by Cari Quinn
It means you’ve been turning away from what’s meant for you.
Aidan took another bracing sip of brandy. No, he was simply picking another direction. He’d decided a long time ago that this was the path he wanted to take. Occasionally forks opened up in the road. Possibilities presented themselves. But no matter what, he wanted to be with Layla. They were on the threshold of their future. All he had to do was wait out what had chased him from Nebraska and make sure it didn’t taint what he had here.
And maybe, just maybe, he needed to cool it with the alley sex shows.
“She’s no one’s possession,” Aidan murmured. “Least of all mine. She’s the best part of me, and I won’t lose her. We belong together.”
“Enough,” Sawyer said, taking the decanter Aidan had reached for without even knowing it. “You’ve hit your limit.”
“Says who?” He was slurring his words, and that fucking pissed him off. “This is my home. My brandy. My—”
“Yes,” Sawyer agreed quietly. “She’s yours. You won’t hear any arguments from me.” He cracked his knuckles, the sound breaking the uneasy silence that descended. “I’m outta here.”
“Spend the night.” His empty glass taunted him, so Aidan shoved it away. “I’ll take the couch. You stay with her.”
Sawyer said nothing, but the weight of his stare drilled a hole into the side of Aidan’s skull. A moment later, he made a low noise of defeat and strode out of the room.
“That went well,” Aidan murmured as the front door slammed shut.
* * * *
“What time should I be there?”
Layla glanced at her Day Planner and shuffled appointments around in her head. Fitting in Trent Jeffries was important. Assuming all went well, he would fill out her roster. He would make up for—
No. Don’t even think about him.
She grasped the phone with her suddenly damp palm. “How’s three thirty?”
“Sounds great, Mrs. Palmer. I’ll see you then.”
“Ms. Palmer. I’m not married.”
“Oh.” Trent paused, probably taken aback. As he should be. Was that really important to point out to a possible new client? “My apologies.”
“No problem. See you this afternoon, Mr. Jeffries.”
Grimacing, she hung up and pressed her scalding forehead to the back of her hand. She had a fever. Maybe she was getting the flu. Manda had been out for two days. No wonder she’d felt queasy and hot for the last hour.
It wasn’t because Leon had demanded Sawyer and Kiana return for another series of test shots. He wouldn’t hire talent until he was absolutely certain that they would work for his needs. That Sawyer wasn’t even officially a Hot Shots model didn’t seem to matter. He’d “liked the look of them together” and wanted to try some more pictures before he made any decisions. Racier ones. The last time she’d seen Kiana, she’d been prancing up the hallway in a sarong and bikini top.
Though they were shooting just two rooms away, she hadn’t stopped by to watch. She hadn’t seen Sawyer since last Tuesday night. A week ago already. Truthfully, she wasn’t sure she was ready to see him after his disappearing act. Scratch that. She was positive she wasn’t up to seeing him yet. Obviously the feeling was mutual, since he hadn’t called or made any attempt to visit.
When she’d awakened later that night, Sawyer had been gone, and Aidan was sleeping beside her, his arm loosely stretched over her waist as always. So completely normal, yet it wasn’t. She was beginning to think nothing would ever be normal between them again.
Aidan hadn’t mentioned Sawyer for the rest of the week. It was as if he’d never come into their lives. He’d missed his “must-see action” yet again, but he hadn’t suggested keeping the affair going. As if keeping it going was even an option on the table anymore.
Sawyer must’ve had second thoughts. Or third or fourth thoughts. Who could blame him? This was one hell of a fucked-up situation. Nothing that had occurred between them—the meal they’d shared, the laughter, the conversation—changed that she was pledged to another man, one she loved without reprieve.
She rubbed her grainy eyes. Then there was the sex. God, the sex.
Images zoomed behind her eyes. Sawyer holding her down while he fed her his cock. That dazed smile he flashed when he was between her legs, as if there was nowhere else on earth he’d rather be. The flex of his stomach muscles when he surged inside her ass, his face so focused and intense. She could still hear his wild shout in her head when the office was too quiet.
Like right now.
She grabbed her mug and headed down the hall. More coffee would wake her up. That the communal coffee and water station was right outside the room Leon was using to do his test shots was incidental. It also wasn’t her fault she spilled hot coffee on her hand and jumped back so fast that she glimpsed Sawyer in a clinch with Kiana.
God, he was cupping her face in his hands. Using those soft lips he’d kissed her with to make love to Kiana’s mouth. The cameras flashed while she hitched her leg on his hip, revealing her leg practically to her groin.
The picture they made was of total abandonment. Young, sexy love.
He was so beautiful. So beautiful, and so not hers.
Layla’s heart pitched, threatening to break through her chest. First she’d probably throw up the lunch she hadn’t eaten. Twice.
She had to get out of here right now before she did something stupid, like call a halt to the scene. Or start crying. Either reaction wouldn’t be good.
Blindly, she stepped back. She squealed when she bumped into a solid form.
“Easy,” Con murmured, steadying her with his hands on her shoulders. “Are you okay?”
“Sure. Fine.” She swabbed her hand over her mouth and prayed she wouldn’t give herself away. Too late there.
She sought out Sawyer, who’d lifted his head to stare at Layla through the open doorway as if she were a specter. Again she stumbled back, bumping Con once more and undoubtedly sloshing coffee over her top, before managing to spin away.
Her office. She needed to get back there and stay inside until she was sure she wouldn’t make a fool out of herself. If that took a year or two, fine.
She’d made it over the threshold when tense fingers grabbed her arm. She whirled around, a protest on her tongue. It died away when she looked into Sawyer’s concerned blue eyes.
God, how could she ache so much just from that?
“Are you all right?”
“Yes.” The response came so fast she didn’t have time to decide if it was true.
She had a sneaking suspicion she might not ever be all right again, but he didn’t need to know. This wasn’t the time or place. He didn’t deserve for her to dump her emotional baggage at his feet, in any case.
“You don’t look all right.”
“Thanks,” she muttered, swallowing a scorching mouthful of coffee. Blessedly only a few drops marred her white blouse. “Compared to Kiana, I’m sure I don’t.”
Before he could reply, she sighed and held up a hand. “Sorry. Completely inappropriate. I’m just not feeling well. Being sick makes me cranky.”
“You’re sick?” His brow creased. “What’s wrong?”
“Just really tired and queasy. And hot,” she said, tempted to keep going if her list of symptoms would offer a valid reason for her interruption. “You should go back. I’m fine.”
“Queasy,” he repeated. She didn’t get why his eyes narrowed until he added, “Sure you’re not pregnant?”
“Of course not.” She knew she’d snapped, but she didn’t care. He shouldn’t be asking that. Worse, he shouldn’t be putting the idea in her head so that now she’d have babies on the brain to go with everything else she shouldn’t be thinking about.
Everything else she probably wouldn’t ever have.
“Sorry. Forgot the protection speech I got courtesy of your fiancé.” With a wry smile, he nudged her inside her office and shut the door. Imprisoning them together in a room
that suddenly felt way too small.
“You need to go back. You were in the middle of a shoot.”
“Leon called for a break right after you gasped.”
“I did not gasp.”
“Sure you did. We all heard it. What happened? Did you spill your coffee?”
Your tongue was down her throat.
“Layla?”
“You’re a natural.” She gripped the handle of her mug until her knuckles went white. “It really looked as if the minute the cameras stopped rolling, you’d lay her down and make love to her. Although maybe you weren’t acting, huh?”
His ears reddened a heartbeat before he tightened his jaw. “Yeah, I’m working my way through the women at Hot Shots. Every chick here is fair game.”
She closed her eyes and shook her head. “Ignore me. Cranky, remember?”
“And jealous.”
She opened her eyes and frowned at the smile tugging up one corner of his disturbingly skillful lips. “Me, jealous?”
“You’re lime green.” He tucked a loose curl behind her ear, then drew his hand back as if he hadn’t meant to touch her. Just what she needed to feel even better.
“Queasy, remember? Hot, exhausted, and generally miserable too.” She walked to her desk, hoping he’d get the hint and leave.
Instead he dropped into the visitor’s chair and spread his long legs. “When did you eat last?”
“I had a grapefruit for breakfast.”
“Of course you did,” he murmured.
When she glanced up, he was staring, quite unrepentantly. Her pulse quickened, and the pressure at her temples grew. One Sawyergasm on its way.
“You should get back.”
“Trying to get rid of me?”
“No. I just have—” She gestured at her desk and tried to remember what exactly she did in there. “Work,” she said weakly.
“Then I’ll leave you to it.”
“Great. Thank you.”
But he didn’t move.
She swallowed and leaned back in her chair. Be polite. All business. Don’t act like you want to crawl into his lap and kiss him senseless. “Did you need something?”
“If I did?”
Oh God. Butterflies—screw it, crazed hummingbirds—started flapping in her already touchy stomach. “Depends what you’re looking for.”
He braced his hands on his knees and shook his head. “I’m guessing I won’t find it here.”
Low blow, Blake. But she couldn’t blame him. Though she did. She blamed both him and Aidan. Most of all, she blamed herself for this whole stupid, sordid, ridiculous mess.
“Do you want to have lunch?” she asked as he stood, suddenly desperate to keep him in her sight. It wasn’t because she knew where he—and his mouth—were going next.
“It’s Tuesday. Isn’t that your day to eat with Aidan?”
He’d remembered. “He’s stuck at school. Some faculty thing.”
“So you’re looking for a backup. Seems like I fill that role often with you.”
She flushed and looked down at her lap. Yeah, big-time bad idea. “Never mind. I probably shouldn’t eat anyway.”
“Yes, you should. Something light, but you need to eat.”
The worry in his voice had her lifting her chin. “Do you honestly care?”
It was petty of her to ask. She had no right to. But she was so damned confused, and she missed him, so much. Still, she had no claim on him. And it wasn’t fair to keep finding ways to reel him back into a situation he’d be better off extricating himself from as fast as possible.
Unless he already had.
He glanced away and shut his eyes. A nerve ticked along the underside of his jaw, the same place she’d kissed him that first night they’d spent exploring each other in her living room. “You know better than to ask that, Layla.”
Shame burned through her. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”
“You keep apologizing, and it doesn’t change anything. We’re both where we are. We both got ourselves here.”
“That doesn’t let me off the hook.”
“I’m the one on the hook.” He almost smiled. She almost fell for it. “Did he tell you to ask me to lunch?” he asked when she didn’t respond.
For a moment, she had no idea who he was. When she figured it out, her shame tripled. God, what was happening to her?
“No. He doesn’t even know you’re here today. I didn’t plan to ask. I just couldn’t stop myself.”
“Why?”
“I miss you, Sawyer.” There, she’d said it. Admitted the awful, inexcusable truth. She was getting married, and somehow, some way, she’d already started to fall for the man they’d invited into their bed.
She’d believed, maybe wrongly, that those feelings were mutual. What they’d shared last week—that couldn’t have been merely desire, could it? But if it was something deeper, why had he walked away? How had he walked away?
And even if there was more between them than sex, what difference did it make? This arrangement wasn’t meant to be permanent, and she was already skating very close to emotionally betraying her fiancé. If she hadn’t crossed that line already. She wasn’t a cheater. Nor could she even consider the possibility of leaving Aidan.
But what if he pushes you to it?
Sawyer slanted her a look, and heat curled in her belly. “You aren’t going to call him first. If we do this, it’s just ours.”
She started to protest. Then she nodded and prayed she wasn’t making the biggest mistake of her life. “I won’t call.”
It was just lunch. Just an hour spent with a…friend. Aidan would understand. Hell, he’d encouraged this whole thing.
“I have to get back to the shoot. But when it’s over, I’ll come get you. It might not be until two o’clock or so.”
Nodding, she gave him some sort of acceptable answer. Once he’d gone, she dropped her head into her hands.
She was on a collision course with trouble, and she couldn’t seem to get out of her own way. As crazy as the last two weeks had been, she hadn’t felt this alive in forever.
Might as well make it worth your while, since Aidan will probably kill you if he realizes how you feel about Sawyer.
Groaning, she got back to her pile of paperwork. She was not going to think about Sawyer and Kiana lip-locking, probably at this very moment. Nor was she going to worry about Aidan. One lunch wouldn’t alter the course of her life.
She hoped.
As promised, he returned just before two. She’d been so consumed with thoughts of him that his knock startled her. Wordlessly, he entered her office and quickly shut the door.
Wouldn’t want to get caught consorting with the enemy agent.
She turned from the window and dropped her hands to her side. She’d rotated her engagement ring around her finger so much lately her skin had chafed.
“Shoot’s all done?”
“Yes,” he replied, without any of his usual cheer. Had something gone wrong?
“Does Leon want you for the job?”
“So he says.”
“That’s wonderful.” She smiled and forced any thoughts of his mouth on Kiana from her head. Jealousy had no place between them. “So you’ve decided to sign with Con, then?”
“Still thinking.”
“About what?”
“About what it’s worth to me to make some green,” he said, raking his fingers through his already tousled hair. Had Kiana been running her hands through it?
Duh. Of course she had.
“I understand.”
“Do you?”
“Yes.” Catching herself fiddling with her ring again, she blew out a breath. “What do you want to do, after you stop modeling? Have you thought about it?”
He jerked his shoulder. “Some.”
Wow, he really did not want to talk to her. Though it was understandable, it still hurt. “Come up with any conclusions?”
He hesitated, shoving his hands in the back pockets of h
is jeans. They were weathered blue today, so faded that streaks of white creased the thighs. “I’d like to teach math, I think.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. It’s part of this scenario I have in my head. Probably won’t ever happen.”
“Tell me,” she said quietly, fighting every instinct to cross the room and frame his gorgeous face in her hands. She wanted to touch him so badly her fingers twitched.
“It’s kind of stupid.”
“I doubt that.”
Another shrug. “I always imagined the perfect setup with, you know, the wife, the kids, the job teaching math in an elementary school. Probably sounds deathly boring, huh?”
She shook her head. That tight, hot feeling had returned to her throat, and this time it had nothing to do with nausea. Not from a physical cause, at any rate.
There had to be something wrong with her. Didn’t people who had affairs usually seek out those who lived on the edge? Not her. She was completely, totally infatuated with a guy who craved home and family.
The same things you want.
“When I was growing up, I used to dream about having that security,” he continued, voice soft. “Just finding my place and being happy in it.”
“Yeah.” All of a sudden, her own chair seemed way too far away, so she sank into the chair across from her desk.
“You okay?” He knelt at her side before she realized he’d moved. “You’re awfully pale.”
“I’m just overtired. And hungry.” Rather than describe her past week of sleepless nights and meals where she’d barely picked at her food, she gave him her brightest smile. “Your future sounds too much like the one I always envisioned. Well, subbing a job in advertising for teaching math. Guess it was a little too Twilight Zone for me. I had a moment.”
He leaned back on his heels. “I know all about those. I’ve had about a dozen since I met you.”
When she didn’t respond, he sighed and held out a hand. “Let’s go get lunch, Layla.”
She gripped his hand and got to her feet, steadied by his touch. “Where are we going?”
“Someplace we can relax.” He jingled his keys. “Feeling adventurous?”
She couldn’t help smiling as she met his eyes. The light was back in them. For now. “Adventure’s my middle name.”
