by Chris Flynn
We all lay there for a bit and I had to roll over onto my stomach to hide the bulge in my trunks, there wasn’t much room in there for the aul fella. Katelijn’s bikini was one of those ones with just a patch of material at the front and the back, tied together at the sides by two wee pieces of string. Eva was lying between the two of us so I couldn’t see her all that well and had to keep sitting up, pretending to stare out to sea or something but squinting to get a gander out the side of my sunglasses.
Youse two have got nice tans, I says, trying to make conversation and thinking what a load of aul shite.
Yeah thanks, Katelijn goes, but they’re not all over. Every time I’m in the shower I see this white triangle staring up at me and think it’s stupid.
Sure I’m the same, I says, and pulls down the side of my trunks to show them the white band on my skin, the aul knob had calmed himself by this stage. It was a bit flirtatious but I actually agreed with her. It was dumb as fuck being tan all over except round your bollocks and that. As if that part of a man doesn’t look stupid enough.
Oh good, she goes, so you don’t mind if I go naked?
Stupidest fucking question I ever heard, like.
Aye, go ahead, I says, acting like my heart wasn’t pumping in my chest, doesn’t bother me like.
I tried my best not to watch with my tongue hanging out as she untied the bikini at both sides and pulled it out from under her. She smiled at me as if she was saying what do you fucking think of that then, boyo. Fuck me, I could feel my knob pulsing in my shorts, it was like let me at her for fuck sake. She had a wee strip of blonde hair down there that stopped just above her slit, which you could just see the top of. Christ, it was the most gorgeous fucking sight in the world. I had to lie down so I couldn’t see it, even though I could hear the wee thing calling to me.
After a bit Katelijn sat up and said she was going for a swim and did we want to come in with her. Eva just shook her head and I goes, aye in a minute, as I was trying to name all the football teams in the First and Second Divisions just to get my knob to go down. It didn’t help watching her walk down to the water’s edge all naked and that. She was fit as fuck.
Once she was in the sea I started to calm down as all I could see was her head. Satisfied that the big fella downstairs was in a fit state to be seen in public, I pulled my trunks off and sat up on my knees. I still had a bit of a semi but it was on the way down rather than on the way up. Still, I could feel Eva copping an eyeful from under her sunglasses.
Your ass is white, she laughed.
I wiggled it for her and she laughed a bit more. You coming in for a dip, I says.
Nah, she goes, I’ll wait until you two get back.
Fair enough, I goes, wondering what she had under her own bikini bottoms.
I padded down to the water, feeling a bit weird walking naked on the beach. I waded in until the sea lapped at my balls. Katelijn swam over and stood up, droplets flying off her hair and tits.
It’s cold but you have to plunge right in, she says, eyes all wide and excited at the sight of me standing there in the buff, my cock flopping against my leg and still a bit bigger than normal. I’m not a bad aul swimmer so I dived forward into the next wave it was quite refreshing actually. I’ve no bother opening my eyes under the water too though most people need goggles and that. It was shallow and I could see the bottom dead easy. There was loads of wee fish darting about doing their business.
I could see Katelijn’s legs so I headed towards her and grabbed her ankle just messing around like. I popped up out of the water right in front of her and she squealed but next thing you know she had her arms around my neck and was pushing up against me. She put the lips on me then and I gave her a good aul snog, she tasted all salty from the water but it was all right so it was, her tongue flicked in and out of my mouth like one of those wee fish.
I’d never done it in the sea before, I wasn’t even sure you could as the waves kept knocking us about. I could feel Katelijn’s nips poking me in the chest like a couple of wasps trying to get out of a jam jar so I grabbed her tits and rolled her nips in my fingers. She pressed her mouth into me even harder for a minute then broke away and splashed back in the water.
You’re keen, I says, trying to grab her again.
I need sex really badly right now, she goes.
Aye, well you’ve come to the right place, I says, sure I’ll sort you out no problem.
God, you’re the sexiest man I’ve seen in ages, she goes.
Well thanks very much, I says, but that’s not saying much if the only other men you’ve seen lately were those wankers in the park.
Can I tell you something, she says all quiet, promise you won’t say anything to Eva.
Course, I goes, sure what is it, don’t tell us you used to be a man or something.
No, nothing like that, she says, God those men they were really unattractive and everything, I mean I’d never go with any of them but it actually really turned me on seeing them do that. Just the idea that as soon as they saw me it made them so horny they had to masturbate straightaway, there’s something incredibly sexy about it.
Aye, well I started to get hard as soon as I sat down next to you at breakfast this morning, I says to her, sure you must have that effect on men all the time.
She liked that and she goes, are you hard right now, Billy?
Course I am, I says, sure I only have to look at you, you’re a fucking beautiful woman, what man wouldn’t go mad for you?
She swum back over to me then and gave me a wee kiss on the lips but not too much like. She had one hand around my neck and was looking into my eyes all sort of dreamy when she put her other hand around my knob under the water and started stroking it. I kept trying to put the lips on her but she’d pull back, she just wanted to watch the expression on my face while she rubbed my cock. It was just getting good when she let go and swam away, laughing all evil.
Where you going, I says, back to the beach to see if I can get my white bits tan, she goes. Aye right, brilliant, I says, I’ll be there in a minute. She had me all rampant, sure I was ready to bend her over solid but it was a bit funny with Eva being there and all, sure she hadn’t said much and I didn’t want to jinx the whole thing. So I waited for a bit and did a bit of swimming to try and take my mind off of her. Eventually the aul knob went down again. I felt sorry for him, he was up and down like a fucking yo-yo but I didn’t mind so much ‘cos I knew sometimes when that happens and you finally do get your rocks off it’s a fucking good one.
I started to get cold so I went back in, striding up the sand balls to the wind like I couldn’t give a fuck who saw me. It was pretty good actually, I could go for the aul nudist beach after all. Katelijn was lying on her front wearing nothing but her sunglasses. Her legs was open a wee bit and I could see her fanny lips but it didn’t bother me none, I just flopped down on my towel and put my Ray-Bans on like this was something I did every day. Sure you’ve seen one you’ve seen them all pretty much, even though they’re all a wee bit different. It’s not like she had something extra other women didn’t have, though I knew I’d be investigating up close pretty fucking sharpish like.
Eva says something in the Dutch and gets up then to go for a swim. She still had her bikini bottoms on. Her arse had a bit of a wobble to it but she was all woman, you know. Anyway, she dives into the waves and starts powering out really far until she reaches the calm water and then just floats on her back sure she had plenty to keep her up, like my da used to say she’s got a great set of lungs on her.
Me and Katelijn wasted no time after that. She rolled over onto her back and spread her legs so’s I could see everything. I couldn’t tell if she was wet from the sea or from the excitement of it all but I dived in straightaway. I reaches into my shirt for the flunky and tears it open.
Oh, you just made my day, Katelijn goes. She positions herself on all fours on her towel, arse in the air and puts two fingers between her legs to spread her sticky wee fanny lips ope
n for me. Fuck me really hard, she says. Aye, can do, I goes, brace yourself love, here I come.
She was so wet that I could hardly feel nothing. I was ramming her for ages and she was fucking loving it. The sweat was pouring down my back, so it was. She had a wee bit of downy blonde hair on her lower back too and that was all glistening with sweat. It was fucking hot work doing it out in the sun and I was thinking fuck me I wouldn’t mind a wee swim after this, that’d be nice so it would. Beads of sweat were dripping down her back and running down over her arsehole so I stuck my middle finger in there and that was good so it was ‘cos she clenched her fanny real tight then and dug her fingers into the sand.
I was going great guns but I had no feeling like I was going to come anytime soon and even though it was brilliant and I shouldn’t complain my mind started to wander. I was thinking, where am I going to go after I fuck off out of here, maybe head east or something, there’s a couple of nice wee islands you can get to from there, though what’s the point. It would just be more of the same aul hole and Chang probably.
It struck me then as I was pumping away that I was bored as fuck of all this. What a thing to go through your head at a moment like that, sure I never thought I’d see the day but I couldn’t deny I was restless with just wandering around the Thailand. I didn’t like thinking about it but I knew I was a bit lost, I could hardly concentrate on what I was doing. I was carrying the aul Troubles with me and it was only a matter of time before I had to sort myself out, one way or the other.
Sure it wasn’t really a moment for reflection though, not when there’s a Dutch honey squirming away underneath ye gasping and clawing at the sand. She starts giving it the aul yes yes yes ja ja ja and saying something else in the Dutch too ohhh dat ongelooflijk, you didn’t have to be an interpreter to work out she was getting her jollies and it done the job for me too, I just threw my head back and let it go.
There I was my aul knob pulsing away, Katelijn making these little satisfied yelps and who should I spot standing off to one side watching us but Eva. Sure I’d forgot all about her. Her head was cocked to one side like she was studying some strange animals in a nature documentary or something.
Nice sunglasses, she says to me, stepping out of her bikini bottoms.
5
It’s easy to forget the Thais are Buddhists, most of them are anyway, sure I nearly died when the barman tells me what year it was. Here’s me thinking it was 1996 but nah, he goes, it’s 2539 in our calendar. I didn’t know what the fuck he was on about at first but then he says to me, he says the Thailand is 543 years ahead of you.
How’s that, I goes, are youse in the future or something, sure where’s all your jetpacks and that? I couldn’t make no sense of it, sure I just assumed the whole world had the same system. It blew me away, so it did.
When the Thai New Year came up this wee lad helped me and whoever else was staying in the huts to make these wee boat things out of sticks and mud. At midnight you lit a candle and stuck it in your boat, they were only about the size of your hand. Then you had to write down on tiny bits of paper all the things that were bothering you during the past year and that you wanted rid of out of your life. You burned them over the candle and threw the ashes into your boat and went down to the ocean and sent it out into the waves.
It was fucking magic so it was, there were hundreds of wee boats with candles in them drifting out on the water all along the beach where people were doing it. I suppose there was millions of them all around the country. I’d never seen the like of it and it’s a fucking brilliant idea too, getting rid of all your aul problems even if it was just ceremonial or whatever.
I was dead pleased with my boat but when I put it in the water it only went out about five feet or something and then a wave comes in and swamps it. The cunt floated right back to my feet. I looked around and everyone else’s was heading out to sea and I thought fuck me, that’s just my luck so it is, saddled with the same aul fucking problems for another year.
I was getting restless anyway and I was thinking of taking the bull by the horns and fucking off somewhere else for a while even though my options were limited, so they were. After New Year I borrowed one of the aul mopeds and scooted up to the port where they had a couple of shops and a phone line. Sure I needed some more flunkies anyway, just in case mind. I gave Big Jim back home a call just to check in sort of thing and let him know I’d be moving on, he couldn’t really talk, I think he had someone in the office with him and had to watch what he was saying but he gives me a number to write down.
You ‘member Olly, he goes, sure he’s down your way youse two should meet up or something.
The Frenchman who ran all that gear across to Marseille for us, I says, aye the very one Big Jim says, drop him a line Billy, here I’ll have to go but give us a ring next month, you all right for money and that.
I told him I was and said cheerio then went and treated myself to a Mars Bar at the wee shop sure they’re like hen’s teeth and they charge you a fortune for them ‘cos they know all the westerners are dying for a hit of chocolate and it’s not like you can run round to the Spar when you’re on some fucking aul island in the middle of the Andaman Sea.
Olly was this mad French cunt who was an officer in their army and he done us loads of favours, I’membered him so I did, he was all right even though he was a Fenian, so were all the French but when it came to making money he was a smart one and didn’t mind doing business with us Prods. He was in charge of transport or something and always had these wee convoys of trucks scooting about Europe and knew everyone so he did. If we wanted to get drugs or guns or anything dodgy in the slightest from A to B he was our man.
He was only a young lad like twenty or something, he was doing his national service, most of the young ones get it over with and then fuck off out of it but he stayed on and signed up for a couple more years ‘cos he was making so much money and didn’t have to pay for nothing, he had his own digs on some army base down near Lyon. I jawed on the phone with him a couple a times sure his English was brilliant so it was and he was dead funny I’membered.
Why he was down my way, whatever that meant ‘cos for all I knew he could be thousands of miles away in the Philippines or something, I could only imagine. He was probably on the run like me I was thinking and it might be all right meeting up with him ‘cos sure he always had something going on at least I’d be guaranteed a fucking good time and some company with someone who knew the score, like.
It was a bit awkward getting in touch with the fucker sure I had to leave a couple of messages and run back and forth to the phone every day for a week but eventually I got a hold of him and he was chuffed to hear from me, turns out he was in sort of the same predicament I was. He’d done a runner from France with eighty grand in his aul skyrocket and was just knocking around like a beach bum trying to make it last ‘cos he was feared to go back. Sure enough he’d been in the Philippines for ages but now he was next door to me down in Malaysia.
He said he’d been running a bit of resin in Penang but he didn’t trust no one and sure it was the death penalty if you got caught so someone shopping you to the peelers was pretty fucking serious and he was dead paranoid.
I told him I was bored as fuck and he says, let’s meet in the middle and check into the cheapest place you can find on Langkawi I hear it’s nice there, plenty of rich women, except he says it in his French accent so instead of the and there he says ze and zere, you get the picture.
I was glad to be on the move actually so I caught the bus down to Satun pronto like. The ferry over to Langkawi was a bit fancy and there was loads of aul couples on it, I was thinking what the fuck does Olly want to meet up here for but I assumed he was taking the back door out of Penang probably to avoid paying someone, it wouldn’t of surprised me with that cunt.
There was only one cheap joint on Langkawi, sure it was all resorts and that not the sort of place for the likes of me who was used to aul fleapits and shacks half falling into the se
a. It wasn’t even that cheap, to be honest I baulked a bit at handing the money over, I know I’ve got loads but you never know when you need a bit of stake money for a wee job or when you have to buy your way out of a fucking tight corner. The room was no great shakes but there was a lounge for hanging out in, it was all right actually ‘cos the only people staying there were your real independent traveller types, sure you could tell straightaway from the state of them and none of them planned to stay long they were just ticking the island off some list in their Lonely Planet.
Some aul Scottish fella was arguing with a sunburnt English bint about India. She said it was shite and he was pissed off because he’d spent a couple of years there and she’d only been for a fortnight but still, she wouldn’t back down. I could see him eyeballing my tatts and nodding so I guessed he was a Prod for he starts glaring at me for support.
Don’t be looking at me I says to him, sure the closest I ever got to the India was down the takeaway on Chichester Street. Fucking beef madras went through me like a dose of salts, so it did.
The girl laughed, Japanese flag she goes.
What’s that supposed to mean, I says.
You know, she goes, white with a red hole in the middle.
Oh aye, right enough, I goes, laughing a wee bit but thinking fuck sake what sort of thing is that for a woman to say to a man she’s just met, not exactly the romantic type, are you love? I’m sure I was no oil painting myself but both her and the aul fella looked like they could do with a good going over with a scrubbing brush. Sure they had a layer of grime on them. Such is the way of it when you’re travelling on a budget, I suppose.
