Hold My Hand

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Hold My Hand Page 12

by AC Oswald


  She kept reading, when suddenly she felt a knot in her chest.

  15. Swim with a dolphin.

  16. Kiss underneath a rainbow.

  17. Kiss in front of the Eiffel Tower.

  (Those were dreams they used to have together, weren’t they?)

  18. See the July 4th fireworks on a helicopter with the woman I love.

  Bethany swallowed.

  19. Go to Machu Picchu.

  20. Have a girls’ night out with the Trashy Triplets.

  She felt herself tear up. To anyone else, this list would probably seem insignificant, but Bethany knew what it meant. She knew what every single word meant. And she knew how alone Savannah must have been feeling.

  She wanted to see their friend Joan again before she died. The three of them used to call themselves the Trashy Triplets back in high school because they were inseparable.

  She knew Savannah wanted to do all these romantic things and probably felt silly asking for them. Bethany wished she could hug her right this second.

  21. Apologize to my parents.

  22. Talk to my grandmother one more time.

  Bethany’s thumb was running along the paper, and she could see it was wavy at some spots where it had gotten wet and where the ink was slightly smeared. She knew tears must have fallen on it and she was doing her best not to add any of her own.

  She could see there was supposed to be one more point. It started with a B, but then Savannah must have stopped writing.

  B? What did she want to say?

  Whatever it was, it was probably what had made her rip up the list in the end. It was probably the final wish that Savannah knew she didn’t want to ask for.

  Part of her felt mad. Well, maybe not mad. Sad. Sad that Savannah would have kept this from her. That she would have decided to go through with those entirely unimportant wishes just because she was too proud or too embarrassed to admit what she really wanted.

  Bethany shook her head, not letting go of the piece of paper in her hands that suddenly meant the world to her.

  “No,” she mumbled. “No, Savannah Cortez. I won’t let you get away that easily.”

  And with that, she was out of the apartment.

  Savannah’s eyes widened at the sound of someone hammering against her door.

  “Open!” She heard a familiar voice yell from outside. She frowned.

  “Beth?” she asked, confused. Savannah opened the door to let her friend storm inside. “What’s wrong?” Savannah asked. “Did something happen?”

  “Yes. Yes, something happened,” Bethany told her, out of breath.

  Savannah had to grin at the sight of Bethany’s dirty clothes.

  “Somehow you always manage to ruin my shirts, don’t you?” she said. “What did you fall into?”

  “I fell into your garbage, Savannah.”

  “Um, okay?” What was this all about? “And what did Amber say?”

  “We’ll talk about that later.”

  “All right. What else do you want to talk about?”

  Savannah couldn’t help but feel a little worried. She wasn’t able to analyze the expression on Bethany’s face. She looked a little stressed out and also a little angry? Did Amber say anything to her? Had she done something wrong? She couldn’t think of anything.

  “I want to talk about why you’re acting so stupid, Savannah.”

  “Excuse me?” Savannah blurted out, not understanding the world anymore. “What on earth did I do?”

  Bethany didn’t say anything, just put the list on the table forcefully.

  “Oh my God. How did you…” Savannah shook her head. She felt the heat rise in her body, felt her cheeks turn red. This couldn’t be true. This was scary. How high were the chances of Bethany finding it? Next to nothing!

  “It doesn’t really matter how. What matters is that you would rather visit a firefighter memorial museum with me than do the things that are really important to you. What the hell were you thinking?”

  “I don’t know, what was I thinking?” Savannah looked away. “This was just a silly first draft, Beth. Silly things that can’t come true anyways. I wasn’t thinking straight.”

  “You obviously weren’t when you decided to rip up this thing and throw it away,” Bethany concluded, her voice still upset.

  “You weren’t supposed to see this,” Savannah murmured.

  Bethany put her hand on her hip, a challenging look on her face. “I wasn’t supposed to see what you really want your life to look like? I wasn’t supposed to see what you feel? I wasn’t supposed to see what would make you happy? Explain that logic to me, please—but oh wait, don’t! Because it’s the same logic you used when you decided to break up with me and not tell me that you’re sick. It’s the same damn logic—and here I was, thinking we were past this!”

  Savannah felt guilty, but what was she supposed to tell her? Was she supposed to tell her that basically every point on that list was missing a with you at the end? Let go of a floating lantern and make a wish with you? Wish that we’ll be together forever? Paint my front door red because it’s what your favourite couple on One Tree Hill did—and I thought I’d do the same for you? Kiss you in front of the Eiffel Tower? Spend the night at an aquarium with you? Get a pink Christmas tree because you always wanted one and I never allowed it? The list basically screamed “be with me!”

  Oh screw this, she didn’t want to cry again. “I’m sorry,” she said instead.

  Bethany took a step closer. “Savannah,” she whispered and took her hand. “Don’t think I don’t understand what it means. Because I do. And I want all of this. I want to do all of this with you.” She smiled. “Even if some of those things are illegal, I think?”

  A smile tugged at Savannah’s lips. “A few of those points are impossible, though.”

  “Nothing is impossible,” Bethany corrected her and shook her head. “We’ll make it possible.” With that, she let a bag drop on the table.

  “What’s this?” Savannah asked carefully before peeking inside. What she saw made her laugh.

  Cherries.

  “Oh dear,” Savannah mumbled and put the little red fruit on a plate.

  “It was the only thing I could still make possible tonight,” Bethany explained. “It can’t be that hard, can it?” she grinned.

  Savannah shook her head. “We better start trying.”

  Three hours later, both of them were sitting on the floor, surrounded by cherry pits, their bellies hurting from all the laughter and all the fruit.

  “Look! It totally counts!” Savannah insisted as she held up a rather pathetic looking “knot” in the stem.

  “Yeah, I think that’s okay.” Bethany chuckled.

  “Oh screw this, I’m sure my tongue’s gonna hurt in the morning. It’s not used to that much action anymore,” Savannah added with a wink.

  Bethany was looking at her, and Savannah thought she could see her blush. She looked adorable. Somehow her legs had ended up on Bethany’s lap during the whole cherry debacle, and she felt a sudden wave of heat rush through her body. Bethany made her so happy. And she still didn’t know what had gone down with Amber today.

  “So, are you gonna tell me what happened today?” Savannah asked carefully.

  Instantly, Bethany looked down at her lap. Her hands were resting on Savannah’s jeans. “It’s over,” she said slowly, and Savannah was glad she was done eating cherries, or she probably would have choked on one of the pits.

  “Over? Oh my God. Beth, I am so sorry. I don’t know what to say. Are you okay?” She wasn’t sorry that Amber was gone. She wasn’t sorry that Bethany wasn’t going to sleep with another woman every night anymore. But she was sorry for her. She didn’t want her to hurt. It was the last thing she wanted.

&
nbsp; Bethany looked at her, and she could see the sadness in her eyes. “I’m okay as long as I’m with you,” Bethany admitted, and Savannah closed her eyes at those words.

  “I’ll be okay as long as I have you. But I don’t know what will happen after that.”

  Savannah swallowed. It would always be like this, wouldn’t it? These extreme mood swings. From lying on the floor, laughing, to lying on the floor, crying. She could feel Bethany’s hand lying heavily on her leg. She could feel her eyes drilling into her. She didn’t know what to do. She knew what she wanted to do, but it wasn’t right to do it, was it? Not right after their breakup.

  They were staring at each other, and Savannah felt the tension in every fiber of her body. All she needed to do was lean over. They were already so close. All it would take was a few inches, and she would feel her. Her gaze lingered on Bethany, on her lips, then up to those clear blue eyes. It made Savannah shiver.

  “I’m always here for you. You know that, right? As long as I can be,” she whispered.

  “Yes, I know. It’s one of the few things I know for sure.” Bethany was squeezing Savannah’s leg and smiled at her when suddenly someone started knocking at the door.

  “What the fuck?” Savannah looked at Bethany questioningly. “That’s not Amber, is it?”

  “God no, I doubt it,” Bethany replied. They both scrambled to their feet. Savannah moved over to the door and opened it to see who the annoying intruder was.

  “Mrs. McPherson,” she said, confused. “What are you doing here?”

  “Where is your girlfriend?” the elderly woman asked angrily.

  “I don’t have a g—”

  “I’m here,” Bethany interrupted her and softly pushed Savannah aside.

  “You said you would scrub the hallway. You promised me. And look at it—it’s still a complete mess. I am not going to clean up those disgusting pudding stains and whatever else you left there, Bethany. I am not your cleaning lady!”

  Bethany sighed and gave Savannah an apologetic look. “I’ll be right back, okay?”

  Savannah nodded. She smiled sympathetically as she was stroking Bethany’s arm. “Okay. Do you need help?”

  “No, I’ve got it. But I expect to find a perfect knot when I come back,” she told her with a wink.

  Savannah laughed. She closed the door behind Bethany and examined the mess on the living room floor. This was why she loved her. She missed it. The chaos.

  She walked over to the table and looked at the battered list before taking a pen and the Polaroid camera. She smiled as she took a picture of the little knot and shook it until the image showed up. She glued it into her book carefully before writing another number next to it.

  2. Learn to tie a knot in a cherry stem, using only my tongue—check.

  Chapter 9

  She first looked at herself in the mirror, then at her watch, then back at her reflection.

  “Do we really need the leather gloves, Beth?” Savannah asked. Bethany was throwing a bunch of things into her black backpack.

  “Do you want to leave fingerprints?” Bethany asked without waiting for an answer. “Of course we need them!”

  Savannah frowned and straightened her tight black sweatshirt over her equally tight black leggings. Her makeup was dark for dramatic flair. Bethany had suggested wearing Catwoman masks, but Savannah had told her this might be going a step too far.

  It was 2:00 a.m., and the streets were empty when they stepped out of the house, careful not to make any noise in the hallway. Bethany was about to walk straight to her car when Savannah grabbed her arm.

  “You insist on wearing leather gloves, but then you want to take the car? Where do you want to park it without being noticed? In the garage? Or do you plan to switch it for the bus and leave it there until we come back?”

  Bethany’s eyes widened as she took in Savannah’s words, and Savannah had to chuckle.

  “You’re cute.”

  Their destination wasn’t too far away, so Bethany and Savannah walked in the cool November air. Even though they had spent every day together in the past two weeks, planning to steal the school bus tonight had been rather spontaneous. Bethany had insisted that they do it tonight, even though Savannah was still trying to convince her friend that she shouldn’t commit any crimes and possibly get in trouble for her stupid bucket list.

  Savannah had suggested they wait until the very end with this particular wish, because it would be hard to finish the bucket list in jail—but once again Bethany’s answer was, “Trust me.”

  And Savannah did trust her. She always had. They finally arrived at the huge garage where the school buses were kept, and Savannah swallowed. This was a bad idea, wasn’t it?

  “How are we going to get in, Beth? Do you have anything in your bag to crack open locks? Should we break a window? Wait in the bushes until someone magically shows up and unlocks the gate?”

  “Um…” Bethany mumbled, chewing on her bottom lip. “Wait here and let me handle that.” Then she ran to the other side of the garage.

  “Hey!” Savannah hissed. “You can’t leave me here!”

  She tried to keep up, but Bethany was much faster than her, and Savannah quickly felt out of breath. When she finally arrived at the rear of the garage, Bethany was holding a window open with a triumphant smile.

  “How on earth did you do that?” Savannah gave Bethany a dubious glare.

  Bethany winked and climbed through the small window into the garage. She landed safely on her feet and turned around, grinning.

  She held her arms open. “Jump! I’ll catch you,” she whispered.

  Savannah still felt dubious but finally let out a sigh as she let her body slide off the edge of the window and landed in Bethany’s arms.

  They stumbled backward a little as Savannah’s feet hit the ground, but Bethany had her arms wrapped securely around her. They stood like that for a moment, smiling shyly, and then Bethany finally let Savannah out of her embrace.

  “That wasn’t so hard, was it?” she said.

  “I can’t believe we’re doing this,” Savannah mumbled, though she had to admit the whole experience was thrilling. Pretty much exactly how she had always pictured it.

  Savannah had always imagined herself to be the one plotting this adventure, but as it turned out, Bethany was—once again—full of surprises.

  She looked around the hall to examine the five big yellow buses with a smirk.

  “So, which one is it gonna be?” she asked while slowly taking a step closer to one of the vehicles.

  “I think this one looks—”

  “That one!” Bethany interrupted her and headed straight to the bus standing at the far end of the hall.

  “Uh, okay.” Savannah followed her. Bethany had already opened the passenger side door to hop inside. She held out her hand to help Savannah climb into the bus next to her, and they both stared at the steering wheel a little helplessly.

  “I think it’s time to start the engine, Savy. Think our YouTube crash course on how to start a car without keys was actually helpful?”

  Savannah nodded. “Two of my cousins are in jail for stealing cars. I guess it can’t be that hard.” She looked underneath the steering wheel. Then she tried to remove the plastic shield that was protecting the electronics. “So let’s play a bit with these wires to cause a short circuit, and this baby will be ours in no time!”

  Bethany stared at Savannah and started chewing on her lower lip.

  “Savy?”

  “Hm?”

  “Isn’t this, like…dangerous? What if you get electrocuted?”

  “Nah,” Savannah waved her off before kneeling on the bus’s floor to grab the wires. She was just about to put the two ends together when Bethany grabbed her shoulder.

  “
Stop!” she yelled, her face pale.

  “What?” Savannah asked. “We have to. How else do you want to get this thing out of here? Push it? Steal a few horses and turn this into a big yellow carriage?” She loved Bethany, but they could forget the whole thing if they didn’t get this engine running very soon.

  “That’d be really cute,” Bethany smiled. “But no, we could just…” She cleared her throat before putting her hand into the pocket of her jacket. “We could just take the key?” She pulled out a set of car keys.

  Savannah stared at her like a deer in headlights. “What’s that? Where did you get those?”

  “I, um, well, found them? I guess?”

  Savannah shook her head. “You’re the worst liar ever, Beth. Seriously. Where did you get them?”

  “I talked one of the drivers into lending me one for today. That’s why it couldn’t be any other day, because the school is on holiday.” Bethany looked guilty. “Are you mad?”

  Savannah sighed. “You could have told me. Did he also leave the garage window open for you?”

  Bethany nodded and shifted awkwardly. “I wanted it to look like we really stole it.” She pouted. “But I also didn’t want you to get arrested. Or fried.” She pointed at the wires.

  “I can’t believe they actually let you borrow a bus, though,” Savannah said. “That’s crazy. What did you pay them?”

  “Nothing,” Bethany replied casually. “I can be very persuasive.” She shrugged.

  For a moment, Savannah was worried Bethany might have, well, impressed the guy with her female charms, and she cringed uncomfortably at the image. Then another thought hit her.

  She had been honest, hadn’t she? Bethany hated lying. She had probably told those people that it was the last wish of her dying friend, and they had pitied her, right? This was no bus-stealing adventure. This was a goddamn pity party. A charity event. Savannah felt a lump in her throat.

  “You really are mad,” Bethany said softly, and Savannah felt her insides turn mushy at the sound of her sad voice.

 

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