by Stacy M Wray
And that’s why I love this girl with every cell in my body. She’s pure and loving. Loyal to a fault.
And she’s mine.
She’ll always be my fire.
Thank God I wasn’t born a Taurus.
*****
Jacob and I take the elevator to Miranda’s floor.
This will be one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. Harper volunteered to be here, but I felt it was something I needed to do on my own. I want Jacob to grieve uninhibited. He doesn’t know Harper all that well yet.
I push open the door and Jacob hesitantly peers inside. I already told him what to expect so it wouldn’t be such a shock. But I can tell by the look on his face that no words could prepare him for this. The once beautiful, vibrant, loving woman who doted on this boy like none other is thin, frail and her skin a chalky yellow color.
Miranda talked about how she didn’t want him to remember her like this, but I knew he needed to say goodbye. As soon as she greets him, I know her appearance no longer matters. Only her words do.
“There’s my boy,” she whispers. “Come. Come sit right here.” She pats the bed and holds her hand out.
Jacob tosses a glance at me, then approaches the bed. He carefully climbs into the spot on the thin blanket, placing the book he brought on the table beside her.
I feel like I’m intruding, but Jacob made it clear earlier that he wanted me with him.
“I’m so sorry, Jacob.” Tears fall unabashedly down her cheeks. She tries to paste a smile on her face for his sake.
“Mom? Is it true? Are you not coming home? Ever?” I close my eyes. The sound of his shaky voice constricts my chest, leaving me breathless.
She raises her hand to touch his cheek. “You’re going to have a new home, now, huh? Reed told you all about it, right? I just know you’re going to love it there.”
Jacob looks back at me, the pain on his face nearly killing me. His head swivels in her direction again. “But I want you to come, too, Mom.”
Miranda takes a jagged breath. “I know, Jacob. I would if I could. But you know I’ve been sick, and I’m being called to go. You need to be brave, my sweet son. We’ll see each other again one day. Just you wait and see. But it’s going to be awhile, okay?”
He lays his head down on the bed beside her chest as she sweeps her hand through his hair. Unable to stop them, my own tears escape. I wonder like hell how I’m supposed to fill the huge gap his mom’s about to leave. How will I ease his burden? I promise myself I’ll be there every step of the way.
“Please don’t leave, Mom. Please. I don’t want you to go.”
I hang my head and close my eyes. I can’t take much more.
“I know, son, I know. But just know that I’ll be watching you. And you’ll always be in my heart…” Just talking this much wears her out, and she hesitates, catching her breath. “And I in yours. Never forget that. Reed and Harper are going to help you get through this. And you will – I promise.”
Jacob lifts his head. “I brought our book, Mom. I want to read to you.”
The way she is with Jacob, it’s hard to believe that she was capable of taking another man’s life. It’s hard to wrap my head around.
“I’d love that, sweetie.”
And then, I step out, leaving them their moment. I almost feel guilty since I’m about to receive a lifetime of moments with him.
*****
Harper and I have just come from a late meeting with my lawyer, signing documents that will change our lives forever.
Dinner was a quick bowl of soup, neither of us having much of an appetite. The drama that swirls around us has taken a toll. We’re both craving a bit of normalcy.
Laying on my side, stretched out on the couch, I hold the remote in the air. Harper’s body mimics mine with her back pressed into my chest.
“Here’s a documentary on penguins. Could be interesting.” I look down when I don’t hear an answer from her. “Are you awake?”
She sighs in an exaggerated manner. “Do you think I’ll make a good mom?”
I press the mute button, then, toss the remote on the end of the couch. Brushing her hair away from her cheek, I lower my mouth to her ear. “You’ll be an amazing mom. I can’t believe you’d even question yourself.”
She rolls toward me, now flat on her back. Torment fills her eyes. “It’s one thing to start with a newborn – easing our way into it. But how do we pick up where someone else left off? I feel so ill-equipped.”
I’m scared, too. But I know we can do this – together.
“You’re not having second thoughts, are you?”
She presses her lips together in a formidable line. “No, never. I’m just worried about my qualifications.”
I chuckle at her unease. “Harper, you have nothing to be worried about. Are you kidding me?” I place my hand on her chest, above her heart. It beats beneath my palm in a nice, steady rhythm. “Your heart beats for others without thought. Stop worrying.”
Her lips tug into a lopsided grin. “Isn’t that a trait of all parents?”
I lean down, pressing my lips to her forehead. “I know this isn’t the ideal way to start off, but since when have we done anything rationally? It’s just not our style.”
That wins me a genuine smile. “You’re right about that.” Her fingers play with the buttons on my shirt, the tip of one tracing the tiny circle of mother-of-pearl. “My dad can’t wait to meet him. He’s so thrilled he’ll have a grandson to spoil.”
I think about this. Jacob will never meet my parents. Someday, I’ll explain it to him. But, for now, we’ll be enough family for him. It will be an adjustment for all of us. One that we’ll take a day at a time.
“I know we have a lot on our plates, but I was thinking we should start looking for a house. One with a big back yard.” My eyes scan our surroundings. “This apartment is no place to raise a boy as active as Jacob. What do you say?”
Her eyes light up with excitement. “One with lots of trees? And a huge front porch just like Mr. H’s?”
I laugh. “Whatever you want, Harper. It’s yours.” I can see the plans already forming in her mind, knowing she only has a few more weeks of classes until summer break.
At the mention of Mr. H, it pains me that he’s gone. I wish like hell Jacob could have met him. Mr. H would have taken to him just as quickly as I did.
Before I fall asleep on the couch, Harper tight in my arms, a mental picture comes to my mind.
It’s a vivid image of Mr. H riding on his John Deere tractor, the crinkles of his eyes noticeable as he looks down at Jacob sitting between his legs. I can almost hear him address him as “son.”
Jacob beams at the endearment.
Just like I used to.
Epilogue
Reed
The bases are loaded, and my nerves are shot to hell. We just need a strike-out here, and it will all be over.
And it all sits on the pitcher’s shoulders. Jacob’s shoulders. My son.
I couldn’t be prouder of him. Never in my wildest dreams would I ever imagine that a kid could make my life so complete. And Harper. Now, my wife. I fall in love with her more every day - both her and Jacob. I just don’t understand why my parents weren’t the same. Why was it so damn hard to love me?
But I’m over it. I don’t need them to make me happy – they made their choices, and I’ve made mine. I’ve got everything I need in life right here, within my reach.
I try my damnedest to change kids’ lives with the foundation, and it’s working. We’ve sent fifteen kids to college so far on a full ride, and every one of them is thriving. And I don’t take the credit. First, it’s all Mr. H. Secondly, these kids work their asses off. I’m not the one passing on life’s events to study. I don’t take their SATs for them. They do it all with drive and gumption. The foundation just provides them the opportunity and they do the rest.
It’s a beautiful thing.
Another beautiful thing is my wife in a cou
rt room, fighting for the rights of those who need someone to fight for them. Another Atticus Finch. She’s a tiger, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
I’m so fucking proud of her.
I know I’m a lucky man. I realize the odds were stacked against me.
I also realize that it takes only one person to see your potential. Just one. It amazes me how the kindness of one human being can start a spark that then spreads to a fueling fire. Humanity. I will never give up on it. It’s a tough world. A shitty place, at times. But I choose to see the good, now. I’m no longer that angry kid with a chip on his shoulder. I’m a man who sees potential in every kid who thinks they don’t stand a chance.
I’m so thankful I found my purpose in this life I’ve been given.
“Strike three.”
Those beautiful words fill my ears. Harper is out of her seat, jumping up and down on the metal bleachers in her power suit and heels, just as proud of our son as I am. Jacob smiles into the stands as he’s swarmed by his teammates.
Damn, I love that kid.
I won’t lie, it was tough as hell losing his mom. I did everything in my power to make sure he never got wind of what she did. I got rid of our TV’s, not wanting him to see anything on the news. The stories died down quickly, and the police agreed to use her maiden name in the press so the kids at school – or, anyone, for that matter - wouldn’t put two and two together. They also agreed not to release her picture. I fought damn hard for that.
Jacob believes that his mom died loving him, and that’s all he needs to know. She was a good and decent mom who did everything in her power to protect him. Even if it was wrong.
As we wait for the coach to release Jacob, Harper and I stand at the fence with huge grins on our faces. “Pizza at the Hideout?”
She smiles at me. “How did you know I was thinking the same thing?”
I shrug. “No one knows you like I do, babe.”
“That’s true.”
Jacob runs over to us from the dugout, his face lit with happiness.
“Did you see? I did it!”
I rub the top of his head. “It was amazing.”
“My horoscope said to expect a victory today. I wasn’t the least bit worried,” Harper says.
Jacob rolls his eyes. “Oh, Mom. Do you really believe in that stuff?”
Her eyes twinkle as she answers, “Yes, Jacob. I really do.”
Then, she winks at me.
Harper has promised me that she’s lightening her load, in hopes of adding to our family. It didn’t take long for my lovely wife to draw up the papers, making it official. Adopting Jacob was important to both of us. He will make a terrific big brother one day.
I always worried what kind of dad I would be. Knowing what I came from, I was afraid it was in my blood – asshole genes. But, then, I remember how firm, yet gentle, Mr. H could be, always teaching me a lesson in weird ways. I find myself doing the same with Jacob. And, surprisingly, it works. There’s mutual love and respect between us, and he always knows Harper and I will be fair.
The most important lessons we teach him are that everyone is deserving of a second chance, and not to judge a person until he’s walked in their shoes.
Oh, yeah – and to always pay it forward.
Acknowledgments
This story was in my head for a year before I began typing the first word and I fell in love with my own characters. I thought about them so much they felt real to me before I ever brought them to life on a page. I am so excited to finally be publishing this labor of love.
A big thank you to the few PLNs who beta read for me and gave me their feedback – Vicki Poll, Ruth Nix, and Devin Green. I truly appreciate you taking the time to read and give me your opinions. You guys rock, as well as the whole PLN Author Group. I’m proud to be one of you.
Also, I want to thank Coral Coons. I’m so glad I stumbled upon you. Thank you for being so patient and helpful – way beyond what was expected. You helped make this a better story.
As always, I appreciate so much the support from my family and friends.
Contact
Website: www.stacymwray.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/authorstacymwray/
Twitter: @stacymwray
Instagram: @authorstacymwray
Don’t forget to check out my other books thus far:
The Girl from the Kitchen Store
Unclaimed Regrets
Finding Karma
Good Girl Gone (A Novella)
Hidden in a Small Town
