by Lexy Timms
“Stupid? I have the right to know what my girlfriend’s doing!”
Her head began to swim, and the panic button had been pressed. “I told you, Logan. Now stop freaking yelling at me!”
“I’m not yelling.”
It sure sounded like yelling to her, so she took a step back and looked at him in disbelief. “Logan, I won’t say I wasn’t wrong in not telling you about the money before. I get that. Still, the two of you are acting like assholes, and it’s causing a lot of tension between us. That’s also bad for the band. On top of that, Kaylee is causing me a lot of stress, and that’s bad for me. I’m behind on everything, and I can barely breathe right now.”
“Maybe you need to slow down.”
“Slow down what, Logan? The only thing I can really live without is the band.”
There. I said it, she thought, and it wasn’t until that moment that Ashley truly understood just how much pressure Whisky Lullaby was putting on her, how much it was interfering with everything else. It’s becoming more like a whisky hangover, she realized.
“The band, huh? Hmm. Well, if the band’s too much for you, maybe you don’t need me either.”
“What?!” she said, gawking at him. “So if I can’t stay in the band because I wanna keep my scholarship and stay in school, we’re just…over? That’s really fucking mature, Logan. Maybe you’re more like your stepbrother and my cousin than I thought!”
“I didn’t say that,” he said, looking even more pissed off. “I never said that.”
“You’re right. You don’t have the balls to say what you mean,” she insisted. “You know what, though? You’re right. I can’t do this. I have way too much on my plate. I can’t be with you, and I can’t be in the band. It’s way too much, and I’m losing sight of every reason that I came here in the first place.”
He reached for her, but she evaded his grasp. His forehead puckered and creased. “You came here to make music, Ashley.”
“Yes, I did, but nobody said I have to be in your band or your bed. You just made it sound like—”
“You know what? You can take all that and just shove it,” he said, his eyes dull and flat. The set of his mouth told her they were both way too angry, and her brutal honesty had cut him deeply. He was angry like a wounded animal, and she knew he was just going to continue biting at her.
Ashley opened her mouth to apologize, to try to take it back, but it was too late. She could tell that just by the way he was looking at her. “Shove what, Logan?” she finally said. She was angry now as well, too angry to think, to apologize, or to stop the thing she had somehow set in motion. “Shove my scholarship? Shove the fact that when this is all over—college, I mean—I can either be a trained musician, doing what I love, or I can just be one more singer in a local band, playing bar gigs to make enough money for a week’s worth of ramen noodles? Should I just shove the fact that I’ve spent my entire life trying to get here?”
His face went white. “You don’t have a drop of faith in me or our band, do you? You never have.”
Of course she did, but it was obviously too late to tell him that.
He took a step back and gazed at her with hooded eyes. “I’ll tell you what. I don’t need you and all the drama you bring with you. I damn sure don’t need Charlie or your lunatic cousin.”
“I bring drama?” she raised her voice and then dropped it. “Great. Thanks, Logan.” She turned and walked off, her outrage so great that when he yelled her name, she barely even heard him.
CHAPTER EIGHT
Ashley was furious as she stomped across campus. All of a sudden everything was going wrong, and she didn’t know how to set any of it right again. She and Logan were at each other’s throats. Rock Star Royale was just days away, and they had settled nothing; even worse, she wasn’t even sure she wanted to bother. She was equally unsure if she should even be in the band. She’d managed to keep up with her schoolwork, but the composition she’d been working on for her advanced classes was struggling along, and her beloved cello didn’t seem to want to sing for her at the moment. Her heart was broken, her musical ability was being called into question—at least in her mind—and Charlie had somehow managed to drive a huge wedge between her and two people she deeply cared about.
Kaylee. Her lips thinned as she thought of her messed-up cousin, and she stormed toward their dorm. She had to do something about her. Kaylee had run straight to Logan to feed him that bull about her and Charlie supposedly sneaking around behind their backs, and that lie had created the whole ugly mess. Logan’s jealousy had taken her aback, yes, but if she hadn’t been so damn mad at Kaylee, she might have been able to sit down and have a heartfelt talk with him.
What the hell is wrong with Kaylee anyway? Besides the obvious, of course, there was Charlie. He’d dumped her, but Ashley was sure that alone should not have unhinged her the way it had. Something else was going on, and she was determined to get to the root of it.
Kaylee still hadn’t returned to the dorm. Frustrated and wanting to just kick her cousin’s ass, Ashley prowled through their room, restless and angry.
The hours passed, but she couldn’t see to get anything done—no schoolwork, no music, nothing. Her mind was so clouded she was about to scream. Her body ached with unrequited desire, and her head insisted on jolting her into the painful points in her past.
Brian. Maybe he isn’t actually Satan, but he’s definitely one of the devil’s offspring.
He’d hidden his crazy behind a whole lot of charm and a smile that could have lured the birds out of the trees. His dark good looks and the fact that he came from old money were just the icing on the cake. He was smooth, both in his talk and in bed. He could compliment someone and deliver a stinging insult in the same breath, without anyone knowing which one he meant the most. He had a habit of saying things like, “You look great in that dress. You’re working on shedding those last few pounds of baby fat, huh?” Those kinds of remarks had always left her confused and angry, yet—crazily enough—eager to hear him compliment her again.
Like some kind of foolish fly in a spider’s web, she found herself wrapped into Brian’s possessiveness and abuse before she even knew what was happening. That abuse didn’t end with passive-aggressive praises, either. One wrong remark or wayward glance at another guy, and she was everything from a whore to a slut to a cheating bitch. His possessiveness seemed exciting at first, almost flattering. Sickeningly enough, it made her feel like he cared, but things got ugly really fast.
The first time Brian hit Ashley, it surprised her so much that she didn’t even know how to react. It was really just a light slap on her right cheek, not too hard a blow. Not only that, but he instantly grabbed her and held her, rubbing his hands in her hair and swearing he’d done it by accident, out of reflex. “It’ll never happen again,” he said, sounding like he was reading a script right out of a Lifetime movie. Unfortunately, Ashley didn’t realize just how clichéd that plot line was and how those stories usually ended up.
The next time, he hit her so hard that she spun around in a complete circle, and he left a mark high on her cheek, one she had to hide with her hair and makeup. In fact, she hid Brian’s abuse for quite some time. She was ashamed, but more than that, she convinced herself that Brian would change. She couldn’t blame him at first; for some reason, she only blamed herself. If I could just be a better girlfriend, she thought, then he wouldn’t have to do this.
Eventually, her mother noticed and said something. She sat her down and had a real talk with her, not mincing words or placing blame. Ashley slowly crumbled and let down the walls that Brian’s abuse had raised in her heart and mind, and she confessed to her mother all that was going on. Admitting it was the first step toward healing.
For the longest time, Ashley was sure she was past all that, but the possessiveness and the yelling she’d felt from Logan had left her shaken, triggering all that old horror, fear, and blame, like a tiger released from its cage. It was really too much to take, esp
ecially with all the other things going on in her heart and head.
She knew Logan wasn’t Brian, and he had every right to be angry about some of what she’d said, but he hadn’t even let her talk. He was so sure that she had betrayed him that he’d refused to listen. She wanted to go talk to him or even call him, but she was smart enough to know that he needed time to cool off. She also needed some cooling-off time herself. She really wanted to cry, but she was still too angry.
Her eyes went to the clock, and she frowned. It was getting late, and Kaylee was still missing. Probably hiding out, trying to keep herself out of the line of fire. That was pretty much Kaylee’s MO: start something and run away. It was something she had been doing her whole life.
“Well, it’s about time she starts facing up to what she’s done,” Ashley said as she paced the floor again.
As the hour grew later, she wasn’t really alarmed. Kaylee had been pulling a lot of late-nights, ever since they’d hit campus. It didn’t surprise her that she hadn’t come back yet, especially considering that Kaylee had gone to Logan and hand-fed him all those lies about her and Charlie.
Around two a.m., Ashley gave up and went to bed. She was woken up an hour later by a thumping sound and the sound of footsteps running down the hallway. “Idiots. Probably some partiers coming in,” she mumbled, then pulled her blanket up over her head.
When the thumping interrupted her sleep again, she frowned and got up. Her pajama bottoms flapped around her ankles, and she tugged her tank down over her bare middle as she stood, still and listening. A weak mewl, like the sound of an injured cat, hit her ears, and her frown deepened. Damn it!
Someone was really messing with her now, when she desperately needed her sleep. Furious, she yanked on the door, and what she saw before her had her mouth falling open.
Kaylee was finally home, sprawled out on the hallway floor, with chunks of vomit tangled in her hair. Her face was so white it looked like undercooked dough. Her body was a limp pile on the carpet.
“Damn it, Kaylee!” Ashley said as she bent down and grazed her cousin’s arm with her hand, then quickly snatched it back. Kaylee was cold, but worse than that, she suddenly started shaking violently, so hard her feet were kicking and jerking around like kites in a hurricane. There was also a thin stream of blood running from her mouth, staining one corner of her chin. Only one of her eyes was open, and only a slit at that.
Terror seized Ashley as she realized her cousin was having a seizure. She grabbed Kaylee’s arm again, then realized it was best not to move her. She got up and ran for her phone, then hurriedly dialed 911 and ran back to the hallway. She knelt beside Kaylee, talking into the phone, desperate for help. Her heart hammered as the dispatcher assured her that help was on the way. “Please hurry!” she said.
Frightened and sure she was about to watch Kaylee die, all she could do was kneel beside her and stare at the empty hallway. Most nights the halls were packed with people, so she had no idea where everyone was. She also didn’t understand why no one had seen someone just dump the shaking girl on the floor, like a bag of trash. Who could have left her here like this? she wondered, recalling the footsteps she’d heard.
She was sure whoever had left her had done so because they were sure Kaylee was going to die, and they didn’t want to get in trouble. She wished she at least knew what Kaylee had taken, so she could tell the paramedics, but there was no one to ask, and Kaylee herself was unresponsive. All sorts of things went through her head, and she didn’t know how to make any sense of it all.
“Kaylee…” She cupped her cousin’s head in her hands and tried to get her to open her eyes, to look at her, to talk to her, to snap out of it, to no avail.
Kaylee shook harder, thrashing and flailing about the floor like a fish out of water. Her body arced and trembled, and her whimpering grew louder.
Ashley prayed hard, then started crying. She grabbed her phone, hit 911 again, and asked, “For heaven’s sake, when is that ambulance gonna get here?”
“I assure you they’re on their way,” the dispatcher said in a robotic voice that unnerved Ashley all the more.
“Well, they’re not coming fast enough, damn it!” Ashley said, then hung up and gave her cousin’s trembling hand another squeeze.
Her fear swirled up to a crescendo, till she was trembling, too. She couldn’t do anything to save Kaylee, and she wasn’t sure anyone could. She just held on, talking to her in a low voice. “Please hold on, Kaylee. The ambulance is coming. I promise you’ll be safe. Just hold on. Don’t you dare die on me.”
Finally some EMTs burst into the hallway. As they did, dorm doors flew open, and several sleepy, curious faces peered out. Ashley glared at them, wondering why they were not available earlier when she could have used a few eyewitnesses. Anger and hatred surfaced, and she pushed everyone back, as hard as she could. Her only defense against the barrage of questions was to silence her tongue and drop a cloak of cool ice along her body. Hold them back and say nothing, she decided.
Kaylee was bundled up on the stretcher within a few minutes, and Ashley grabbed the first pair of shoes she could find, closed the door to their dorm room, and raced after the paramedics. She climbed into the ambulance next to Kaylee, fighting to maintain her composure. Her eyes were dry and gritty, and exhaustion swept in, but she managed to keep it at bay.
The ambulance took off with a lurch and shudder.
As they made their way to the hospital, she stared at the paramedics who were feverishly working on Kaylee. They fired questions at her but she could only shake her head. She had no idea what had happened to her, what she had taken, and she had no idea if her cousin would live to see another day. She had never felt so scared and alone.
Logan.
She really needed him at that moment, and she knew if he was there she could better handle things. She wanted to scream at the walls, to tell everyone that none of it was fair or her fault. She was still a kid, too, even if she was supposed to be an adult, and everyone seemed to expect far too much from her. It was all just too much, and Ashley didn’t know how to handle it on her own.
No, wait. I can handle this alone. I have to, she finally reasoned, calming herself. Logan had basically booted her right out of his life when she had said she wasn’t sure she wanted to be in the band anymore. I don’t need him or his damn ultimatums. I only need…myself.
It was easy to see what had happened to Kaylee. Charlie had broken up with her and she’d gone off the deep end. She knew Charlie wasn’t feeding her the molly, or whatever it was, but she didn’t know who was. All she did know was that when she found out who the culprit was, she was going to kick their ass, then promptly have them arrested.
Her heart went through a sickening lurch as she witnessed Kaylee going into another violent seizure. The sight was too much, and Ashley had to look away. She counted to ten, adding “my pretty pony” between each count. Then she counted twenty, then fifty. The seizure eventually stopped, but her heart sank further. How many seizures can someone have before they just…die? She had no idea, and she certainly didn’t want Kaylee to answer that question for her.
The siren’s scream grated on her nerves. The men working on Kaylee were calm, but that calm didn’t rub off on Ashley. The hush inside the long box of the vehicle was broken by Kaylee’s labored breathing, the siren, the sickening drop of her own heartbeat, and gasping breath.
“Hyperventilating?” one of the paramedics asked, staring at her and handing her a bag. “Breathe into this, miss, and try to calm down. We’re doing everything we can for her.”
Huh? She’s not hyperventilating. She’s barely breathing! Ashley thought, staring at her cousin. Ashley gawked at the bag the paramedic was holding out toward her.
He opened it and pressed it to her mouth. “Breathe, miss,” he said, a simple one-word command.
Oh! It’s me they’re talking about.
Her breath rattled the bag open, but then it squeezed shut again.
Breathe
, she told herself. Breathe in, now out. Steady it. Think in counts. She closed her eyes, continuing her slow count. She pictured a metronome, steadily breathing as it swung and clocked. Slowly but surely, her breath evened out, and she pulled the bag away from her mouth. “Th-Thanks,” she managed to stutter to the paramedic.
“It’s fine. Just try to remain calm. We’re almost there,” he said, then turned his attention back to Kaylee.
As the ambulance wound its way through the city, Ashley’s mind went numb. She simply could not allow herself to think because she knew her thoughts would be the absolute worst.
Of course the emergency room was bustling with injured people and their families, the weekend obviously in full swing. Nevertheless, they were hustled straight into a room, and a doctor appeared immediately.
Ashley was forgotten in the rush of charcoal and IV lines and monitors, and then Kaylee was rushed away. She sat there, crumpled and defeated, unsure what to do. After a few moments, she took out her phone, painfully aware that she had to call Kaylee’s folks. She didn’t want to, but the naïve hope that it might be nothing was pure bullshit, and her parents had a right to know. There was no way around the truth, and the truth was that Kaylee had gone far too far, so far she might never come back from it.
Her fingers fumbled her phone from her purse. She opened it and called her mother first, and she was relieved when her call was answered on the third ring.
“Ashley, honey, is everything all right?” her mother asked, her voice sleepy and frightened.
Tears ran down her cheeks unchecked. “No, Mom, I’m afraid nothing’s all right. It’s Kaylee. She…took something. I don’t know what, but I think it was drugs. Sh-She had a seizure, and I had to call the ambulance. I’m at the hospital now. I don’t know what to do. I gotta call her folks, but I-I just can’t. I don’t know how, Mom. I don’t know what to say.”
