’t say anything at first, then she looked up at him. “I can’t let fear have power over me, right?”
He nodded. “Right.”
A smile touched the corners of her lips. “Then yes, Coop. I will marry you.”
A huge smile touched his features. “How soon?”
She chuckled. “Can we get through the holidays first?”
He shrugged. “I guess we can.”
She kissed him on the cheek. “Thanks for being so accommodating.” Then she asked, “When do you have to leave for another mission?”
“End of January, and I want us married before I leave.”
“That shouldn’t be a problem,” she said.
“As far as anyone knows, we are renewing our vows. There will only be a few who know the truth.”
“Your teammates?”
“Yes, and my parents. I told them I loved you and if nothing else, they understand the love between two people and how strong it can be. They can’t wait to meet you and Laramie.”
She eyed him skeptically. “You sure about that?”
“I’m positive.” And he was. Once the initial shock wore off, his parents had called him back. They were excited and happy to have a grandchild. Coop figured they must have decided Bristol couldn’t be all bad since she hadn’t shown up trying to claim any of his inheritance on behalf of her child after she’d gotten word he was dead.
“And since we won’t have time for a real honeymoon until later, I thought it would be nice if I took you and Laramie to my ranch for a week or two before I head out. We can hire an interior decorator to spruce the place up while I’m gone.”
“I’d love that. Would you prefer living there more so than here?” she asked him.
“Wherever you want to live is fine with me. We can even do both if you like.”
“Yes, that might be best. But for some reason I think I’m going to like your ranch.”
He hoped she did. He wanted Laramie to love Cooper’s Bend as much as he had while growing up.
“You will check out of the hotel and move in here with us, right?”
His Secret Son Page 16
