by Tia Wylder
“You need to go to the doctor.” Mrs. Harper eyed Hayley warily. “If this keeps up, you’ll end up putting yourself in an early grave.”
“I’m fine.”
“No, you’re not. Go see a doctor. Boss’s orders.”
Reluctantly, Hayley put down the mop she had been using. She stumbled towards the door. Lack of sleep was making her woozy. There was a walk-in clinic not far from the apartments. Her feet drug her towards the doctor’s office. Most of the chairs were filled with women comforting sick children.
“I need to see the doctor.” Hayley leaned on the counter and tried to force a smile for the receptionist.
“Are you a new patient here?”
“Yes.”
“Okay, I’m going to need you to fill out some forms, and then we can get you checked in.” The woman passed her a clipboard with a pen dangling from a string. Papers were layered on top.
Hayley nodded and took a seat. The first blank made her almost cry. Patient’s name. Her shaking hand hesitated as she decided between her maiden name and her married one. Eventually, the pen strokes formed the name ‘Hayley Kyle.’ She continued through the forms checking off applicable symptoms and filling in her contact information. Once she was done, she took the clipboard back up to the receptionist.
Name after name was called. Hayley clutched at her stomach and tried to focus on something other than herself. Her eyes drifted in and out of focus as talk shows flitted across the waiting room television. After what seemed like hours, she felt a pair of eyes on her. Hayley looked up, startled.
“Are you Mrs. Kyle? I’ve called your name three times, but you seemed out of it.” A nurse in dark blue scrubs was holding open a door.
“Oh. Yes. That’s me.” Hayley gathered her things and shuffled through the door.
“Hop up on the scale for me. We need to check your weight.” The nurse slid a metal bracket along a number line until it balanced itself. “One hundred and thirty-seven.”
“What? That can’t be right. I was One hundred and nineteen just a few weeks ago.”
The nurse tilted her head to the side. “Have you been under a lot of stress lately? A lot of times weight fluctuates throughout the month. Stress can also cause weight gain. You can have the doctor look your hormone levels if you’re concerned.”
To say she had been stressed was an understatement. Hayley followed the nurse to an exam room and pulled herself up onto the table. The white paper crinkled underneath her. Had she been gaining weight? Low self-esteem bubbled up from her stomach. Things just kept getting worse.
A knock on the door made her sit up straight. “Hello, I’m Dr. Johnson. What’s going on with you today?” A woman with her hair swept up in a tidy bun stepped into the room.
“I’m just not feeling like myself lately.”
“Well, can you go into a little more detail with me?”
Hayley swung her legs back and forth over the edge of the exam table. “I’ve been exhausted. I have a hard time sleeping. My appetite is down. I keep getting nauseous. Even though I haven’t been eating much, I’m still gaining weight.”
“I see. Hayley, is it possible that you might be pregnant?”
“Pregnant?!” Hayley’s mind screamed out in dismay. She had only had sex one time. How could she be pregnant?
Dr. Johnson raised an eyebrow. “I think we should do a blood test. That will let us rule out a few things, and we can check for a high white blood cell count. It’s possible you just have a stomach bug. Doing a pregnancy test is standard procedure before prescribing any medications that might harm a fetus. It won’t take long.”
A cold swab of cotton brushed against the inside of her elbow. Hayley looked away as the doctor pulled out a needle. The slight pinch as the needle slipped in made her wince. She shouldn’t be here alone for this. She should have someone’s hand to hold. Her thoughts wandered to Deckland. As firm as she wanted to be in her decision to distance herself from him, there were still times that she couldn’t help but want him to be with her.
“Alright. Sit tight, and I’ll be back in a few minutes.”
Hayley wrung her hands in her lap. Pregnant? No. She couldn’t be. She had been so careful before she had gotten married to make sure she was never in this position. Being alone in a room waiting for results of pregnancy was one of her worst nightmares. Now, even after she was married, she had still ended up following in her mother’s footsteps. Fear paralyzed her.
What seemed like an hour went by before the door opened again. The doctor perched on top of a backless stool. “Well, I have some news for you.”
“What is it?” Hayley’s voice was a terrified whisper.
“You’re pregnant. I can tell by your face that you weren’t expecting this. As a healthcare professional, I must bring up the options of adoption and abortion.”
“What?!” Hayley couldn’t believe what the physician in front of her was saying.
“I’m not saying that you should do either. I just feel like it is my job to remind you that you have options if you don’t feel able to raise a baby on your own. However, since you just found out, I do suggest that you take some time to think things over before you decide one way or another. I’m going to give you something for nausea. You need to rest and try to lower your stress levels. If you start to feel worse, you can always come back, okay?”
Hayley nodded numbly and slipped off of the exam table. Her cheeks were burning. It didn’t matter what happened to her now. Her worst fear had come true. There was a new flicker of life growing inside of her. How could the doctor even suggest that she snuff that life out? Hayley’s hand rested lightly on her abdomen. It was a strange feeling knowing that everything she did would now affect two people. Her feet carried her outside of the clinic.
“Oof!” Someone bumped into her. Hayley looked up with startled eyes.
“Oh, I’m so sorry. I wasn’t watching where I was—Hayley? Is that you? Girl I haven’t seen you since your bachelorette party.” Dana planted two big kisses on each of Hayley’s cheeks. “How have you been? I saw Decky not that long ago. He asked if I had seen you. Are you okay, honey cakes? Is there trouble in paradise?”
“I-I…” Hayley couldn’t find the words.
“Mmhmmm. Okay. You and I are going to go get something to drink.”
“But weren’t you going inside?” Hayley’s eyes were starting to tear up.
“Honey, I can reschedule. It’s just a follow-up. Right now, we’re going to take care of you.”
Dana wrapped her arm around Hayley’s shoulder and led her gently to a nearby coffee house. She sat Hayley down at a corner table and went up to fetch them both a drink. Hayley warmed her hands on the cup Dana placed in front of her. The graceful swirl of steam coming up from the warm liquid was somewhat calming to her.
“Okay, now why don’t you tell me what’s on your mind.”
Hayley chewed on her bottom lip. “If I tell you, you can’t tell Deckland. Swear to me you won’t say anything to him.”
“Hmmm, you know, I don’t like making deals like that, but you look like you need a friend. I will promise not to tell him personally, but I reserve the right to advise you to tell him yourself. Fair enough?”
Nodding, Hayley mentally prepared herself to say the words bottled up inside of her. “I—uh…I’m pregnant.”
“Girl! Congratulations. Why aren’t you all excited? Wait. Don’t tell me. The baby isn’t his.”
“What? No! Of course, it is his. We just aren’t on the best of terms night now.”
“Mmmhmm. Trouble in paradise. I get you. So Deckland has no idea?”
“I just found out today.” Her breath shuddered.
“That’s a big piece of news to have to swallow on your own.”
“I don’t know what I’m going to do. I can’t raise a child on my own.”
Dana reached out and placed a hand on Hayley’s arm. “Honey, you don’t have to be alone. Think about it. Tell Deckland. No matter what is goi
ng on between you, it isn’t about you two anymore. It’s about your child. Don’t you think he deserves the chance to be there for you during this?”
Hayley wiped a tear from the corner of her eye. “I think I just need some time. I need to come to terms with it on my own before I tell anyone else. I probably shouldn’t even have told you.”
“No. Don’t you ever feel bad about telling me anything. For you, doll, I will always be all ears. You need anything, you just come to me. Who am I to judge anyone? Your secrets and concerns are safe with me.” Dana mimed locking her lips and throwing away the key.
Her words and concern touched Hayley’s heart. “Thank you. Really. I think I needed that.”
“Anytime. All you have to do is come find me.” Dana lifted her cup to her lips. “Is there anything else you need to talk about?”
The pictures on Deckland’s phone popped into her mind. For a second, the words hesitated in the back of her throat but decided against it. “No. There’s nothing else.”
Chapter 20: Between the Rocks
Deckland shook his glass. Whiskey sloshed between the ice cubes in his tumbler. His jaw was covered in a layer of stubble. Slouching over the counter of his new home, Deckland looked around at the empty rooms surrounding him. This wasn’t what it was supposed to be like. Hayley should have been here with him. He didn’t even have happy memories of her in their home. She had never set foot inside. Each empty room stared back at him with the possibility of memories that had never come to pass.
“Deckland!” Heels clicked across the hardwood floors. Charlotte looked at her son in disgust as she picked up beer bottles and food wrappers from around the living room. “This has got to stop.”
“Mom, just go home. Leave me alone.”
“No. I will not let you sit here in filth while your life wastes away. We have fought too hard to get to where we are for you to act like this. This is unacceptable.”
Deckland lolled his head to the side to look at her with bloodshot eyes. “Please, just go.”
“Have you even tried to find her? Your father doesn’t know she’s gone, but you can’t hide something like that from me.”
“Of course, I’ve tried to find her.” He raised his glass to his lips again, but Charlotte snatched it away from him.
“Look at yourself. You want that girl back? You need to make something of yourself. All of this moping is unattractive, and that is coming from your mother who loves you with every fiber of her being in spite of all the stretch marks you gave her. Get up. Go take a shower. You messed up. You made a mistake. So, what do you do now? Live like this for the rest of your life? No. You are a Kyle, and Kyles never let their circumstances keep them down. If you go back to her the same man you were when she left, what hope is there for your relationship. Deckland, you have to become the man she thought you were when she married you. What you two had—have—is far too precious for you to waste it like this.” Charlotte chunked the rest of his drink down the sink and placed the glass on the counter with a loud clink. Her footsteps faded as she stormed away from her son.
Staggering to his feet, Deckland ruffled his hair and wandered down the hall to the bathroom. Flicking on the lights, he flinched. Too bright. Deckland turned them back off and just let the light filter in from the hallway. His fingers fumbled with the hot and cold knobs until water shot out from the shower head.
As much as he hated to admit it, his mother was right this time. If he wanted to get Hayley back, he would need to be a better man when he found her. Deckland splashed water over his face. It wouldn’t be enough to just say he was going to be better. He needed to have something to show her. It would have to be something that not only showed that he loved her, but that he also cared about her passions in life.
The marriage he wanted was a partnership. If someone had told him a year ago that he would be sulking after a woman walked out on him, he would have told them they were crazy. Now, here he was trying to think of something to prove his love to Hayley. It couldn’t be something small or easily accomplished. No. He had to do something big enough to leave an impact, something that would take time and effort on his part.
His mind was exhausted from lack of sleep. Where was she? Was she safe? Deckland tried to push those thoughts out of his mind. He needed to focus. A chime from the other room echoed to him from down the hall. Deckland’s heart skipped a beat. His phone. Jumping out of the shower, he quickly wrapped a towel around him and ran to where his cell was ringing. Wet footprints trailed behind him.
“Hello? Hayley?”
A female voice on the other end paused for a moment. “Is this Deckland Kyle?”
“Yes, this is he.”
“Mr. Kyle, I really shouldn’t be telling you this. I could get into a lot of trouble.”
His pulse pounded in his ears. “What is it?”
“Your wife was just in our clinic. You asked us to let you know if she came in.”
“Your clinic? Was she okay?”
“I’m really not even supposed to tell you that she was here. I can’t give out any more personal information than that.”
His mind was racing. “Okay, okay. What about this? Can you just give me the address for the clinic she was at? I’ll do the rest.” The girl paused before she rattled off the street address. Deckland grabbed an ink pen and scribbled the words on his arm. “Thank you. Thank you so much!”
Deckland hung up the phone and jogged over to his car keys. He caught a glimpse of himself in a mirror propped up against one wall. His reflection made him stop. What was he doing? He was only wearing a towel. He still had a week of beard growth on his chin. The redness in his eyes was shocking. Dark circles hung drearily from under his eyes. He couldn’t see her like this. Deckland closed his eyes and tried to reason with himself.
Just because he was closer to finding Hayley again didn’t mean that he was ready for it. He had a lot of self-discovery and self-improvement to go through before he would be ready for her. Even though it hurt his heart to wait, Deckland put his keys back down. Fighting against all of his impulses, he took a deep breath and prepared himself for the personal journey ahead.
Chapter 21: Building Blocks
A sharp pain woke Hayley up from a fitful sleep. Her hand automatically went to her stomach. It had been a few weeks since she had first found out that she was pregnant. She had chosen to keep the baby. If her mother could find a way to support them when Hayley was young, then she could do it, too. Even though she had prayed that she would never follow in her mother’s footsteps, there was no going back now. What was done was done, and in a few months, she would be giving birth to her first child.
Mrs. Harper had made her stop mopping and sweeping. The only thing she allowed Hayley to help with currently was the paperwork. Even with reduced work, the pregnancy was hard on her body. Morning sickness stretched into afternoon and sometimes night sickness. Her stomach ached from stretching and growing. All of her life, she had thought pregnancy was a blessing, but the last few weeks had shown her otherwise.
Hayley’s hand slid over the small bump that was beginning to show on her stomach. Something was wrong. The pain cuts through her again. Gritting her teeth, she sat up. Something sticky glued her sheets to her thighs. One trembling hand reached down. Something wet slicked her fingertips. Turning on the light by her bed, Hayley looked at her hand. Blood.
Panic raced through her. She grabbed her phone, but it was dead. Hayley struggled to her feet and stumbled down the hall to Mrs. Harper’s apartment. Her fist pounded on the door. The blood had drained from her face. Another pain shot through her.
“Who is it? What’s going on?” A thin streak of yellow light slipped out from underneath Mrs. Harper’s door.
“It’s me. Something’s wrong.”
“Hayley?” The door opened. Mrs. Harper took in the sight of the young woman in front of her. The red stain on Hayley’s nightgown made her gasp. “I’ll get my keys. Come on. We need to get you to the emergency room.”
She disappeared back inside for a second before darting into the hall with her purse in the crook of her arm. Neither women had wasted time changing out of their night clothes. Mrs. Harper was in mother hen mode as she ushered Hayley downstairs and into her SUV.
“How are you doing over there?” The landlady glanced from the road to Hayley’s pale face.
“It hurts. I’m so scared. What if I’ve lost the baby?”
“Don’t think like that. Don’t assume anything until the doctors check you out, okay?”
“There was blood all over my sheets.”
“We’ll be at the hospital soon, just hold on.”
Hayley’s voice broke. “What if I caused this because I didn’t want to have a baby? What if I thought about it so much that it’s coming true now?”
“If we could make things happen just because we thought about them, then I would be a millionaire in the Bahamas. You may not have wanted your baby at first, but you chose to keep it. Being a mother means making the best choices for your children, even if you don’t like it or think you’re ready for it. It’s human to think bad things. It’s our actions that guide our lives, and you chose to give your baby a chance. In my book, that is what counts. We’re almost there. Just a little bit longer.”
Mrs. Harper guided the vehicle up to the automatic doors of the emergency room. Throwing it into park, she jumped out of the car to help Hayley inside. A few people gasped as they walked in. Nurses immediately brought out a wheelchair for her and whisked her to the back.
A hallway of doors sped past Hayley as she was wheeled to an exam room. Nurses asked her a flurry of questions and checked her vitals. The cold room only made her more anxious. Hayley tried to sit up, but strong hands pushed her back down. Stern voices told her to stay still. Choking back a sob, Hayley looked around for a familiar face. She was lost in a sea of strangers.
