by Lexy Timms
The time drew out like a bead, and she suddenly realized she hadn’t spoken in a few moments. “Any idea when they’ll get here?”
“They should be touching down any minute.”
The news should have been soothing, but it did little to comfort Ashley. If anything, it scared her more.
Before she could say anything else to her mother, the door opened.
Ashley turned her head, expecting to see a nurse or Kaylee’s parents.
Instead, Logan stepped in, his face pale and his eyes wide.
“Uh… Mom, can I let you go? Logan’s here.”
“Sure, honey. Keep me posted.”
“I will.” She hung up and placed the phone down on the side table, releasing it from her trembling grip.
Logan stopped moving, as if he was walking on a minefield and feared taking another step. “Hi.”
“Hi.” She swallowed hard, taking Kaylee’s very cold, very limp hand again. Breathe, she coached herself, but there was no air in the room.
Logan slowly approached her. He put a hand on her head, a simple touch, then slid it across her hair, smoothing it.
As Ashley bit back another round of tears, it suddenly hit her that she was still in her pajamas. “How’d you know where to find me” she asked.
“The whole campus is buzzing about this,” he said, looking at Kaylee and then quickly looking away, misery all over his face. “Damn. I’m so sorry.”
“Why? You didn’t do it,” she said and cringed. She hadn’t meant to say that; it had just slipped out.
He shrugged and sighed, then walked over to the wall and grabbed a chair. He moved it over next to her, then parked himself in it. “Charlie didn’t do it either, Ashley, if that’s what you’re thinking. He’s an asshole, but even he wouldn’t stoop to…this.”
“I know, but it doesn’t change her condition.”
“No, you’re right.” He shook his head and ran a hand through his own hair, causing it to stick up on end. “Any idea what’s going on? Is she gonna be okay, or…”
Ashley’s shoulder lifted and dropped, and her mouth filled with bile. “Maybe, maybe not. They don’t really know. They have no idea what she took or how much. They’re running some tests and are just waiting for the lab work to come back.”
He reached for her free hand.
When his warm flesh met hers, she closed her eyes. Behind the redness of her lids, more tears welled, and she quickly snapped her eyes open. “I’m sorry I didn’t try to talk to you.”
“Yeah, look, about that…”
The door opened again, and Kaylee’s parents hurried in. Melinda was as wan and pale as her daughter, and Pete was florid and shaken. They made a beeline for the bed.
Melinda’s hand went to her mouth, and an inarticulate cry burst from her, muffled by her palm.
Pete swore, walked out, then came back in and asked, “Any clue as to who did this?”
“She did it.” Ashley replied, her voice hollow. “I know you don’t want to believe it, Uncle Pete, but she’s been…running wild. I tried to talk some sense into her, but no matter what I said she wouldn’t stop. I tried. Everyone tried. It’s like she just didn’t want to listen. Like she didn’t care.”
Melinda wiped her eyes with the back of one hand. She drew a long, shuddering breath. “I see. Why didn’t you call us?” she asked, accusation dripping from her voice. “Did that thought never occur to you, that she might need her mother and father to intervene?”
“She said she had it under control. We’ve been arguing lately. I thought… I don’t know. I’m sorry. I’ve been caught up in other things, like my own studies. I’m sorry, but I did try to help her.”
Really, it was the best she could manage without the whole hospital room degrading into a chair-throwing, four-letter-word-spewing episode of The Jerry Springer Show. Everything she wanted to say—to them, to Kaylee, to Logan—all just died on her tongue. She knew it was what it was and that nothing she said or did was going to change a damn thing. Just like every other time Kaylee did something stupid, her mommy and daddy were never going to blame their precious little girl.
Pete swore again.
Ashley stood. “I should let you stay with her.”
Melinda’s eyes, still holding anger and accusation, locked on hers.
Pete, though, took her arm and spoke gently. “Thank you for getting her help and staying with her. It’s late, and I’m sure you kids are tired. You go on home now. We’ll stay with her.”
“Yes, perhaps it’s best that you just…go,” Melinda said flatly, looking at Ashley the way the jury must have looked at Charles Manson.
Logan took her hand. “C’mon. I’ll drive you home.”
She couldn’t do anything but nod.
Pete gave her a hug and pointed her toward the door.
Logan walked out first, and Ashley followed, her legs shaking and her shoulders hunched inward. The hallways smelled sterile and sickly, and the fluorescent lights hurt her eyes. Cold seeped upward from the tile floors. Logan’s hand steadied her, but she still stumbled and staggered. Outside, the sun had finally made its daily appearance. She blinked and stared, trying to reconcile the bright, thick, syrupy rays with the gloom and dimness inside the hospital and lurking deep within her core.
Logan’s hand rested on the small of her back, and his hips touched hers softly. “You hungry?”
Hmm. Am I? she wondered as she blinked up at the brilliantly shining orb. “It doesn’t seem right,” she said.
“What?”
“The sun, me eating…none of it.”
His hand moved upward, and his arm curled around her shoulders. “Come on. I’ll buy.”
She hesitated and glanced back. “I-I shouldn’t leave her.”
“You can’t do anything else right now, and her parents are here. Let them have some time with her.”
Her lower lip trembled. “Do you think she knows I was here?”
“I’m sure of it.”
She had no idea how he could be so sure of that—or of anything really. Her emotions and thoughts jumped up and down in jagged extremes, sort of like that green line on that machine hooked to Kaylee’s monitor. Her tongue touched the crest of her upper lip before she uttered, “Okay, but I don’t think I can ride on the bike right now.”
“I know. I borrowed Zip’s car.”
She let him lead her as her flip-flops slapped against her heels. What now? The refrain in her head was all white noise, punctuated by questions with no answers.
Logan put her in the car, then got in. He cranked the engine, and they set off through the awful Nashville traffic. In spite of the sun that practically baked them through the windshield, Ashley still shivered. His hand rested on her knee, but she wouldn’t have known if she didn’t catch a glimpse of it when she looked down at her nearly bare feet; she felt far too numb.
“I’m not dressed.”
“I know. I’ll just run in and grab something to go.”
“Okay,” her voice petered out. She stared through the windshield, blinking and stunned, not even sure what he’d said. This was all her fault. She should have done more to help Kaylee. She should have been with her, watching her. This was all on her.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Everyone seemed to be staring at them as they made their way through her dorm. A few approached, but Logan shook his head and waved them back. She was glad for that, because she didn’t know how to answer anyone’s questions and certainly wasn’t ready to talk about it.
She fumbled with her keys for a minute, and they entered the suite. For some reason she couldn’t explain, the whole place looked different. The cold horror of it all swept back in as she stood right where she’d found Kaylee.
Logan took her straight to her room and told her to get in bed. He sat down on the edge and began to dig food out of the bags.
Completely on autopilot, she took whatever he offered her; he could have given her a cheese milkshake, and she would have mindlessl
y drunk it. It was as if she was encased in ice, cold, stiff, and unable to feel. She was tingling all over, even though she felt numb at the same time. And she hated feeling like this, because this wasn’t about her.
The chicken salad with cranberries, almonds, and grapes was delicious, and it woke up her tongue slowly. The deep-fried kettle chips were salty and crunchy, and the lemonade was tart, sweet, and herby, with a little lavender in it to soothe her nerves. Slowly but surely the nourishment pulled her out of her stupor, and she realized she’d been teetering on the edge of shock.
Logan watched her chew a big bite. “You scared me.”
She swallowed a grape, practically whole. “I did?”
He nodded and stared at a glob of chicken and mayonnaise threatening to escape the sandwich in his hand. “I was sure you were never gonna talk to me again.”
“I haven’t really made up my mind on that, just so you know.”
He groaned. “I’m sorry.” He bit his lip, then bit a chunk out of his sandwich. “Do you suppose she did it on purpose because… You think she was just afraid she’d already gone too far, or, uh…”
“I considered that,” she admitted, as the thought had occurred to her. She took a long sip of lemonade.
He finished the rest of that half of his sandwich before he spoke again. “Ashley, I just—”
“Rock Star Royale is in a few days,” she reminded him, cutting him off.
He regarded her carefully. “I know.”
She took another bite, as she wasn’t sure what else to say or do. The white noise was coming back in, spinning static into every thought. The sleepless night was killing her, and her mind couldn’t seem to get a grip on anything. She was still reeling over the fact that Logan actually believed she’d ever sleep with Charlie, and now Kaylee might actually die. As horrible as all those thoughts were, her body still demanded the rest she’d missed, and a yawn cracked her somber face.
Logan put his trash in the wastebasket. “Gimme that,” he said, gesturing for hers.
She handed it over, then quickly took a last swig of lemonade. Her belly was full, and her mind was back to a blinding, frozen expanse.
“Now you need to sleep.” Logan tucked the blankets up around her, like she was a child. He looked like he wanted to lean down and kiss her but thought better of it.
Her eyes closed before she was even settled in all the way, and sleep quickly overtook her.
CHAPTER TWELVE
Logan couldn’t stop the anger building inside him as he stared down at her sleeping face. He never planned to fall in love with anyone, but he was in love with this classical angel. Kaylee had worked his last nerve and turned them against each other in a way that had guaranteed things might never be right between them again, and that didn’t sit well with him when he’d inadvertently invested so much of himself, of his heart and his hopes, in Ashley.
Damn it, Kaylee. He wanted her to be okay. He really did. He wanted her to live and come out of that coma safely, but he also wanted to cuss her out worse than he had ever cursed at anyone in his entire life. She knew the wealth of emotions and tangled issues between him and Charlie and Ashley were a powder keg, waiting to blow up. He didn’t doubt at all that she tried to use that to her advantage somehow, and he was sure her overdose was some sort of stunt, too. If—No, when, she ever comes out of this, she needs to see a damn shrink, he thought. He was sure Ashley would agree with him on that, but he wasn’t about to bring it up to her when they were on such thin ice already.
The whole thing made him feel like an asshole. He was angry with Kaylee and even Charlie, and he was angry about being angry with anyone. It was so confusing and screwed up that he couldn’t even think. “Hell, maybe I need a shrink, too,” he muttered.
Right then, he wanted nothing more than to curl up next to Ashley and hold her, but she hadn’t officially forgiven him. He didn’t feel worthy of her forgiveness then, and he wasn’t sure he could ever be. He knew how badly Brian, her ex, had treated her, and now he’d gone out of his way to prove to her that she couldn’t trust him, either. He was sure there had to be a way to fix it all. He just didn’t know what it was.
He also had to keep reminding himself that she’d quit the band. Ashley’s scholarship was far more important to her than Whisky Lullaby was to him. It wasn’t just because she wanted her degree. Much like Logan, Ashley wanted to live her passion, to make her living doing what she loved. She thrived on playing her cello in a classical setting, and he knew there would always be part of her that would not be satisfied rocking on the stage with his band. The love of his life loved the way music worked. She loved the math behind it, the finite possibilities that stretched until they snapped open to even more harmonic, melodious possibilities. For Ashley, music was far more about the head than it was about head-banging. She was a self-admitted music nerd, and she needed that education; it fed her.
He knew he was asking too much to ask her to give any part of it up. Logan had been pushing her and all of his friends hard for weeks. And for what? Two new songs? He’d been such a perfectionist, so intent on making sure those songs were absolutely flawless, that he had drained the joy right out of them. That was the thing with Ashley. Music brought her joy, and he’d lost the joy of it because he’d gotten too worried about making it perfect to keep on making it at all.
He pressed a kiss into her forehead. “I’m sorry, Ashley. I’ll set things right. I swear I will,” he vowed in a whisper, then turned out the light and left the room.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Ashley woke up several hours later. She sat up, looking around the dark bedroom. Her bones ached, and she blinked and stretched, wondering—and secretly hoping—that the whole thing had been nothing more than a nightmare.
Her ringing phone and her Uncle Pete’s number on her caller ID jolted her back to reality. She shivered and pulled the covers back over her body, then answered hesitatingly, certain that it had to be bad news. “Hello?” she said, with a quiver in her voice.
“Hey there, Ash. She’s…”
The pause dragged on so long that Ashley’s throat locked down on a scream. Breathe…. That refrain started up again, kicking along her brain like a mantra. Breathe. In…out… Pull air into your lungs. Feel them rise and drop. Open your mouth. Breathe, damn it!
“It’s not good. She’s awake, sort of, and she’s… Well, they think she will survive this, but she’s not out of the woods, as they say. She had a heart attack, albeit a very small one. Apparently she has some sort of heart condition none of us knew about—a murmur, the doctor called it. She’s been drinking a lot, which I’m sure you already now, but that only makes the defect worse. The drugs…” Then, just like that, his voice ended on a harsh burst of breath.
“Yeah?” Ashley said, urging him on.
“She won’t be the same, Ashley, at least not physically. They think she’ll recover mentally, but she’s gonna need a lot of help. She’s…” He paused again, letting out an audible gulp. “Damn it! How did this happen? How did she screw up so badly?”
“I don’t know,” Ashley said, moving her hand to her forehead and massaging her throbbing temples. “I really don’t know, Uncle Pete.”
“Where were you, Ash? I mean, weren’t you with her?”
Great. Now he’s blaming me, too, she silently seethed. “I was going to classes, playing in a band, and trying to keep her sober while also letting her live her own life and staying out of her way. Things weren’t…good between us, Uncle Pete. She wasn’t happy with me because… Well, I beat up her boyfriend.”
An incredulous laugh came through the phone. “You what? Why?”
Ashley decided then and there that she was tired of covering for her cousin, and it was time to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. “He tried to assault me, claiming I gave him mixed signals. It doesn’t help that I’m dating his brother. Charlie actually broke up with her yesterday, and she went to my boyfriend and told him I’ve been sleeping
with Charlie. That’s the last in a long line of stuff she’s done to me lately. Please don’t ask me where I was or why I wasn’t with her. None of this is my fault. I did my best, but…” She paused, and her lower lip jutted out. “I tried and I got angry at her!” she finally spat, blowing up like a pressure cooker left on the burner too long. “I tried to help her, but she wouldn’t listen to me. Where were you?”
Pete’s sigh was loud. “I don’t mean to come down on you, Ashley, and neither does Melinda. It’s just…hard. She’s our only child, and—”
“That’s just it. She’s not a child. She’s a grownup, but she sure as heck doesn’t act like it, because no one’s ever made her.” Never mind that they had spoiled her rotten and let her get away with far too much. Never mind that she was known for screwing up and then running to her dear old dad to get her out of trouble. She almost mentioned that but thought it was best to keep it to herself.
“I know,” he said, with a tinge of guilt in his voice.
“You said she won’t be okay physically, that she’ll need help. What’s wrong?”
“With that heart murmur, she’ll have to be very careful for the rest of her life. She did a little damage to her liver, too, but they say it will heal in time, as long as she stays off drugs and alcohol.”
She licked her dry lips and asked, “Do they know yet what she took?”
“Well, if I didn’t know her any better, I’d think she tried to…” his voice trailed off, unable to finish that statement.
Ashley cleared her throat and said. “Oh. What happens now?”
“I’m taking her home. She’s coming back with us. Going to get some help. A lot of help. Look, about the dorm room…”
“You need me to move out, right?”
“I’m sorry, Ash, but surely you understand. I can’t justify paying that kind of money while Kaylee isn’t there.”
“No apologies are necessary, Uncle Pete. I get it. I’d never expect you to do that,” she said, even though her heart was sinking further the longer their conversation carried on. Homelessness was just what she needed, on top of everything else. “I can talk to the advisors and figure something out.”
