by Stacy M Wray
I play with the tines of my fork before I hesitantly ask, “You ever find that Libra you were looking for?” Shit, Reed – you really want to know the answer to that?
Almost seeming embarrassed that she shared that with me at one time, she shakes her head. “Nope – never found him,” she says quietly. My words seem to surprise her. “But then again, maybe, I stopped looking.”
My brow lifts, wondering what she means, when our meals are placed before us. “Just let me know if I can get you anything else,” the waitress says, before spinning away from our table.
Harper leans over, closing her eyes as she allows the aroma of her dish to float up to her nostrils, a small mmm slipping up from her throat. My stomach clenches at the thought of missing out on such simple pleasures with her – of all the ones I’ve missed out on already. It’s unbelievable to me how much she is still embedded under my skin. All those nights afraid to close my eyes in the blackness of my cell, the only thoughts keeping me sane were memories of Harper. Her innocence. Her spunk. Those lips on mine.
My head and heart incite war inside me, hating the way my life turned out. I almost had her. But almost isn’t good enough, is it?
“Aren’t you going to eat?” she asks.
Picking up my fork, I force a smile and dig into my plate of rigatoni, savoring the flavors on my taste buds. This is heaven compared to what I’ve been used to.
Keeping our conversation light during the rest of the meal, I pay for our dinners, both of us walking out to the parking lot. “You need me to drop you off at your car?”
Shaking my head, I say, “No. I took a cab to Mr. Mason’s office. I’ve got a room at the Hampton Inn. If you don’t mind, could you drop me there?” I hate admitting that I don’t have a car. Hard telling what my mom did with it. Hell, she could be driving it, for all I know.
Looks like I can buy my own car, now.
Before climbing into the driver’s side, she smiles at me from across the top of her car and says, “Sure. That’s not a problem.”
The ride to the hotel is quiet. I’m not ready for this to be over. I’ve felt more in these past few hours than I have in a long while. If only –
A small giggle floats over from the opposite side of the car, and I turn to see Harper glance at me. “I’m sorry, but I just remembered something. My horoscope said that my finances were going to be excellent this week.” Her eyes are so bright. Even as the end of the day becomes blanketed in darkness, I can see their vitality, her sparkle.
Unable to help the smirk that crosses my face, I say, “You’re kidding.”
Shaking her head, she answers, “No, I’m not.”
And then, she pulls into the parking lot and panic sweeps across my body. Dread fills me instantly. Steering her car into an empty space, she turns off the ignition. Shifting her body, she faces me. Several moments pass and I can feel her eyes penetrate. Mine never leave the windshield. “What’s going to happen now, Reed?”
I drag my hand down my face, needing more time to process this. Fuck! I don’t know how to do this.
She reaches across the console and grabs ahold of my hand. Her touch is familiar, calming. My eyes slide to hers, noticing that they’ve softened. And then, I notice her lips, and I can’t drag my gaze from them. Leaning forward, she whispers, “I’ve missed you so much,” before shrinking the distance between us. Her lips hesitantly brush the corner of my mouth. Without thinking, my hand flies to the back of her neck, pulling her to me in a frenzy. My mouth is all over hers, roughly claiming the lips that have haunted me in my thoughts for never-ending months.
I never thought I’d taste these lips again, but with each passing second of this incredible kiss, it feels as if Harper erases the bitter taste of all my mistakes with the sweep of her tongue. If only it were that easy.
I want her so fucking bad. I would on any occasion, but the fact I’ve basically been celibate since the last time I kissed her has me so hard, it’s painful. I know this is so wrong – on so many levels. I can’t let this happen. But I want nothing more than to bury myself deep inside her, claim her like I’ve wanted to since the day I met her.
Harper pulls back, and I feel my lifeline slipping away. Opening my eyes, she focuses on me intently. Those plump lips are even plumper, a sign of our recklessness. “Invite me in, Reed.”
Those four words have me on edge. Don’t get me wrong – I’m instantly picturing her beneath me, the look on her face after I’d made her come etched in my brain from that last night in my bunkroom. I’d give anything to put that look on her face again, the beauty of her flushed cheeks, her lips barely parted as she panted small, shallow breaths.
You know you can’t stick around, Reed.
“Harper…” I stall for time, not knowing how to respond. I don’t want to be that douchebag that fucks her, then leaves. I’ve got so much shit to figure out. My life right now is one gaping, giant hole, and I haven’t even begun to figure out the steps I need to take to make it shrink.
As if she can read my mind, she whispers, “Please…I’d rather have some of you than none. Just give me tonight.”
My body answers for me. Fuck the consequences. “Let’s go.”
Once out of the car, I grab her hand and walk through the lobby of the hotel. Harper’s phone rings and she steps into a hall to take the call, claiming it’s her dad. I take advantage of this time to ask the dude behind the counter about scoring some condoms. This was the last scenario on my mind when I rolled into town. Thank God, he was able to hook me up.
When Harper’s finished with her call, I locate the elevator and we step in, heated glances being our only mode of communication. My hand grips hers tighter, unable to stop touching her. I relish the contact of her skin against mine. I know our time is fleeting, but I can’t think about that right now.
Once out of the elevator, I fumble to retrieve the key card in my pocket – I can’t get this door open fast enough. Stepping inside, I flip on the light that illuminates only the entry of the room, the rest of it cast in shadows from the dim, low-wattage bulb. We both shrug out of our coats, tossing them on the floor.
We don’t make it past the bathroom entrance, and I pin her to the wall across from it, still illuminated by the entry light. Her eyes boast a hunger unlike anything I’ve ever seen before, and there’s more to her look than just hunger. I focus on her mouth before I assault those lips, leaning into her so far, I swear my tongue could touch the back of her throat.
I grab both of her wrists, raising them above her head and holding them in place with one hand while I part her legs with my thigh. My mouth locks on hers, kissing her so hard, I’m afraid I’ll leave bruises. But her whimpers aren’t telling me to stop – they’re coaxing me along and begging for more. My free hand wraps around her throat, pushing lightly before dragging down her collarbone. I palm the top of her breast as she pushes her chest into my hand, wanting the contact just as much as I do.
“Harper…” Her name slips out, almost as a plea. “God…”
Her fingers lightly press on my lips. “No. Don’t say anything. No thinking tonight, Reed. I just want to feel.”
Jesus. She’s about to kill me.
My lips move toward her ear, biting along the way. My hand now yanks down the top of her shirt, along with the cup of her bra, her breast begging for my attention.
My thoughts scatter in so many directions, screaming at me to stop. But the selfish part of me is so addicted to her that I’m unable to. Her touch is intoxicating, her scent like a drug. I feel as if I’m chasing an apparition, that she’s not here.
But her hands traveling down my back, resting at the top of my ass says differently.
My thigh pushes up between her legs, and she practically rides me, unabashedly. If she needs a release that bad, I’m about to give it to her. I lick my way back up to her ear. “Tell me to stop, Harper.”
“No.” Her breaths are shallow, and I glance at her face. The lids of her eyes are closed, and I can tell
she’s inside her head, becoming lost in the moment. I smirk, knowing I’m the cause.
“Harper?”
“Hmm?”
“You sure about this?”
“Aren’t you?” There’s a touch of hurt echoing in her question.
“It’s just that –”
Her hand covers my mouth again. “No words.”
Our eyes meet, and I see her pain. I see her frustration. I’m torn between doing what’s right and doing what’s about to feel fucking great.
The decision is made for me when her hand slips around to cup me on the outside of my jeans. I’m only human. I’ve fantasized about this moment for months, and she’s about to hand it to me on a fucking platter. How can I stop now?
I drop my thigh away from her grinding. “Reed…” She’s none too happy about it.
“I’ll take care of you, Harper. Trust me.” Releasing the hold on her hands, my mouth travels down between her breasts, continuing down. I lift her shirt up and kiss her belly down to the top of her pants. I gaze up at her and she watches me…waiting to see what my next move is, her eyes pleading for me to put her out of her misery.
My fingers deftly undo the button of her pants, then slowly pull down the zipper. Her chest heaves up and down at the anticipation as my fingers grasp the sides of her pants. I yank them down those inviting long legs, and she steps out of them. I shove them aside, then focus on the silk black panties covering what I most want to see – what I’ve always wanted to see, to taste.
I run a finger along the outside of her panties, pushing them inside her as I press in, assessing how wet she is. “Fucking hell, Harper.” Looking down at me, a wicked smile crosses her face.
The panties need to go, as much as I love them. And now, she stands before me, half naked. Disheveled. Flushed. Alluring.
Still on my knees, I spread her legs a little wider and inhale her scent. Fucking intoxicating. Slipping a finger in, she knocks her head back against the wall, bucking against my hand. I insert another as my mouth finds her clit, sucking voraciously while still working her with my fingers. In no time, she tenses up, her hands yanking strands of my hair. She pushes my face into her until we’re practically one entity.
A low growl simmers from within her as she comes off her high, her back sliding down the wall. Our eyes are now at the same level; her soft smile greets me. “That was amazing,” she says, tugging at my shirt, “but you’ve got too many clothes on.”
I easily tug my shirt over my head, tossing it aside. “Better?”
An easy laugh slips through her lips. “Keep going.” So bossy.
“I’ll keep going, but you need to lose the shirt and bra.”
“Deal.”
We both stand, discarding what’s left of our clothing. I grab her hand and lead her towards the bed, yanking the covers down, but not before grabbing the condoms from my pants pocket.
Flashing her a smile, I rip one open, sheathing myself, then join her on the bed. I crawl up between her legs, placing my hands beside her head on the mattress. I kiss her hard, jutting the tip of my dick inside her, maybe just an inch, then pull back. But who am I kidding? I’m done taking it slow. I need to feel her walls grip me like a vice I can’t live without.
In one swift motion, I’m deep inside, Harper catching her breath. Has she done this before? Fuck – I should have asked her.
“Harper, is this your first time?”
Her front teeth sink into her bottom lip as she reluctantly shakes her head, her eyes almost apologetic.
Fuck. “Don’t look at me like that,” I say, moving in and out of her, hardly able to say the words. “I told you to move on – not to wait for me.”
But that one small shake of her head has me seeing red, knowing someone else has touched her, maybe tasted her and made her come. Someone knows her body, what it feels like to move in and out of her, have her grip around them so tightly – that it’s unbelievably mind-blowing.
Suddenly, I feel the need to erase everyone who has been here before me. I move at a harsh pace, frantic to come inside her, marking her as mine.
She must like it, because she begs me not to stop.
Even as my body screams in euphoria, my mind locks up tight. This girl beneath me took my heart prisoner a long time ago, and this feels more natural to me than taking my next breath. But what the fuck am I doing?
When we both fall over the ledge, my mind blocks out the last twenty-seven months. I only focus on a time when it was just us, living life on Mr. H’s farm. When I finally admitted how much I wanted her and would do anything to have her.
Only, my anything wasn’t good enough.
And that is the tagline of my life.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Harper
January 2014
Waking with a delicious ache between my legs causes me to smile, but when I sweep my hand across the sheet beside me, the bed is cold and empty. I turn toward the spot where Reed slept, missing him already. Dread fills my belly.
Light filters through the burgundy drapes, neither one of us taking the time to completely close them last night. The red digital images on the small alarm clock says it’s only five-forty, and I realize the tiny amount of light must be from the moon.
My eyes trail to the other side of the room, and that’s when I notice him. He’s sitting in a chair, his elbows resting on his knees as his head hangs slightly. But his eyes focus on me. He’s fully dressed, and I wear nothing except a sheet wrapped around my chest.
This doesn’t feel like a time to celebrate.
Leaning over, I reach for the switch on the lamp. I twist it until light appears, blinking hard until my eyes have adjusted to the intrusion. Reed hasn’t moved a muscle.
I know I told him I just wanted a night with him, but I lied. I want forever with him. I’ve never felt more whole as I did when he wrapped me in those safe arms after two rounds of the best sex of my short life. It’s as if he knew my body better than me, a blueprint that he’d studied this whole time apart.
My mind drifts to yesterday, as I watched him walk into Mr. Mason’s office, my world tilting on its axis as he sat beside me. Mr. H’s words come floating back to me from the day I confronted him, knowing he had news regarding Reed. I will do everything in my power to make sure Reed gets in touch with you…somehow…some way. Well, that he did. He brought us together after leaving us to fend for ourselves – such a Mr. H move.
“Harper.” My name escapes his lips in a pained whisper, and I can’t bear to hear any more already. “We need to talk.”
Four such dreaded words. I feel vulnerable unclothed, thinking that the extra material may act as a barrier, help me fend off the words that I know are coming. Words I know I don’t want to hear.
But last night wasn’t a mistake, and I wouldn’t take back one single second of what we shared. I know in my heart it wasn’t just sex – even on his end. His eyes and his actions spoke words that his lips never did. But that doesn’t make this any less difficult. I knew what I was signing up for when I brazenly invited myself to join him. So, I put on my armor and ready for battle. “So, talk.”
Breathing out a heavy sigh, he runs his hand through his hair before meeting my eyes. Then he scans the sheets that are haphazardly hanging off the bed, a reminder of just how much fun we shared. “This was a mistake.”
Four more words. That’s all it takes. Four words to undo the last several hours of what I would consider anything other than a mistake. But I knew this was coming, right?
Not wanting to make this easy on him, I remain silent, holding tight to every wicked emotion that stirs inside me. I want him to keep going, even if every word gouges my skin and my heart in the process.
“My life’s a mess, Harper. I’ve got to go away and take care of some things. I can’t promise you a tomorrow.” He hangs his head now, unable to look at me any longer. “You need to concentrate on college now, anyway. You’ve got so much ahead of you.”
My anger simmer
s inside, the low boil of my blood racing through my veins. But I won’t let him catch on. I’m used to disappointment. It’s become second nature to me. I just know he wants me to get angry, so he can pick at the scab even further. But I won’t give him an opening.
“You’re right.”
His eyes slide back to me and I detect the flare, knowing my intuition was dead on. He wants a fight, so he can justify me walking out of this hotel room and putting his conscience to rest. Does he really have no idea just how predictable his actions are?
He wasn’t expecting me to be so agreeable, and it throws him off his game.
“Um, you want me to go out and get some breakfast?”
What? That’s it?
And just like that, I feel as if we’ve become two strangers who hooked up last night to relieve our loneliness or haunting troubles. He’s managed to dirty up what I felt was beautiful. Kudos to you, Reed.
Keeping my steely armor in place, I wrap the sheet around me even more. I climb out of the bed to retrieve my clothes with as much dignity as possible. I feel his eyes plastered to me as I retrace our steps last night. Shirt and bra. Edging to the entryway, panties and pants.
Before heading into the bathroom to collect myself, I give him the easy out. “Breakfast is the last thing I want, but you go ahead. I need to get home and get ready for work.” I don’t wait for a response. My heart clenches inside my chest. This really hurts. I manage myself inside the bathroom, yanking the damn sheet in behind me, and close the door. My throat tightens painfully, and my lungs won’t allow me to breathe as I listen for his movement. Will he be a coward and leave? Or will he surprise me and stay?
The chill of the cold tile floor travels up through my bare feet as I clutch the sheet to my chest, still unable to breathe. I finally hear soft footfalls atop the carpeting. I hear the metal lightly scrape as the doorknob disengages from the doorjamb. Next, I hear the soft click of the door closing behind him.
Coward.
*****
The only way I get through my day is to block everything out, not allowing myself to think about the day before and the way it ended. I possess an uncanny knack for compartmentalizing my emotions. I’ll allow everything to sink in when I get home from work, able to deal with it in the confines of my home. Until then, I’m like a robot, attacking my work with a vengeance to keep my thoughts at bay, where they belong.
