by Heath Pfaff
"He is a friend, whatever else he might have become. He does not want to see harm come to this crew. He will help us." I did not feel quite as confident as I made myself sound.
"Does this mean that you'll be taking hold of your responsibilities again?" Ethaniel asked, his question more of an accusation than anything else.
"I have little other choice." The words sounded bitter to me, and I knew that the bitterness was a reflection of what I felt inside. I still only wanted to be left alone, but I knew that I was in no position to leave the crew unattended. I had done that too much already, and the evidence of my negligence was hanging from the mast.
"Snow believes you're becoming a monster." Ethaniel said suddenly, his words seeming completely jarring, and out of place. "I've seen your room now, and I have to say I'm impressed with the level of damage. Are you still fit to lead?"
I thought I detected mirth behind his voice, and I snapped my head around to look at the old Knight. His black eyes held no emotion at all, but the gray eyes, smoking with black vapor, almost seemed to contain a terrible joy. A chill crept down the center of my spine.
Was I still fit to lead? That was a difficult question to answer, and not one I wished to consider. My anger had been growing steadily more difficult to control. I felt as though I rode upon a wave of blackness, and if I but slipped once, it would all come rushing out, destroying anything that lay in its path. I had dragged all of the people who followed me into my world of problems. It was my journey to find my daughter that had taken them from their relatively peaceful lives into the dangers of the unknown. Every member of the crew who died did so because I had made the choice to save Kaylien. How many lives would be sacrificed to save hers?
In my heart I knew that answer. I would never directly ask another to die for Kay, but I would not stop until I'd found her. Those who followed me, if they died, I would forever suffer for their loss, but I would go on. I would save Kay. I could not stop though I might have to carry the burdens of thousands of lives upon my shoulders.
"I have never been fit to lead, Ethaniel." I answered. "I am indeed a monster, and I become more so by the week."
The amusement in the gray eyes flickered, and then faded. The old Knight's expression was blank again, unreadable. Whatever spark had been in his gray eyes for a moment, was gone so that it seemed I might have imagined that other look. His black eyes never changed. I wondered what had happened to the sad smile of the oldest Knight. We were all changing, and I wondered if any of it was for the better.
"Yet lead you must, because no one else will." Ethaniel said. I nodded my head once, knowing that was the truth. None of the others wanted to take the reins, and none of the others would be able to control the black cloaks, if even I was still able to control them. That was questionable as well.
I reached the door to my room, and pushed it open, letting light spill across the ruins of furniture within. Every time I opened that door, though I knew it was impossible, I hoped to see the room as it had been months before. I wanted it to be tidy, and for Laouna to be sitting atop one of the beds, a book in hand and an eager smile on her face. I knew that was not going to happen, but every time she failed to appear, it hurt a little more.
"Would you have a lamp brought to me?" I asked Ethaniel. It was time to clean.
I discovered not long after beginning the task of righting my room that none of the furniture was salvageable. The completeness of the devastation visible once the lights were turned on was terrifying, even to me, who had perpetrated the destruction. I began piling the shattered furniture to one side of the room, knowing that I would need to haul it away at some point, but satisfied for the moment to have everything in some semblance of order. I was still working on this task when a knock sounded at my door.
"Enter." I called, putting down the jagged half of a nightstand I held in my hand. The door opened, and Liet stood within the frame. There was no one else with him. He stepped through the entryway and pulled the door shut behind him. He gave away no indication of his disposition through his posture or expression.
"King Noble," He said, bowing his head slightly.
"Liet, it's good to see you." I wasn't sure how to breech the subject I needed to discuss, but I knew that he must also be aware of the situation. I doubted that there was anyone aboard ship who had missed the spectacle on the deck. I decided the time for intricate political maneuvering was past, not that I had ever been skilled in such fruitless manipulations to begin with.
"Regarding this incident, what sort of reaction should I expect from the black cloaks?" I asked, not mincing my words. I would not risk an unintentional miscommunication with such a vitally important topic.
"There will be no reaction from the black cloaks." Liet answered, his face not giving any indication of an emotional response to my question. It wasn't the answer I'd anticipated, and I wasn't sure if I could trust it. I felt there was something being left unsaid.
"You mean to tell me that with one of yours dead, none of the black cloaks are angry about what has occurred? I'm not as big a fool as I often seem, Liet. I know that you are all slipping free from the bonds of magic that have held you loyal. That isn't a problem, so long as you do not cause trouble for the crew. If there could be trouble, I want to know before it explodes around me. We don't need to lose any more lives." I insisted, trying to get the weight of the situation across to my once friend.
"There is no problem." Liet's reply was as deadpan as it possibly could be.
I sighed and shrugged my shoulders, feeling the weight of command as though it were physically manifest upon my back. "Whether there is a problem or not, I will still be bringing justice for your dead companion." I said, incredulous that the Brigade would feel nothing regarding one of their own being murdered. There was the possibility that Liet was lying, but I had no way of knowing for certain.
"That won't be necessary." The stoic soldier replied.
"Of course it's necessary. A member of the crew is dead, and until we find out who committed the murder, everyone is in danger." Anger crept into my voice. I couldn't help it. Liet's lack of interest in the problem was almost as frustrating to me as the situation itself.
"An investigation will not be necessary. We killed her." Liet said, and those three words rocked me backwards like a physical blow.
I sat in silence for a moment, watching his face for some expression, some hint that he might be joking, or lying to me, but I sensed none of that. A black cloak was dead, and the murder had been committed by her fellows. That was not a situation I was prepared to handle.
"Explain." I demanded, and I left no room for disobedience in my voice.
Liet's eyes seemed to focus on mine, as though he was really paying attention to me for the first time since entering. I could see his thoughts rolling behind his fierce, yet proud and strangely human eyes. It struck me then that his eyes held more humanity then did any Knight's eyes. They hid a hostile and dangerous instinct, but they were the eyes of a man for the most part. Liet and the other black cloaks might be considered more human than the Knights of Ethan, though their bodies were far less so. For a moment, I thought Liet was going to refuse my order, but then he spoke.
"Her name was Wyile. She was one of twelve females amongst us." Liet paused for a moment. He seemed to be struggling with what he wanted to say. His voice had the gruff edge of the black cloaks, a human toned voice, but gravely with the influence of the Fell Beast rage. "It is difficult to explain to an outsider, who does not understand what it is to be us. You see, the females have power over the rest of us. Since we've begun to wake up - the human parts of us - we've been overcome with urges, lusts that are difficult to control." I did not comment, but I knew only too well the urges that Liet referred to.
Liet's eyes became feral, distant. "I remember what it is to hunt the plains of frost, and to mate with any female whose path I crossed. I remember the taste of fresh meat, and the satiation of warm lust. These things drive my body, but. . ." H
is eyes refocused, and the human intellect was there behind those glass surfaces again.
"I can think as well. I know that I must not take women against their will, and I must not kill and consume flesh for pleasure. The part of me that is Liet knows this. Still, I lust. The females use that lust to maintain control. Not all of them, but some allow satiation in exchange for power amongst our group.
"Wyile was like this. She had plans. Dark intent. She wanted the ship for her own, crewed only by our kind. She gave her body to any who would listen to her. She bred with all who would take up sword in her cause. We were dividing. The men were listening, if only to wet their lust, but they heard what she said. Her promises were made on a currency stronger than gold."
As Liet spoke, I realized just how little I'd known of what was going on aboard my own ship. I'd had no idea that the black cloaks were developing their own power system. The implications were frightening. Liet's story, delivered in his cool, detached voice, was almost unbelievable. Had anyone outside of their own group known what was happening amongst the majority of our crew? I doubted it. Their quarters were separate from the others, and what they did behind their closed doors had always been their own business. Liet continued.
"Those of us with clear enough minds to think realized that this was a problem that was not going to get better. We did not all want what Wyile wanted. We were men of honor. Many of us had been knights before becoming black cloaks, and we still felt loyalty to our king. King Noble has treated us well, and we are not ready to betray him so easily, not ready to leave honor behind when we had only so recently remembered what it was to have that honor.
"You vanished for a time, and we saw nothing of you. Wyile began to spread word of her desire to act. She saw your disappearance as a weakness, and wanted to strike while you were away. She feared you. We all fear you." Liet's eyes held mine while he said that. "Drake Slayer, Old Wolf, Tireless Rage, these are the names we know you by. Wyile remembered other times, wanted more for herself. Oath Breaker, she called you. Some of the others remembered. She was giving her favors more freely, and drawing more into her plan. We had to act. Wyile was confronted.
"She said that we betrayed our brothers, and that she offered us a better future then we would ever have while in service to the crown. Her words were empty, and we knew it. We would be trading a king who respected us, for a queen who only wanted to use us. When she saw our intent, she offered us her favored currency; as much as we wanted of her, for as long as we wanted. We chose justice, and delivered it. We hung her body so that others would see the price of betraying our king, so that others would know Drake's Bane, and fear the might of the Old Wolf. He Who Walks with Shadows." Liet's voice trailed off as he spoke. I had never heard most of the titles he'd listed. Drake Slayer and Oath Breaker I knew, but the others I'd never heard in reference to myself. I was curious about them, but knew it was not the time to ask. I didn't know if there ever would be such a time.
I had to think. I stood in silence, trying to figure out what I could possibly do in order to smooth over the situation. How many black cloaks had been involved in the murder, and had they committed a crime, or done a service to the ship? Certainly, if Liet was to be believed, they had stopped an outright rebellion. I could not punish them for that, but how could I explain such a situation to the rest of the crew, who were already wary of the black cloaks?
"Thank you for your honesty, Liet." I said, and I was struck by a sudden feeling of responsibility for all that had transpired. Had I not been sulking in my room, Wyile might never have decided to attack, and she might not have been killed.
"You can go." I said to Liet. I needed time to think. He seemed about ready to depart, but he hesitated.
"What will you do?" He asked.
"I'm not sure yet." I answered honestly. "I want all of your men at the funeral service this evening." I added, after a moment's thought. They had delivered their own brand of justice, and possibly saved the ship, but a life had been taken. Whether Wyile had betrayed the crew in the end or not, she had served loyally for a time, and I would see her sent off properly.
"We would have been there without being ordered, Drake Slayer." My friend-turned-black cloak replied. He spun and left quietly, leaving me to my troubled thoughts.
I stood in my newly restructured room, taking in the sparse emptiness of the space. There had been furniture for two to live comfortably before my shameful rage. I had only taken a single bed, a desk, a chair, a cupboard for storage, and the lamp Ethaniel had brought after my return to regular ship life. The furniture, other than the chair, which could be locked beneath the desk when not in use, was all bolted to the floor. I'd disposed of everything I'd destroyed. The room seemed overly large, and depressingly empty. It had been a little too large for only Malice and I, without her, it was far starker.
I laid down on the bed, and let my mind wander. Ethaniel had already stopped by twice, and Telistera had come once. All wanted to know what I was going to do about the situation with the black cloaks. I hadn't yet told them what Liet had told me the day before. I would need to soon, but first I had to make a decision regarding what was to be done. I was formulating a solution that would alleviate the fear of the crew, and still provide the answers people needed to trust the Black Patch Brigade. I didn't want to create a rift amidst the crew members.
Of course, a rift already existed to some extent. The Knights, the black cloaks, and the humans all kept their distance from one another unless their work required otherwise. Telistera moved most freely amongst the crew. The human crew and the Knights both communicated well with her. Relative to the rest of the crew, I was closest to the black cloaks. The Knights were loyal, but they did not speak to me often. I knew my eccentric behavior was at least partially to blame for that. The human crew kept their distance as well, preferring to only see me in the event of a problem. There had not been any outward hostilities amongst the crew, with the exception of the executed black cloak, but the relationships between the crew members were far from ideal.
I heard footsteps in the hallway beyond my door, my sensitive ears detecting the smooth and nearly silent motion of a Knight of Ethan, or one of the black cloaks. I guessed it would be Ethaniel, returning to yet again press the issue of taking care of the business of the dead Brigade member. I closed my eyes and waited for the inevitable knock as the footsteps stopped. The knock did not come. Silence fell, even to my sensitive hearing.
Whoever had moved along the hallway had halted outside of my door. I sat up in bed, moving slowly. I crept from my comfortable perch, my hand going to my sword hilt. I didn't know what lay beyond my closed door, but I could think of no reason for a normal guest not to announce themselves immediately. It could be another black cloak rebel, come to put an end to me. I'd only heard one, though, and that seemed folly. The black cloaks were strong, but no single one of them was an even match for me. I was too fast and too strong.
A quiet knock sounded at the door, and some of the tension fled from me. Someone with dark deeds in mind probably wouldn't bother to knock before entering. I took a few steps back from the door, and let my sword drop down beside my desk. I felt foolish for having clutched it so firmly a moment before and suddenly wanted nothing to do with it.
"Enter." I made my voice crisp and clear. The door opened, hesitantly at first, and then normally, as the figure in the doorway caught sight of me.
"Laouna," I greeted her, bowing my head, as formal a gesture as I could manage. At that moment there were a thousand things I wanted to say, and a thousand other things I wished to do, expressions of love and pleasure that could not be conveyed within the confines of such brittle things as words, but I was afraid to say or do anything that might frighten her away.
"Lowin," She replied, returning the greeting, her eyes left mine and traveled the room. "You got rid of my bed." Her voice was sad.
"I threw a tantrum and destroyed the furniture." I said, embarrassed to have to explain my own immaturity, my own
inability to control my emotions. She was supposed to be the one of the two of us whose mind was still that of a child, yet it was I who had most acted the part. "You had moved out, so when I replaced the furniture, I only took what I needed for myself."
"Oh. . ." She answered, her voice soft, almost fragile.
"I don't know if it matters to you, but I'm sorry for yelling at you. I'm sorry for chasing you away." I said, words I should have brought to her long before that moment. I wondered what good they might do. They needed to be said, one way or the other. I watched her, hoping that she might take them to heart.
Laouna bowed her head, her hair obscuring her face. "I just wanted you to miss me. I left when you yelled at me, moved all of my stuff into Snow's room, and then you were hurt by the sea monster. I felt so guilty for being mad at you. I stayed by your side while you recovered, but when you woke up I couldn't bring myself to face you. I ran back to Snow's room, thinking I would come to you later that night, but then. . ." Her words raced out, and I began to form the bigger picture.
"Snow saw me destroying my room and everything in it, and you thought better of coming back." The realization was painful. I had indeed been directly responsible for Malice's long absence, but not for the reason I had originally believed. My fury had driven her away. "It was probably for the better." I said. I could hear the echo of pain in my own voice.
"Snow said I should be careful of you, that she'd seen something in your eyes that terrified her. She wouldn't let me go back that night, and then it was like you were gone from the ship. I was scared for you, and Snow was . . . is, scared of you." Laouna took a step towards me, and my eyes shifted to follow her motion. I felt a trail of moisture trace a line down my face. Seeing her so close, I ached only to be closer.
". . . but I can see now." She took another step towards me, so close I could smell that scent that was only hers, a subtle aged wood scent, imparted by a pack of aged wood chips she kept in the bottom of her pack with her clothes. She lifted her face, and her eyes came level with my own. They were so green, so beautiful and deep, I could have fallen into them. They were wet, like green mirrors reflecting my own image back at me. "You're still Lowin." She closed the last of the distance between us, her arms wrapping around me so tightly I feared she might crack my ribs. I put my arm around her as well. A pressure eased in my chest, and I sighed as if, for the first time in so long, I could finally release the terrible tension that had been twisted tight around my heart.
