by Claire Adams
It surprised me at how drunk I’d gotten off of just three drinks, but I guess that’s what happens when you don’t drink that often. My head felt fuzzy, and I was a little dizzy. I knew I should have eaten more before I drank, and I shouldn’t have chugged them the way I did. I knew I was going to have a hell of a hangover in the morning.
Then I thought about Whitney, and how much I missed her. How much I just wanted to hold her. I let myself really cry for the first time in a while. Not just tears, but great heaving sobs. I hated crying, but I couldn’t help it. Not when it came to Whitney. She had been my entire world, and when she got sick, I really believed that she was going to pull through. And when she didn’t, it was the worst thing I’d ever gone through in my life.
My tears finally stopped, and I was exhausted—both mentally and physically. It was strange to be alone in the house, and I found that I missed Nell more and more. It made me think twice about letting her go to a friend’s house again because I just didn’t think I could handle it. I hated being away from her, and I wondered what that meant for me in the future. What would happen when she went off to college? What was I going to do then? I couldn’t hold her back and prevent her from having a life, just because I couldn’t have one for myself.
My brain finally shut off about an hour later, and I was rescued by sleep.
Chapter Twelve
Rachel
I was sitting at my desk, answering some emails and comments on the website. I was alone at the office while James had gone to pick up Nell. I had to admit that I really liked it when Nell was here. Mostly because it gave me something to do, and it didn’t feel so awkward. I still didn’t know James that well, but I knew I wanted to work on that. At least so we could have conversations at work that didn’t feel so uncomfortable.
He was a hard person to figure out, and I just couldn’t seem to get past his walls. I knew there was good reasoning behind it, just like me. I had been through a lot over the last couple of years. So, I sure couldn’t judge him for having walls up. I had built my own fortress, and hid behind my own troubles. I didn’t like to let people in either, which was what made James and me so much alike.
When James and Nell stepped into the office, I knew something was wrong right away. She looked really upset, and he looked angry. I tried to stay out of it because I knew it wasn’t my place to say anything, but I couldn’t help wanting to know what had happened. Besides, maybe I could even help them resolve it somehow.
“That kind of attitude is not acceptable, young lady,” James said, scolding Nell. They walked over to the corner. “You can sit here,” he said, pointing a finger at the corner.
I cringed knowing Nell was sure to be embarrassed by getting into trouble right in front of me, but there was nothing I could do about it. I wasn’t going to over-step or do something to make James feel like a bad parent. I was sure there was a valid reason she was in trouble. James didn’t seem like the type of person to get angry for no reason.
When Nell looked at me, her big eyes were sad and full of tears. Just then, James turned around and walked over to me. I watched behind him as Nell slowly made her way to the corner.
“She is to sit in timeout for one hour,” he said to me.
I wasn’t sure what to do or say, so I just nodded my head. I felt like the punishment was a little steep, considering her age. What could she have possibly done to deserve something like that? Stepping in and trying to help someone else parent their child didn’t seem like a good idea, and I didn’t want to get myself fired already.
“Okay,” I said.
“I have some work to do upstairs. If you need me, you’ll know where I’ll be,” he said, then walked across the room and up the stairs.
He was my boss, and I had really no say in the matter, so I had to listen to him. But one hour seemed extreme, and she must’ve really done something pretty bad in order to get a punishment like that. So, since I really had no idea what was going on, I thought I would ask Nell what happened.
I got down on the floor next to her, and she didn’t even want to look at me, she was so upset. She was looking down at her hands, and I could still see that there were tears running down her cheeks.
“Nell? Are you okay?” I didn’t want to seem like I was prying, but I wanted her to know that I was there if she needed to talk.
I heard her sniff and knew she was trying to calm herself down. She said, “I just wanted to go to my friend’s house this weekend. My dad didn’t want me to go yet.”
I was surprised that she gave me this information voluntarily. I didn’t even ask her what happened; she just offered it up. So, I didn’t feel like I was really speaking out of turn or getting in the way. But I could tell she was really upset, and I wanted to do something for her. I wanted to make her feel better.
“And your dad put you in timeout for that?” I wondered if maybe there was more to the story than she was telling me since it would be ridiculous to put a six-year-old in timeout just for asking to go to her friend’s house.
She wiped at the tears with the back of her hand, then sniffed and said, “Well, I got mad at my dad. When he said I couldn’t go, it just made me so upset.”
I knew there had to have been more to the story.
“I’m sorry, sweetie,” I said. I didn’t know what else to say, and it wasn’t my place. I felt a little awkward now, so I went back to my desk and sat down. Looking at the clock, I checked the time so I would know when her time-out was over.
As I sat down at my desk, I saw the sticky note with messages that had been left for James while he was gone picking Nell up from school. I totally forgot about it because of the drama when they came in. I picked up the sticky note and made my way up to his office.
Even though the door was open, I still knocked on it.
“Come in,” James said, looking up at me from his desk.
I walked into the room with the sticky note held out to him. He reached for it when I got to his desk, and for one split second, our fingers brushed, and I felt a jolt of desire rush through my body. I haven’t felt anything like that in a very long time.
I cleared my throat, “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I guess so,” he said. He was a little cold, so I thought I’d just leave the room and let him be. Let them both cool down some.
“Just know that if you need to talk, I’m a good listener,” I said, and started walking towards the door.
“Wait,” he said, and I turned around slowly. I wasn’t really sure what he was going to say to me, and I was hoping he wasn’t going to tell me I was over-stepping my boundaries.
“Yes?” I asked as I made my way back over to the desk where he sat.
“Sit down,” he said, which took me off guard. I didn’t expect him to say that to me. “I’m sorry. I know I shouldn’t have been so hard on her. I can’t help it.”
“What happened, if you don’t mind me asking?” I didn’t want him to think I was prying into his life, or trying to overstep in any way. I just wanted him to know that I was a good and willing listener. I know I’m a good listener because my friends had always told me I was easy to talk to.
“I know she already told you. She’s a talker. But honestly, I don’t really know what happened. I can’t handle it; she’s just growing up way too fast.” His voice was rushed, like he just wanted to get it out before his emotions bubbled over. I knew the feeling all too well.
“I see where you’re coming from,” I said.
“I shouldn’t have gotten mad at her though,” he said.
“It’s okay that you did. You’re only human, you know. You’re allowed to express your emotions,” I said. Then we both kind of sat in silence: an awkward silence. But it was kind of nice actually. Then an idea occurred to me.
“What if you let her go to her friend’s house, and you and I could use the opportunity to go look at some of the other art galleries around town?” I said. I was more nervous than anything, because I’d kind of just asked him out
. But I didn’t want him to think of it like that. Because, while I was very attracted to him, and he was very hot, I was actually doing it more for Nell.
He was silent for a moment, and that kind of made me nervous because I wasn’t sure what he was thinking. I didn’t want him to fire me over being too aggressive or something. It felt like hours before he responded, and my anxiety level increased.
“Did Nell ask you to do this?” he asked.
I laughed, “No, she didn’t. I did this on my own. Listen, I haven’t been out in over a year. So, I think it would be good for me, too.”
He smiled at me, and I realized for the first time how nice his smile actually was. It made him look so much hotter. I tried to avoid the dirty thoughts that were creeping into my mind.
“Okay, but only because you haven’t been out in over a year, and I could also use some fun. Besides, I really don’t want Nell to be mad at me,” he said.
The way he looked at me sent a chill down my spine. Not a bad one. It was a feeling I hadn’t experienced in a very long time. Honestly, I hadn’t even thought I was capable of experiencing that anymore.
“Thank you,” I said with a smile, then I got up and walked through the door and down the stairs. I wanted to tell Nell the good news.
“Hey,” I said to Nell. She looked up at me, her eyes bloodshot from crying still. She looked so sad, it broke my heart a little bit, even though I knew she was going to be happy in about ten seconds.
“Hi,” Nell said, in a small voice.
“So, I was talking to your dad,” I smiled so she’d know I was trying to be nice and sincere. I wanted to reassure her that I wasn’t bringing bad news. I got down to her level and whispered in her ear. “You can go to your friend’s house this weekend after all.”
Nell’s eyes went big, and she stared at me in disbelief. Her mouth dropped open, and she let out a sound like a pig squeal. And I laughed.
“Really?” she asked me. Her voice was very excited, and it made me happy. My heart swelled.
I nodded my head, “Yes, really.”
Nell threw her little arms around my neck and squeezed me tightly. I loved the hug she gave me. It was so sweet, it brought tears to my eyes.
“Thank you, Rachel!” she said.
I laughed, again. “You’re welcome, Nell.”
I went back to my desk, after letting Nell know her time-out was over. The rest of the day was great for me because I knew that I’d made two people smile. Nell and I played a game; then I kept an eye on her while she played on her own. She ate the peanut butter and jelly sandwich I had brought her again. It was her favorite lunch. I’d brought her one every day since we had shared mine the very first day I met her.
James had told me that she’d never really liked peanut butter that much before she met me, but now it was all she wanted to eat. I thought it that was really sweet that she wanted to do that.
“You really are the best, Rachel,” Nell said.
“You’re the best, too, Nell.”
Nell’s words warmed my heart, and I felt myself getting closer to this little girl. Even though she really had no connection to me, besides the fact that she was the daughter of my employer, and her nanny happened to be away. I was basically her babysitter, but I couldn’t help caring about her. Maybe it just came with the territory, or maybe it was just who I was. All I knew for sure was that I really enjoyed spending time and bonding with her.
Chapter Thirteen
James
Sitting at my house with Nell, we were waiting for Rachel to get there so we could begin our weekend. Nell was growing more and more anxious because she was ready to get to her friend’s house. It still made me a little sad that she wanted to spend so much time with her friend, and away from me. It made me wonder if it was their family she was drawn to. A family with a dad and a mom. I knew that was being a little overdramatic, but I couldn’t help it.
“You know, Nell, I’m sorry for how I behaved the other day,” I said to her.
I felt so bad for the way I had treated her. The way I’d gotten so mad at her. I didn’t want her to think I was mean, but I also couldn’t let her talk to me that way. She was such a sweet little girl, and I didn’t want to do anything to upset that. I didn’t want her to not be a sweet little girl anymore, so when that happened, even for a moment, it was hard for me to take. Especially, since I was doing all this by myself. Being a single parent was very hard, and I’m sure every problem was magnified because of it.
“I know, Daddy. I’m sorry for how I acted too,” she said, and then wrapped her arms around me. I loved her hugs, and I didn’t know if it was just because I was her dad, or because they really were the best hugs in the world.
“Are you excited to go to Kassondra’s house?” I already knew the answer to this, but I just wanted to make conversation and engage with my daughter. Time was starting to pass us by faster and faster, and I wanted to grasp onto any moment with my daughter that I could. Because I knew before long, she would be gone. At least in a figurative sense. When she was in high school, and she was busy with her friends, this wouldn’t just be on the weekend; it would be an everyday thing. That was when I really would lose my little girl, and that was my biggest fear.
“Yes! I’m so excited,” she yelled and then proceeded to jump off the couch and start jumping up and down on the floor. Usually, this would upset me, but I knew that she was really excited and I didn’t want to upset her good mood. So, I just laughed with her.
I looked at the window just in time to see Rachel’s car pull up into the driveway, and couldn’t help the butterflies I felt in my stomach. It was strange to me, and I hadn’t felt anything like it in years. I figured maybe it was just nerves from hanging out with someone I didn’t really know. Especially a female, since I hadn’t really hung out with any female since my wife: not counting Nell, of course.
I watched Rachel get out of her car and walk up the sidewalk to my front door. She looked amazing, wearing tight jeans and a tight t-shirt, which on her, clung to all the right places. I felt a pang of desire deep inside of me somewhere, and I tried to push it away. When she got to the door, she knocked.
Nell was the first one to the door, and I followed closely behind. Nell opened it and yelled, “Hi!” then launched herself at their guest with a hug. Rachel hugged her back, and I really loved that she did that. She was way more affectionate towards Nell than even Esther was. It wasn’t Esther’s job to be affectionate, but it was nice to see another female interact with her in the way that her mother would have if she were here. I didn’t think that Rachel was trying to play mom or anything. She was just being the nice and kind person that she was.
“Hi, sweetheart,” she said, as they ended the hug.
Rachel then turned her attention to me.
“Hey. How are you?” I asked her.
She smiled at me, a smile that was breathtaking, and I wondered why I hadn’t noticed it before.
“Hi. I’m good. How are you?” Rachel’s voice was soothing. It was the kind of voice that you want to listen to all the time because it made you feel good inside.
“I’m good. Are you ready?” I asked.
I looked down at my wristwatch and I saw that she was actually fifteen minutes early. She was early for work, and she was early for work dates. This girl was impressive.
She nodded her head, “Yeah, I think so,” she said.
“Great. Let’s get going,” I said.
“Yay!” Nell cheered as we made our way out of the house.
I carried Nell’s bag to the car and helped her get into her booster seat.
“Can you sit by me, Rachel?” asked Nell.
Rachel smiled and nodded her head, then got into the back seat and buckled up, sitting right next to Nell, who smiled brighter than I had ever seen before in her life. It was the most amazing feeling. I love how much Nell had taken to Rachel, and how natural it seemed for Rachel to make Nell smile.
“You don’t have to do that y
ou know,” I said to Rachel when I got inside and buckled up.
“I know,” said Rachel, “but I figure, why not?”
I smiled at Rachel in the rearview mirror. Clearly, she didn’t realize how nice that was, how special. That someone like Rachel had come into our lives was amazing to us, both of us. So kind, when she didn’t have to be. She was only my assistant; she didn’t have to do any of this. But it was her idea. It was her suggestion to smooth over the trouble we’d had over this sleepover.
Driving on toward Kassondra’s house, I listened to the sound of Nell and Rachel laughing and playing together in the back seat, and a part of me almost didn’t want it to end.
“Yay!” Nell cheered, as we pulled up in front of the house. I looked up just in time to see Maggie stepping outside with Kassondra.
Rachel and I both got out, and Rachel had brought the overnight bag and handed it to Nell.
Nell hugged Rachel, “Thank you, Rachel.”
“Of course, sweetheart,” Rachel said.
Maggie approached the two and held out her hand. Rachel took it and introduced herself, Maggie saying it was nice to meet her. I enjoyed seeing the exchange between the two women; it was nice to see. I explained to Maggie that Rachel was my assistant, and was helping with Nell while the nanny was away. I said goodbye to Nell, then Rachel and I got back in the car, and we left.
The car ride was a little awkward at first, I had to admit. But that wasn’t really Rachel’s fault. Neither of us really seemed to know what to talk about. It was my fault because I didn’t know how to act around women. Especially really attractive women.
I pulled up outside the first art gallery, one that happened to be approximately four blocks away from my own. I didn’t really consider them competition, because to me art was art, and everybody had the right to own their own gallery. In fact, I wouldn’t have minded seeing the entire block lined with galleries; I loved art that much.
