Taking a deep breath, she squared her shoulders, settled deep into the seat of her saddle and encouraged her horse into a slow, smooth canter. It was going to be a long ride home.
They stopped frequently on the ride, much to Serena’s relief. She had felt strong and ready for the journey back at Gabby’s home, but actually being in the hot sun of the day and the relentless motion of the horse was requiring her to be stronger than she had anticipated.
Trevor was extremely attentive to her needs, and frequently brought her water and dried venison to rebuild her strength when they paused to rest. But he said little to her, and didn’t seem to expect much from her.
She tried not to be angry. She had made his life more difficult, and as soon as she could find the right time to tell him, she would apologize for all that she had put him through. But the right time never seemed to come up.
Finally, the subdued hues of a beautiful fall sunset began to color the sky, and he found a place for them to camp. Serena was still in awe at how long she had been gone. They had left San Antonio months ago and now it was September. The humidity in the air had let up, and soft breezes would blow on occasion, cooling the sweat on her forehead and neck when the sun beat down during the day.
At night it was comfortable, and she was looking forward to a warm fire and, even better, some warm food before settling in for a good night of sleep. The camp area Trevor had picked was small and secluded by an outcrop of trees and thick shrubs. She wondered if there would ever be a time they wouldn’t be bedding down for the night without the fear of an attack by someone—or something.
As he had been all day long, Trevor was by her as she dismounted, and his hands settled gently on her waist to ease her down to the ground. For a moment he lingered, his hands around her waist, and her breath caught in her throat. But then he was gone, having made sure she was steady on her feet. Did I imagine he held me longer? Or am I wishing so hard for him to hold me longer that I’m beginning to feel things that don’t even exist?
She wasn’t strong enough yet to unsaddle the horses, so she made herself busy gathering wood for their fire and using the branches of one of the shrubs to clear the area where they would bed down. What will he do tonight? Will he hold me and sleep beside me as he had before I was kidnapped? Or will he lie separate from me?
Serena didn’t want to get lost in her thoughts. She couldn’t afford to let her desires for Trevor to override her common sense.
When he had finished wiping down the horses she already had a small fire started and was digging through their saddlebags to see what she could cook. He carried the two saddles over, and much to her relief, he placed down one blanket, with their saddles close together.
Perhaps tonight would be the time to confront him on his odd behavior. Perhaps she would have the courage to ask him the questions burning in her mind. He still hadn’t told her everything that had happened, and she was beginning to wonder if he ever would.
She found a jar of broth that Gabby had packed for them and quickly warmed it on the fire, and they ate their portions in silence until Serena couldn’t take it anymore. “We covered a lot of ground today, don’t you think?”
A grunt as the only response she got.
She gnawed on the inside of her cheek. “We don’t have to stop as often tomorrow. I can already feel myself getting stronger.” Yes, she was feeling slightly stronger, but she might have been stretching the truth just a bit with that comment.
“You could barely stand today. We’re going to maintain the same pace or go slower. I can’t risk... It would be a shame for you to get sick again with all the care Gabby put into making you well.”
Serena began to pick up items around the camp, preparing them for their next day on the road. “The way Gabby told it, you were quite instrumental in my recovery as well.”
Trevor took a giant swallow from his canteen and avoided eye contact with her. “I did what I could. You were—are—my responsibility. I always take care of my responsibilities.”
Serena turned to face him, shaking slightly. Why was he saying these things? It was almost as if he wanted to push her away. “Is that what I am to you? A responsibility?”
Trevor stared into the fire for several long moments, then stood and put up the last of their supplies. Serena’s shakes became more intense as she watched him trying to ignore her. Did she mean nothing to him? After everything they had been through?
“Answer me, damn you!” she finally shouted, and he looked at her, startled by her outburst. “You and I have shared too much for you to just dismiss me as if I’m nothing but a job to you.” She hated that her voice quivered with unshed tears.
Why had she ever let this man get under her skin? How had she let it happen? She would not be weak in front of him. If she was just a job to him, then so be it.
Trevor turned to face her and his face looked pained. He walked to her in a few quick strides and caught her by the shoulders. “You don’t want to know how I think of you. Because all I do is bring you pain. You nearly died. I should have protected you from ever being taken in the first place. I could never live with myself if anything ever happened to you again. You don’t want to know how I see you! Because it will only hurt you, and I can’t bear the thought of ever hurting you again.”
“I want to know,” Serena whispered. “I need to know. I need to know I am more than just a responsibility you are burdened with.”
He dropped his head and she eagerly lifted hers to meet his lips with hers, sighing softly as he gently wrapped his arms around her and pulled her closer. The kiss was gentle and lips moved against hers slowly, and she was surrounded by his warmth and the scent of Trevor—leather and sage and man. Pure man. Her hands moved restlessly over his shoulders and chest and she wanted more. So much more.
Trevor pulled back, his eyes closed, his face tense. He rested his forehead against hers. “You’ve been more to me since the moment I saw you on top of that roof,” he said quietly. “When Cade told me you were dying...” His voice trailed off and he cleared his throat. “When he told me, I thought my whole world was coming to an end. I couldn’t imagine what I would do without your laugh, without your smile, without your crazy ways. I couldn’t lose you. And I can’t risk ever losing you again.”
Chapter Twenty-Six
“I’m right here, Trevor. I’ll always be here for you.”
He made a sound that was part laugh and part sob before lifting her into his arms and carrying her over to their makeshift bed for the night. He lay her down and leaned over her, bracing his hands on either side of her head.
“I don’t want to hurt you, pixie. I’ve already hurt you too much.”
“What are you afraid of?” she asked, watching his intense grey eyes as they scanned her face. “What do you think will happen? That I’ll fall in love with you?”
His eyes jerked to her eyes and she could almost feel him looking into her soul. “Serena...”
“It’s too late if that is your fear. I love you. I love you, Trevor Daniels. I love—”
Her words were cut off as his mouth came down on hers, forcefully this time, his lips moving hungrily over hers. His tongue licked her lips, nudging them to part for him, and she sighed happily as she gave in to his request. He moaned as he tasted her, kissing her deeply, as if he could never get enough of her.
Serena lost track of time as he pulled away from her and began to trail kisses down her jawline, to her throat, and along the sensitive ridge of her collarbone. But as he kissed her, he murmured to her.
“Don’t love me, Serena. Please, don’t love me. God, but I want you to.” He lifted his head and looked back down at her. Serena felt as if she were on fire, and only Trevor could soothe her.
“I want your love, Serena. I need it. I crave it with every fiber of my being. But it is too dangerous. All I’ll ever do is break your heart.”
Serena lifted her eyes to his. “What good is a heart if it is never used? I don’t care if you break it
, Trevor. I need you, too. I need you in whatever way you can give yourself to me, even if it isn’t through your own love.” As she spoke she began to unbutton his shirt, and finally pushed it off his shoulders and her eyes admired him in the moonlight.
He was just as muscular as she remembered from when she was in the watering hole, and the whorls of dark hair across his chest made her smile. Tentatively she slid her hands over his bare shoulders as she watched his eyes, and they darkened with desire.
Suddenly she realized his hands were on the ties of her dress. She wasn’t comfortable in the dress, but it was the only thing Gabby could give her to go home. At that moment, she was grateful for the dress. Because it made her feel feminine and soft, the way most women want to feel.
The ties on her dress gave way beneath his hands quickly, and he was back again, kissing her collarbone, then inch by agonizing inch he slid her dress from her shoulder, placing a kiss on every piece of skin he exposed.
She felt drunk from his kisses, from his touch, and decided he deserved a little sensual play as well. Slowly her hands slid to his chest where she discovered his nipples, and his body shuddered in response, but he continued, focused on the torment he was causing her. But when her hands slowly slipped lower and grazed across his stomach he drew in a deep breath and pulled back from her slightly.
He seemed to be trembling faintly, and he lowered his mouth to hers again, taking her on another passionate ride as his kiss explored her sensuously, and she returned his motions in kind, delighted by his low moan of approval. His fingers worked more on her dress, and she felt it slide all the way to her waist. And then she felt him tug gently at the straps of her chemise.
“Trevor!” She gasped in excitement as his fingers trailed across her skin, lowering her chemise so that her breasts would be exposed to his hungry eyes.
She watched his face as he looked at her and wondered what was going on in his mind. She didn’t have to wait long. “I have dreamt of this moment so many times. But none of my dreams could come close to your true beauty.”
She reached up and ran a hand through his hair, smiling at him. “What kind of a woman does it make me if I confess to having the same dream, only I was looking upon your form?”
He closed his eyes briefly, and when they opened they blazed with his desire. “Pixie, you have no idea what you do to me,” he whispered, then lowered his head and began to place kisses lightly upon her breasts.
She gasped and arched her back, eager for him to do more, but she wasn’t sure what. Her hands moved restlessly through his hair, tugging and nudging, unsure of how to guide him. And then his tongue began to circle around one of her nipples. It was slow, gentle pressure of his tongue making the circle tighter and tighter.
Serena squirmed beneath him. Her nipples ached with a sweet pain she had never experienced before, but she knew Trevor could ease it. And suddenly he slipped one of her hard, taut nipples into his mouth and sucked at it and her world burst into white light behind her eyes. She arched her back even further, her hands pulling at his hair to urge him closer and closer, demanding more from him.
When he released her nipple, she almost cried out at the loss, but instead gasped as he began the same ritual with her other breast, his tongue circling around her nipple until finally taking the aching bud into his mouth. Her hands moved restlessly on his bare back and shoulders. She still wanted more. A heat had developed low in her belly, and she knew he was both the cause and the cure.
“Trevor...” She sighed, and then moaned as he pulled a little harder on her nipple. “What are you doing to me?”
Very, very slowly his lips pulled free and the night breeze seemed cold compared to the warmth of his mouth. “I’m bringing you pleasure, I hope. At least, that’s what I’m trying to do.” There was a twinkle in his eye as he looked down at her.
“You’re doing a marvelous job at it. But I want more. I need more. And I know that you are the only one who can give that to me.”
“Pixie, you don’t know what you are asking of me.”
“Yes, I think I do. I’m asking you to make love with me.”
Trevor lowered his head and pressed his forehead against hers. “That is something I cannot do, my sweet little pixie.”
“Why? What is stopping you? Or is it because... oh, I’ve been a fool.” She closed her eyes tightly. “I confessed my love for you and I assumed... I made a mistake. I’m sorry Trevor, I shouldn’t have—”
He cut off her words again with another kiss that had her mind spinning by the time he lifted his head again. “Haven’t you been listening to a thing I’ve said? I don’t want to exist in this world unless you are with me. I don’t want to watch a sunrise without your sweet little hand in mine. I love you so much my heart aches with it.”
“You love me? Truly? I’m not dreaming?”
His smile brightened his face and she never wanted the moment to end. “Yes, my dear pixie. I love you with all my heart.”
“Then why won’t you make love with me?” she asked, shaking her head in confusion.
“Because you are an innocent, pixie. I will not have a rough dirt ground as the first place you experience it. I want everything to be perfect about it.”
“I don’t think the ground is that rough,” she said seriously, and he broke out into laughter.
“Ah, there is so much for us to talk about. But for tonight, we kiss.”
He lowered his body to hers, and she gasped at the feeling of his hair chest on her sensitive breasts. His hand slid down her side and her skirts inched up slowly, slowly, until her thin chemise was all that prevented him from seeing her entire body.
Then his fingers lifted the hem of her chemise and began to lightly trace a path up her inner thigh. At his gentle nudge she let her thighs fall apart, exposing herself completely to him. And then his fingers lightly skimmed where she ached the most and her hips arched in response and she whimpered against his mouth.
“I won’t make love to you, but I will give you some pleasure tonight,” he murmured, pulling back just enough to look down at her.
“What about you,” she gasped out. “How can I pleasure you?”
“Trust me, there will be plenty of pleasure for me, as well.”
Slowly, carefully, he shifted until his weight was nestled between her legs. Serena whimpered with need and anticipation, wriggling beneath him, not sure what she wanted, but desperate to have it.
His fingers worked on the laces of his britches, and her fingers dropped to help him. He sucked in a deep breath, and she could feel the heat and strength coming off of him. She pressed his pants down, and they eased past his waist and hips, exposing him to her exploring fingers.
She stroked the length of him gently and he moaned, once again dropping his forehead to hers. His breathing was becoming heavier as she felt him, and she could feel his pulse in the hard length of him.
“Trevor,” she whispered, her voice full of wanting and desire.
To her surprise and disappointment, he moved her chemise back in place, draping it down over her vulnerable, aching core. But then he began to move, pressing up against her, his hard passion moving against her soft, moist one.
“Oh, dear God.” Serena gasped, arching her hips in rhythm with his movements.
They rocked against each other for several minutes without him ever penetrating her, but she was desperate for him to do so. She could only imagine what it would be like when they truly made love.
Suddenly he pulled back from her, his breathing harsh and heavy, and her nails scraped down his back, not wanting it to ever stop. Trevor’s body shuddered and he rolled off of her onto his back, staring up at the night sky as he refastened his pants. Then he rolled back to her and gently began to redress her.
“Trevor... I need... I want...”
“Yes. I do, too. But not yet. Not like this. I want to be able to enjoy every inch of your body when we finally join together. You nearly made me lose control just now. I should call
you vixen instead of pixie.”
She laughed softly, breathlessly, and helped him finish lacing her dress. “Is that what it is like? Is it that way for everyone?”
“What we felt just now is only a fraction of what it will be like on our wedding night. And, unfortunately, no. It isn’t that way for everyone.”
Her mind heard the words he said, but she became fixated on one part. “On our wedding night?”
“Yes, Miss Torres. I’m asking you to marry me.”
It took them two more days to reach San Antonio, and they were the best days of Trevor’s life. At every break they took, he held Serena in his arms and they enjoyed a few brief moments of passionate kissing until it was time to go again.
The entire journey they talked, and he learned about her life as she described to him her incredible family, the execution of her parents by the Mexican Army, and how she and her sisters aided in the Texas Revolution. He was in awe of the things they had done, but he shouldn’t have been surprised. Serena was a strong woman, with strong opinions. There was no doubt she came from a strong family that would be just as determined in their beliefs and actions.
The nights were especially incredible, though. Despite his desire to claim her as his, he reined in his passion with difficulty. He didn’t want her to ever regret lying with him before they were married. But they explored each other, kissing and caressing, loving each other in ways he had never imagined.
It was midday when they rode into San Antonio, and he watched Serena’s face light up as they drew closer to the cocina. It brought a smile to his face, but also a twinge of concern. If Serena were to stay with him, become his wife, she would have to leave San Antonio and join him on his ranch hundreds of miles away. Was she willing to make that sacrifice? Would she be able to?
He held her close for several minutes after he had helped her dismount, and her arms circled around his waist and she lay her head on his chest. “I’m home,” she said softly.
Texas Heat Page 26
