Thor’s fist swung toward my face and the pain grew impossibly worse. My knees gave out, and I slid to the ground, blood pouring from my nose and down the back of my throat.
The last thing I was conscious of before I sank into unconsciousness was the sound of Audrey’s scream.
Chapter 8
Audrey
I hadn’t had cotton mouth this bad since my high school graduation. There was a thick, unpleasant taste on my tongue that was somehow both alien and familiar to me.
I floated, feeling detached from my body, struggling to put the pieces together. My head hurt. The light that shone through my eyelids was bright and fluorescent. The air was stale but clean.
Ah, that was it. I was in the hospital. Again. I’d been in and out of ERs for years. Why had it taken me so long to figure that out? Probably the painkillers, I decided. I nearly laughed. My brain, still fuzzy from whatever drug they’d shot into me, thought the quick little leaps in logic I’d made were somehow hilarious.
Billy must have really messed up my face this time. I couldn’t feel jack through whatever they’d given me. What was that, anyway? I’d been on plenty of painkillers, but it didn’t feel familiar. I traded different comparisons in my mind. It didn’t feel like an opiate. I’d been on everything from morphine to oxycodone on that spectrum.
“It’s like syrup,” I slurred. “On a snow cone. What is that?” I asked, not expecting an answer. Nurses didn’t typically hover over me in recovery.
So, I jumped a little when a deep, vaguely familiar voice spoke.
“It’s chloroform,” the voice explained. “I thought you would prefer it to Thor’s fists as the gateway to unconsciousness.”
And like the proverbial lightening God himself, reality struck me. I remembered it all. My eyes flew open. I wasn’t in the hospital. My stepfather had been dead for a few years now and good riddance to bad rubbish. I was in the run-down little room that passed as a medical ward in the arena. I remembered Adner bringing me to this place to get the supplies to treat Luke’s leg.
Luke! Where was he? Was he still alive? The last thing I remembered was his mad dash toward the group of Gods that had been blocking our path.
I tried to sit up and was nearly blinded by an intense and sudden headache. It felt like I had the hangover of the century. No wonder this stuff had fallen out of favor. The side effects were awful. The inside of my mouth felt like sandpaper, and my head felt like it was going to explode.
“It’s not a good solution,” the voice said, noting my discomfort. “But it’s what we had on hand.”
“Why the hell do you have chloroform on hand?” I grumbled.
“We don’t have access to better painkillers. We have to give the injured something. Sex can only go so far in these circumstances. Performing surgery without giving them something would be inhumane.”
I fumbled, trying to find something to support myself. The man offered me a hand, and I carefully levered myself into a sitting position.
I turned my head to the side, trying to ignore the roll of nausea that accompanied the motion. The man beside me was also familiar as well. I recognized his sharp, attractive features and remembered fearing his presence in the barracks. I remembered hating him for the role he played in our captivity.
I glared at the Major. “And trapping us here isn’t inhumane? You’re a soldier. You should know what a grave, human rights violation this is!”
The Major—what his real name had been I couldn’t quite recall—gave me a solemn look. “It’s my duty to serve the Gods of Asgard. I noticed a cross in your personal belongings. Does your own God not demand as high a price from you?”
What could I say? That I only wore the cross to appease my mother, who hadn’t left the abusive asshole she’d married because her pastor told her that divorce was immoral? That it had been my real dad’s once upon a time, and was as empty a symbol to me as the Tiwaz I’d painted on my face in the arena? There wasn’t a Christian God as far as I was concerned, and, if he did exist somewhere, he clearly didn’t give a rat’s ass about me.
I shook my head, trying to clear it. “People are being killed out there. I heard what Odin said. Even he thinks this place is a bad idea. Why the hell did you go along with it? What does Thor have on you?”
The Major looked down at his hand, still entwined with mine.
“I owe him,” He muttered.
“For what?”
“He gave me a life,” he said, squeezing my hand so tightly I could feel it through the slowly clearing fog. “My mother tried to abort me, twice. It failed both times. I don’t know if that was my were-bear genetics, or the fact that the standard practice back then just had a high failure rate.”
I stared at him. The faint scars made sense now. I’d thought that he’d been in a lot of fights, or in a combat situation that had gotten him burned. Now, I knew. And it threw me for a loop. I’d thought he was five years older than me, give or take a few years. He had to be much older than me, if saline abortions had been the standard practice when he’d been born. I’d been about twenty years off in my estimation of his age. He must be close to fifty.
“She left me in the woods to die,” he continued softly. “Times were different back then. Humans didn’t know much about us, and most of them thought we were monsters. No one cared. No one came looking for me. I wouldn’t have lasted the night, if he hadn’t found me.”
He smiled faintly. “He and Sif took me in. They trained me; they gave me a future and a purpose. I owe them.”
“You don’t owe them this,” I whispered fiercely. “Your mother leaving you was wrong, but this–” I jerked my head in the direction of the killing field. It was a bad idea. Bile rose in my throat. I had to swallow it back with a grimace. “This is wrong, too. You have to know that.”
“They want to preserve our race. Freya’s careless actions will doom a people, don’t you understand that? And now her brother, Freyr, leads an army against us. We have to fight.”
“The slaughter of innocents is never right,” I hissed. “And I think you know that deep down. That’s why you didn’t let him hurt me. No side is innocent of wrong.”
He snorted. “You act like I don’t know that. I’m a lawyer before I’m a soldier, Miss Skylark. I know that there’s never a simple answer. I just have to decide what outcome I can live with. And to me, the good of the many outweigh the good of the few.”
He set something down on the table beside me and stood, releasing my hand. “I’ll leave this with you. You may use it, if you like.”
I craned my head to look at the small object. It was a video camera, simple and small with no bells and whistles. I’d used something similar during my travel to vlog about the stories I’d collected.
“Why are you giving it to me?” I croaked. He paused at the door and looked back at me.
“…because if I loved someone the way you love that man, I’d want a chance to say all the things that should be said, before the end.” With that ominous pronouncement he left, closing the door gently behind him.
It took me another half hour for the headache to fade. When I thought I could move without throwing up, I reached out and picked up the camera. My hands were shaking as I switched it on, and adjusted it so that my face was in the frame.
Then I took a deep breath and began to speak. When I started, the words came easily to me, as if I’d been storing them up for weeks and was only now allowed to voice them.
“I don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow,” I said, letting out a shaky breath. “But if something happens to one of us, here’s some things I want you to know.”
***
It was a familiar routine, donning this armor. But today I was alone. There was no large man at my back, watching me covertly from the corner of his eye. There was no careful brush of his big hands on my body, as he offered me assistance. Today, there was no Luke. Tears formed in my eyes and threatened to spill over. The ti
ghtness in my throat threatened to choke me.
The day wasn’t starting off well. I’d barely slept, and I couldn’t stomach breakfast. I still had no idea if he was alive. I’d hoped desperately that there’d be some sort of mystical sign that would tell me if he was still out there, still breathing. I’d felt nothing but the churning of my stomach and the dizziness that accompanied my panic attacks.
Breathe. Just breathe.
He was alive out there. I had to believe that, or there was no way I’d be able to fight whatever I faced in the arena. I’d come too far to give up and die. I’d scolded him for thinking of suicide if I’d died. It would be hypocritical of me to say one thing and do another. I’d do what I could to stay alive, whatever the outcome.
I grabbed my spear from the empty bottom bunk and strode out the already open door. I kept my head high. If I was going to die, I wasn’t going to let them have the satisfaction of watching me go to pieces before I did. I was a shield maiden, damn it, and I was going to act like it.
I met the Major halfway down the hall and he fell into step beside me. I offered him the camera. I’d said what I wanted to say. If Luke was alive, maybe the Major could get the tape to him.
“I’ll trade you,” he muttered, and held out another object to me with one hand, while his other took the camera. I stared at the object in my hand as if I’d suddenly found a coiled viper inside it. He’d given me a handgun. Probably his, if the empty holster at his hip was any indication.
“I have a spear,” I pointed out.
“This will be quicker,” he said. He looked like he was about to be sick. He was paler than usual, and his brow was sheened with sweat. “Trust me. Use the gun. I advise you to aim for the head. One shot should do it.”
My stomach rolled. It must be bad if he was giving me his own weapon to defeat my opponent. I’d yet to see a combatant use a gun in the arena. I personally thought Thor or Tyr had outlawed their use to make the matches last longer.
“Why are you doing this for me?” I whispered as we neared the end of the hall. “You said you had a duty to the Aesir.”
“I do. Just do it quickly, Miss Skylark. Then, you’ll be free and we’ll never have to speak of this again.”
I straightened, staring into the square of bright sunlight ahead. The crowd was already loud. But instead of the usual cheers, the voices were subdued, and some even angry. I steeled myself and strode into the open.
The fog had cleared for the most part. The matches were over, if I’d heard right. The only reason left to convene in this place was to watch the executions. Mine first and Luke’s afterward, if he hadn’t already been killed. Was that why they were so angry? They’d been deprived of their beloved blood sport?
I scanned the field, searching for my opponent. Were they sending one of the graduates out to fight me? Were they going to set a real bear loose inside the stadium to eat me?
I scanned the field several times but found no one. There was no opponent on the field that I could see. The only things left on the ground besides bloodstains were several large shields, of the sort that the warriors used to defend themselves. It took me several more minutes to figure it out, and I only did so because a familiar, little face popped out from behind a shield.
My stomach gave another lurch, and I was sure I was going to throw up. My opponent was a child!
Thor’s voice thundered from the top box. I had trouble tearing my eyes from the little girl long enough to look at him. When I did finally manage, my vision was tinged with an odd, red color at the edges.
“My offer still stands, shield maiden,” Thor called to me. “One human life, and you are free to go.”
This wasn’t what I’d wanted, though. When I’d thought about leaving, I’d thought I’d have Luke beside me. I thought we’d have evenings together to coordinate and plan how to escape these lunatics. When I’d thought about killing another person to buy my freedom, I’d thought it would be an adult.
Now, I understood exactly why the Major had handed me his gun. The spear would have been more lasting, if by some chance I’d decided to attack a fucking, little girl. The gun would be instantaneous. No suffering, no pain. I tossed the weapon away from myself in disgust.
“I will not kill a child!” I shouted back at him. “You want to kill me? Fine! Go ahead.”
Thor smiled sadly at me. “Perhaps you are too honorable, but she’s not. Are you, Anna?”
I followed his gaze, and my heart sunk even further. The little girl had emerged from behind her shield and had retrieved the fallen gun, pointing it at me with shaky hands. I hoped that it still had the safety on. But I somehow doubted I’d get that lucky. The Major had probably flicked it off, thinking it was a step I’d be too stupid to remember in the heat of the moment.
He’d been right. I was stupid. I should have shot Thor in the fucking face, not thrown the thing to the ground in a show of defiance. He’d given me one shot, and I’d missed it.
I’d never fired a gun. It was much louder than I’d expected. Something hit me right in the chest. I went down hard, feeling like I’d been tackled by an entire football team. I couldn’t seem to get in enough air. My vision spun. The rest of the gunshots, four or five more, sounded tiny to my ears. They whizzed through the air, hitting nothing. It didn’t matter really; at least one had found its mark, somewhere near my sternum.
I think at one point I blacked out. It was better that way, less painful. Consciousness was terror and blood. Unconsciousness was freedom from pain.
From a long way off, I could hear a voice, calling to me.
“Stay with me!” It nearly shouted. It was too loud. I grimaced. I wanted to slip away again. If I surfaced, it would hurt.
“I don’t like this, Elias,” Adner said gruffly. Someone was banging on my chest. I wanted them to stop it. I wanted to sleep.
“I don’t care if you like it, old man. She’s not dead yet. Stop those compressions and help me get the damn bullet out.”
Despite my best efforts to fade into the blackness, I surfaced again. There was a circle of unhappy faces floating around me, all of whom I recognized. Adner and Burr, our ever-present guards. Cadby, the young man who’d checked out Luke’s dick the first night.
“It’s no use,” Cadby sighed. “She can’t survive this. She’s only human.”
Finally, my wheeling eyes fell on the Major, who was fumbling with the long tube that he’d attached to my arm. As I watched, he jabbed the needle attached at one end of it into the crook of his elbow. Dark red blood flowed from his arm and down into mine.
“Not for much longer.”
Chapter 9
Luke
I hadn’t been able to force myself to watch the video. The Major had slid a camera between the bars of my cage sometime before dawn, while grief still held me immobile. It felt like someone had scooped out my insides. I was hollow.
A month ago, I would have been glad to be rid of my bear, happy for its silence. Now, I found myself craving its influence. I wanted to hear it whispering violent, impulsive thoughts into my mind. Now, even it was gone.
I didn’t know what they’d done to knock me out for the better part of the day. It made sense to keep me unconscious after Frigg had wasted much of her power keeping my brother-in-law from his mate. It seemed like they’d finally found an effective way to keep me away from Audrey.
I curled further in on myself. Frigg had been only too happy to inform me after I’d woken that Audrey had been killed in the arena. I hadn’t been there to protect her. She’d been murdered, and I’d been asleep when it happened.
I lashed out with a cry of pain, hitting the bars. With my strength I could have bent them, if they’d been normal steel bars. But these were the same sort of bars that held me inside my cave during the full moon. They were etched with runes and fueled by the power of Asgard. There was no way I was breaking free.
I stared hard at the little, grey camera. Would it hurt wors
e to see her face? To hear her last words to me? But if I went out tomorrow without hearing it, I knew I’d regret never knowing. I was grateful to have at least some part of her with me before I died at sunrise. I had a few hours left before they sent me out to face a group that my guards only called, “The Sons.”
I fiddled with the camera for a few minutes, trying to figure the stupid thing out. I’d not been the most tech-savvy guy in the world, even before I’d lived in a cave. I was scared I was going to break it, this last gift she’d given me, but I did, eventually, figure out how to turn it on.
The screen flickered to life and for a few seconds all I could see was a blank, white wall. Audrey’s beautiful, heart-shaped face entered the frame, and I sucked in a breath. I could feel the tears already. Damn it, hadn’t I done that enough? I’d hear about it from Thor, I was sure. I’d try to punch the mammoth in the face and get myself killed before I even got to face The Sons at sunrise.
Audrey seemed to be looking right at me from the screen. Had she known this would be our last correspondence?
“I don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow” she began, taking a shaky breath. “But if something happens to one of us, here’s some things I want you to know.”
So, she had known. Had the Major told her? Had she been scared? How badly had she hurt before the end?
“Firstly, and most importantly I want you to know that I love you, Luke Elmsong. We may have met in less than ideal circumstances, but I need you to know that I haven’t regretted a single moment that we were together. Of all the times I could have died, I never had someone who really, truly loved me with me. I’m glad that we found each other.”
It was hard to swallow. I jammed down the pause button as tears hazed my vision. Damn it. I hadn’t said it nearly enough. How hollow those ‘I love you’s’ must have felt as she lay dying, alone. Had this been how Lucy felt in those years I’d been gone? Why was I never there when the women in my life needed me? I was a miserable failure as a protector. I couldn’t defend anyone that counted.
Defending the Bear (Blue Ridge Bears Book 2) Page 10
