by Stacy M Wray
She smiles, propping the mop against the counter. “I’ll say. You scared the crap out of me.” Laughing softly, she attempts to fix her hair. I can tell she doesn’t know what to do with her hands, either. Do we hug? Pretend like that night didn’t happen?
Suddenly, it’s a little awkward in here.
To break the silence, I ask, “Is Mr. H around?”
Her mind seems to be a million miles away – anywhere but here. I’m not sure what I expected when I saw her. I ran this scenario in my head a million times, never knowing what to envision when I finally laid eyes on her again. If I had known all along that I’d be back here, I suppose we could have kept in touch. But honestly, I thought I’d never see her again. I only found out a couple of months ago that I’d be here for another summer. It seemed weird to attempt to get in touch with her – we hadn’t even exchanged numbers. So, yeah, it’s all a bit bizarre now.
She glances at the clock. “Um, he’s out in the fields if you want to go find him. Otherwise, he’ll be in at one o’clock for lunch.” We both grin, knowing Mr. H is a creature of habit. He hardly deviates from his schedule if he can help it.
Harper bends over to retrieve the bucket of dirty water. She carries it carefully to the sink before tipping it over the edge, the mucky water gurgling through the drain pipe. Plopping the bucket back down on the floor, she turns to me, her brows a bit furrowed. “So…you and Mr. H kept in touch?”
I can tell by the look on her face where she’s going with this. If I didn’t know any better, I’d swear hurt lies behind those innocent eyes.
“Well, not at first. I just wanted to thank him, you know? But then, he wanted to know how things were… so, yeah, we did.” Her head lowers as she swallows hard, unable to hold my gaze. I’m guessing that’s not what she wanted to hear.
She jerks the mop from the edge of the counter, abrasively forcing the knob back on the sink. Holding the mop head under the steady stream, she says, above the gush of water, “It’s good to see you, Reed. I’ve got a lot of work to do today. I’m sure Mr. H will be happy to see you.”
And that’s that. She dismisses me. I regard her stance at the kitchen sink, steam from the hot water now billowing around her face. Rigid. Tight. Her movements are jerky and exaggerated. She’s practically fighting the mop head, banging it against the stainless steel. She’s pissed. And this brings a small smile to my face.
Pissed is better than indifferent.
I can work with pissed.
“Guess I’ll go look for him, then. See you around, Harper.” I leave through the mud room, not looking back to see if she turned. I don’t want to see the hurt in her eyes anymore. I know it will still be there. And it sucks, knowing that I’m responsible.
I take a deep breath once outside. I’ve just proven to myself that my attraction for her hasn’t waned even a little. Did I really think I could come back and pretend nothing happened? I’m really hoping we can get past the awkwardness from how we left things at the end of last summer. I hadn’t planned on coming back here. That was decided in the middle of the school year when the tension in my house rose to alarming levels. Mom’s boyfriend and I were unable to see eye-to-eye on anything.
My anger issues have improved immensely – but not that much. I didn’t trust myself and had to get out.
I smile, shaking my head. I know I came back of my own accord. I can now admit nothing calms me more than being on this farm.
Funny how life smacked me with a huge one-eighty.
Shielding my eyes with my hand, I scan the fields. It doesn’t take long to spot the John Deere green moving slowly up and down the corn, his machine spanning a good fifteen rows. And I know exactly what Mr. H is doing – must be time for side dressing, feeding the small plants nitrogen. It won’t be long before they are up to my waist.
I start to walk down a row where he’ll be moving back up once he’s turned around, wondering how long it will take him to notice me. When I’m roughly thirty yards in front of him, he stops abruptly. I can see him shake his head while he climbs out.
“Well, ain’t you a sight for sore eyes!”
I pick up my pace, shrinking the distance between us. “Bet you never thought I’d be asking to come back here, huh?”
His wrinkled face exhibits a genuine smile as he stands before me, taking me in. He grips both of my shoulders and gives me a shake. “You look good, son. I’m glad you’re here.”
I think about what I left behind and how grateful I am to this man standing before me. He gets me. Really gets me. He’s been my lifeline this past year and I owe him so much. “You know I’ll work for nothing. I just had to get away from there.”
He nods in understanding, then shakes his old-man finger at me. “Nonsense. You’ll earn every dime you make.”
I huff a small laugh, knowing it’s useless to argue with him. I notice him look up to the house. “You see Harper yet? She’s back for the summer, too.”
His lips turn up in a smirk, thinking I didn’t catch it. I caught it. I think that old man enjoys watching me go through hell attempting to keep my distance. He knows damn well what kind of effect that girl has on me.
“Yeah, I stopped at the house first. We talked for a few minutes.” He searches for something, but I keep my expression unreadable. I intend on keeping my word to him. He doesn’t need to tell me twice.
Keeping my attraction to Harper buried inside will prove challenging this summer, but I’m a better person here on the farm, knowing I’m in debt to the old man. The last thing I want to do is let him down.
Mr. H slaps a hand on my back, smirking like I’ve seen so many times. “Let’s go for a walk, son.”
And, just like that, I’ve been transported to a place where someone appreciates me, wants to know me and what I’m thinking.
My chest burns with gratitude as the Indiana sun beats down on the back of my neck.
Chapter Thirteen
Harper
June 11-17, 2011
Aries Horoscope: A very challenging beginning to the week may have you seeking the company of friends. They prove to be a great distraction but can only provide comfort as long as you confide your troubles. Romance may be complicated this week, your love interest shifting when you least expect it. Go with it and don’t fight your feelings – your heart knows what it wants, especially around Capricorns, Aquarius, Libras, and Scorpios.
It takes me several minutes to wrap my head around the fact that Reed just stood in this kitchen and carried on a short conversation with me, leaving just as abruptly as he came. However, it didn’t take me long to cling to the fact that he kept in touch with Mr. H throughout the year yet didn’t care to stay in touch with me.
Fire burns through my veins as I finish wiping the counters, going at them as if my hatred for the putrid goldenrod color could change with some extra effort. Is this the same boy that held me that night? The same boy who kissed my freckles and whose hands skimmed my chest, leaving me in a heap of emotions by the time I slinked away in the dark of the morning?
I never thought I’d see him again. I wished I might. I prayed I might. But I always thought my pleas were falling on deaf ears, my days filled with nothing but memories. Pieces of our last summer continuously flood my mind. Just last week, I was replaying our entire summer like a movie reel while I spent the day hiding away in the escape my dad built. I was pining for a boy whose image I was deathly afraid of losing over time. My mind unable to recall the exact shade of brown in his eyes. Or just how deep the cleft was in his chin.
But I just saw that cleft and I hadn’t lost any of the detail. It was just as I had imagined. He was just as I had imagined.
Perfect. Bulked-up. He must be seventeen now, no longer a boy.
Yet, his actions were anything but. Like I’m just a casual acquaintance he met last summer and now it’s just good to see me.
I don’t think my belly has ever flopped as much as it did when I heard his low, smooth voice say my name just mere minutes
ago. No boy in school can even touch the degree of flutters Reed inflicts. Not even close.
Even though it took me a while to get past the sadness once he left, I finally began to branch out at school. I finally put myself out there and made some new friends. Not many, but a few. Just enough to be a part of someone’s circle, giving me something to do on the weekends, at times.
I wedged myself into a small group when I befriended Anna in my English class last fall. I watched her face when she received papers back. Her expression was always that of disappointment, so I offered to help. After studying together, it was clear I had made a true friend.
Erica and Leslie accepted me with little resistance when Anna invited me to go the movies with them. It felt good to socialize again. All four of us clambered into the perfect row of seats, hardly able to wait for the suspense to grip us as the opening credits appeared for Scream 4. I have loved all of the Scream movies and was grateful for the company.
Just having them in my life made my sophomore year so much better than my freshman, having spent most of it in avoidance. I was even asked out a few times, but I never accepted. Even though I never thought I’d see Reed again, I still couldn’t quite get over him and didn’t feel comfortable complying with their invitations, as harmless as it seemed.
But here he is, acting like we’re buddies who just happened to bump into each other at the mall. I’m surprised he didn’t high-five me or something. The more I think about it, the more infuriated I become.
Maybe, it’s a good day to beat the rugs clean. I feel like punching something and that might be the safest bet, for now. But first, I’m going to get a quick lunch ready and eat mine before one o’clock. There’s no way I can hide my raw feelings – it’s too soon. I need time to process this.
Then, I’ll spend the rest of the day cleaning the upstairs before returning home.
Avoidance is a game I’ve mastered.
*****
Having managed to avert Reed the entire rest of the week, I begin warring with myself. I detest the idea of not being around him. The few times our paths crossed, he merely shook his head at me, almost as if he knew I was pouting. Whatever. Since when did he become so mature and adult-like? How boring.
Finally, the weekend is here, and the girls and I plan on hanging out. Except, this time, there’s no movie, no dinner, and no ice-cream fetching. I’ve just hung up from talking to Anna, and she informed me we were going to our first party. After a week of exhaustingly sidestepping Reed and pretending like everything is fine when Mr. H inquired, my lips tip up in an almost evil grin. We’re technically juniors now, so why not? I’m curious and I’ve got a cute skirt just screaming for such an occasion. Maybe, I can catch the eye of someone tonight. Better yet, maybe I can get someone to kiss me, erasing the ghost of Reed’s lips.
Now, that might make me feel better.
I’ve just swiped a layer of lip gloss across my lips when my phone pings with a text. Glancing at the screen, I read that the girls are waiting for me in the drive. I assess myself one last time. Wavy hair, one side pulled back with a bobby pin. Light makeup. Aqua peasant-style shirt that make my eyes pop. Black skirt highlighting my long legs. Gold sandals that look like a million bucks.
Reed who?
I’m just about to tell my dad “good bye” when I realize he’s already passed out on the couch. It’s not even nine-thirty.
I take my time walking down the sidewalk to reach Erica’s car, pleading in my head for Reed to notice how good I look. I want him to see that I’m doing something fun and it doesn’t have anything to do with him. I turn my head in the direction of his bunkhouse subtly but see no sign of him.
Figures.
Leslie rolls down her window. “Damn, girl. You are dressed to impress. You been holding out on us?”
Climbing into the back seat, I shoot back, “What do you mean?”
Anna elbows me on my left side. “She means you must be wanting someone to notice you tonight.”
Yeah, but, unfortunately, he didn’t see me.
“Nope. Just felt good to get a little gussied up, that’s all. It’s time to start acting like juniors, right?”
They all nod in agreement while Erica pulls out into the street. “Damn straight. Let’s show this piss ant town how it’s done.” I laugh at Leslie because she wouldn’t know the first thing about showing this town anything – she’s more backward than I am.
The party ends up being in an open field, with hipster music blaring into the nothingness of the night. Adrenaline pumps through me as we pull up, finally waking up from a meaningless life, as of late. Suddenly, I don’t want to think about cooking and taking care of my almost nonfunctional dad. Nor do I want to think about helping at Mr. H’s. I especially don’t want to think about Reed and the way his lips devoured mine last summer, like they were his last meal.
Tonight, is about letting all of that go.
I’m the first to climb out and the others follow. Someone calls out as soon as they see us. “Hey, Anna.” We look to the sound of the voice and watch Vincent wave us over. Vincent has been pursuing Anna for weeks now, but I don’t think she feels the same way and is too nice to tell him.
Anna shrugs and we follow her over. Vincent holds out a bottle containing clear liquid. I read the label even though only half of it shows – tequila. He smiles and nods his head to the tailgate of his truck. A paper plate sits on the edge with lime wedges piled high.
I know the girls have had alcohol before, but I haven’t. But that’s about to change. After Anna takes a swig, she hands the bottle to me while she desperately reaches for a slice of lime. Bracing myself, I press the bottle to my lips and tilt my head back, determined not to cough like I see people do in the movies. The excruciating burn travels down my throat but I hold in the urge to cough, forcing the action to my watering eyes. Blindly, I reach for a lime to clamp down on, passing the bottle to Erica. My insides feel like a torch has been lit, but once that subsides, I feel myself begin to relax, swaying with the riffs of music floating up towards the stars. Wow! That wasn’t so bad.
In no time, we’re on swig number two.
And that’s just within the first ten minutes we’re there.
I feel wonderful. Everyone is wonderful. My smile has never been wider, and I love everyone.
I think I’m being loud. The other girls are laughing at me, but they’re just as loud as I am, maybe more so.
Vincent sits me down in a chair beside his truck. “Chill, Harper. You just got here.”
This only makes me laugh harder. He’s a nice guy and not bad looking. It’s a shame Anna doesn’t feel any chemistry with him.
Vincent turns his back to me while he spins the lid on the tequila bottle, placing it beside the limes. When I think they aren’t paying attention, I sneak another swig, almost spitting out the entire thing since I’m laughing inside about pulling one over on them. Clumsily replacing the bottle, I lean back in my chair and scan the crowd for someone to wipe Reed’s last kiss from existence. I don’t want to waste it on just anyone.
It’s then that I notice him. Justin Kennedy. He’s staring at me, dark and intense. Does that mean he doesn’t like me? Or does that mean he does? Or maybe, he’s just mildly curious about Harper James finally being at a party. I giggle at this and pull my gaze from him.
My lips feel numb as I continually press them together, fascinated by the sensation. Quickly losing interest, I focus on how Vincent looks at Anna. He’s looking rather intense himself. Does that mean…
I turn my head and search for Justin again, finding him talking to Lisa Stark. At first, I feel deflated, but then, quickly remember she only likes girls, having come out last year. I remember how brave I thought that was, knowing most kids wait until they go away to college. I admire her immensely. My index finger taps on my lips as I have that thought with myself and my eyes lock on Justin’s again. He licks his lips as he stares at me, then turns to Lisa, saying something into her ear. She looks at m
e and smiles as Justin starts to walk my way, slowly eliminating the distance between us.
My stomach whooshes – and it’s a good whoosh. But it could be a tequila-induced whoosh. What the hell – I’ll take the whoosh. Justin is good-looking, and he keeps staring at me. If I was one hundred percent sure he was coming for me, I’d get up and meet him half way. I’m just not that certain and, even though I’m feeling really good, I’m not about to embarrass myself at my first party.
He stops in front of my chair. Should have had more confidence in yourself, Harper.
“Hey.” He lifts his chin as he delivers his one-word greeting. His dark hair slightly curls around the edge of his face, suiting him perfectly. His angular jaw is exquisite. I also can’t help but notice his expressive cerulean eyes focusing on my blurry green ones.
“Hey,” I almost giggle back.
“I’ve never seen you at one of these before.”
His words shock me, but I go with it. He noticed that? “That’s because I’ve never been before.” He looks around for a minute and my eyes drop to my lap. That’s when I notice that my skirt appears scandalously short by the way I’m sitting. I attempt to tug it down before he notices.
His lips turn up in a disarming smile. Too late. He holds his hand out. “Come walk with me.”
His command makes me feel warm and fuzzy, and I love the fact that he’s paying even the slightest attention to me. “Um…okay.” I turn to say something to my posse, but only Erica and Vincent remain. They’re engaged in a serious conversation that I don’t feel I should interrupt.
Slipping my hand into Justin’s, he pulls up and lifts me from the chair. I’m so close I can smell his cologne, or soap, or whatever it is producing that decadent fragrance. He smells woodsy, earthy. It’s nice. Leading me to a group of trees along the edge of the open field, he walks around one, taking me with him. Stepping forward, his action causes me to lean back against the scratchy bark of a huge tree, away from the view of others.
