by Rue Volley
We stopped as the cabby looked up into his rearview mirror. “Meter running?”
I nodded to him. Of course he had to stay. I couldn’t be left here. That would be a tragedy and if anyone got a hold of me and I revealed the truth about Jack and how I obsessed over him—well, I would be taking up residency here myself, and with good reason.
I placed my fingers on the cold handle and opened the door to allow the chilled air inside. It caused a tremor to roll through me. Half of it being the winter weather and the other half my nerves. Suddenly this idea seemed as crazy as my thoughts about Jack, but I almost felt as if this may offer me some closure. A little bit more of him to understand so that I could let the confusion rest. If I could just see her, make her real, perhaps even speak to her then I could…
“You’re letting all of the heat out.”
I nodded to the cabby, “I’m sorry,” I got out and shut the door behind me. Closing my red coat tightly against myself. I stared upward and could see the archangel on the very top of the building. His sword held high in triumph. A triumph I hoped that I would also enjoy with this insane notion of coming here. A disastrous mission, bound in incurable fascination. That’s what I was beginning to believe that love was.
I walked up the steps and just as I reached the top, the doors opened. I stopped breathing; I don’t know what I was thinking. Like someone would see me. Of course they will see me, I’m not a ninja like Sam. In fact, I am clumsy. Perhaps even clunky in nature. Everything I do speaks in a monstrous little voice. Especially when it comes to Jack.
I tried to avoid direct eye contact as two women stepped out, both of them dressed in white. Nurses, obviously. I nodded to them as they passed me by without saying a word. I felt so guilty; I shouldn’t be here.This was a bad idea. It was an intrusion, a serious invasion of privacy. I have no idea what I was thinking. I turned to leave and then I heard my name.
“Abi?”
I sucked in my breath as Jerod emerged from the door like the back of a whale on the surface of the water. I let it out as he walked toward me and held his hand out to me. Sober, he was much friendlier and less erratic. My cheeks reddened at the thought of him bidding on me at the auction; I was such a fool. Luckily, the winter wind made it appear as if it was the weather and not my embarrassment that made my cheeks rosy in appearance.
He stepped up to me and I had to look up. He was almost as tall as Jack and had similar features. So much so that I got caught staring at his eyes for a moment. Blue, but not as piercing as Jack’s. I missed his intense stare. His thumb at the bottom of his lip, how I seemed to be the only thing in the world when he was with me. All of it had trapped me in a box that I could not escape from.
“Jerod,” I said as he held my hand and lifted it to his lips. He kissed it and I blinked. That was new, the kissing I mean. I expected a business-like shake with the all-encompassing free hand laid over mine, just like Jack. It seemed to be their signature move, something that defined them. Unfortunately, the only thing that appeared to define me was sudden onslaughts of insanity.
“So, what brings you to Rose Valley?”
I paused. Honesty would be the absolute worst thing ever and then I did it; I opened my mouth, and it was as if Jack was standing before me. “Jack’s—wife.”
Jerod stood up straight as his eyes studied my expression. “Oh.”
Then she appeared, like a viper from the darkness. Their mother stepped out of the doorway with a doctor in tow. Her arm wrapped into his, her pale hand resting so delicately on his arm. She spoke in a soft tone and the doctor smiled. They turned to each other and she kissed him on one cheek and then the other. This was a disaster. He spoke to her, but the words eluded me. My heart jumped into my throat as Jerod turned and completely exposed me to her and perhaps I deserve it. I shouldn’t be here at all. My time with Jack was over and this was a complete intrusion into their lives. The weight of my decision made it hard to breathe. Sometimes noble intentions are so different than reality. This was the harshest example I had ever had in my life.
Jerod smiled at his mother. She bore a hole through me with her icy blue stare. Jack’s eyes, minus the bits of softness that lit into him on occasion. She stepped toward us and Jerod intervened.
“Look who I ran into, Mother. Abigail Watson.”
She tapped the doctor on the arm and then slid her arm out. Freeing herself to devour me, and I was sure that she would.
“Abigail,” she said as she inspected me. Her tone had changed, as well as her expression. She could look nice, but with me, it was hatred that drove her. I couldn’t be sure if it was my station in life or the fact that Jack had brought me into her home. Either way, she had a lasting distaste in her mouth for me, and I don’t think I could ever render it neutral.
“Victoria.”
She nodded to me. “So what brings you to Rose Valley?”
Jerod bit his lip and then took over. I would have never asked him to, but I guess he felt an obligation to protect me. Perhaps it was his way of apologizing for the auction bidding and the rude way he treated me at the restaurant.
“Abi has a family member here, her—uncle, right?” he looked at me and I nodded, unable to stop his lie.
“Oh?” she said as she stared at him.
“Yes, just like you, I asked her, even though I would have to say,” he looked at me, “it’s none of my business.”
His mother grinned, understanding his implication. She could easily go on and grill me, but she stopped just as quickly as she began. Small blessings do exist. Sometimes.
She paused; I braced myself. “Well, I wish you an excellent visit.”
She walked by me, her chilly demeanor as bitterly cold as the wind itself. Jerod stood by me as she descended the steps toward her white limo that rolled up and blocked out the small cab that I had arrived in. The irony amused me. She was larger than life, bigger than me. I had accepted this, I just wish that I could transfer that realization to Jack. He was the same and I needed to make my peace with it.
“So, do you need an escort?” Jerod asked me. I would have denied him, but I had no idea how to navigate this place, nor where to find Jack’s wife. I nodded to him, “Yes—and thank you,” I looked down at the white limo as she stopped and called up to Jerod.
“Are you coming?”
He held his hand up to her, “I will—later.”
She paused and her eyes flashed to me. The same old inspection of the damaged goods. I watched as she slid into the back of the car, giving in. She must be tired, or Jerod has some special Jedi mind trickery that he hasn’t revealed to me yet.
I looked down as Jerod watched the car roll away. “Well—that was easier than I expected.”
I laughed, “Thank you—again. She is…” I stopped. Regardless of how I felt about her she was still his mother, and I didn’t want to be rude.
Jerod leaned toward me. “She is a vicious bitch.”
I shook my head as I couldn’t believe that he said it.
“What?”he added.
I sighed. “Well—she can be…”
He interrupted me as he took my hand. I looked down and pulled it back from him. He cleared his throat. “I’m sorry; it’s habit. I didn’t mean…”
I looked up at him. “I didn’t mean anything by it.”
He walked to the door and opened it up for me. “Let’s go inside, it’s cold.”
I nodded and stepped into the building, letting the darkness swallow me whole as the door closed behind me.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
ROSE VALLEY
I stood outside the room with the one-way glass and stared in at her. I felt like I was at a zoo. It was unfortunate and extremely sad to watch her sitting by the window, quietly speaking to herself. Who knew what she was saying. She would lift her hand to the glass, touch it, moving her fingertips ever so slowly down the cold barrier. Did she long for freedom? How would anyone know if she did? It made my heart feel heavy in my chest. Jerod stood next to me
and watched on.
“She was so bright—still is, they are giving her new meds. She has moments where it seems like her—like Rose. They say it may help in the future, but you never know. She has the very best care, as she deserves.”
I stared at her and tried to hold back my sadness. He continued on as if he just needed to talk about it and I let him. It was the least that I could do since he had saved me from his mother. Victoria would have eaten me alive if she knew why I had come here. I was sure of it.
“She comes here in the winter, this and the atrium. She loves it there. I mean—it’s too cold outside for them to take walks, but I am glad that she enjoys this. Do you think she looks like she enjoys it, Abi?”
I let my eyes scan the room, it was simple, a few plants, minimal furniture. How could I know?
“If I had to guess, without knowing her, I would think she looks happy.”
Jerod’s eyes looked tired, this was wearing on him and he couldn’t even hide it.
“I know you probably think that I’m insane.”
He turned toward me. “No—that is what insane looks like, Abi.” He pointed in at her.“You are caught in an algorithm, with my brother. I get it. He has that effect on people. Even me.”
I looked down at my hands and fidgeted with them for a moment. Then I turned toward him.
“I can’t argue with that, and I’ve tried to forget—but I, please don’t tell him that I came here.”
He shook his head. “As if he speaks to me.”
I narrowed my eyes. “What?”
Jerod looked back into the room. “Jack left the country; he has been overseas for months; I would assume since you two decided to break it off. He has not been home and if it weren't for the weekly check-in that mother insists on with his staff, well—he could be dead and we wouldn’t even know it.”
I took a breath and tried to absorb it. Had he been as impacted by me as I was with him? If so then this was far from over. I hid my excitement; it was unexpected, and I didn’t want to seem too eager, but the thought of Jack retreating, as I had, was something I never even considered. By all accounts, he may be sleeping with anything that moves. I should calm down. This means nothing.
He leaned down to look at me. “Did he hurt you, Abi?”
I parted my lips and wanted to say ‘no’, but he had hurt me. Not physically, of course. The pain I experienced with him was consensual, but the deeper pain lingered in my heart. He had taken a piece of me when he left. The end abrupt and confusing, but no—standing here in front of this girl who was damaged by the very thing I toyed with, well, it made more sense to me. Much more than I could have ever imagined. The pieces finally moved on the board, and the game took a much-needed step forward after three months of festering inside of me like a disease. I can’t lie. It is a relief and something that I am gracious to receive. A bit of resolution—exactly as I had hoped for. But where does it leave me?
“So, this is Jack’s wife,” I said quietly as two nurses walked behind us and spoke to each other in a half whisper.
“Was—they are no longer married, and quite honestly, it wasn’t a marriage so much as a dare.”
I crinkled my brow and peered in at her. Her long, dark hair and pale skin resembling my own. She turned and I saw her eyes. Dark and empty. It took me back as I tried to not feel a tinge of pain for her. Her face was soft, beautiful. She was delicate, gorgeous, in need of protection. Her eyebrows perfectly arched above her large eyes. Dark lashes engulfed them, and her nose was small and perfectly fit her face. Her lips were large, but suited her. Her features were perfectly aligned; she was as stunning as Jack. Gods and Goddesses among men.
I noticed the small scar on the side of her forehead as she stood up and her hair moved. She walked toward the glass and I was frozen. She stared at it; glossy-eyed and transported to a place I could not imagine. She reached up and touched the glass and I noticed it, the small, pale scar on her finger. I stepped back as it struck me like a bolt of lightning. She had the same scar that I did. Was it placed there by Jack? Or was it pure coincidence? Either way, it rocked me back, both mentally and physically as I let my eyes move past it and onto her face. She looked lost, so lost that it forced my heart to sink lower into my chest. The small pieces of happiness escaping me just as quickly as they had arrived.
Why the hell was I intruding into her space? This was rude of me. I didn’t belong here; I should never have come. It wasn’t my place and I shouldn’t be studying her like some lab rat, hoping in sad desperation to find more, more about Jack and unravel some of the mysteries that shrouded him. I couldn’t take any of it and be upset for myself. It was unfair. No one asked me to come here, no one.
I blinked a couple of times and tried to get back on course.“A dare, what do you mean?” I asked in a meek voice. Still attempting to accept what stood before me.
Jerod leaned in and touched the glass, letting his fingers trace hers. I watched his expression; it was one that I didn’t expect. Perhaps a longing hid behind his eyes. Had he loved her, too? Did Jack really love this woman or was she just another part of the game that he played in this life? All questions that I wished I could ask, but it would be unfair to his brother. He didn’t deserve to be interrogated by me. Regardless of how rude he had been. Revenge is never sweet; it only makes everything taste bitter, stealing bits of your soul and devouring it up like a hungry demon.
“My mother hated Rose.”
I peered into her eyes as she studied herself in the mirror and continued to trace small patterns with her finger. “Rose—Rose Valley,” I muttered. Jerod nodded to me. “Yes, this place is named after her. We purchased it when she came here and we named it—for her. Well, Jack did. He wanted it; Mother would have preferred Landon—anything, but Jack insisted.”
“So—I had no idea that Jack is—I mean, was, married, he never said anything to me about it.”
Jerod removed his hand from the glass and turned toward me. “Jack is a very—private man.”
I nodded. This was something that I knew to be true. “So—you were there that night.”
Jerod stepped back from the glass and peered in at Rose as if I had transported him to another time. “Yes—yes, I was.”
“I—would you tell me what happened, if you don’t mind?”
He took a breath and lowered his head and then tilted it up, just enough to stare at me. His eyes saddened and his brow wrinkled. I felt horrible, as if I had cut him with a knife. I held a hand up to him. “I apologize; I shouldn’t even ask—it’s rude of me, and you were so kind to bring me up here.”
“No—Abi, I don’t mind telling you. I know what you’re going through.”
I tilted my head. “With Jack?”
“Yes—he does this.”
I sighed. Of course he does. I couldn’t be the first, and I am sure that I wouldn’t be the last. Again, I am an idiot. So stupid to think that I’m special.
Jerod reached out and touched my hand. “Hey—I didn’t mean, women. I mean—well, Jack has a problem with intimacy.” He grinned. “I can’t even believe that I’m telling you this, he would kill me, but fuck it. He left, right?”
I nodded to him as we both flinched. Rose slammed her fists on the glass, once, twice, and then started to pound them. Her eyes darkened, and she began to yell. I moved away from the glass as a nurse and two large attendants came running up. She unlocked the door and they all stepped in. Rose ran to the other side of the room, waving a finger at them, screaming things I couldn’t even understand because the room was soundproof. One attendant would move and Rose would move with him, mirroring him as Jerod and I watched on in horror. Finally, they tackled her and dragged her to the ground. Hands flailing and legs kicking. I felt terrible at witnessing it, but as they pulled her up and placed a straitjacket on her, I kind of imagined myself in her position. I could easily snap and be right where she is. On the other side of the glass, trying to find Jack and my way back home.
We sat in the atri
um and the smells of fresh flowers encased us in new life. It was a welcome relief from watching Rose have a breakdown right in front of us. I sipped on my fresh coffee, not the best in the world, but it would do. Jerod stared up at the birds flying overhead as I studied his jaw. He did resemble his brother, but so much softer. It came as a surprise after his aggressive nature at the restaurant and the auction. Then again, alcohol will do that to people. Take a Jekyll and turn them into a Hyde. Funny thing was, Jack did this to me without any substances what-so-ever. The only catalyst that I needed was him.
“So—you asked me if I was there. Well, I was, Abi. I saw it all, and there are days that I wish I could forget it, but then again—we are shaped by circumstances, right?” He looked at me as I gazed into my coffee. I didn’t want to appear as if I was ogling him because I wasn’t. It had just been so long since I had seen Jack, well, it was nice to see something so similar, even if they were so very different in nature.
“Listen, Jerod—you don’t have to tell me. In fact, I should never have asked or even came here. I must be crazy.” I started to stand up, but Jerod grabbed my wrist and I stopped. His eyes told me that he needed to talk and I wasn’t going to deny him. Perhaps he had never told anyone before; I couldn’t be sure.
“Rose wanted to drive. So, we stole the car—the limo— and she raced us out of the gate, laughing and intoxicated. If Jack and I had been sober, we would have stopped her, maybe. I mean, there was a time that we...” he drifted off and then came back to me. His expression softened. “We were immature; we were stupid and reckless. So—we left that night. Me, Rose, Jack, and Brian.”
I leaned up as he looked down at his black-gloved hands. My eyes flashed to his gloves, and the memory of Jack in the bedroom took my breath away for a second. Jerod moved his hands and I blinked, coming back to my senses. I took a drink of my coffee, then spoke. Truly engrossed in his story and wanting to know more.
