The pizza came around 6:45, and we started playing and eating at the same time. By 8:00, I already had two houses on Wicked and a hotel on A Chorus Line, and he owned Idina Menzel, Ethel Merman, and Bernadette Peters. (He changed the railroads to Broadway divas.) Even though we have fun, we actually take playing very seriously because whoever loses has to buy the winner lunch on the first day back at school. That was another thing I hadn’t brought up. How can we do the buying-lunch thing when we don’t even sit together at lunch anymore?
By 8:15, I knew I had to tell Spencer that I couldn’t spend the night. Which, of course, meant lying.
Spencer rolled a five and landed on Mamma Mia! He took a minute and then decided to buy it. Oy. As long as he didn’t decide to see it. That show is a headache.
He looked at me, and I knew this was my moment. I bent over and held my stomach.
“Ow!” I moaned, hoping my years of acting classes would pay off.
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
“My stomach.” I moaned. “I think that pizza was bad.”
“Justin.” Spencer put seventy-five dollars in the bank and looked at me. “Do you remember when you wanted to miss your cousin’s wedding so you and I could see The Simpsons premiere on TV that night?”
“Yeah …,” I replied, doubled over. My cousin, who was much older than me, had the nerve to schedule his wedding on the one Sunday in September I looked forward to all summer.
“How did you finally get out of going?”
I paused, then stopped doubling over and sat up. “By using the technique you taught me for faking a stomachache.”
“What are you trying to get out of?” he asked. “Losing the game? You can still buy Audra McDonald and stop me from having a diva dynasty.”
“That’s not it …,” I started, then faded out.
“Then what is it?”
I quickly looked at my watch, and when I looked back up, I knew he knew.
“Justin,” he said while putting his cash in piles, “let’s just count our money and decide who won based on that.” He looked at the wall clock. “Let’s see, if you started your stomachache now, you probably have to be somewhere by … eight forty-five?”
“Nine o’clock,” I clarified.
He just shook his head.
“Listen,” I tried to explain, “of course I’d rather spend the night here like I always do.…”
“But …?” he asked.
“But I have obligations now.”
“Obligations?” Spencer said, using major hand quotes. “You don’t have obligations—you have deceptions. You deceived Becky’s father into thinking you’re dating her; then you deceived Becky to stop her from auditioning for the show.…”
“That’s not true—” I began.
“By omission,” he clarified. “As well as deceiving Becky into thinking you’re helping her by pretending to date her when you’re actually just doing it because you’re after Chuck. And, of course, deceiving Chuck by not telling him you like him.”
“That’s not true!” I said.
“What isn’t?”
“I don’t like Chuck. I love him!”
Spencer’s eyes widened. “That’s what you think love is? Thinking someone’s good-looking?”
“It’s not just that,” I retorted. “He’s good-looking and popular. Everyone likes him.”
Now he was really mad. “That’s not what love is! You don’t love someone’s attributes!” Spencer started counting on his fingers. “Love is enjoying spending time with someone, respecting each other’s feelings, being comfortable to be oneself with each other.…”
Oneself? Who speaks like that? And why does Spencer have to make everything sound so boring? Who wants to make out with someone’s feelings?
Spencer seemed to calm down. “Justin, I know you don’t have to be at Becky’s until nine.” Then he took a deep breath and said, “But I think you should leave now.”
I couldn’t believe it. I’d canceled plans with Spencer before. Once, I told him I was going to an all-day Clean Up Our National Parks outing and I bailed after a half hour of raking leaves and took the bus to the mall. Why was tonight such a big deal?
“Can’t I be popular and still have you for a friend?”
“Justin, I know we’ll always be friends.”
Phew.
“But I don’t think we can be friends right now.”
Oh.
I left my Monopoly money in a pile and picked up the overnight bag I came with that didn’t actually have any pajamas in it.
I put on my coat and scarf (no hat because I could deal with the flu but not with having my carefully arranged ’fro ruined before the party). I opened his front door and turned back around. He was standing by the Broadway Monopoly board. “Happy New Year, Spencer,” I said.
“I hope it will be, Justin.”
I walked out into the cold. I knew I could handle Spencer not being friends with me for the time being, but I decided that it also meant he didn’t get to be in my head anymore. No more ruining my fun with his “Are you really sure this is the right thing?” and “Why don’t you think this through?” echoing through my cranium. I stopped walking so I could use one of Spencer’s annoying spiritual techniques against him. I “visualized” (as he loves to say) him walking around inside my head, spouting off his killjoy comments. I then appeared inside my own head and walked up to him. I took his arm and escorted him kindly to the side of my brain, which I visualized as a cliff overlooking a deep canyon. I then gently pushed him the hell off. Bye-bye, downer.
Feeling cleansed, I quickened my step. Becky’s house was four blocks away, and I wanted to get there soon so I wouldn’t freeze. When I turned onto Pearl Drive, I suddenly saw Mary Ann Cortale appear out of the snowy darkness. She was wearing what looked like a coat I had recently read about at Greenpeace.org. It was made from completely recycled tires and plastic. Unfortunately, it also looked like that’s what it was made from. I assumed she was walking to some low-echelon New Year’s party. I didn’t know whether to wave or not. We never really had been friends, and now that I was with the popular kids, we were very separated. While I was wondering what to do, I saw a figure step directly behind her. Doug Gool! I couldn’t believe he took his harassment off school grounds! I knew Mary Ann didn’t realize he was behind her. Popular or not, I had to help her.
“Mary Ann! Look behind you!”
Mary Ann turned around and saw Doug, who looked in shock. Not at Mary Ann seeing him, but at me warning her. He suddenly bent down, picked up some snow, and dumped it onto Mary Ann’s head. She just stood there and Doug ran away.
I rushed over to her. “Are you all right?” I asked.
“Yes, Justin. Uh … thanks.”
She kept standing there. I had assumed she was going somewhere but then I thought maybe she was coming from somewhere. That would be depressing. Returning home so long before midnight. I didn’t want to ask and embarrass her, so I just muttered, “See ya,” and kept walking toward Becky’s house as Mary Ann stayed in the same spot. What a strange night.
I got to Becky’s house early, but of course she was ready. And looking beautiful. She had on a green top and jeans that managed to look casual and dressy and that brought out the emerald green in her cat eyes. Her dad came downstairs and was obviously also getting ready to go to a party.
“Justin, my boy!” he bellowed. “How’s my bio whiz?”
I smiled (with dead eyes). “Fine, sir. Thank you.”
He turned toward Becky. “He’s a keeper, Becky! This boy is polite and destined to be a doctor.”
“I don’t know, Dad,” Becky said, obviously annoyed. “He could easily go into theater. He’s really good, you know.”
Her father laughed. “I know he is! I’ve seen him perform.” Then he added, “And he always comes through. That’s the mark of a true professional.”
“Thank you, sir,” I said, getting uncomfortable with the nonstop praise.
&nbs
p; “It’s a hard field, Justin, as I’m sure you know. I’ve seen all of Becky’s performances, and I’ve always told her, ‘If you want to make it, you have to be perfect.’ ”
Huh? “How can you perform perfectly?” I wanted to say. Theater and music aren’t the Olympics.
I knew I shouldn’t argue, so I just nodded a lot.
“Speaking of perfect,” he went on as he started tying his tie, “I heard you aced the mouth and larynx bio quiz.”
It creeped me out that he always knew stuff about me, but I understood that Becky had to keep him informed so he’d keep believing we were dating.
“Well,” I said, trying to make a joke, “I’ve always had a soft spot for the soft palate.”
He laughed so hard I thought he was going to cough up his soft palate. He pointed to me. “And he’s funny!” He finally stopped laughing and said, “You kids have a great time.” He gave Becky a quick kiss as he walked to the kitchen. “Becky, your mother and I are going to the Epsteins.”
Becky started to get her coat. “OK, Daddy,” she said stiffly. Even when she was in full shutdown mode around her father, she still had that Becky beauty glow.
We walked out of the house and started toward Michelle Edelton’s place. Becky’s family was pretty loaded, but Michelle’s were R-I-C-H. Becky told me that Michelle’s room was in a whole separate wing of the house, which meant she could have parties and her parents never knew. Becky and I were quiet until we left her driveway.
“Sorry my dad is such a loser,” she said.
I shrugged. “It’s part of the deal,” I said.
She stopped walking. “Is this worth it to you?” she asked. “I mean, you do so much just so I can keep on seeing Chuck. What are you getting out of it?”
“Well,” I began, trying to walk quickly because it was freezing, “I don’t know if you know, but I wasn’t exactly the most popular kid before I started ‘dating’ you.”
“So,” she said, nodding, “you’re doing it to make more friends.”
I nodded as well, opting out of adding “and to steal Chuck from you.” PS, it’s not like I want to split them up. I just want to also get to date him. And if that broke them up, it wouldn’t matter much because Becky’s so beautiful, she could date anyone she wanted. I then got excited because my thought process wasn’t immediately followed by Spencer’s voice in my head telling me that I’m just thinking of excuses for my selfishness. Yay! His stupid visualization technique actually worked!
As we were walking to Michelle’s house, I thought that this party would be the perfect vehicle to really make friends with these people. I’d do some of my imitations and, hopefully, there’d be a piano so I could play and sing. I’m sure I could win the cool kids over with my humor/talent, and having them all in one room could make it happen.
We walked up to Michelle’s house and Becky immediately pulled me toward the backyard.
“This is the best way to Michelle’s part of the house,” she said.
We passed by a bench covered in snow. Becky stopped for a moment. “That’s where it happened,” she said.
I felt my heart race because I knew she was referring to her first kiss. Then I suddenly had a thrilling thought: Tonight could be the night I get my first kiss! Even though I have no interest in alcohol, I’m sure some kids will have brought some. If Chuck is tipsy, I could get him somewhere isolated and let things progress. I’d read articles about guys in high school experimenting with other guys when they were “bombed.” While I think alcohol is responsible for many of the problems in society today (drunk driving, bad karaoke, unintelligible tweets), it could pay off for me make-out-wise!
“Let’s go!” I said to Becky, and pulled her toward the side door. It was unlocked and opened right into a staircase. We walked up and there was a crowd of about forty kids hanging around Michelle’s bedroom, which was the size of my living and dining room. I did a quick scan and saw that not only was there no Chuck yet, but there was also no piano. Argh! There goes my plan for wowing people with my voice. Also, the “DJ” (Archie the baseball player) was blasting music, so I couldn’t even do my signature imitations because nobody would hear them. Well, if I couldn’t rise in popularity, I better get my kiss out of Chuck once he gets here. Becky and I started moving through the crowd. There were a lot of people I knew from Cool U, but there were also kids from private schools in the area.
Becky asked me if I wanted to dance, and I said, “Sure” and she replied, “What?” I responded by moving her to the area where people were dancing and we started in. Of course, I wore an outfit I thought was slimming, but it also happened to be a wool sweater. Within ten minutes, I was dripping with sweat. I went out onto Michelle’s balcony to cool off for a while and then came back in to dance again. This went on for an hour or two, with breaks only for soda and the amazing food Michelle had laid out. Finally, around 11:30, I heard a loud “NO WAY!” and looked over to the corner to see Chuck and three of his buddies from the football team passing around a beer can. They must have just gotten there from another party, and they looked drunk. Excellent! I knew Becky would want to be over there with him, so I moved her across the room.
“Becky!” he yelled, and ran to hug her. She hugged him back in a “we’re just friends” way, and I put my arm around her to keep up appearances. Chuck realized they were in public and went back to his friends and a new beer can. They started passing it around and after a few minutes, Becky said we should go outside. I thought she meant to the balcony where I had cooled off, but she pointed to the backyard. She whispered in my ear, “Get Chuck,” and she left before me. I told Chuck I wanted to show him something and took him by the arm. He was easy to lead because he was pretty drunk by now. While walking by everyone, I secretly pretended he was my date and we were going for a moonlight stroll. I chose to ignore the fact that he burped every four steps we took and called me Jeremy.
We finally got outside and I saw Becky by the bench where she had had her first kiss with Chuck. I walked Chuck over and brushed off the snow, and he plopped down with a thud. I sat next to him to keep him upright.
Becky looked angry.
“This is it? This is our New Year’s Eve?”
“What?” Chuck slurred.
There wasn’t any music drowning out her words in the backyard; he said “what” because he was too drunk to understand more than a two-word sentence.
She looked at me. “I thought tonight would be romantic.” She pointed to the bench where I was sitting and Chuck was slumping. “I thought Chuck and I would ring in the New Year in the same place we started our relationship. But, of course, he’d rather spend time with his teammates.”
“What?” Chuck said again, but this time it came out “Whaza?”
Becky stood up straighter. “Justin, I’m going.” I made a motion to stand, but she put out her hand to stop me. “I can walk myself home. I’d rather you make sure he”—she pointed with disgust—“doesn’t publicly embarrass himself and get thrown off the team.” Typical Becky. Even when angry, she was still caring.
“Happy New Year,” she said, and walked off through the snow.
I looked at Chuck. I looked at the house. Everyone was inside partying. We were totally alone. AND he was drunk. He was sitting pretty close to me. I was able to think he was snuggling with me to keep me warm. I looked over at him. Was he asleep?
“Chuck?” I asked quietly.
“Becky?” he answered.
WHAT? He thought I was Becky. This could be the way for me to get my first kiss. He’s too drunk to know who he’s kissing but not too drunk to not look gorgeous. I turned toward him. I heard someone in the house yell, “One minute to midnight!”
I thought, My first kiss. With the boy I’ve always wanted to kiss.
How should I do it? Lean in and hope he’ll lean in, too? Put my hand on the back of his head and gently guide it? I did an emergency Listerine strip and ChapStick application, then turned back to Chuck, whose eyes were half cl
osed.
Then I heard: Is this really what you want?
WHAT?
Spencer was back??? How did he climb up that cliff?
You want to get your first kiss by pretending you’re someone else?
Yes! This whole “winning over Chuck” thing is taking a lot longer than I thought it would, and I need to speed the process along.
Really? So you want to have the memory of your first kiss be from someone who had no control over his body?
So what? The body he has no control over is the body of a Greek god.
Uh-huh … Is the drool on his lip the drool of a Greek god?
Quite frankly, yes.
“Becky, it’s cold,” Chuck suddenly said, turning toward me. “C’mere …” He snuggled up to me.
AH! He was essentially asking for it. This is it, I thought. I’m going to kiss him and who cares that it’s all based on a multitude of lies.
OK, be my guest.
Yes!
But just know that one day you’ll have to tell me about it in person.
I heard what sounded like tires screeching to a stop in my head.
I turned my head away from Chuck.
I let out a long sigh and saw my Listerine breath come out of my mouth like a cloud.
Forget it, I thought. Maybe I’m not speaking with Spencer now, but someday I will be. The time’s gonna come when I talk about this night, and I know I could never look him in the eye and tell him this story. What would he think of me?
I sat with Chuck in the freezing cold while he fell asleep.
I thought of Spencer in his house. I wondered if he was still up.
My Awesome/Awful Popularity Plan Page 10
