by Sage Domini
“Yes,” I agreed. “I mean, I can imagine.”
As a new bitten werewolf Javier had to learn how to control the animal within. How to shift back and forth and be ruled by the mind rather than the wolf. It was a tall chore. One that blood wolves, wolves who were born to shift when they came of age, couldn’t quite relate to.
He nodded again, choosing his words carefully. “I don’t know what would become of me, had it not been for her.”
I stared at him squarely. “You mean, Tess didn’t let you fight alone. And somehow you believe I’m not doing right by Talon.”
Javier winced. “I didn’t mean for it to sound that way, Sheree. I know how you’ve tried to bring him out and I know what a tough bastard he can be.” He put a warm hand on my shoulder and looked into my eyes earnestly. “All I’m saying is, it matters. Having someone beside you.” He removed his hand and started to walk back to where he had left his rope, glancing back once with a wry grin. “Don’t stop trying.”
With a heavy sigh I followed Tess and the boys into the cabin. Seth was climbing all over Amelia and she laughed, picking him up and twirling him around. She was the only one of Kate Ivanov’s seven children who had not mated and remained at home. She was a year older than Tess and though she had always seemed to cower under her mother’s thumb, she had proven her mettle when it counted. Amelia had bravely defended her sister, standing between Tess and the threatening Casteel cousins who were bloodthirsty enough to deliver vengeance upon any bitten wolf and his mate.
Amelia tickled Seth and he rolled onto the floor, his face flushed. Amelia smiled at me shyly. We had never been close, but I felt for the girl. She had a lonely life here in the woods with her mother, especially now that her younger sister had mated.
Kate Ivanov herself stood coolly in a corner and watched her children and grandchildren. She had taken it as a personal affront when Amy chose to return north with the Chevaliers, taking Anton’s children with her. Though she was a slight woman, Kate had always loomed larger than life. A rare female alpha of a fabled werewolf family, with her powerful sons at her side she was a force to be reckoned with.
But one son was gone. And the other, the one who was meant to take the reins of the Ivanov family, was adrift in his own personal hell. I knew the extended clan whispered about what would happen now that Talon was seemingly unable to accept his destined alpha role.
Kate tiredly rubbed her eyes. “And where is my son?”
“Working,” I said evenly.
She stared at me, as if trying to mentally extract more information. I stared back at her. If she wanted to know anything about Talon she could ask him herself. I knew how devastated she was by his retreat. Her cheeks were hollow and weight loss had made her features even more sharp. But my first loyalty was to Talon. I had never quite trusted Kate.
Tess looked worriedly from one of us to the other. There had been a terrible fight. When Talon was first injured Kate had ordered the whole lot of us decamp to her cabin. Her argument was for our personal safety. No one knew when or if the bitten wolves would attack again. And furthermore, she coldly informed me she was better able to see to the needs of her son.
I had crossed my arms, stared the Ivanov alpha right in the eye and told her she was full of shit. After ten years I had finally stopped holding my tongue when it came to Kate Ivanov. I would not be ruled by her eccentricities, arguing over the right to send my children to school or participate in the human world. I knew she hadn’t forgiven me for the things I had said. Amy’s departure had only heightened her bitterness.
Tess cleared her throat. “I’m going to go see what Javi is up to.” She squeezed my arm on the way out.
As Andrew and Jacob took turns showing off in front of their Aunt Amelia, Kate turned her attention to John. “Come here, boy,” she beckoned.
John flashed me a look but obeyed his grandmother. He approached her warily. Kate was always a harsh critic. But surprisingly she looked on him with tenderness and brushed a lock of brown hair from his eyes. “You’ll be as strong a wolf as your Daddy,” she said softly.
My son flashed a smile of pride and didn’t object when Kate folded him into a rare embrace. When John pulled away I realized how much the last five months had aged her and I felt an odd affection. For all her faults, Kate had a fierce love for her children and grandchildren.
She gave me a sad smile. “They grow up too fast. “
As she bent her head in thought I knew she wasn’t talking about my children. Three of the Ivanov daughters had been mated off to far away alphas. They rarely visited. Once Kate had held my mate, Talon, her firstborn son, in her arms and felt the ferocious love of a mother for her tiny child. And, as I watched my own sons growing taller each day, I realized motherhood was a compound joy and terror which never disappeared.
Kate was seldom affectionate but I leaned over and hugged her anyway. She stiffened, startled, and then her arms went around me too. I glanced up and saw Amelia and the boys staring in fascination.
“Bring him back, Sheree,” she whispered so quietly I barely heard.
I squeezed her gently but couldn’t promise anything. There was nothing I wanted more than to heal my mate. I just didn’t know how.
Chapter Four
Amelia jumped at the chance to accompany us to Flagstaff. I had to nudge her into a wardrobe change since her light cotton dress would have attracted some notice on such a wintry day.
As we drove through the center of town I saw Dieter Hoffman puttering around in front of the Luna Junction Café. I had no idea as to the old werewolf’s age but it seemed he had endured forever, having outlived three mates. He waved and I was relieved there was no sign of Talon around. It would have cast a pall on the day to find him lost to the bottle at this hour.
On the opposite corner of the Café, Sheriff Gideon Casteel brooded. He had been only a boy when I first arrived in Luna Junction and some days it seemed impossible that he was the sheriff. But such was the position of the Casteels. Before him the sheriff had been his brother, Michael. And before that their father.
Gideon’s mate was a huntress, a friend of Tess’s. Artemis Casteel had been instrumental in saving Talon’s life and I was forever grateful to her and to all the hunters. The past was the past and there was no point in being bitter. Whatever the hunters had been for the past millennia, they were now blood wolf allies.
Since there was no other traffic, I paused in front of Gideon, rolling the window down. “So I hear congratulations are in order.”
The sheriff’s handsome face broke into a proud smile. “Yes, thank you.”
“When is she due?”
“July.”
I grinned with genuine fondness. “May the moon bless you all.”
Gideon watched me for a moment. I knew he was trying to think of a way to avoid asking about Talon. As sheriff he was better informed than most of my mate’s anguished descent. He finally nodded at the boys as they argued in the backseat. “They’re getting big.”
I glanced back. With a jolt I realized John was almost the same age Gideon had been when I had first met him. “Yes,” I agreed. “They are.”
Sheriff Casteel gave me another short smile. “Take care of the family, Sheree. And take care of yourself.” He waved to Amelia and stepped back to the corner where he could return to intently watching all the comings and goings of Luna Junction.
I rolled the window back up and released a thick breath. The boys jostled one another impatiently.
“Can we go now, Mom?”
“You’re too old to whine, Jacob. But yes, we’re going.”
The drive was very loud as the boys bounced around and tried to outshout one another. But I was happy to be out on the open road, to leave the problems of Luna Junction behind, even just for a few hours.
Flagstaff had received even more snow than we had but the plows had already come through and tidied everything up. The Flagstaff Mall was a modern building colored in muted tones and flanked by low
hills. There was a dazzling collection of retail and food establishments inside and though I had little money to spare, I planned on treating everyone to lunch.
Amelia was practically slack-jawed as she looked around. Many stores had tastefully decorated for the following day, Valentine’s Day. I pursed my lips when I saw the bright collections of hearts and cupids. I had forgotten.
“It’s beautiful,” Amelia breathed, and with some amusement I noted the interest she provoked in the young human men who passed. Their eyes would skate over me briefly, noting my age and shape of my body and then fasten on Amelia’s comely figure. I could practically see the drool running out of their mouths.
Amelia noticed too and smiled playfully at a few of them. I took her arm. “Not a good idea,” I warned her, thinking of my cousin’s temptation. And ruin.
Her eyes were innocent. “Why not? Males can take human females as mates. Just look at Cade Landon.”
“Yes,” I agreed. “But that caused a small stir, you’ll remember, even though Cade’s mother was human.” I chose my words carefully, trying to explain. The girl was unworldly enough to get into some real trouble. “It’s just different for females, Amelia. You know that. Our choices are different.”
She was thoughtful. “Did you have a choice?” she asked quietly.
“Yes,” I said firmly. “I was not forced to be mated to your brother.”
She turned and stared at me. We had never spoken to one another so frankly. “Then why did you?”
The boys capered about in front of us, a goofy carefree montage. I thought about the answer to her question and finally shrugged. “He was what I wanted.”
Amelia seemed to accept that, nodding. “I never told you,” she said, “but I always thought Talon was damn lucky you agreed to put up with him.”
I grinned wryly. “Yes, he was.”
The mall was fairly crowded with people making last minute purchases for Valentine’s Day. We passed a Hallmark store which was lavishly decorated with various red and pink hearts. I closed my eyes, feeling a heartsick pang of old hurt.
Hearts were the symbol for love. I always knew that, even though Valentine’s Day was a purely human holiday. Still, ten years ago I was young and newly mated. A child grew in my belly and though he was difficult and remote, I was deeply in love with Talon Ivanov.
***
He was utterly perplexed when he walked through the door of the cabin. I had cut over a hundred hearts out of red and pink paper and hung them from the ceiling with lengths of twine. The hearts scraped the top of his head as he made his way to the table where his dinner waited.
“What’s all this crap?” he muttered, roughly removing his shirt and taking his seat.
I kissed him on the cheek. “It’s Valentine’s Day.”
Talon blinked at me, then picked up his steak with his right hand and tore a bloody mouthful off.
I felt the need to educate him. “Valentine’s Day. You know, when you celebrate LOVE. With the one you LOVE!” I was aware that my voice had grown shrill.
Talon watched me and chewed his meat. Finally he grunted and swallowed. “Human bullshit,” he shook his head and took another bite.
I glared at him, my fists clenched. Talon continued to concentrate on his dinner, ignoring me. Honestly I wanted to grab that steak and shove it straight up his flaring left nostril.
Instead I flew into a rage and began tearing all the paper hearts down. I jumped up and yanked them free at a time, savaging them in my hands before throwing them to the ground.
Talon stood. “Sheree!”
I paid him no mind and continued ripping down what had taken me all afternoon to create. The hearts fluttered to the floor in broken pieces.
Talon cursed and came up behind me, grabbing my hands as I reached for another heart. I spun around and beat my fists on his bare chest. “ASSHOLE!” I screamed.
He allowed me to strike him over and over again. Until the sides of my fists became bruised and red from colliding with his hard muscles. Then, when I began to tire, he circled my wrists in his strong hands and pulled them down.
I whimpered as he backed me hard into the wall. Not from pain, but because he had opened his pants and allowed his swollen organ to assert itself. I was already wet with want, moaning as he impatiently tore my clothing away, lifting me up. My legs went around his waist, welcoming his rigid need into my slippery center. I gasped when he rammed into me. He clutched my fleshy hips and pounded me against the wall. Talon opened me wider and showed no restraint. And as my thunderous climax descended, I was glad…
***
“Are you okay, Sheree?”
Amelia’s green eyes watched me worriedly. Unconsciously I had pressed my forehead against the storefront glass. A red heart-shaped balloon bobbed against the window on the other side, staring impassively.
I backed away and tried to give Amelia a watery grin. “I’m fine,” I said. “Hey, I’m sure the boys are hungry. Let’s walk over to the food court.”
The boys, after much debate, discussion and tearful arguing, finally unanimously decided on pizza. Amelia opted to try a slice herself and so a group of Luna Junction werewolves sat down at the Flagstaff Mall with slices of pizza.
All around us, people chatted and ate and went about their business. I wondered what it was like. To be human, with human problems and expectations. Was it any easier? Surely there were struggles all over. They just weren’t always visible. To be human… I would bet at the heart of it all, it’s no different.
“What?” Amelia stared at me and I blushed, realizing I had spoken aloud.
I took a sip of my fountain soda. “Are you happy, Amelia?”
Her eyes flickered with surprise. I realized it was likely the first time anyone had asked her that. “Mama needs me,” she said.
“Wouldn’t you like to mate? Have a family of your own?”
Amelia picked at her pizza slice. The boys for the most part were so engrossed in their food they didn’t notice anything else. Only John watched us, listening.
“Maybe,” she said. “It’s just…it seems hard.” Her pretty face frowned. “You know, when you’re little it sounds so wonderful. Some strong alpha carries you off and you’re mated happily ever after. Just like that.”
“Just like that,” I nodded.
She shook her head. “Except it’s not. I mean, Daddy was barely around when he was alive. It did things to Mama. And Amy, how she fell to pieces after Anton’s death. So much pain.” Amelia raised her eyes carefully. “And then there’s you and Talon.”
I glanced over at John. He was still listening. I touched Amelia’s pale hand. “They never tell us,” I said quietly. “That it isn’t easy.” I looked over at my four boys, the flesh and blood creations of my union with Talon Ivanov. “But that doesn’t mean it’s not worth having.”
Amelia leaned across the table, her face determined. “Would you do it differently, Sheree? If you could?”
I let the question sink into me. My eyes closed and behind them were ten thousand images linked to ten thousand feelings. Lust, anger, despair, tenderness, exasperation, desire, fear. Love. I opened my eyes and saw the brightly colored food court. “No,” I said flatly, “I wouldn’t do it differently.”
The boys stared at me curiously when I stood abruptly from the table.
“We’re not done yet,” Jacob complained.
I shouldered my purse. “It’s all right. You’re going to stay here with your Aunt for a few minutes. Mommy needs to buy something.” I looked at Amelia. “I’ll be back in ten minutes.”
She took a hesitant bite of her pizza. A girl used to consuming bloody flanks of flesh five minutes removed from life was cautious about eating pizza. Amelia swallowed. “Take your time,” she said. “We’re fine right here.”
I walked determinately away from the bright food court. I’d meant what I said to Amelia. I wouldn’t have chosen any other mate, nor any other life, besides the one I’d built with Talon. In all our
years, in all our struggles, there had always been one way we reached each other. There was one way we were perfect together, in flawless sync and understanding.
And by the moon, I was going to make him remember it.
Chapter Five
“But why do we have to stay at Kate’s?” John asked me with a frown. His brothers had already gleefully disappeared into the cabin with Amelia.
“Because Daddy and I need some time alone together.”
John rolled his eyes. “If he even comes home.”
“John,” I warned.
His face, so much a younger version of Talon’s, was pained. “When is he going to be like he was?”
I looked out the window. Werewolves, even females, didn’t cry often. But I had done more than my share these past months. “I don’t know, John. But I’m going to try like hell to help get him there.”
My oldest son nodded, looking wiser than his years. “All right, Mom. Just don’t leave us with that crazy lady for long.” He hugged me briefly and then hopped out of the truck.
I leaned back into the cool leather of the driver’s seat and let my gaze trail toward the woods. For months after my arrival I’d yearned for Claw Creek Landing. For home and the comfort of being a Chevalier. But gradually, this had become my home. Talon had become my home.
For those breathless full moons before I had become heavy with child, as well as a few rare ones in between, Talon and I had run together in these woods. Though he was far faster, he always kept his gait even so as not to leave me behind. It was the headiest sensation, running with my mate. Only eclipsed by the desperate way he would bury himself inside of me afterwards.
I’d been so lost in thought I had failed to sense her arrival. Kate stood beside the driver’s side of the truck. I rolled the window down. “I guess I should have asked you first.”
She looked at me sharply. “You know I will always take my grandsons in. Where are you going, Sheree?”
“Home. To wait for Talon.”
“And then what?”
I snorted. “You really want the details, Kate?”
