by JK Ensley
His words made her heart jump and the memories of their days together washed over her like a tide. Back when her past was still forgotten and her heart was free to give, the feelings this man stirred within her were the things that made life worth the living.
Instantly, she was lost to this rare, magical warrior once more, the way she had been when her tongue first touched his delicious flesh.
My dearest Finnean, I gave you my heart and laid claim to yours. I never wish it to be any other way. No matter who waits on me now, you own me, my love. Since the day I lost my color, I have been yours and yours alone. These words ran through her mind, but she dared not give them voice.
He had sworn to keep his distance and seemed happy in his vow. It was wrong for her to tempt or press him in this matter. She swore in her heart never to be a burden unto him. And she wouldn’t go back on that, not ever.
I would do anything to make him smile, she thought. I’d pull down the stars and lay them at his feet. I would petition heaven for a layer of our very own, if he so wished it. I would face the pits of hell with a smile on my face, and stand against every demon locked within them… if I knew it would make this wonderful man happy. And causing him grief such as this is anything but joyous.
Only when Allina cleared her throat, did Jenevier realize she had balled Finnean’s tunic up in her clenched fist, white knuckles keeping the beautiful warrior pulled up against her. And there they stood. Eyes closed, their lips only a breath apart, lost in this succulent closeness. Feeling each other’s heartbeat race wildly between them, they breathed in the other’s intoxicating scent.
Even though her pale cheeks gave no sign of it, she blushed, quickly glancing at her new friends, who were trying desperately not to notice what was happening right beside them.
“Apologies, white warrior,” she said. “Forgive me, Finnean. I will be good. I promise,” she whispered as she stepped around him and picked up her pace, heading on toward the castle.
Jenevier didn’t look back. She didn’t see the gulf of sadness, the heartrending pain, or the bitter disappointment now evident in her beautiful husband’s icy blue eyes.
But Allina saw. Saw the great pain that engulfed Jenevier, and its equal stab clean through Finnean’s pure heart. Her soul cried within her.
*****
Jenevier’s smile was strained as she entered the great dining hall and pleasantly greeted her new family.
“Hello, Father. You look as handsome as ever.” She kissed both his cheeks before taking her proffered seat. “For the life of me, I will never understand why you guard your noble heart from all these lovely young women.”
The King pushed her chair in and bent down to whisper, “One day, wee moon, I’ll fill you in on this old heart of mine. But as for now, it’s too full. I have no room for any woman save you, my wee Princess.” He turned to see Finnean as he entered. “Good Hand, may I have a moment of your time?” Brodder said as he headed toward the council room.
The two men left the hall just as the servants arrived with overflowing platters of delicious smelling fare.
“Something is amiss,” Brodder said as the door closed. “Do not deny it and don’t you dare bear false tongue to me, Lad. Tell me. Why has the light gone out in your rare eyes and why is there a shadow over my only daughter’s lovely smile?”
“Sire, please… do not ask me to give it voice. I cannot,” Finnean said, avoiding the King’s piercing gaze.
“Speak, Finnean,” he demanded.
“Bloody hell, Brodder. What do you want to hear? That I felt guilty for forcing the only woman I could ever love into marrying me? Or that I swore a vow not to lay a hand upon her as long as she stayed by my side? Take your choice. Either one rends my heart and hangs weights upon my wretched soul.”
Brodder could only stare at his teary-eyed general. “What’re you saying, Lad? That you promised not to touch her, not to kiss her or hold her in your arms? And she… she agreed to this?”
“She spoke neither yea nor nay. I simply made a promise.” Finnean sighed wearily. “I did not ask her consent or denial… and she offered none.”
“When you stood by her side in the wilderness, your destiny was set. As was hers,” Brodder said. “Forget everything you think you know. That beautiful creature in there fell upon this layer for you, Finnean. How she came to fall isn’t the magic that matters. Why she came to fall… now there’s where the true enchantment lies. Don’t act as if you do not know that of which I speak. You know. You felt it. Hell, we all felt it. No matter who was or is in her heart, old friend, you two are meant for each other. It’s as true as the snow upon your fair head. Listen to me, boy. Remember your wedding vows—”
“I am remembering them,” Finnean snapped, cutting him off. “Do you think this is easy for me? Do you think it ever crossed my mind that the only way I could keep my beloved wife was to deny myself her touch? Deny her my love? But if I do this thing, if I force my desires upon her when her heart beats for another… then… I will lose her forever. I’ll do anything to make sure that doesn’t happen, anything to ensure I can always stay by her side. You listen to me. I will do anything, and I mean anything, to make her happy. As long as I can look upon her sleeping face, as long as I’m the first one to see her rise in the morn, I will count myself beyond blessed. I will not tempt Fate by wishing for more. As long as she smiles, as long as she is happy… I will be, too.”
The King only shook his head. “Finnean, my good lad, Gealach isn’t happy.” He started back toward the dining hall. “Just look into those big black eyes and you will plainly see the truth for yourself. She was happy when you picked rose petals with her. She was happy when you held her hand and played with her curls. She was even happy when you fought with her in the biting wind on that fateful night. She was happy because of you, Finnean. Because of your passion, your fire, your touch… all the things you have sworn to withhold from her now. Look into her eyes, Lad. Sorrow now lives where only happiness used to dance. Take care with her, white warrior. She is too rare a treasure to lose, too great a blessing to deny. Be mindful you don’t bind things that should have never been bound. You are too much alike, the two of you. She will uphold your vow of chastity because that’s what she believes you want her to do. She will deny her heart to see to yours. Take care you do not destroy each other in your quest to make the other one happy.”
*****
Finnean stood afar, staring at all the smiling faces surrounding the great table, their jovial laughter falling like lead upon his heavy heart.
If she wished me to touch her, he thought. She would not recoil when we’re alone. She clung to me on the way here, held to my clothing, melted against me. I thought my heart would burst. Yet when we’re alone, she jumps and trembles every time I but touch her flesh. If she welcomed my love… she would not withdraw.
Anger swelled in him as he watched Gráda casually take the seat beside her, touching her hand, brushing back her curls, effortlessly making her laugh as he whispered in her ear and refilled her goblet.
Finnean wasn’t the only one to witness this intimate exchange. Drostan stood to the side, unnoticed by the partiers, smiling as he watched the ghostly woman he hated being wooed by the honored general of the second rank.
Gráda was always so sly, Drostan thought. No man can keep a secret like he can. That man knows things we should all be grateful never see the light of day. And yet, never have I seen him so smitten, not truly. He’s a master at playing with people, so charming as he toys with them, gleaning hidden things, information not meant for his ears. Even the Silver Witch with all her accursed magic, didn’t hold such power over that valiant knight… as does the strange little Angel lass he’s now fawning over. Once that great warrior catches a scent, he’s like a rabid dog with a juicy bone. He’ll not be easily swayed from his target. The snow Prince better not stray too far from his milky Princess, lest another’s lips press against her neglected neck. He chuckled softly as he made his way back to
the kitchen.
*****
The feel of his hand was comforting, warm against her lower back as he gently guided her toward their room, leaving the waning party marking the second night of their marriage feast.
Finnean lightly kissed her bared shoulder as he closed the door. She flinched from the tender contact, a tiny squeak escaping.
“Fret not, wee Gealach. I would never hurt you.” He slid his arms around her from behind. “Aye, Lass, you tremble as a leaf in the wind. Do you fear me? Are you scared to be alone with me? Is it because I let my scorned heart get the better of me that night? Is it because I struck your pale lips? Forgive me… please. I will never—”
“There is nothing to forgive, my love,” she whispered. “I could never hold ill in my heart toward you, Lord Finnean.”
“Then what is it, Princess? Don’t you trust me? Or does my touch repulse you?”
“N-no, of course not,” she whispered. “Always have you touched me… and always have I loved it, been wholly comforted by it.”
“You’re still in shock.” He kissed the side of her head. “Nothing has changed in my heart concerning you, Princess. It is the same for me as the morning we picked those lovely rose petals, the same day you told Brodder my intentions concerning you. But you, Lass… you are changed, very nearly a different person. Now that your past has been restored, there is so much more to you. So much more to learn and to love. All is well, wee moon. I know you did not intend this to happen when you returned here.” He squeezed her just a little tighter. “You will never know how thankful I am you didn’t run from the castle, screaming.” He turned her around, lifting her chin, forcing her downcast gaze to meet his. “Look at me, beautiful lady. As I have said, I have no intention of making you fulfill this part of our marriage. Do not react so, my wee rabbit. Do not act as if my touch is laced with lava. Let me caress you with the assurance I will never press you into making love. I will never cross that carnal line. Gealach, I am blissfully happy just being near you.”
Her face flushed from his soft touch and tender words, even though the crimson evidence remained hidden beneath her milky complexion.
He held her face in his hands, affectionately stroking her cheeks with his thumbs, staring into her snowflake eyes. He saw the sadness his King had mentioned. It broke his heart.
“Gealach, you either recoil, cry out, or begin to shake every time we’re like this,” he whispered, pain clearly straining his voice. “Yet when Gráda casually caressed you in a way I can only dream about, his touch brought your smiles and laughter. Do you have any idea how that felt? I want to be the man who makes you happy, fair Princess. Not the one who makes you tremble. What happened to us, wee lamb?”
His sweet smile was so tender, so loving; it brought tears to her eyes.
She could no longer hold his intense gaze. She laid her head against his chest and clung to his clothing.
It’s because I crave your touch, my love, she thought. I react so with you because I long for your touch, yet I cannot have you. No matter how badly I desire you, you will always refrain.
Finnean tenderly stroked her hair, and then pried her fingers from his shirt before walking away. She felt so tiny, so cold and alone.
“You are weary, little moon.” He handed her another one of his tunics. “Now change out of that lovely new dress and let me hold you while you sleep.”
“Will you sing for me again?” She held her breath, hoping. “When you did, I slept like a babe in your arms, Milord.”
He chuckled. “Aye, that I will, Lass. And by command of the King, no less. He has sworn to remove my tongue if ever I deny you.”
She nervously climbed into bed and curled up facing the wall. Finnean lay down behind her and began humming as he pulled her dull silver curls back from her face.
His voice was even more beautiful than was Brodder’s. She placed her arm over his at her waist and smiled softly as the familiar little lullaby rocked her peacefully to sleep.
And so ended the second day of their new life… together, but horribly, painfully alone.
*****
Jenevier woke to the smell of rose tea.
Opening her eyes, she was blessed with the handsome vision of the valiant man she had claimed as her own.
“I didn’t think it possible.” He held out his hand, helping her to sit up. “But you are even more beautiful when you sleep.”
She yawned. “You jest, Lord Finnean. You know in your heart, as well you should, you are far more beautiful than I.” She took a long sip of the delicious smelling tea.
“Aye now, is that right?” he said, smiling. “Well then, if we both feel thusly, we shall never tire of looking at the other.”
Her eyes went wide. “Oh, Finnean. This tea is wonderful. Did you make it?”
“Aye, Lass. I have made it every day since you left.” His cheeks flushed red. “I was hoping it would please you. I knew one day you would find your way back here. And, well… I wanted to make you smile.”
She stared at him, unspeaking. He didn’t flinch, yet held her adoring gaze. In that moment, she fell in love with him all over again.
“Are you perfect?” she whispered, amazed.
“Why yes, I am.” He yanked one of her tangled curls. “So good of you to finally notice, Milady.”
She giggled. “Can I have some more, please?”
He refilled her cup. “Anything the lovely Princess desires.”
She closed her eyes, savoring the sweet flavor.
“Anything?” she asked with a smile.
He cocked one snow white eyebrow. “Well, anything within reason, wee rabbit.”
She giggled again. “Then teach me how to hunt, Lord Finnean. Please,” she begged.
“Aye, Lass. Now why in the world would you be wanting me to teach you such a thing as that?” he teased. “Are you not the greatest hunter ever made?”
She grabbed his hand, gently squeezing. The simple action caused his chest to tighten painfully.
“You were gone all day yesterday,” she softly whispered. “I want to go with you, Finnean. I want to remain always by your side. And…” She looked down, thankful he couldn’t see the fire she could feel burning in her cheeks. “I wish to know how to use your bow. Will you teach me?”
“Aye, a man’s bow is an extremely personal thing, Lass. You’ll not be getting your grubby wee paws on it so easily.”
The playful side of this fierce warrior thrilled her more than she had anticipated.
She pretended to pout. “But Father said you were to spend day and night pleasing me.”
“Aye, my wee darling, that he did. He also said it went both ways. Did he not?”
Her tone turned serious, as did the look in her eyes. She was no longer teasing. “Tell me what it is you wish for, dear husband. Share with me your true thoughts. I want to make you happy, Finnean. I want that more than I ever realized. More than I ever dreamed possible.”
His chest tightened again. He never imagined mere words could make his heart swell to bursting.
She gently took his other hand, pulling back his full attention. “Tell me, please,” she whispered. “Tell me what you wish of me.”
“Smile, Lass.” He tucked her hair behind her ear. “The only thing in this life truly capable of making me happy… is your smile. If I can keep a smile on your lovely face, Gealach, I could want for nothing more.” He tried to catch the many tears now spilling down her cheeks. “Aye now, I said smile, Lass. Not cry.”
She threw her arms around his neck and gave in to the joyous flow.
And he let her. Let every beautiful tear fall lovingly upon his tender heart. Never had he felt so loved.
*****
“Notch it, like so. Aye, just like that. Now pull it back… easy… all the way to your cheek. Make it so that your thumb can easily tickle your own ear,” he whispered. “Aye, like that. No, don’t close your eye, Gealach. Keep both eyes open. A one-eyed archer is half blind.”
He
gently poked her ribs, and gave her a quick peck on the cheek when she jumped. Then he was blessed with his favorite sound in the world, her giggles.
“Now, when you have it lined up,” he said, as he placed one hand upon her hip and helped straighten her arm with the other. “Gently now… Aye, that’s good. And… release.”
She had it lined up just fine, but she was tense, a big bundle of nerves. Jenevier’s mind kept telling her fingers to relax, but they refused to obey.
“Calm down, Little Fire,” Finnean whispered close to her ear, his nose lightly grazing her there.
His warm breath soothed her, made the knots in her shoulders ease away.
He stayed close to her, his mouth at her ear, his hand lightly upon her hip. “Aye, that’s much better, my wee Dragon. Take a deep breath. And then slowly release it. Now… loose.”
She did. The arrow flew wide the target.
“Like that?” she asked breathlessly, heady with his warmth, with his enticing scent.
“Well, hitting the mark is the goal, wee moon,” he said with a slight chuckle. “But your form is nice.” He squeezed her hip where his hand had been resting. “A more desirous form I have never laid eyes upon.” He kissed her cheek again. “Once more, Lass. Then you must retrieve the arrows. Do it quickly and I’ll reward you with a snack.”
*****
They sat upon a blanket, eating the meal he had lovingly prepared. She stared at his profile, at his glistening hair and perfect cheek bones.
Why are some men formed so beautifully? I would kill for eyelashes like those, she thought.
When she giggled to herself, he turned to look at her.
“What’s this?” he said teasingly. “Aye, Lass, did I catch you admiring me? Tell me, wee moon. Did you just fall in love with me all over again?”
