by C. M. Kane
Valaria watched her closely as she continued. ‘Unlike humans we basically have no sexual drive until we reach full sexual maturity. Were you as interested in boys as the other girls were?’She asked.
Tae’s eyes widened in surprise as the import of what Valaria had just said registered with her. An enormous feeling of relief washed over her as she shook her head. She now realised that she wasn’t odd, or somehow wrong like she had secretly worried. If what Valaria said were true, it meant her body simply wasn’t ready. That was something she could accept and live with. All this time she had been secretly fretting, worried she was abnormal or something, and for what? Nothing!
Valaria nodded knowingly. ‘Sexual maturity signals to us that our bodies are ready for a life-mate basically. On the down side, once fully mature, if you put off having sex for too long you’ll just about jump anyone in sight. Vampires are distantly related to the Nymphs you know. Apart from that, it sounds like you might be starting to produce attraction pheromones when you’re under pressure or afraid. It’s one of the many talents a Vampire has developed to lure or disable their prey, along with the pleasure chemicals our fangs can produce. The Pheromone release is usually incredibly strong for around a year, after that it slows dramatically. We usually have to concentrate hard on it to get even a fraction of the overload we produce in that first year. Luckily they’re both things that you can learn to control, with practice. On the bright side, your blood should start to be able to heal small cuts soon, and your stamina will improve, both of which will come in handy on the Island. That usually starts around the same time as the pheromones. These pheromones,’ she looked steadily at Tae, ‘are the most likely reason why Jaden seemed to go from wanting to kill you to wanting to bone you,’ she stated blandly.
Tae’s head reeled from all that Valaria had told them. ‘Why didn’t our mother say anything? How could she have let this lie go on for so long?’ she asked, feeling her anger start to kick in again now that the initial shock was wearing off.
Valaria shrugged. ‘I think she wanted to tell you, after the Gathering. I think she wanted you both to be settled into whatever careers you wanted without giving you anymore worries.’
She sighed. ‘There was no sign of any Vampire traits as yet, so she most likely thought she had time. She really does love you both, and she probably didn’t want you to have any concerns coming up to your final year tests and the Gathering’ she added.
Tae stood up looking at Valaria angrily. ‘What about all the times Dad was ignoring me, or making me feel worthless and stupid? What about those then? Where was all her love and concern for me then!’ she said bitterly.
Valaria looked at Tae with concern. ‘I know Steven hasn’t been the best father, and I can’t pretend to know what he has said to you over the years to make you feel so bad, but in the beginning Kresley didn’t have much choice if she wanted to stay home and raise you. Steven has no excuse for treating you badly, or taking out his bitterness on you. But Kresley loves you, of this I have absolutely no doubts, what or who Steven loves anymore I simply don’t know.’
Tae frowned in thought as her anger and outrage ebbed away at Valaria’s words, once she put her anger aside she could admit that her mother loved her, even if she wasn’t quite the daughter she may have dreamed of having.
‘This is a lot to take in. I need a little time.’ She said a little more quietly.
Brohan stood and reached out to her ‘Tae’
‘It’s okay Brohan. I’m not upset or anything anymore.’ And much to her own surprise she realised that she really wasn’t. She was very angry about being kept in the dark about it all, but not upset that this Tamuer person was her real father.
‘Actually the more I think about it the more I realise there’s a huge part of me that’s relieved. It explains a lot of things in my life, things I’ve obviously been worried about unnecessarily. I just need some time to wrap my head around it all.’
Brohan nodded, dropping his hand and sitting again.
Tae turned to Valaria. ‘Can I come and stay with you until I enter the Island?’ she asked.
Valaria looked at her, shocked. Of all the things she had expected Tae to say, that obviously hadn’t been one of them.
Tae smiled at her and started explaining her reasoning to them. ‘Well, for starters, it will mean I won’t have to deal with my father anymore, which is kind of a major relief. I can also question you some more about Vampires, and you could teach me about controlling all these new things I’m about to have going on. Because as you’ve just pointed out, I’m going to really need to be able to do all of this in a hurry, because once my nanites switch off I’m going to hit my sexual maturity- and fast. And if what you’ve just said is true, then that means that these pheromones will start coming out of me at an uncontrollable rate, due to my fear at being on the Island. If I can’t learn to control them by the time I’m on the Island, then judging by Jaden’s reaction to me today, if one of the Wolven should start hunting me I’m dead.’ At Brohans confused look she added. ‘Won’t I be leaving a rather large trail of juicy goodness for someone to follow?’ She looked from Valaria to Brohan. ‘Have I left anything out?’
‘Oh shit!’ Valaria looked stricken and turned to Brohan. ‘She’s right. Wolven can track a Vampire’s pheromones from kilometres away. Damn it, of course you can come stay with me, I even have a spare room.’ She smiled hopefully. ‘I do hope you like colour.’
Brohan ran his hand through his hair. ‘Well at least this will add a little endurance and speed to your legs,’ he joked. ‘I’ve never met a Vampire who isn’t fast and tough. This could definitely improve your chances. Just make sure you learn everything you can to control the pheromone scent. I just thank the gods that humans aren’t as affected by them as other species are.’
Valaria looked at him for a moment then stood up, a sly smile on her face. ‘C’mon Tae, it’s time for Aunty Valaria to take you home to grab your stuff before Steven arrives. My darter is around the back.’ She gathered her umbrella and cloak. ‘Let’s go.’ She walked over to Brohan and gave him a lingering kiss, then laughed at the dazed look on his face as he reached out blindly to pull her back. ‘Aren’t affected my perfectly shaped arse.’ She grinned and then walked out the door. Tae looked over at the brightly blushing Brohan and giggled, then followed Valaria out to her darter.
***
‘Are you sure you want to do this Tae?’ Valaria asked again as they pulled up out the front of the house.
Tae stared at the house that had been her home for just over seventeen years, the home she was about to leave forever. ‘Yes, I think it’s long past time, don’t you? I’ll only be a few minutes so if you want to stay here out of the sun, that’s fine.’
Valaria leant against the darkened window of the darter, letting the cool breeze from its air-conditioning unit wash over her. ‘If you don’t mind,’ she said. ‘I hate running about with this damn cloak over me. I look like a giant black bat. I’ll just pop the storage compartment at the front for you, so you can put your case or whatever you have in. Okay?’
Tae nodded jumped out of the car and hurried inside to her bedroom. She knew she wouldn’t need much, so she grabbed her two sets of training gear, some underwear, and the clothes she was going to wear to the Island. She shoved them into a large canvas bag she had for shopping trips. She also grabbed the green dress from her wardrobe and her good heeled shoes. She would give them to Soola, she knew it was highly unlikely she would return from the Island, and the dress and shoes were the best things she had ever owned. She then went to the kitchen and took the large carving knife.
Packed with all she intended to take with her, Tae went to the lounge and to the long thin black rod on the table that was their com-panel. She turned it on and set it to record. Instead of the usual three-dimensional picture appearing before her that would usually broadcast whatever she wished to see, a blank mist coloured screen appeared. She took a deep breath, although she thought she
felt nothing much for her father anymore, she didn’t want to leave anything unfinished in her own mind. She knew that no matter what happened, she would never return here. Even if by some miracle she did survive. She decided she was going to leave with some class, some dignity, with her head held high.
The machine beeped as its artificial voice issued forth. ‘Please begin your message when the light flashes green. When you have finished please say: end message.’
She stood in front of the screen as the light flashed green. ‘Hello Dad,’ she began, before all her high ideals left her in a rush. ‘I’m thinking you have already heard the news by now, and more than likely are secretly pleased that our journey together has come to an end at last. I am moving to a friend’s house for the last few days before I ship out to the Island. I just need to say a couple of things before I leave.’ She took a deep breath then began to say what she had been keeping bottled up with-in her for so long.
‘I’ve just learnt some interesting facts about my conception’ she said as her voice began rising in anger. ‘How could you and mum keep that from us? Why would you? Although this does explain why you’ve always treated me like some piece of garbage you’ve managed to get on your boot.’ she snarled.
‘How dare you, I was an innocent child! I spent most of my childhood confused and upset, wondering what the hell I had done wrong to make you hate me so much! I tried everything I could to make you proud of me, and every single damn time, all my efforts were ever met with was scorn or derision. You made me feel worthless you bastard! Well no more. I know who and what I am, and guess what? I’m happy! For the first time in my life I am happy with my parentage, as far as I’m concerned you and your opinions don’t exist anymore. I’m done!’
She glared at the com rod for a moment before adding ‘I really hope that someday you can find at least a modicum of the love and happiness I’ve received from Mum and Jase all of my life, maybe then you might finally realise what a truly despicable arsehole you’ve been. Goodbye … End message.’
Tae was red faced and breathing hard, tears of anger threatened to spill from her eyes. She stood still for a moment as she bought herself back under control again. Smiling ruefully she looked at the now silent Com rod, its blinking green light showing there was a message recorded. Well it’s not exactly the calm dignified message I was going for she thought ruefully. She heisted a moment, ‘Screw it’ she muttered defiantly at the silently blinking rod before picking up her bag and Jason’s quilt. Leaving the house she quickly made her way to the front of the waiting darter where she stowed the quilt and bag, walking back around to the passenger side door she hopped in beside Valaria where she sat silently, staring straight ahead. Valaria glanced at her but stayed quiet, wisely leaving her to come to terms with whatever she was thinking about.
One life now officially over thought Tae, as she refused to look back at what was now her old life. From now on looking forward was all that mattered, she would put everything she had into mastering Valaria’s new lessons and continuing to train under Brohan.
This was her life now.
This, and then the Island.
CHAPTER 12
‘No, no, no. Alright, let’s start this from another angle.’ Valaria pushed her hands through her hair in frustration. For three days now she had been trying to teach Tae how to control her pheromone signature, and for three days she had been met with abject failure. After Tae had settled into Valaria’s small spare bedroom that first night Valaria had started her lessons. Soola had joined them, delighted that her best friend would now be only a few doors away.
She had cried and tried to refuse Tae’s gift of the dress and shoes, but Tae had made her take them, by putting her in a headlock and threatening to hang her arse out the nearest open window. As Soola was still wearing the very short dress that she had worn to the Gathering, she had quickly relented, but she’d added that she’d just be keeping them safe, until Tae got back. After that they had gone to the kitchen and eaten a meal together before Valaria excused herself, saying she had left ‘something’ at Brohan’s. Before she left she had given Tae access to her com-panel along with all their family records to go through, to let her settle in.
The following three days had followed the same routine. Tae would get up at six am, have breakfast, jog to Brohan’s, train, finish around four thirty, and then jog back to Valaria’s. She’d shower and change, grab something more to eat and settle down to her lessons in concentration and control. More food followed while she watched events unfold on the Island as she studied its terrain in detail. That was followed by some relaxation time where she downloaded music for herself on an old com-screen in the bedroom that Valaria had given her and, finally, bed at midnight.
Her lessons with Valaria would begin with Tae thinking of her upcoming time on the Island and how she’d get through all the obstacles to free Loki. When she started getting concerned she would unconsciously release pheromones, which Valaria could detect. She would then try to concentrate on stopping them but, simply put, it wasn’t working.
‘What are you thinking about when you’re trying to bring them under control?’ asked Valaria.
‘Well, about stopping them for a start,’ Tae snapped before shifting to a more contrite tone. ‘I’m sorry, I know you’re trying to help me. I just can’t seem to do it. I keep thinking I mustn’t fail and I’m trying really hard, but nothing happens.’
Valaria sat down on the brightly coloured couch in her living area where they practiced control techniques each day after Tae came home from training. ‘Okay, let’s talk about that. So tell me, what happens if you fail?’
Tae frowned. ‘Well that’s pretty obvious, isn’t it? Mum and Jase might die. You and Brohan could get into serious trouble for helping me if anyone finds out, and you may even be sent to the Island yourselves. Soola and Margarete might also get into trouble for even knowing me, and Loki would remain trapped. In short I would fail everyone.’
Valaria leant back against a bright pink cushion. Her living quarters were a kaleidoscope of bright colours and soft floating materials. ‘So, if it was Soola in this situation and she was trying as hard as you are, would you blame her for her failure? Or do you simply see yourself as better than her?’
‘No! No to both questions!’ said Tae after a moment’s thought.
‘So why are you so hard on yourself? If you can’t get it then so be it. Some people take months to gain even a modicum of control, just like I warned you before we started.’
Tae jumped to her feet, opened her mouth, closed it again, and then burst out, ‘Because I can’t allow myself to fail, especially not now!’
Valaria pulled her head back startled at her outburst. ‘Everyone fails sometimes, Tae. That’s part of life.’
Tae swung around. Something inside her had reached its breaking point. ‘You don’t understand!’ she shouted, tears springing to her eyes. ‘Didn’t you hear me? If I fail everyone could die. They could come after you and Brohan, or Soola and Margarete, if they find out you helped me. I’ve screwed up everything, for everyone.’
Valaria got up quickly, walked over to her and grasped her shoulders. ‘Tae, no-one will blame you, trust me. You made a mistake, a mistake that had terrible, unforeseen consequences. You’ve had the courage to own up to that, and you’re trying to rectify what you’ve done. Sweetheart, you’re trying your hardest, we can all see that, and that’s all that matters.’
Tae’s lips trembled as she looked up at her aunt. ‘So you won’t hate me if I fail?’
Valaria’s eyes widened in comprehension as she realised what had been troubling her niece for so long. ‘Of course we won’t hate you, our love isn’t contingent on whether you succeed, Tae, you don’t have to prove yourself to me, or anyone else for that matter. Please believe me when I say that I … no, all of us, couldn’t be any prouder of you than what we are right now. Our love is there for you, regardless of the outcome’
Tae stared at her for a minute, searc
hing her aunt’s face to see if she was lying. When Valaria continued to stare back at her unashamedly Tae finally let herself believe the words she’d said to her. Taking a deep breath she turned and walked over to a painting of Salernis, Valaria’s home world. She stared at the soft moonlit scene of rolling hills and a meandering stream. The moonlight from the twin moons, Cersei and Certatia, lending it a surreal look. She let out a deep breath as she felt the tension she had been carrying leave her. With a stab of insight, she realised she had been an idiot, yet again. She wondered when the thought of failure had become such a big thing to her; it had seemed to be hanging over her for as long as she could remember. A fragment of memory arose, her father yelling drunkenly what a waste of resources it was for her to be given special nanites. How she’d never amount to anything, that she’d be just another worthless leech on society. She had been in her bedroom reading when she’d heard him yelling at her mother. It was if her heart had turned to ice as his words cut into her. She had determined then and there that she would show him, she would become better than he ever was. She would prove herself, to everyone.
Shit! I’ve become so screwed up with trying to prove myself worthy to everyone that I’ve forgotten that people can actually love me, for just being me. Damn it, I’m such an idiot! She thought shaking her head. She walked over to the com-panel and touched the screen. When her nanites had downloaded what she wanted she turned back to Valaria and smiled.
