by Tiana Laveen
“No, not particularly.”
“Hmmm, I bet I could change that,” he said as he winked at her.
“I doubt it – not with your donkey dick.”
Saint burst out laughing, showing a perfect set of gleaming white teeth.
“But you’re willing to try it again, right? With me, it’ll be totally different,” he assured. “So, will you try it one day with me? Soon?”
“Yes,” Xenia whispered. “Now shut the hell up about it!” Saint smiled and blew her a kiss.
“So, I’m leaving in the morning,” Saint said as he paid the bill and handed it back to the waiter. “This is our last night together for at least a couple of weeks. Honestly, I don’t think I can wait that long,” Saint said as he reached over and took a piece of bread out of the basket. He ripped a piece off of the loaf and chewed it slowly.
“That’s what I was saying,” Xenia rolled her eyes. “I don’t know what we’re going to do. Neither of us wants to move. Your world is established in New York, and mine here in L.A. – East Coast versus West Coast. We may as well be rival rappers,” she joked. “We say we love each other, but that may not be enough.”
“So, you do love me,” Saint smirked, catching her slip. Xenia grimaced, realizing what had happened. She snatched the napkin off her lap and threw it on the table angrily.
“Love is always enough if you respect it. ‘Love’ is an action word. Loving someone doesn’t pay bills, but if you love someone, you’ll do what you can to make sure they never miss a meal, their lights stay on, and they have a roof over their head. That’s the part that so many people seem to miss.” He dug into his pocket and pulled out his cell phone.
Xenia rolled her eyes. “That’s my other issue with you and this brief time together. You’re always on the freakin’ phone. You told me this weekend would be just you and me. You said I’d have this time to get to know you better, and we could do whatever I wanted. You’re too busy for a damn relationship! This is ludicrous. I know you’re busy, and hell, so am I, but…”
“Shhh!” Saint waved her off, looking perturbed, causing his thick, dark eyebrows to bunch up. “Hey, T-Rex, can you do me a favor? Where can I get a marriage certificate this time of night?”
“What the hell?” Xenia said as she stood up. Everyone turned around and looked at her. She smiled and waved as embarrassment spread across her face. “Just conducting an interview, everyone.” She sat back down and covered her face with her hand.
“OK, thanks. Meet me back at the hotel in twenty,” Saint said to T-Rex before putting his phone away and standing up. “Let’s go.” Xenia stood up and followed him outside to the waiting car.
“Saint, we aren’t getting married. It’s bad enough that I agreed to a relationship with someone I barely know, but I’m doing it, and now you’ve gone and lost your mind again. Well, you can’t lose something that is already gone, but you get my point!” she snapped. Saint picked her up and put her in the car, slamming the door after he got in behind her.
“Yeah, Mason, take us back to the hotel please. I need to meet T-Rex there.” Saint pulled out his phone again, ignoring Xenia.
“Why isn’t T-Rex with you all the time? What’s the point of having a bodyguard when he’s asleep in a hotel room half the time? He has the easiest job ever,” Xenia gaffed.
“I don’t want him with me all the time, especially when I’m on a date. It’s not his doing, it’s my choice,” Saint said as he dialed another number. He held the phone to his ear as Xenia began a new line of complaints about his constant calling.
“Hey, Raphael, what are you doing?” he asked as he lie down across Xenia’s lap. His jet-black hair contrasted beautifully against her short white skirt. She looked down at him and became silent. The beauty of his flawless skin and masculinity temporarily quieted her as he held onto her knee cap. His long legs stretched across the seat.
“Hey, I’m getting married tonight,” Saint said to Raphael.
“That’s interesting to hear,” Xenia interrupted, “because the person you’re supposedly marrying didn’t agree to it, nor was she asked!” Mason laughed but quickly caught himself.
Saint continued to ignore her. “Right, so remember that place we saw with the really nice rings, ‘Madison’s’ I believe it was called? I want to run by there again, but I want you to go with me. Oh, I don’t know, hold on.” Saint placed the phone away from his ear and looked at Xenia’s hands. “She looks about a size five. I know that you would’ve liked for me to get the rings from your place, but I’m in a hurry. Trust and believe, I’ll get the rest of her stuff from you. Yeah, I’m pretty sure she’s a size five.”
“You could just ask me! I’m sitting right here!” she yelled, pushing her knees up trying to get Saint off her lap. He tried everything in his power to keep from laughing, as he held onto her bucking legs. Mason finally pulled up to the hotel. Saint jumped out with Xenia quickly running behind him.
“Boy, you better stop playing!” she said as she chased him through the vast hotel lobby, almost slipping on the slick floor. “I’ve missed my personal trainer, my massage, my manicure and pedicure, and my interview with Toni Braxton while fucking around with your ass this weekend!”
Saint looked at her, frowned, and pretended to play a small violin before bursting out laughing again. The harder he laughed, the more the skinny vein in his forehead protruded. He held his chest, took a couple of breaths, and exhaled. He grabbed her around her waist as they waited for the elevator doors to open. He looked down at her, his deep voice making her ear tickle as he spoke lowly. “You don’t want to be my wife, Baby?” he asked seductively. Xenia felt her insides melting again as he carried her away onto the elevator in his arms. Xenia held onto him tightly around his neck, burying her face into his chest. He kissed her forehead as they exited the elevator. Raphael was waiting by their hotel door, his hands clasped. He watched as they approached, smiling widely.
“So this is the lovely Ms. Xenia, in the flesh. My wife listens to you every mornin’,” Raphael said as he scanned her from head to toe.
“Xenia, this is my brother, my best friend, Raphael,” Saint introduced.
Xenia looked over at him, “Thank you, Raphael. I’ll try to remember to give her a shout out. What’s her name?” she asked, as Saint opened his hotel room door, letting all three inside.
“Her name is Latrice – Latrice Jenkins,” Raphael said excitedly. “I know my boy here is a celebrity, but bein’ in the same room with you is amazing.” He tried to push the sound of her lovemaking obscenities out of his mind.
“Awww, thank you,” Xenia responded as Saint placed her delicately down on her feet. Raphael pushed Saint into the bedroom and closed the door as Xenia went into the kitchen to pour herself a glass of wine.
“Oh, my God, Man! Are you really doin’ this? I have to admit, she’s fine as fuck – no doubt – but damn, Man! I know, I know, I trust you – not tryin’ to second guess – but it’s just happenin’ so fast, Man,” Raphael said as he shifted his weight nervously from foot to foot.
“Yeah, I’m really doing it. T-Rex just sent me a text message. I need to run over and get the marriage license, but she needs to sign it too, so I’m going to take care of that right quick, then we can go pick up the rings. I want to get this done before I leave tomorrow morning. Something is just nagging at me to do it. I always trust my gut. It has never failed me, Raphael.”
Raphael raised his eyebrow, “What do you really know about this girl, Man? I hate to keep doin’ this, but you have a lot at stake. She could get half of your money if she’s a gold-digger. Make her ass sign a pre-nup at least!”
“She has her own money. She’s not exactly destitute, and I know a lot about her. The rest, I can find out along the way. I’m in love, and I trust myself.” The sadness in Saint’s tone was evocative and haunting. His heart swelled when he thought about Xenia, and Raphael could now see it in Saint’s eyes.
“Shit, Man, you’re so gone. I don’t k
now what y’all were doin’ in here last night and this mornin’. Well, I do know but…” Raphael looked around the room which had now been picked up by housekeeping. “Whatever it was, I’m surprised you both are still alive. Sounded like Clash of the Titans – what the fuck! How do you even have the energy?” Raphael shook his head.
Saint smirked as the two men exited the bedroom and joined Xenia back in the living area.
Saint took Xenia by the hand and stood with her by the hotel door. “Baby, I want to marry you. I know I didn’t ask you the traditional way, and I know this is going really fast. You can have your dream wedding later, I promise, but I want you to know that I’m coming back for you and that I’m serious. I’m so in love with you, Xenia. Will you marry me tonight – please?” Saint squeezed her hands together.
Xenia’s heart said ‘yes,’ but her mind said ‘Hell no. Dude is a hot mess.’ Her body said “Hell yes!”
“Yes,” she answered, tears welling in her eyes. “I’m a damn fool. I’m as crazy as you are now. Who does this shit? Who marries someone after…”
Saint kissed her hand. “Shhh. You know in your heart it’s right. You know it is.”
“Raphael, let’s take Xenia to get this wedding certificate, and we may as well take her to Madison’s to let her pick out her own ring. No sense making it a surprise,” he said, as the trio left the hotel room. Xenia looked around nervously as her heart flipped.
“I’ve lost my damn mind,” she thought, as she stepped back onto the elevator. “Saint, you’ve put some sort of hex on me. Regardless, I can’t stop myself.” She looked up at his smiling face.
* * *
Today on ‘Inside Edition,’ we have a breaking news story on Dr. Saint Aknaten, the controversial sex therapist, speaker, and author who encourages white men to date Black women. He’s known worldwide for promoting men of non-African ancestry to make Black women their wives. A copy of a marriage certificate was found online showing that Dr. Aknaten did, in fact, marry popular radio personality, Xenia Donnellson, while in Los Angeles two days ago. Their ceremony was small and private, conducted by a judge outside in a rose garden. Donnellson and Aknaten had a rather short but tumultuous love-hate relationship according to radio snippets we received. Neither Dr. Aknaten nor Ms. Donnellson could be reached for comment.
“Looks like he found himself a bitch,” the heavyset man said as he turned away from his television.”
“Yeah,” Lance said to his boss. “That’ll only spur this shit on further.”
“Well, not exactly, Lance. Keep your eye on the prize. This will work in our favor. Saint is fearless. That’s been the problem dealing with him all of these years. Now that we know he’s all in love, we can take care of his ass once and for all.”
“Because of him, the cops stopped by my jobsite. The movement is suffering because of him, too. He’s a one-man wrecking ball. He’s ignored all of us even after we formed an alliance with the Black Elite Master Group.” Lance loosened his tie. “We’re going after her, right?”
“I’m done trying to reason with him. I’m done warning him. If we do anything to him, he won’t care. If we take her out, though, he’ll be destroyed. I’ve heard enough of his disgusting rhetoric to know how he’d respond. He wouldn’t even be able to breathe. He’d probably commit suicide which would be an added bonus. Let them have a little honeymoon. I want him to have his last hurrah. Follow them, watch his schedule, and then I want you to take – her – out.”
* * *
“Not only did you get married to a dude that talks about sex all day for a livin’, you barely know him, and he looks damn near white! What is he anyway?” Xenia’s twin sister asked as her best friend Stacy nodded in agreement. Both watched Xenia pack her large black suitcase to fly to New York to visit her new husband. “He’s cute though, but that still doesn’t excuse this craziness! What kills me is that you called me after that interview goin’ the hell off. You made it seem like he was the worst thing to walk the Earth, and now he’s your soulmate? What the hell happened between then and now?” Xenia turned to her sister Porsche and smiled as she flashed her huge, triangular diamond ring.
“If I tried to explain it to you, it’d just sound worse than it already does. Just know that I do love him. I love him with all my heart.”
Stacy put her hand on her hip. “He must be doin’ you proper. You’re dickmatized! The way you walk is all jacked up now. Xenia, you were knock-kneed, but now you look bowlegged. That’s so messed up!” Stacy laughed, her thick, Caribbean accent falling fresh on each word.
“I’m gonna miss my plane messin’ around with you.” Xenia hugged and kissed them both. “I’ll call you guys later!”
* * *
Xenia rubbed her eyes as she tried to adjust to the time change. She waited at JFK airport with her purple plaid bag, desperately wishing she had brought a warmer coat as she rubbed her arms from the chill. A shiny white Lexus SUV soon pulled up. She smiled, hoping it was her Saint. She heard the muffled hip hop music pouring out the car – “We Want Eazy” by Eazy-E. Just then, she received a text message:
I’m looking rite @ U. Get ur sexy ass out here.
Xenia jumped up and down as she picked up her bag, meeting Saint halfway as he quickly turned on his blinkers and took her bag from her. Saint kissed her quickly before taking her by the hand, practically dragging her to the car. He opened her door then swiftly placed her luggage in the back. He got back in the drivers seat and slammed the door.
“We have to hurry, Honey. I’m not supposed to be parked here,” he said, then made a quick get-away. He drove through the typical Friday night New York City cramped traffic without breaking a sweat. Xenia hadn’t been to New York in over a year, and she always enjoyed the city. It had a completely different vibe than L.A., but she loved it all the same. The city lights lit the night sky as they made their way into Saint’s parking garage below his penthouse nearly an hour after they departed. The gigantic, gloomy looking space reminded her of something from a horror movie. Saint turned off the car and looked over at his new bride. He smiled, then reached over and gently grabbed the back of Xenia’s neck, bringing her face closer to his as he urgently kissed her. She closed her eyes, loving the feel of him on her skin, tasting his tongue once more, and feeling his hands on her body.
“I missed you so much,” he panted as he delicately kissed the side of her neck. “Let’s go inside.” They got out of the car. Saint popped the hatch and removed Xenia’s belongings. He carried them inside. Xenia was immediately hit with the smell of green tea and fresh strawberries. She stood in the doorway, looking at the exposed brick walls, high ceilings, carefully painted beams, large oil paintings, and tall glass vases filled with shiny gold and silver decorations. Her heels clicked as she walked across the hardwood floor.
“Make yourself at home, Honey. Give me just a sec,” she heard Saint say as he left, disappearing behind his bedroom door. Xenia looked around. His modern kitchen reminded her of a photo she saw in a magazine on the plane. She looked up in one corner of the room and admired a painting of a Black woman with long dark locks embracing a blonde, muscular man. She took notice of his neatly stacked mail on the white marble countertop. A small cactus with a tiny cowboy hat sat on his kitchen window sill. There was a black lacquered sculpture in one corner that reminded her of a vulva. She laughed as she approached it, caressing the top of it as she studied it more carefully.
“It’s what you think it is.” Saint’s voice cut through the air as he removed the cap from a bottle of water. He had on scarlet satin pajama pants. His bare feet looked pale against the dark floorboards.
“Very interesting,” Xenia laughed.
“Yeah, I saw it at an art gallery about two years ago and loved it. It’s called ‘Black Pussy’ – original, right?” he teased as he handed her a bottle of water.
“I haven’t seen you in two weeks,” Xenia said as she turned towards him, her lust building. She looked at the way his loose pants flowed aro
und his groin with each step he took.
“I know – it’s been quite a transition, that’s for sure. I’m being inundated with interview requests. I was hoping it’d die down, but it hasn’t. We’ve apparently caused quite an uproar.” He turned the bottle upward and guzzled the last of the water. Xenia watched his Adam’s apple move up and down with each swallow.
“Why don’t you come on in our bedroom and make yourself comfortable?” Saint offered as he threw his empty bottle away. He walked towards the bedroom. Xenia followed as he opened the double doors, revealing a large, steel bed covered in fresh white linens. In the center of the bed were flower buds grouped together in the shape of a heart. On each pillow were three white long-stemmed roses. On the wall at the head of the bed was a large photo of a nude man and woman making love. The bedroom smelled like fresh lemon zest. Saint took the water from her hands and replaced it with a glass of champagne with a strawberry.
“Your home is beautiful,” Xenia said as she continued to look around. “I love what you did with the flowers. You’re so romantic.” Xenia beamed as she scanned the room.
“Thank you. It’s your home now too. I set your luggage over there.” Saint pointed to a small table. “I’d love to nibble on you tonight,” he said with bated breath. He walked up to Xenia, pushed his soft lips forward, and brushed them against the side of her neck. “I’m sorry we haven’t had a honeymoon yet. I’m working on that. I promise.”
“We’ll work something out. We’ve both been really busy, and with all this crazy media attention, it sure isn’t helping.” Xenia hugged him tightly. “They even bothered me at the airport,” she added, right before she pushed her lips against his.
“Well, no one can bother you here,” he whispered in her ear as his hands slowly roamed her body, lightly massaging her lower back, behind, and hips with his fingertips. His deep breathing in her ear sent shivers up her spine. “How are you feeling tonight?” he asked as he held her closer to him, bringing her into him, pressing her close to his heart. “I understand if you’re too tired. It’s been a long day,” he smiled thoughtfully.
