by Leigh Landry
She smiled awkwardly, and he realized she was looking a little pale again. A little clammy, even. What if he’d given her bad scallops or something?
“You feeling okay?” he asked. “Is the food not sitting right?”
“It’s fine,” she said, but she still looked a little green. “Maybe too much butter for my stomach, but it was totally worth it.” She pulled her hand away. “I should probably get going.”
“Already? You sure you’re feeling all right?” He stood with her and looked at the clock. It wasn’t even nine yet.
“I’ve been working a lot the past couple days, that’s it.” She grabbed her phone and keys from the side table. “I’ve been passing out before eight-thirty most nights, so this is technically already past my bedtime.”
“You could sleep here, you know.” He brushed her hair from her face. “I promise I’ll leave you alone to sleep. I’ll even sleep on the couch if you want.”
She smiled and stood on her toes to kiss his cheek. “Another time. I need to feed Michelangelo anyway.”
“Foiled by that turtle. Again.”
She laughed. “I’m telling him you said that.”
He walked her to the front door, then gave her a quick, soft kiss on the mouth. “You sure I can’t convince you to stay?”
She rubbed the side of his arm. “Not tonight. But thanks for dinner. I really did enjoy it.”
“Sure. Text me when you get home, okay?”
He watched until she got in her car and backed out of his driveway. Watching her leave, he realized just how tired he was of watching Kelsey drive off.
More than that, he was tired of saying goodbye to her. Tired of spending their days and nights apart. Tired of living completely separate lives.
And there was an easy solution to all of that.
* * * * *
After his Thursday morning lessons—two piano and one bass, all from the same homeschooling family—Eric left his bass safely locked in the practice room, then grabbed his keys and rushed to the front desk. Once again, Josh was sitting in.
“Considering a permanent position there?”
“Nah, just holding down the fort for a few minutes while Charlotte’s running late.” Josh nodded at the keys in Eric’s hand. “Taking an early lunch?”
“Kind of. Got a couple hours between lessons.” Normally he stuck around to practice in between, but today he had other plans.
“Kind of?” Josh asked.
He didn’t have time to get into everything, but he was dying to tell someone. If he told someone, it would be real. Then he’d have to follow through. No chickening out.
Eric dug in his pocket and pulled out the small black box. He held it in his palm, the shape and size giving away its contents.
Josh let out a long whistle. “You weren’t kidding about being for real. You nervous?”
Eric stuffed the box back in his pocket. “Trying not to be.”
In truth, he hadn’t slept more than an hour or two the night before. He had all the faith in the world in him and Kelsey. They could make it through anything. He just wasn’t as solid on the timing.
As much as he wanted to, he couldn’t rush earning her forgiveness or trust. And he’d long ago accepted that they couldn’t heal each other. But they could heal together. They didn’t have to be broken alone. And he didn’t want to wait another day to reassure her that he would be by her side no matter what. With all the uncertainty surrounding her pregnancy, he wanted her to be sure about him, that he was sincere and committed.
“Well, good luck, man.” Josh gave him a big, goofy grin. “Rooting for you guys.”
* * * * *
Eric stood outside the record store with a soda in each hand and a takeout bag of po-boys from their favorite shop. He’d texted her when he parked downtown, hoping to catch her before she took her usual walk to meet Natalie.
Kelsey exited the store only a minute or two after he got there, and he relaxed a little once she saw him and gave a bright, genuine smile. He could do this. This was Kelsey. He loved her. There was no question in his mind that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. All he had to do was tell her that. The rest was up to her.
He popped open the satsuma soda, a local concoction Kelsey had fallen in love with last year, and handed it to her.
“Thanks,” she said. “Want to eat at the park?”
“Sure.”
He tried to hold back his excitement. His plan all along had been to take her to the little park downtown that was around the corner and just a block away from her store. There was a splash pad for kids, lots of benches, and grassy areas for picnics. Local bands played at the gazebo-style stage every Friday in the spring and fall. The first gig the two of them had played together with Robin’s band was on this stage. It had been a typical kind of gig, nothing really out of the ordinary, but something about playing beside Kelsey had felt magical. He knew he was in love with her that day, right there on that stage.
They sat on the cement stage steps where they could see the rest of the park. He pulled her sandwich from the bag and handed it to her, then unwrapped his own. He asked how her morning was going at the store, and she asked him how his first lessons went, and they made small talk between bites.
It was a beautiful day. A downright perfect day for a proposal.
She couldn’t finish her po-boy half, so she wrapped it up and handed the leftovers for him to put in the bag for later. “I should probably get back to the store.”
“Wait.” He turned to face her and took both of her hands in his. “Thanks again, for letting me back into your life and for giving us another chance.” His thumbs nervously grazed the tops of her fingers. “I’m in this for the long run.” He took a deep breath, then released her hands to pull the box from his pocket and open it. “You don’t have to say anything right now. I know you weren’t expecting this, and I know you like to have time to think about things.” He took out the ring and slipped it on her finger. “But I want you to hang on to this while you think, to remind you that I love you, Kelsey, and I plan to be by your side for as long as you’ll have me. Forever, if that’s what you want.”
She blinked hard and fast at the ring on her finger. She looked terrified, but he couldn’t tell if he was projecting his own terror onto her or not.
When she still didn’t say anything, he added, “I just want to make sure you know that I’m going to be here for you. That I’m here for both of you.”
Kelsey finally looked up, and when their eyes met, his heart sank. He wasn’t imagining that terror.
“I need to get back to work.” She stood and briskly dusted off her pants then grabbed her half-empty soda.
“Kel, wait, can we talk?”
“I need to get back.” She was already halfway down the steps. “Thanks for lunch,” she called over her shoulder.
This was not how he envisioned this going. Not even when he imagined her rejecting him. At least in his imagination she stuck around to do so. “I’ll see you at rehearsal tonight.”
But she didn’t reply. She only gave a quick wave over her shoulder.
He watched her disappear down the block and around the corner, while he sat alone on the stage steps, wondering where he went wrong.
But he knew the answer to that. He went wrong last year, when he’d screwed everything up. He’d been a fool to think she could ever forgive him for that.
Chapter Nine
Kelsey unzipped her duffel bag and stared at the empty thing. She’d been filling this bag and carrying it from new home to new home for most of her life. At least she was leaving on her own terms now. And she knew where she was going this time.
She had a cousin, Lily, in Alabama. Kelsey had lived with them for a few weeks before Lily’s family ended up in court and Lily was in foster care right along with Kelsey. They were never in the same place after that, but they kept in touch. Sort of as each other’s emergency contacts. When Kelsey called, Lily wasted no time telling her to
get her butt over there. She said she didn’t have much, but she had a futon Kelsey could crash on until they figured everything out. It was the safest landing place she’d ever had lined up.
She had every intention of coming back, eventually. Still, she wasn’t a teenager with nothing to her name but a change of clothes and a couple of notebooks filled with half-written stories and verses. She was an adult now, with belongings and jobs and friends. How was she supposed to fit her whole life in this one bag?
She glanced at the clock on her bedroom wall. 6:05. She reminded herself she was just bailing on one gig. The band had a month before the festival, and Eric could probably pull in a friend from the music school to play drums. She would’ve had to take a break soon anyway. She couldn’t keep hauling all of her equipment much longer. And if she was going to have trouble getting up from couches, she couldn’t imagine how hard it would be to get up from that throne sitting so low to the ground a few months from now.
Still. She would miss it. She would miss them. Right when she needed them most.
Her phone buzzed on the comforter, but she didn’t look at the notification. She knew who was texting her, and she didn’t plan on responding.
She did, however, need to let someone over there know she wasn’t planning to show up for rehearsal. But who to call?
Natalie was the obvious choice, except Natalie would immediately confront Eric. That was the last thing Kelsey needed right now. She didn’t want Eric to know she was leaving until she was already gone. She didn’t want anyone to try to talk her out of this.
Kelsey had known from the start that they would never work out. No matter how hard she and Eric tried, this just wasn’t something they could get past, and she couldn’t make him love her as much as he loved the idea of a full-blown family with her. If she was second-guessing his feelings for her now, when he was completely attentive and trying so hard to make things right, there was no way she could be confident in his feelings for her a year from now. Ten years from now.
If she stayed, she’d always be questioning their relationship. But being with him was so easy. She didn’t have the self-control to be around him and not be with him. Especially with her hormones all jumbled up and raging like this. So she had to leave. She had no other choice.
Her phone buzzed again. This time she flipped it over so she didn’t have to see the name and worried message.
Kelsey thought about her options some more. She liked Lauren and was pretty sure she would be understanding and helpful, but Kelsey didn’t know her well enough. Not well enough to plop her in the middle of this.
That left Robin.
She owed Robin this call. Even if Robin’s disappointment stung the way Kelsey knew it would, she didn’t have any other choice.
She picked up the phone and lingered for a moment over the last notification. Eric was worried. Of course he was worried. She was pregnant with his kid.
Her finger swiped the notification away, and she found Robin’s contact listing. Then she took a deep breath and made the call.
* * * * *
Eric woke his phone on the music stand for the fifth time. Six thirteen. He glanced at Kelsey’s practice kit with no Kelsey behind it, as if she might magically appear beside him if he looked just once more.
He’d told himself that everything was fine. That she needed time to process things. That eventually she’d remember all the ground they’d made up these last couple weeks. That she’d accept in her heart how sincere he was this time. That he was going to be there for her this time.
But he’d been wrong.
Robin raised an eyebrow at him, but all he could do was shrug in response. Lauren sat nearby, flipping through sheet music, with Natalie sitting near her, throwing random glares his way. He picked up his phone again, and this time he called her. No answer.
Great. Not only was she avoiding him at rehearsal and not responding to texts, but she was ignoring his calls, too.
Unless she wasn’t.
His heart sank. What if something was wrong? What if she was in an accident or she got sick or…
He called again. No answer.
“Take a breath, man.” Robin kept her gaze steady on him. “I’m sure she’s fine. Probably just running late. You don’t want her answering while she’s driving, do you?”
He put the phone down and took a deep breath. Robin was probably right. Maybe Kelsey took a late nap. Those hormones were giving her hell.
But wouldn’t she have texted to let them know she was running late?
Robin’s phone buzzed, and her face tensed when she looked at the screen.
“Is it Kelsey?” Eric asked.
“What?” Robin looked up, confused, then shook her head. “Festival stuff. Give me a sec.”
She stepped out of the building. Before the door fully shut behind her, Natalie stomped over in front of Eric with her guitar hung low and a scowl on her face.
“All right. What did you do?”
“What makes you think I did something?”
“Because if it isn’t me, you’re next in line, buddy.”
Eric sighed. She wasn’t wrong. “I didn’t do anything this time. I just can’t make up for what I did before.”
Natalie narrowed her eyes at him. “I thought things were going well with y’all.”
“I thought so, too.” He laughed a defeated laugh and rubbed the side of his face out of frustration. “Well enough that I proposed at lunch today.”
Natalie’s eyes grew wide. But not with shock or joy. With horror. “You what?”
“I told her I wanted to get married.” He ran his tongue along the inside of his mouth and shook his head. “She took it about as well as you are.”
Natalie smacked the side of his arm with the back of her hand. “You idiot.”
Eric rubbed his arm. “Okay, maybe she did take it better than this.”
With a roll of her eyes, Natalie said, “What’s the one thing she’s most afraid of?”
“Losing the baby.”
“Wrong.”
Eric still thought Natalie was the one who was wrong here, but he didn’t have any better answers right now, so he played along. “That I’ll leave her again.”
“She thinks everyone leaves her. Why’s she afraid you’ll leave her?”
“Because I’m an idiot.”
“That’s a given,” Natalie said. “Don’t worry, we have that in common. But why would you, an idiot, leave her?”
“I’m not going to.”
“She doesn’t know that.”
“I told her I wouldn’t. I proposed.”
“You’ve told her that before.” Natalie rested her hands on her guitar and sighed. “Why does she think you’d leave? Why did you leave before?”
“She and I talked about this. I didn’t want to hurt her any more than she was already hurting.”
“Why?”
“Because she’d already lost the baby.”
“Bingo.”
His head spun. None of this made sense. He and Kelsey had been over this already. All of it. He’d told her why he’d pulled away. And he’d promised her he wouldn’t this time.
Natalie sighed. “When did you propose?”
“I told you, today.”
“Before or after she became a package deal?”
“After, but…” Eric’s back tensed and something snapped to attention. “Shit.”
“There you go.”
“She thinks I’m only marrying her because of the baby?”
Natalie shrugged. “I don’t know what she thinks right now. But I do know she was devastated that you left the moment she wasn’t a full family deal anymore.”
Eric closed his eyes. How could he have been so blind? She’d been so terrified every time he talked about the future. Their future. Their family. She was afraid he was more in love with a potential baby than he was with her.
Sure, he loved the idea of having a baby with Kelsey. Having a family with her. Forever with t
hem. But he had forever plans for Kelsey before he even knew about her pregnancy.
Only she didn’t know that. All she had for evidence was his actions. And he’d handed her a pretty crappy track record.
Robin walked in, just as Natalie’s phone buzzed. She pulled it out of her back pocket and looked at it.
“I’m gonna need a minute as soon as she gets here,” he told Robin.
Robin frowned, but didn’t respond.
“You need more than a minute,” Natalie said. “Your girl is leaving.”
“Leaving?” He looked between Robin and Natalie. Then he glanced at Lauren, who put up her hands in defense and looked even more confused than him. “What are you talking about?”
“She knew I wouldn’t keep her damn secret, so she called Robin to tell her she’s not going to be at rehearsal. She’s leaving town. Made Robin promise not to tell you.”
Eric looked at Robin. “So you texted Natalie, knowing she’d tell me.”
Robin shrugged. “I didn’t break a promise.” She walked across the rehearsal studio to stand in front of Eric. “I would only ever go behind that girl’s back if I thought it was best for her.” She poked a finger at his chest. “Don’t prove me wrong.”
Eric gave her a salute, and propped his bass against the wall behind him. “I’ll get this later.” Then he took Robin’s shoulders and bent to kiss her on the cheek. “Thank you. I promise I’ll fix this.”
And he would. Not for him. He’d made a mess of everything. Again.
But Kelsey deserved so much more. She shouldn’t have to leave because he’d made her feel unwanted. She belonged with these women more than he did.
“Good,” Robin said.
Eric turned to Natalie. “You can kick my ass if I don’t.”
“Count on it,” Nat said.
With that, Eric waved to Lauren, then hauled butt to his van. He had no idea what he was going to say when he got to Kelsey. No idea what to say that would make her stay. Or if it was even his place to ask her to. After all, it was his fault she was leaving. Heck, if she wanted, he’d be the one to leave. He just wanted her happy. And safe. Whatever that took.
