by Tiana Laveen
“I don’t appreciate how you’re talking to me, Dr. Aknaten. We don’t discriminate here. We’re still working hard to find out who did this to you,” the officer said. Saint rolled his glimmering hazel eyes as he slowly and unevenly walked out of the precinct, his cane clicking rhythmically against the hard ground. Raphael honked his car horn, getting Saint’s attention.
“I’m surprised you waited that long,” Saint said as he made his way to the car, getting into the passenger’s side. “I told you to leave, that it’d probably take a while. I could’ve taken the train home.”
“Yeah, right!” Raphael laughed. “The great Dr. Saint Aknaten on the train. You’d be askin’ for harassment. You haven’t taken the train since you were twenty-three, and that’s probably being too kind. You refuse to call a driver or a cab for some reason. I know you hate not drivin’ yet. One day at a time, my friend.”
“Yeah, T-Rex offered to drive me home, but I told him to not worry about it.”
“Well, what happened?” Raphael asked.
Saint laughed. “Well, it was the same old story as before,” he said as he put his seatbelt on. “They claim to not know anything.”
Raphael pulled away from the curb and started to migrate through traffic. “Just be glad that you and Xenia are alive. They may never find out who did this, and you’re gonna have to accept it. There are so many people mad at you for what you do. It could’ve been any one of thousands of people, Man. There’s still the remote chance they were after Xenia, and it had nothing to do with you.”
“Oh, no, it was for me, it was specifically for me. Whoever did it was goin’ for her to teach me a lesson. This is far from over,” Saint said as his eyes narrowed. “I don’t care that hundreds or thousands of people may want me dead. I only need to worry about one of those people right now, the one responsible for tryin’ to kill my wife. It’ll be a cold day in Hell before I allow someone to try to kill my ‘queen.’ I’ll find out who it was, and they’ll pay.”
Raphael looked over at Saint. “Man, don’t go doin’ anything stupid.”
“I won’t have to. They’ll come right to me with the threats again. Now that news has broken that I’m on my feet and ready to hold a conference in L.A., they’ll come back. A real ‘king’ gets his ‘queen’ and he protects her. If he can’t, he should leave her the fuck alone.”
Raphael shook his head, “Saint, I don’t want somethin’ to happen to you. After you got shot, I thought you were gone for good. You even stopped breathin’ at one point. I don’t care what type of Superman powers you have, there’d be no comin’ back if you got shot in the head. Don’t put yourself in harm’s way. Just be glad Xenia and you are still alive and can go on with your lives, please!”
Saint looked over at Raphael angrily. “What if I told you that about Latrice? What if I told you to just pretend like someone didn’t try to split her wig open? What if you were left a widower, your children motherless, and you with a broken heart, like my father? You saw how he changed after my mother was killed. When my father came to visit me in the hospital, we had a heated conversation. I’ll never forget one thing he said to me: if I was in his shoes, if Xenia was killed, I’d understand his pain better. I’ve judged him when I had no inkling what he goes through on a daily basis just to make it. Shit like that never goes away. You just learn to live with it. You don’t get over it, you get through it. We can’t tell someone else to not fight for themselves, their family, and what they believe in. If I don’t do something, they’ll try me again and again and again! No, they’ll think twice about tryin’ to hurt me and mine. I’m goin’ to protect my ‘queen.’ I’ll bide my time and do this right. It’s my move, and I play to win.”
* * *
Two months later…
“Your keys have been here the entire time. You rush around so much, Saint, that you don’t even remember where you lay things,” Xenia said as she slid her sundress over her head. “I’m still sleepy. I could go to sleep right now, but my public awaits.” She laughed as she played with her shiny hair twists. “You like the henna dye?”
“You look good, Baby. You always look good,” Saint responded as he brushed his hair.
“I don’t know if I’m used to it. I think I better throw on a wig. I don’t have time for this today.” She raced from the freshly painted bedroom into her large, custom walk-in closet. She pushed a button on the wall causing her shoes to rotate until she saw the ones she wanted. Saint smiled as he still got a charge from her excitement. The newly built house was still fairly sparse, but she acted as if it was filled to the brim. He had just approved the blueprints for the pool and was anxiously awaiting the guesthouse to be finished so that he could invite Raphael, Latrice, and their children to visit.
“I could get used to all of this sunshine,” he said as he buttoned his shirt. Xenia walked back into the bedroom dangling her white sandals as she sat down on the edge of their California king covered in black silk sheets. She slid on her sandals and popped back up, kissing Saint on the cheek.
“I gotta run. I’m running late. This morning Tyga, the rapper, is coming in – should be a great interview. Anyway, your coffee and keys are in the kitchen by the bowl of bananas,” she said as she sprinted away.
“Thanks, Baby!” he called out as he heard her walk swiftly down the stairs. Saint finished tying his tie and ran his hand over his face as he looked himself over. He pulled at his bottom lip, noticing a small piece of dry skin.
‘I need some chapstick. I lick my lips too much,’ he thought as he walked into the master bathroom. “I’m sure she has some,” he said aloud as he pulled out the top drawer of his wife’s vanity. “Nope, none in here.” He continued to look around, finally opening her medicine cabinet. His hands roamed about, sifting through cold medicines, perfume bottles, and toothpaste. His eyes shifted to her birth control. He looked at it for a moment then pulled it out of the cabinet.
‘I thought we agreed she was gonna stop taking these,’ he thought. He opened it, and felt relieved once he saw that the circular container was empty. He looked back up and noticed a long rectangular box that had been lying behind it. He removed it from the cabinet and read it, ‘Ovulation Predictor Kit.’ Saint stood for what seemed like an eternity staring at it. His thoughts anxiously raced.
‘Why does she have this? Is she trying to get pregnant? Why didn’t she tell me? We agreed we’d wait. This doesn’t make sense.’ He felt his anger multiplying by the second. ‘She’d never get away with it. She knows I keep track of her cycle.’ Saint slammed the medicine cabinet and stormed out of the bathroom.
‘Why would she keep something like this from me?’ he thought. “This is a decision we’re supposed to make together.” Saint thought about their recent rambunctious lovemaking. He knew she was ovulating, so he had been using a condom, but his suspicions began to get the best of him. ‘What if she poked holes in them?’ He thought about how his already powerful sexual attraction to her had been heightened the last couple of days, how her pheromones were sending him into overdrive – how he slipped up once last night and went in raw. He wrestled hard with the thoughts flooding his mind. He knew that a part of him wanted a baby, too.
‘I wouldn’t have done that if I didn’t,’ he thought. ‘I know better. I must want it as well, but I would’ve told her if I was deliberately planning it. I’d never try to get her pregnant without telling her!’
Saint finished dressing for his book signing event and left the house. His mind was in a daze as he took the East 91 Riverside exit. He smiled, greeted, and spoke to the large crowd of men as he always did, putting on a captivating performance. He gripped one of his books tightly in his hand, uncapped the sharpie pen, and autographed another copy of “The Black Vagina Vortex,” then handed it to an adoring fan. The Indonesian man looked at his book in confusion.
“Dr. Aknaten, I don’t mean to be a bother, but my name is ‘Banyu,’ and this says ‘Baby.’” Saint looked at the book and read what he had wr
itten:
To Baby,
– Dr. Saint Aknaten
Saint shook his head in disbelief. “I’m sorry, Man. I must’ve misheard you.” He grabbed a new copy of his book and autographed it again, handing it to the man who smiled happily as he walked away.
Saint’s agent, Rodger, tapped him on the shoulder. “You seem really distracted. I didn’t come all the way out here to California from New York to see you dazed and confused,” Rodger teased as he had witnessed the occurrence.
“I just have something on my mind. Sorry, Man,” Saint said as he happily watched the last guest leave.
“Are we still on for dinner tonight?” Rodger asked as he grabbed his jacket.
“Uh, yeah. Tonight is fine,” Saint said as he packed up his belongings. “I’m about to cut out, though. I have something I need to take care of.” Before Rodger could respond, Saint was back in his car, speeding back home. Hour after hour passed, the sun getting lower and lower in the California sky as Saint paced. Xenia arrived home at around 4:00PM.
“Traffic was a beast! Shit, it’s always bad, but today was real bad,” she said as she threw her purse down on the entranceway chair and hung her pink sweater on the hook by the door. Saint stood a few feet from her, leaning against a wall in the foyer. The black marble floor cast his reflection. His eyes drilled her.
“What’s wrong with you? Why are you looking like that?” she asked. Her white sundress swayed lightly with each step she took toward him, her oiled and pretty pecan legs moving cautiously towards the center of the room. Saint met her half way.
“Is there anything you want to tell me?” he asked.
“No,” Xenia said. “What’s this all about? You’re standing there huffing and puffing like a magic dragon. Say something! Don’t stand there playing mind games. What’s going on?” Saint firmly planted his hand over her heart. He grabbed her right hand, forcing it onto his chest. She tried to pull away, only to be reminded that she was no match.
“Stop it! Get off me! I don’t want to do this again! What are you trying to find out?” she struggled in vain.
“Open up and let me see,” Saint demanded.
“See what?” Xenia said.
“Just open your thoughts. If you struggle, you’ll just prolong it.” Xenia continued to squirm until she became exhausted. She breathed heavily, succumbing to his wishes. Xenia looked down at the ground as she allowed him to go through her thoughts. Saint closed his eyes and sorted through the information as quickly as he could. He knew what he was looking for, but it was like looking for a needle in a haystack. He could feel it drawing nearer. Like pulling out a file cabinet drawer, he finally found it. Xenia looked up at him, watching his eyes once again move frantically under the lids.
“Saint, what are you trying to find out? Why don’t you just ask me?” she said quietly.
“Because if I could just ask you, you would’ve already told me what I’m looking for,” he answered as he continued to search. He slowly opened his eyes. Beads of perspiration covered his upper lip.
“We need to talk,” he said as he took her hand and led her into the piano room. Saint sat down and escorted her onto his lap.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked, his breathing slowly returning to normal.
Xenia searched her own thoughts trying desperately to figure out what he was referring to. “I honestly don’t know what you’re talking about.” Saint reached into his pocket and pulled out the ovulation kit, placing it in the palm of her hand.
“This – this is what I’m talking about. You didn’t think it was important to talk to me about this?” he asked. Xenia swallowed hard. She sat quietly, her eyes watering up. She tried to hold back the waterworks, but they came anyway. Saint delicately wiped her tears away with his thumb.
“You want to have a baby, but you were afraid to ask me about it. You were afraid I’d say ‘no.’ All you had to do was tell me, Baby. I don’t try to read you. If something pops up, it just does, but I had no idea what was going on until I was looking for some chapstick in your medicine cabinet. I shouldn’t have found out that way. I knew you wouldn’t tell me the truth if I asked you flat out. That’s why I did what I did. I knew you didn’t want to risk the rejection.” Saint shook his head. “I should’ve known that’s why you were suddenly so eager to take my advice and stop taking the pill recently. We’ve been arguing about that forever, and you never budged, then one day out of the blue you agreed to stop taking it. You never want me to wear condoms, either. You said it doesn’t feel the same. The truth is, you want to get pregnant,” Saint said.
“I do want to,” she confessed.
“You could’ve avoided all this if you’d just told me. You can tell me anything,” he said softly as he rubbed her cheek. “We said we’d wait at least a couple of years to have kids. We both agreed.”
“I know, and that’s why I didn’t want to say anything.”
“I’m not unreasonable, Xenia. Yes, I’d like to wait, but it’s not because I don’t want to have a baby with you or I don’t want to make you happy. I know that would make you happy right now, and that’s all I want for you. I want our children to have more of our time. Right now, we’re both at the height of our careers. We’d never be home. That’s not fair to a baby,” Saint said as he held her tightly.
“I know you’re right,” Xenia said as she cried on his shoulder. “I’d be willing to quit my job, though. That’s how bad I want to have your baby.”
Saint rubbed her back. “I’d never want you to give up your career, but if it means that much to you, then there will have to be some sacrifices, and we’ll need a little time to get that sorted out. For instance, you’d need to take a longer maternity leave because as I already told you I want you to stay home for at least the first year of our child’s life. You understood that and agreed to it. If we had another one soon after, you still wouldn’t be able to get back to work because that adds another year. We discussed all of this right before we got married. You know I have to continue to carry out my calling. It’s in me, but I also would need to scale back my work schedule. It takes two to make a baby, and it’ll take two to raise him or her. I need to be able to bond with my child, and I can’t do that if I’m never home. This is a big commitment and not something to be taken lightly.”
“I know, I know.” Xenia sniffed. “You know, I daydream about having a baby all the time now. I didn’t try to trick you.”
“You even looked at baby clothes last week. The pink frilly dress was real cute,” Saint smirked. “You knew you could get pregnant last night, and were overjoyed when you saw I didn’t use any protection. I got caught up in the moment, and you knew I forgot but didn’t say a word.”
“Saint, the timing is never perfect for a baby. We can always find a reason why we shouldn’t have one. I understand what you’re saying though.” She looked away sadly.
“OK, well consider this. I still would have to travel sometimes and do tours. Could you handle having two or three children without me being home sometimes?”
“I know I could. I know you’d be a really good father, too. Look, I’m not getting any younger. I can take a long hiatus from my career. I know I could get right back into it when the time comes. I want to write another book anyway. I can do that from home. Right now, I just want to be a wife and mother.”
Saint looked at her closely. He stared deeply into her large, ebony eyes and gently kissed her. He lowered his hand to her stomach and rubbed it. Xenia stopped kissing him and looked up into his eyes.
“What are you doing?” she asked quietly.
“Nothing, really. I promise I’ll keep an open mind, and we can discuss what we need to do to make this happen.” He kissed her again. “And stay off my computer. You keep reading my dream journal,” he laughed as he hugged her tightly. Saint thought, ‘I need her protected right now. There’s too much going on to have a baby right now. Please just let me get this resolved first.’ Xenia nodded happily as she clasped her
hands tightly around his neck.
* * *
CHAPTER 12
“They have two suspects,” T-Rex said as he helped Saint and Raphael pack up a few belongings Saint was having shipped to his new residence in L.A.
‘Yeah, and neither of them are the gunman,’ Saint thought.
“Good, finally some progress! See, Saint! Things are lookin’ up!” Raphael said with a huge grin.
“Mmm hmmm,” Saint mumbled as he put three binders in a box.
“Why aren’t you happy?” Raphael asked as he held the packing tape with one hand and a box with the other.
“I am,” Saint said unconvincingly.
Raphael shook his head and continued to pack. “Hey, Man, since you aren’t using your cane anymore, let me borrow it. That cane is slick.” Raphael picked up the cane and started to twirl it around. “Now when you walk, you have a natural pimp stride,” he teased.
“Yeah, I can also tell you when it’s going to rain. I have arthritis in my right knee for some reason now. I guess that’s the price I pay, but it’s better than being six feet under.”
“True that,” Raphael said. “The nurses at the hospital couldn’t believe it when you walked in there the other day! They had no idea you’d recovered. The look on their faces was priceless.”
