by Donna Alward
‘I’m not talking about being on stage. Tess, when was the last time you played the piano or picked up a guitar?’
She flinched. ‘What’s that got to do with anything?’
‘I think it has everything to do with it.’
‘You don’t know what you’re talking about.’
Every instinct he had told him he was right. Sacrificing something that was such a part of who she was would damage her in a fundamental way. Maybe not this year or the next, but eventually. ‘Do you think Sarah would approve of you punishing yourself like this?’
* * *
Tess went to leap up, but he grabbed her arm. ‘I’m not going to let this lie, Tess. I’m going to get to the bottom of it.’
She subsided back to the ground beside him. ‘And what do you think you’re going to find when you do? Do you think it’s going to be pretty or something you can fix? Because it’s not pretty and it can’t be fixed. So as far as I’m concerned talking about it is pointless.’
‘I mightn’t be able to fix it, Tess, but bottling it up won’t help either.’
She had to look away then because his eyes told her he only wanted her to be happy. And she knew his questions came from a good place, not a bad one.
‘Tess?’
And he wouldn’t leave it alone; she knew that too. If he knew the truth then he’d see that she was right. Even if it did change his opinion of her for the worse.
‘Sarah asked me to come home at the beginning of December.’ She stared at her hands. ‘But I had a whole series of concerts lined up and I put her off for a month.’
A whole month!
‘Later, when I did get home...’ When it was too late. ‘I found out Sarah had been trying to set up a second residence and was in the process of moving the children there.’
She’d wanted Tess to come home and help her. But Tess, in her selfishness and self-absorption, had put Sarah off for a whole month. Who knew what they could’ve accomplished together in a month, what changes they could’ve made...what disasters they could’ve averted. Instead of making a difference in her sister’s life, she’d chosen to shine on stage instead.
She straightened. But she wouldn’t let Sarah down again. She’d look after Ty and Krissie and give them all the love she had, give them the absolute best lives she could. It wouldn’t be enough. It would never be enough. But it was something.
‘Hey!’
She blinked at the hard command in Cam’s voice.
‘Did she tell you why she wanted you to come home?’
‘No, but—’
‘Then you have nothing to beat yourself up about.’
He was wrong about that. ‘She asked so little of me over the years.’ She should’ve come home.
‘She should’ve been straight with you. Nothing that happened to Bruce and Sarah was of your making.’
‘No, but—’
‘And whipping yourself into a frenzy of guilt is ludicrous. You didn’t cause Bruce’s accident. You weren’t driving the car that left the road and hit the tree. Hell, Tess, you’re giving these kids a great life. You should be proud of yourself.’
Proud of herself for not being there when Sarah had needed her? Never!
‘Depriving yourself of your music—’
She leaned towards him. ‘When I chose my music over Sarah, music let me down. I let me down. But, worse, I let Sarah down.’ She shook her head. ‘I’m not risking that again.’
‘Tess, I think Sarah would weep in her grave if she knew all you’d given up.’
Tears clogged her throat. This time when she leapt up, he let her go. ‘My life has a different focus now and I’m pleased about that.’ She was! She pointed behind her. ‘I’ll go help clear the food away.’
* * *
Tess had been working steadily for an hour when Lance stormed up. ‘You have no right upsetting Fi!’
She stared up at him. ‘Lower your voice,’ she snapped. ‘You upset my kids again and I will have your guts for garters, got it?’
His mouth opened and closed. He dropped down to sit on the side of the grave she was working on. ‘I, uh...I didn’t mean to appear so...’
She quirked an eyebrow. ‘Aggressive?’
He raked a hand through his pretty blond hair. ‘I’ve never thought of myself as scary to kids before,’ he muttered.
‘Then maybe you should stop puffing your chest out and beating it in that ridiculous fashion, and learn some manners.’
She swore his jaw dropped to the ground at his feet. She didn’t doubt for a single moment that the women in his life mollycoddled him, and she had no intention of joining their ranks.
Still...
She rose, planting her hands on her hips. ‘And I didn’t upset Fiona. I suspect she upset herself. I believe it’s called a guilty conscience.’
He turned beet-red and glanced away. Interesting. Maybe he wasn’t immune to a guilty conscience either.
‘Still, at least it appears you really do love her.’
He swung back. ‘Of course I love her.’ He gazed to where Fiona worked and his face took on a goofy expression. ‘I mean, she’s the best girl in the world.’ He glanced back at her, the blue of his eyes suddenly bleak. ‘I didn’t mean to...’
She waited but he didn’t go on. ‘You’re wrong about Cam too. He’s not trying to ruin you. I doubt he’d ever stoop to something so petty.’
He squinted down at the ground. ‘Cam never was petty. But after what I did, who could blame him for wanting his revenge?’
She let the silence speak for her.
He rose with a sick kind of pallor. ‘I wish...’
She ran out of patience with him then. ‘For God’s sake, stop thinking about yourself for once! Have you ever considered actually apologising to Cameron for your appalling behaviour?’
His eyes started from his head. ‘Are you joking? He wouldn’t listen. I expect he’d deck me!’
‘Then you’re a stupider man than I thought.’ With that, she turned away sick to her stomach. Cam deserved so much more than what any of his family had given him.
It’s nice to have you in my corner.
She set her shoulders. Cam mightn’t be here for much longer, but for as long as he was in Bellaroo Creek she had every intention of remaining in his corner.
CHAPTER EIGHT
‘SHOULDN’T WE BUY Cam a present if it’s his birthday?’
Tess glanced at Ty. ‘I think you and Krissie should make him a birthday card. I bought cardboard, glitter pens and stickers.’ She’d lugged them all the way from Sydney sure they’d find a use for them, and she set them on the kitchen table now. ‘Plus, we are making him the best cake in the world.’
‘With cream and jam in the middle and sprinkles on top?’ Krissie double-checked.
‘That’s right, chickadee.’
‘And I’m going to take my pin-the-tail on the donkey game,’ she added. ‘I think Cam will love playing that.’
‘I’m sure you’re right.’
‘I know!’ Ty’s face lit up. ‘I can write him a story. We’re writing stories at school and Mrs Bennet said I was good at them.’
‘Cam would love a story,’ Tess agreed. ‘And you can make a proper cover for it out of the cardboard and draw a picture on it.’
Hopefully book and card building would keep the two of them occupied for the next thirty minutes while she worked out how to cut her sponge in half, fill it with jam and cream, and then ice it.
Krissie suddenly rose from the kitchen table to press herself to Tess’s side. ‘Mrs Bennet’s leaving at the end of the year. She’s re...re...’
Tess’s heart clenched at the anxiety that threaded through her niece’s eyes. How she wished she could shield them from everything th
at worried or frightened them. ‘She’s retiring.’ Tess’s own heart clenched then too. ‘Which means you’ll have a brand-new teacher next year.’ Please, God, because if Bellaroo Creek couldn’t attract a new teacher to town, and the school closed...
Her stomach churned, but she made her voice cheerful. ‘And we’ll have to make sure they feel as welcome to town as we did.’
‘And then we won’t be the newest people any more,’ Ty said.
Krissie bit her lip. ‘Do you think we’ll like her...or him?’
Ty glanced up at Krissie’s ‘or him’, his eyes wary. It made Tess’s heart burn harder. ‘I’m sure we will.’ She sent them both her biggest smile. Reassured, they returned to their card and story making.
‘That’s the best cake in the world!’ Krissie said in awe a little while later when Tess stepped away from the cake to admire her handiwork.
‘And that’s one super-duper card.’ Tess picked it up to admire Krissie’s handiwork.
‘And I’m finished too!’
Ty handed her the book he’d made. He’d stapled the pages between cardboard and had drawn a...um... She’d challenge even Sarah to hazard a guess about that one. ‘It looks just like a proper book!’
That was obviously the right response because Ty beamed at her. ‘It’s a story about a cowboy.’
‘Which will be perfect for Cam,’ she agreed, glancing again at the cover trying to make out either a cow or a horse or a cowboy.
She clapped her hands. ‘Okay, go wash your hands, put on your party clothes and let’s go surprise Cam.’
He’d been here yesterday afternoon, building the bed for the vegetable garden. He hadn’t let slip for a single moment that he had a birthday today. He’d said he was going to catch up on his bookkeeping.
On a Sunday?
On his birthday?
Oh, no, no. Tess had decided then and there that the least she could do was make him a birthday cake. Somewhere along the line, that had evolved into a full-blown party. Grinning, she went to put on her pink party dress. A party was exactly what they all needed.
* * *
Cameron stilled, cocked his head to one side and then frowned. Someone was knocking on the front door.
Nobody knocked on the front door. Ever. The few people who came out to Kurrajong these days came around the back. Fraser would’ve tapped on the French doors of Cam’s study if he’d needed to discuss anything.
More knocking sounded. He pushed away from his computer with a growl and set off through the dim hush of the house. Since he’d taken a bedroom at the back, he rarely came into this part of the house any more. These big front reception rooms with their picture rails, antiques and high ceilings held the memory of too many shattered dreams. He scowled as he strode through them now. He flung the heavy door open, a bitter reproof burning on his tongue...
A reproof he swallowed at the sight that met his eyes. A sight as colourful as a flock of rosellas and just as cheerful.
‘Surprise!’ Ty and Krissie yelled, almost in unison, and then they each popped a party popper that covered him in coloured streamers, and for a moment he felt just as colourful—as flamingo-pink and butter-yellow as the girls’ party dresses and as purple and blue as Ty’s best jeans and shirt.
But then the shadows of the rooms behind touched the back of his neck with cold fingers, mocking him with the ludicrousness of any colour surviving within their forbidding walls, and he pulled the streamers from his head and shoulders, and a hard ball settled in the pit of his stomach.
‘Happy birthday, Cameron.’
Tess’s smile almost melted the coldness. ‘How on earth...?’
She waggled a finger at him. ‘You needn’t think you can keep something as important as a birthday a secret.’
As far as he was concerned, it was just another day.
‘And we wanted to give you a party, because you’re one of our best new friends!’
The smile Krissie sent him did melt the coldness. And while he wished with all his might that they’d turn around and walk back home, he managed to cover his lack of enthusiasm with a smile. ‘A party?’
Ty held up a bag. ‘We brought jellybeans and crisps!’
‘And Auntie Tess made you a cake.’
He glanced at Tess, delectable in her pink dress, but her smile had slipped. She’d sensed his discomfort. ‘I hope we haven’t caught you at a bad time.’
He blinked. He straightened. She was giving him an out? He could tell them he was really busy, promise to drop over to their place in a couple of hours... And Tess would turn the children around and walk away, and leave him in peace?
But when he glanced at the kids with their eager shining faces, he didn’t have the heart to disappoint them. He could manage a party in this cold, heartless house just this once. It wouldn’t kill him. He dragged in a breath and made himself grin. ‘A party sounds like just the thing!’
He was rewarded with a smile from Tess that almost knocked him off his feet.
‘Your house is amazing,’ Ty breathed, glancing around Cam’s bulk. He frowned and edged closer to his aunt. ‘It’s a bit dark.’
He translated that immediately into, It’s a bit scary. He kept his voice steadily cheerful. ‘Well, with only me living here these days I don’t use these front rooms much.’
‘Auntie Tess was right,’ Krissie whispered to her brother. ‘We should’ve gone around the back.’
‘But I wanted to see,’ he whispered back.
Cam then found himself pushing the door open as wide as he could, beckoning his visitors inside and turning into the reception room to his left and throwing open the curtains as wide as they would go, so the children could take in the room in its entirety, sans shadows. He strode across the corridor and did the same for the other reception room. The children trailed behind him, oohing and ahhing, their eyes wide and mouths agape.
When Tess saw the dark cherrywood baby grand in the second room, she froze. He took the cake from her before she could drop it. He recognised the fear in her eyes, but there was something else there too, fighting for supremacy. She closed her eyes, but not before he saw raw, naked hunger.
With sudden resolution, he turned back to Krissie and Ty. ‘It’s been a long time since I used this room, but I think it makes the perfect party room, don’t you?’
‘Yes!’
He set the cake down on a colonial-style hardwood coffee table. He took the bags of party food from Ty and set them there too. ‘Then let’s get some plates and drinks and then we can really get this party on the road.’
He led them through the formal dining room with its magnificent table-seating for twelve.
Ty gazed at it in awe. ‘You must be able to have the biggest parties.’
‘Legend has it that my grandparents threw the kind of parties that people spoke about for years.’
There were photo albums showing these rooms filled to bursting with smiling people, dressed in their best. As a boy, he’d pored over those photographs. He’d yearned to be in those photographs, and he’d sworn to bring that kind of gaiety back to Kurrajong House—a dream he’d finally thought within reach when Fiona had agreed to marry him. His hand clenched. How wrong he’d been. He couldn’t re-create the gaiety of that bygone era. Not with the kind of family he had.
But he refused to fade away as his father had done.
‘Cameron?’
Tess touched his arm. He stared down at her and had to fight the urge to haul her into his arms and kiss her. Falling into her would chase away the ghosts of the past and ease the hurt of shattered dreams, at least for a little while. If he backed her up against the wall, teased her, seduced her...
He could lose himself in her arms and take all he wanted.
And he wanted all right, no doubt about that, but it’d be a
despicable thing to do.
She bit her lip—her plump, delectable bottom lip—and her eyes darkened at whatever she saw in his face. The pulse at the base of her throat fluttered. He wanted to press his lips to that spot and—
‘The kitchen?’ she croaked.
Gritting his teeth, he swung away. ‘This way.’
They collected plates, bowls and cans of soda, and headed back to the so-dubbed party room. Cam opened the two front bay windows. A warm breeze filtered through, fanning the lace curtains, a touch of white against the dark wood panelling. While he did that, Tess and the children put out the party food—a big bowl of crisps, smaller bowls of jellybeans and chocolates, a plate of ginger-crisp biscuits, and even a small cheese platter.
He didn’t have much of a sweet tooth, but his mouth started to water.
Tess, with her back very firmly to the piano, placed three blue candles on top of the cake and then lit them. She glanced at Krissie and Ty. ‘Ready?’
They huddled in around her and at the tops of their voices sang the Happy Birthday song to him, and the longer it went on the wider their grins grew.
‘Blow out the candles,’ Tess ordered.
He did and they popped more party poppers. Krissie handed him a card she’d made out of glitter and stamps, and Ty handed him a story he’d written about a cowboy, and Cam found himself laughing and eating jellybeans and playing pin the tail on the donkey...and having a party.
He pulled up short when Fraser and Jenny appeared in the doorway a short while later. ‘We came to investigate the noise,’ Jenny said.
Cam leapt to his feet. ‘Come and join us. Tess, Ty and Krissie, this is my station manager, Fraser, and his wife, Jenny, who manages to keep this place clean and running smoothly.’ They’d be Tess’s nearest neighbours when he left. It would be good for her to know them.
‘Lovely to meet you.’ Tess beamed at them. ‘And you’ve arrived at the perfect time. We were just about to play pass the parcel.’
Everyone ended up with a snack-sized chocolate except Cam, who won the final prize of a family block of chocolate.
He stared at it—a family. He gazed about the room. At the moment they had all the appearance of a family. His heart started to pound, but he pushed the fantasies away. He wouldn’t be beguiled by them. Not for a second time. He knew his own strength. He could survive one let-down, but two? He shook his head.
