“Revik...please. Just tell me.”
“Allie,” he said. His accent was thick again. “I’m not lying to you. This thing connecting us...I don’t want you to feel trapped with me...”
“I don’t feel trapped!” I said.
“But you’re not used to these kinds of aleimic pulls. You might not be able to tell the difference...”
“I can tell the difference! I promise you, I can...”
His pain hit at me again, sliding deeper into my light.
“I promised myself,” he said. “...I promised myself I wouldn’t take advantage of this. Not until I knew what you wanted...” He met my gaze, his jaw hard. “I loved you before Seattle. I know you don’t trust me because of what I did, but please...please believe me about this. I’m doing this for you...please...”
I felt tears coming to my eyes; it mortified me, but I couldn’t seem to stop it. I saw him looking down at me, his expression helpless.
“We can’t,” he said. “We can’t here...even if...” I saw him look around, at the room, at the bed. His pain slid through me again, and I let out a gasp.
Excruciatingly, his light started to withdraw from mine.
Something in me fought back. I didn’t mean to do it exactly; something about having him finally so close just opened all the floodgates. I’d been in pain so long I couldn’t remember what it was like before. I couldn’t remember the last time anyone had touched me, much less him...which brought back all those times of nearly touching him but not, looking for him in the Barrier when he was with Terian just so I could feel him...sometimes only for a few seconds. Some nights it took hours to find him, but I’d still look forward to being able to sleep just so I could look. My light flared towards his. Everything went silent. I felt naked...
I don’t know how it felt from his side. His breath caught.
“Alyson. Gods...baby...don’t...”
“I’m sorry...” Pain crippled me. “I’m sorry...”
“Don’t be sorry...Allie...”
His fingers wound tighter into my hair. He leaned into me, and I let out a cry. I could barely see through my light...or maybe through his, which coiled into mine invasively as I lay under him. I felt him losing control, going deeper, pulling at me, and my fingers clenched on his back. His face grew taut, nearly hard.
“Revik...please...” I felt him flinch. “Please...”
His fingers curled around my hip, gripping me painfully.
“Please...” I murmured. “Please, baby...”
He was pushing me then, hard...pushing on my light, pushing me closed, pushing me back...holding me away from him.
He climbed off me before I knew what was happening.
I could only lie there, in more pain than I’d ever been in my life. I couldn’t see. Time passed...what felt like a long span of time but could have been seconds, or hours. I lay there, holding my stomach with one arm. I lost track of where he was. I felt completely alone, and broken.
When I could focus again, I found myself staring at the ceiling. My arm was still wrapped around my body. Blood warmed my face. I fought to speak, to pull myself back...but he spoke before I could. He was lying next to me, I realized, doing something to my light, but clinically, as if from a great distance.
“Vash said you went out this morning.” His light continued to calm mine; his voice was soft. “Are you all right?”
I didn’t move. I felt like I had that morning in Seattle, waking up like I’d been cracked open and reassembled with a few pieces missing. Shifting away from him on the bed, I fought to extricate my light. The pain came back up in another thick, black wave, until I was blinded again.
“Slow,” he murmured. He held my arms, pulling me back against him. I felt him caressing my fingers, holding my hand as he pulled me closer. “Allie...tell me about the trip this morning. The helicopter.”
I tried to think.
“No problems,” I said. “We didn’t have any problems...” My voice sounded bleak. “It was only recon...we didn’t get close.” Swallowing, I leveled my voice. I felt that part of me pulling on him still, but couldn’t stop it, or stop touching him apparently, as I caressed his arms where he held me. “...Couldn’t see much. The fires are worse. There hasn’t been any rain on that side of the mountains. Still a lot of dead people...too many. They burned the trees...”
Tears came to my eyes as I remembered. I remembered the smoke, the smell as we flew over...dark, poisoned clouds. He seemed about to say something else, but I pushed his concern aside gently.
“I’m all right,” I said. “I’m all right. I don’t know what happened...”
His arms tightened. “Allie.”
“I’m sorry...I really am. I didn’t mean—”
“Allie!” He caught my hand in his, silencing me. “Can we get food?”
Turning my head, I met his gaze, saw a kind of pleading there.
“Food.” I forced my mind back to logistics. Folding my arms to keep from touching him, I avoided his eyes. “Food. Sure. Here? Do you want me to get you something from the kitchen? Or—”
“No.” He voice was adamant. “In the village. Outside. Are you hungry?”
“Yeah, I could eat...”
He was already climbing over where I lay. He regained his feet before I realized what he was doing. Watching him open the closet doors, I held my stomach with the same arm, tensing against pain that arced up through my chest as soon as he moved away. I tried to block it, to not think about whatever had just happened...or what I might have said to him when I lost it.
Wearing boxers, he snatched up a duffle bag that lay inside the closet doors and dug through the bag for pants, pulling them on without looking at me. This whole scene was suddenly reminding me a little too much of the ship.
“Revik, whatever I did, I—”
“No.” He looked over his shoulder at me. “Allie...can we not talk here? Please.” He tugged a thick shirt over the gray tee. “Please.”
“Yeah,” I said. “Okay.” I closed my eyes. I wished there was a hole big enough to swallow me. “Revik.” I forced my eyes open again. “Maybe you should just go. Without me, I mean. We can talk later...”
Without answering, he pulled on his second shoe and straightened, hopping on one foot to settle it before shrugging on a longer coat. He grabbed my jacket off the chair before approaching me on the bed.
Before I could protest, he caught my hand, pulling me roughly to my feet.
“Come on,” he said, gruff.
WE DIDN’T TALK as we walked down the unpaved road from the compound. I followed his eyes when he raised a hand in greeting to a group of seers clustered on the porch of a nearby house. I didn’t know any of them, but I saw them there, every day.
They knew Revik. They catcalled him, in several languages. I only caught part of it...probably the parts they meant me to catch.
A man yelled, “I thought they banned you, Dag-o-ies?”
“Been years,” another said, seconding that. “You allowed back here then?”
“Oooh.” A girl laughed, waving. “Check him out...nice clothes, worm-bait! Your new girl give you those?”
“You married the Bridge, Dags?” an Asian-looking seer said, raising a beer bottle. “Why you outside? Why not in for Sakka-weh?” He made thrusting movements with his hips and the others laughed. “You having performance issues? Need some help, brother?”
Revik gave them a wan smile, but I saw him glance at me.
“Piss off,” he said.
“Awww. You’re still one of us, right? So when you gonna sic your woman on the worms in this town, brother?” He thumbed the metal collar around his neck. “Set your people free?”
Revik made a dismissive gesture. “Sober up. I’ll buy your freedom, Yan-le.”
“Liar.”
Revik flicked his fingers towards the others. “You have witnesses.”
The male seer leaned back on the steps on his elbows. “Living with them’s made you soft, brother.
Maybe your woman can straighten you out...” He grinned, winking at me. “If not, send her my way. The Esteemed Bridge can share my bed any time she wants...”
I felt a whisper of annoyance off Revik, but he just gave them another dismissive wave, not slowing his strides down the hill. After we’d gone a few more steps, he glanced at me.
“It’s a tradition, you know...to harass newlyweds. We’ll get a lot of that.”
I watched his face, not speaking. His mind was somewhere else again. I didn’t know if I should be grateful, or worried. I knew he would tell me; I could feel it. Still, I wished I could read him better. He was closed up tight as a vault, which was getting harder not to take personally. I was about to shove my hands in my pockets when he reached out, taking my hand before I could finish the motion.
“You’re misunderstanding me, Allie. I just don’t want to talk here.”
“But what is ‘here,’ Revik? It clearly wasn’t the room, or even the compound...”
“The construct, Allie. It ends at the border of the village.”
Feeling a sort of light bulb go off, I glanced back up the hill.
A few minutes later, we reached the bottom, and turned onto the main street of Seertown, which was already full of midday shoppers and peddlers. We hadn’t walked a full block when Revik pulled me through the crowd into a brick side street—well, an alley, really, although in Seertown the difference was academic.
Before I could ask him anything, he caught me around the waist and half-carried me to the wall of a small store facing the main road.
I clasped his neck in surprise. When he kissed me that time, his mouth wasn’t careful...or particularly gentle. He kissed me hard, holding me against the wall. Sliding his body between my legs, he kissed me again, his arm clenching my waist tightly enough that I barely had my weight on my toes. I couldn’t breathe until he paused. I gripped his hair as he kissed me again, harder as I arched against him. He made a low sound that I felt down to my feet...and then abruptly pulled away, resting his forehead on mine.
“Allie...gods.” He kissed my face. “...what are you trying to do to me? Don’t you know every seer in the compound felt that?”
“Oh.” My face grew hot. Understanding reached me. “...Oh. Okay.”
“The construct...it’s completely open. I thought you knew.”
I shook my head. “Sorry.” I smiled a little, embarrassed. “Everyone probably figured it didn’t matter, not for me anyway. They all know I haven’t had sex with an actual person since...” I trailed, as something else occurred to me. I tensed as the realization deepened. Then I remembered who I was with. Glancing up, I tried to cut off the thought, but I already saw Revik looking at me.
About then, I probably turned bright red.
I felt conflict on him as he stared at me. When I tried to read him for the rest of it, he pushed me back. I knew he’d heard me though.
Great. Just...perfect.
I felt my face burn hotter, and tried to decide if I should say something. Wonderful. This was so completely how I’d wanted this morning to go...with my boyfriend-slash-husband picturing me masturbating in front of a bunch of single guys the entire period he’d been imprisoned and tortured.
I bit my lip when he still wouldn’t look at me.
“Hey,” I said, my voice low. “No one told me.”
I saw his jaw harden. Once again, I was ready to climb into a hole. Maybe one that popped out in, say, Portugal.
“Look, I’m really sorry...”
His eyes swiveled in my direction. “Allie! Why do you think I would be angry at you for this?” His accent worsened. “It’s nothing...it’s none of my business. I’m just trying to think of a good reason why I shouldn’t kick the living shit out of every seer in that compound for not telling you...”
Sliding my arms further around his neck, I tugged on his hair.
“Hey,” I said. “Stop, okay?” I felt my face flush when he met my gaze, forced myself to shrug. “...so a few of them might have gotten their ya-yas off on dummy, the sexual frustration girl. So what? Forget it.”
He held me tighter. I felt pain on him, mixed with what felt like affection. More than affection...a dense emotion wound into my light, a confused mixture he seemed to be holding back, or muting maybe. I felt him remember my face from earlier that morning, and it was odd seeing myself from his angle, lying on the bed, hair fanned on the covers as I caressed his face. Without warning, liquid sexuality rode through him and into me. My hand clenched the back of his neck as he lowered his voice.
“Allie...honey...” he murmured. “I’m sorry...”
He kissed me again, but softer that time, almost gentle. Even so, my mind glazed over when he fell into it, leaning without pressing into me. Seconds later, he drew back, releasing me with a reluctance I could now feel. Avoiding my eyes, he took a full stride away from the wall.
His voice came out short, his accent stronger again.
“I am hungry,” he said. “Can we eat?”
I stood by the wall, half bent over, fighting to control my light. Embarrassed, I nodded, trying to pull myself back into that space where I’d been for more than a year—that shut off, commander-type space I’d cultivated when I didn’t have any choice. I knew Revik could see past it, but at that particular moment, I didn’t really care. I’d just gotten thrown into the deep end of what it was like to be around him full-time again. Only now, with us openly talking about sex, it would be about a hundred times worse. I knew it was a package deal, part of sharing light with another seer, but knowing that didn’t make it any easier.
He walked with me to a place I’d been to before, high up on the hill on one of the tributary streets off the main market roads. We climbed the steps to the top-floor restaurant, which had a view of the entire valley under a plastic corrugated roof. They also had some of the best Tibetan food in town.
Over lunch...or breakfast, maybe...we talked about India, the compound, what I’d been doing. I edited what I told him. I didn’t mention getting shot at a few weeks earlier, for example, or much at all about my trips out of Seertown. I saw him frown a few times anyway, as if reading between the lines of at least some of what I didn’t say.
He didn’t reference what had happened that morning until he walked me back. Reaching the border between town and the construct, he kissed me goodbye, saying only that he had business to do that afternoon. When I got nervous, he kissed me again, pulling me to him.
“Allie,” he said, soft. “I won’t be gone long. I promise.”
I glanced up. “It’s not that. You’re being weird. Even for you.” I tugged on his hand. “I can’t tell if you’re mad at me...or what.”
“Mad at you?” He kissed my cheek, clicking softly. “No. Maybe a little at myself.” He fingered hair out of my eyes, and I felt a pulse of regret on him again. “...I’m sorry, Allie. About this morning.”
“Sorry?” I smiled. “What for? You were rational guy, as usual...I’m the one who lost it.” I tugged on his shirt. “Maybe we just shouldn’t be making out on beds for awhile. Find a nice park bench...or an alley...”
“I think that would be a bad idea,” he said cryptically.
Giving him a mock frown, I smacked his chest lightly. “So, what? I blew it? Honestly, Dags. It’s fine. I’ll be ready for it next time...”
His eyes turned opaque again. I could feel there was something he wasn’t telling me. I was about to ask, when he cut me off.
“I’ll find us a place,” he said.
“A place?”
“Where we can talk. Privately,” he said. “In the meantime, be careful, okay?” He kissed my face. I felt pain on him again, enough that my fingers clenched on the fabric of his coat. “Chandre’s waiting for you at the compound. The town isn’t particularly safe, either.” He kissed me again. “I’ll find us something, Allie...I promise.”
Safe? I wondered.
I didn’t voice it aloud though, and he left me standing there, watching after hi
m as he disappeared back into the crowds of Seertown market.
6
CLAIM
“HEY...BRIDGE! WAIT! Stop, okay?”
I hadn’t yet made it through the courtyard when his voice halted my steps.
I turned, a little warily. I’d noticed more than my usual quota of stares just in my short walk through the common rooms to get outside. Given what Revik had said about us being overheard, I wasn’t particularly thrilled with the prospect of hearing details of their reactions. The man running up to me would probably tell me.
And keep telling me...even after I told him to stop.
Were the stares because they’d overheard Revik and I talking? Were they just curious because I was the Bridge, and until now hadn’t been sexually involved with anyone? Or was I now the pathetic wife who couldn’t seduce her own husband?
Maygar grunted a laugh, jogging up to my side.
“Hardly,” he said, a little out of breath.
I gave him a sharp look. “Mind your own business, Maygar,” I said. “You’re on my shit list already, you know.” At his raised eyebrow, I said, “What’s with you taking off for Cairo? Didn’t even have the decency to tell me...”
Trailing, I stopped, taking in his appearance. One whole side of his broad, tanned face was covered in fresh bruises, as were his knuckles. Doing the math with the appearance of Revik’s hands, I exhaled in exasperation.
“What happened? What did you say to him?”
“Nothing he didn’t have coming.” Maygar made a dismissive gesture, folding his arms. Then he gave me a quick once-over, a half-smile.
“Come on, Bridge. Spar with me.”
I snorted a laugh. “You ran all the way over here to see if I’d let you take swings at my head?” I started to walk around him, heading for my cabin on the other side of the garden.
“If you want to annoy Revik,” I said. “...there are easier ways.”
Maygar stepped in my path. “I doubt that,” he said, smiling. His eyes were serious. “Come on, Bridge. I want to spar, and you’re faster than these bozos.” He gestured at a cluster of seers sitting on the benches near the sparring circle. “You’re right that he won’t like it...that’s why I thought we could do it now. You’re alone, right?” He glanced back at the main compound, his voice casual. “Where is he?”
Allie's War Season One Page 55
