by AC Oswald
Savannah stepped inside the tub while the water was still running. She loved the sound of running water more than anything else. It was the most comforting sound on earth, and there was no better feeling than closing your eyes, listening to the water, and slowly feeling the tub fill around you, surrounding you with its warmth. For maybe an hour, she’d be able to shut out the world and not care about anything or anyone.
Savannah shut off the water. It didn’t take long for her to fall into a dreamless sleep.
When she opened her eyes again, the water around her had turned cold. She groaned. Her back hurt from having lain in the tub for longer than she had planned. She carefully climbed out and wrapped herself in a huge orange towel. A look outside the window told her it was dark, and she figured she was tired enough to continue her nap in her actual bed.
After having dried off most of her body and hair, Savannah put on her pyjamas and headed back to the living room to take a look at her phone, which was still lying on the table. Hm. No message. No call.
Savannah couldn’t help but feel a little disappointed, having hoped to hear something from Bethany before she went to bed. It had probably all been a bit too much for her, and she most likely needed some time to herself to process the events of the day.
She made her way over to the kitchen and heated up some water to make herself a cup of the green tea that Bethany had brought her yesterday. Apparently some professor in Europe had healed his cancer by drinking one glass every night before sleep. Savannah didn’t believe in such things, but the tea came from Bethany, which was reason enough to drink it.
Just as she put a bit of honey into her cup, Savannah winced at the sound of the doorbell. What the hell?
She wondered if it was Bethany after all, coming by to tell her good night in person, and she felt a wave of excitement in her belly. She rushed over to the mirror to see if she looked completely awful, only to realize that she did.
“You should call me first,” she muttered to herself and quickly brushed her hair as she let the door buzz open.
She peeked outside to see if it really was Bethany and not some random stranger she had let in, but what she saw made her catch her breath.
“What on… Are you… Oh my God, are you serious?”
From one second to the next, Savannah had forgotten about her wet, tousled hair and her blue pyjamas. Bethany was walking up the stairs to her apartment, grinning.
Bethany’s blonde hair was curly, voluminously falling over her shoulders. She was wearing tight, baby-blue jeans, dark cowboy boots, and a black leather jacket with a little brown fox tail hanging out of one pocket. Dark makeup was highlighting her eyes, and she was carrying a box wrapped in colorful paper.
“Gonna let me in?” She smiled. Savannah nodded in awe, slowly stepping away from the entrance.
“Please don’t tell me you’re here with a motorcycle, Beth, ’cause I’m pretty sure neither you nor I know how to ride such a thing.”
Bethany chuckled. “Don’t be silly, Savy. Here, open it.”
Savannah shook her head, not believing what Beth was doing but enjoying it nonetheless.
She carefully unwrapped the box and opened it, laughing as she found another leather jacket in it.
“Should be your size. Try it on.”
Savannah did as she was told. The dark leather jacket felt a little too large around her waist but definitely fulfilled its purpose.
“Look what’s in your pocket!” Bethany ordered cheerfully, and Savannah put her right hand into her jacket to find something that felt like a little plastic toy. She pulled it out and grinned as she examined the little red thing.
“My very own motorcycle.” She laughed, but there was a small tear in her eye that she didn’t want to let Beth see. This was too cute for words. This was why she loved Bethany so much.
“You like it?” Bethany asked her.
“Love it, Beth.”
“Awesome!”
With that, Bethany hopped next to Savannah on the couch and wrapped her arm around her as she held a Polaroid camera in front of their faces.
“Hold up the motorcycle and smile!” she ordered.
“Beth, I look like crap.”
“Shush, do it!”
Savannah had to roll her eyes, but it made her laugh nonetheless right when Bethany pressed the shutter button and the flash light blinded their eyes for a second.
Bethany took the Polaroid out of the camera and shook it until the image appeared.
“There’s something else in the box,” Bethany told her.
There was indeed something else lying at the bottom of the package—something that looked like a book.
“What is it?” she asked Bethany as she let her thumb run over the green cover.
“Look inside.”
She carefully opened the cover and was greeted by Bethany’s scrawling handwriting. It said Perfect Bucket List, each letter written with a different crayon. It was so Beth.
Savannah turned the page:
1. Motorcycle—check
Bethany had fumbled some sticky tape out of her pocket and glued it onto the back of her Polaroid to stick the picture onto the page.
Savannah looked at her. “I’m not quite sure I understand,” she said.
Her reply was a smile and a hand on Savannah’s thigh.
“Savy,” she said, her thumb stroking Savannah’s knee over the fabric of her blue pyjama pants. “This,” she pointed at herself in her biker outfit, “is certainly not everything you ever dreamt of. Just because this disease has decided to make you sick doesn’t mean we have to let it win, right? It doesn’t mean we have to sit here and wait until…you know.”
Her gaze fixed on the floor, her mouth apparently not willing to pronounce the words again.
“I love you, Savannah.” Bethany looked straight into Savannah’s eyes. “I love you, and I want you to live your life to the fullest. I want you to enjoy every second of it.”
“And how am I gonna do that?” Savannah whispered, her eyes not once leaving Bethany’s crystal-blue gaze.
“By making this list with me. In this book.” She smiled. “There are enough pages in it to fill them with the most amazing memories. I want you to write down everything you ever wanted to do in your life. It doesn’t matter if it’s small or big or silly or adventurous—anything. I promise you we’ll do it. I give you my word.”
A thick lump formed in her throat at seeing Bethany like this, here in their old living room, on the couch they had picked out together, wearing this crazy but sexy outfit, bringing her all these things, these promises, this book.
And she was looking at her with so much love in her eyes that it made Savannah’s heart hurt. She wanted nothing more than to press her lips on Bethany’s in that moment, wanted nothing more than to tell her that this would be the first point on her perfect bucket list.
“You want to do that with me?” Bethany asked. Then, in a small, quiet voice, she said, “Or do you think it’s stupid?”
“Nothing you ever did for me was stupid, Bethany,” Savannah answered and covered Bethany’s hand with her own. “But are you sure? This sounds like a lot of work for you to put into this, like it’s going to take up a lot of time.”
“I’m on a break from work,” Bethany explained. “I talked to Patricia today, and I’m not going to go back for now.”
Savannah smiled, but the tears in her eyes made her vision blurry. She knew what it meant. Bethany was taking time off work until she’d be gone. She’d take care of her until she was dead, because there wasn’t much time left, right? Oh wow. Fuck.
“Savy?” Bethany whispered. Her thumb quickly brushed a tear away from Savannah’s eye before it could roll down her cheek. “You okay?”
“Yeah. Yes, I’m ok
ay.” Savannah nodded. “Let’s do this, then.”
“Let’s do this!” Bethany repeated and wrapped her arms around Savannah, who was inhaling Bethany’s smell. She smelled like hairspray and leather, like the hot biker lady she had always dreamt of when she was younger.
“Thank you,” she whispered, and she could feel Bethany smile against the skin of her neck.
Bethany was right. Her life wasn’t fucking over. She wasn’t going to spend the last few months of her life in front of the TV. Bethany was giving her new hope and new power, and she was going to use it—for both of them.
Savannah Cortez would have a hell of an awesome rest of her life, however long it might be.
Chapter 8
Watching Wild Hogs on the couch with Bethany was definitely as good as going on a biker tour herself, maybe even better, Savannah decided. And she didn’t even like the movie. She hated silly slapstick comedies, especially if they were based on the lives of a bunch of men that were old enough to be her dad. But Bethany was having fun, and she looked stunning. So stunning that Savannah could hardly take her eyes off her.
As much as she had been trying to deny it, the wish to be close to Bethany had become so much stronger in the past few days. It became too hard to ignore it. Impossible.
The thought of Amber and their awkward conversation was still occupying Savannah’s thoughts, and she had no idea how to proceed. Should she tell Bethany? Should she warn her? Make a hint? Keep her mouth shut? Tell Bethany to fix things with Amber?
Bethany was stuffing some tortilla chips into her mouth and snorted at one of John Travolta’s jokes. Adorable. Then Savannah finally cleared her throat. “Beth?”
“Hm?” Bethany answered and held her bowl of chips out to Savannah. “I’m so sorry. I’ve totally kept them all to myself, so rude.”
Savannah smiled. “Thanks, I’m not hungry. I was wondering if you talked to Amber today.”
Bethany’s hand froze before she could put another one of the salty snacks into her mouth. “No. Why?”
Savannah looked away, absentmindedly ripping the Coke label off the bottle in front of her. “I just wanted to know if you two were okay.”
She got a frown in response. “Why wouldn’t we be?”
Because she calls your friends behind your back and acts like a mistrusting bitch. Savannah bit her lower lip to keep herself from speaking the words out loud. “Because I think…” The Coke label was ripped into a million tiny pieces by now. “I just don’t want you to get in trouble for spending so much time with me. I mean, I love it when you’re around, but not if it means it’ll cause you problems.”
The frown on Bethany’s forehead only deepened, and she put the bowl on the table to move a little closer to Savannah.
“Savy, why would you think that? She’s okay with me being here. She knows we’re just friends.”
“Oh, does she?” Savannah hissed a little more angrily, her brown eyes getting a bit of their old furious sparkle back. “I wouldn’t be too sure.” Damn, this wasn’t how she had wanted to have this conversation. She didn’t want to be the one telling Bethany about the call. She had hoped Amber had been brave enough to do it herself.
“Where is this coming from?” Bethany asked, her voice serious now.
Savannah sighed. “It’s not my job to tell you. I didn’t want to start this now, I—”
“Did she call you?” Bethany blurted out, her eyelids blinking rapidly.
Great. She had told herself no more lies. She had to be honest with her. “Yeah. But before you start questioning me, I think you should talk it out with her and not me. All I can say is that she seems pretty insecure and, well, a little jealous.”
Very fucking jealous and completely insecure. But I will spare you the details. You’ve been through enough.
Bethany was looking down at her lap, her previous excitement about the movie gone. Savannah wanted to kick herself. “I understand if you want to leave,” Savannah started carefully, but Bethany raised her head, a pleading look on her face.
“Honestly, Savy, I don’t think I want to handle this tonight. With her, I mean.” She sighed. “I’m just so, so sorry that she called you. She shouldn’t have done that. None of this is your fault. That’s totally inappropriate.”
“Beth, it’s okay—”
“No, it’s not,” Bethany interrupted her. “It’s not okay that she dragged you into this. And I will handle it, of course. But I’ve honestly had enough ups and downs today. I kind of just want some quiet.”
“Of course.”
Bethany looked around the room, then back at Savannah. The light of the television was throwing colourful shadows on their faces, but neither of them was listening to the movie anymore.
“I, um…”
“Mm?”
“Would it be okay if I stayed here tonight?” Bethany asked carefully, and Savannah felt her heart skip a beat. “I mean, not in your bed, of course, but on the couch,” Bethany continued. “I don’t want to see Amber, but I don’t want go home alone either. I can’t stand the thought of being alone at the moment.”
Savannah nodded, a smile tugging on her lips. “Of course you can stay, Beth—always. And you can have the bed. I can sleep here. I don’t mind.”
Bethany shook her head vehemently. “No way. I’ll take the couch. I like it.”
A smile appeared on Savannah’s face, but she remained quiet. She knew that Bethany wouldn’t accept any other answer right now.
“Let me get you something to sleep in,” she said, not able to hide the fact that Bethany spending the night was bringing a happy shade of pink to her cheeks. She knew the circumstances were sad. She knew Bethany was scared of being alone and probably scared of facing her girlfriend, but still, the thought filled Savannah with happy excitement.
Admittedly, she was sort of relieved Bethany had decided to change in the bathroom and not right in front of her. She could have told her that her blue toothbrush was still lying in the drawer under the sink, but it made her feel silly, so she offered her a new one. A yellow one.
While Bethany was getting ready, Savannah prepared the couch and got her biggest pillow out of the bedroom to put on the sofa with a fluffy blanket. She put a bottle of water next to it on the table in case Bethany got thirsty. She closed the curtains so the sunlight wouldn’t wake her too early.
Savannah smiled when Bethany returned and took in the sight of her without makeup: her rosy skin, her hair held up in a ponytail, wearing her bedclothes. Bethany had worn Savannah’s PJs countless times, but it had been so long since she’d last seen her like that.
“Tell me if you need anything, okay?” Savannah told her, about to head to the bedroom.
“Savy?”
“Yes?”
“Would you stay until…until I’ve fallen asleep?”
Savannah swallowed. “Yes. Of course.”
Bethany smiled, tired but thankful. She snuggled up on the couch, dragged the blanket up to her chin and buried her face in the huge pillow.
“Mm,” she sighed. “Good night, Savannah.”
“Night, Beth-Beth.”
It didn’t take long for Bethany to fall asleep, which Savannah could tell by the sound of her even breathing, but she didn’t want to get up just yet. Bethany looked so peaceful and beautiful.
Savannah’s mind travelled back to the events of the day, back to the book, the list. She couldn’t imagine a better time to get inspired about what she wanted the rest of her life to look like than now, with Bethany sleeping right next to her.
She sat down in the armchair right by her side, grabbed a piece of paper and a pen, and started thinking.
Bethany woke up to the smell of fresh coffee. She opened her eyes and slowly adjusted to the light in the room. It took her a minute to realize whe
re she was until she finally recognized the unfamiliar, yet so familiar, surroundings.
“Morning,” she mumbled and smiled as she spotted Savannah in the kitchen, putting some croissants in the oven.
“Morning, sleepyhead,” Savannah laughed and walked over to her. “Did you sleep okay?”
“Yeah. Yeah, I did,” Bethany replied honestly. In fact, it was the first morning since she had found out about Savannah’s disease that she truly felt rested. “You?”
“Yup. I made a list last night.”
Bethany immediately felt wide awake, sat up, and dropped the blanket to the floor.
“Awesome, let me see it!”
“I’ll show you over breakfast,” Savannah told her and headed back to the kitchen counter to squeeze a few oranges.
It was unusual for Savannah to prepare breakfast. In all those years they had been dating, Savannah had always been the one to sleep late and hide in bed until Bethany would finally wake her up and drag her to the breakfast table. Still, she couldn’t deny that she liked waking up to a domesticated Savannah in the kitchen.
Bethany got up and turned on the radio. She liked the song that was playing and couldn’t stop herself from dancing into the kitchen—music always had that effect on her.
“So, how long have you been up? You look so fresh and showered and…awake.” Bethany grinned.
“A little while.” Savannah smiled, put the remaining few items on the table, and motioned to Bethany to take a seat.
“Three sugars?”
“Yes, please,” Bethany nodded as Savannah poured the coffee into her mug.
Savannah finally sat down across from her and put the steaming croissants on the table. They filled the room with the smell of freshly baked dough. A perfect start to a probably not-so-perfect day. Bethany would worry about that later.
