by Aven Jayce
“I’ll always be your big brother, Soph,” I say tenderly, leaning forward in the chair with my fingers entwined between my legs. “I’m mom’s son, so don’t start calling me Uncle Mark because of Abram. That’s not who I want to be. I’ll never consider Paul to be my brother. I just can’t. He’s my dad. And I spent my entire life having a baby sister, that’s not going to change.”
She smiles and wipes a tear from her cheek with a sniffle and a nod. “Cove said you have a photo of Mom and Abram.”
I start to get up, but she raises a hand to stop. “No, I don’t want to see it. It just made me wonder about a lot of things from our childhood. You think that’s why she was so mean to me? Because of what she experienced.”
I sit next to her and set my feet on the coffee table, gazing at the beamed ceiling. “Yes and no. I’d say as teenagers, she didn’t want anything to happen to us. The way we couldn’t leave the house or have friends over could’ve stemmed from fear. She was tough on you because of your slutty ways. Think about all the men you slept with back then. You opened your legs for anyone. That must’ve been hard on her considering she’s a rape survivor. I’m sure she despised the way you acted. I also wouldn’t be surprised if Abram raped her more than once. He was pure evil. And I know this is a shitty thing to say, but I got away with being a manwhore because I’m a guy. It sucks, it’s sexist, but unfortunately we all know things haven’t changed much in that regard over the years. Men are treated differently when it comes to getting laid, no matter what their age. Besides all of that, you have to remember Mom is mentally ill. There’s no denying it. Some of her problems are from Abram and Paul, but not all.”
“I wish I had known,” she mutters.
“Well, no shit. How do you think I felt finding out? I won’t tell you how disturbing our short time together was. Be glad you never talked to him.”
“So he went to St. Louis just to look at me? Just to see my sons?”
“I bet he’s done it before, we just never noticed. The older people get, the more invisible they become. Would you have remembered some old guy passing you on the street or him sitting at the bus stop by your house if he didn’t cause a scene? Trust me; there were other times. He just never made a sound until the end. At least, that’s my take on it.”
“Spooky. And I can’t believe he was a detective.”
“Yep. A spooky son of a bitch detective.”
“So he wasn’t going to hurt us?”
“Not physically, he just wanted to seep inside of me before he died.”
“I’m sorry,” she sets her head on my shoulder, “I hope you’re okay.”
“Thanks, Soph.” I pat her hand, hearing the entryway door open. My head tilts backward and Jules, Cove, and my nephews enter the suite. “The privacy’s over.”
“Mom!” The boys jump on the sofa, one of them kneeing my nuts as they fight to give her a hug.
“We tried this new thing called Eddie Money for dinner. Eddie tastes awesome!” Xavier’s full of excitement.
“Eddie Money?” Sophia peers at Cove. “Sounds like your Dad’s playing games with you again.”
“What the fuck, Dad? You said it was called Eddie Money?”
“Watch the language,” Sophia scolds.
“Tell us what it’s called,” he demands.
Cove takes a seat next to the fireplace and smirks.
“What the hell are you doing here?” I ask. “Am I supposed to know you’ve arrived? Just like that. A tiny magical fairy has flown in and sprinkled interpretation dust on my head and it’s no big deal that you’re here.”
“Dad, come on!”
“It’s called edamame.”
“See, he said Eddie Money. Told you.”
“Dax,” Cove laughs. “Listen, it’s pronounced, ed-a-mommy.”
Jules flops on the sofa and exhales a deep breath, blowing a strand of hair off her face. She takes my hand and gives it a light kiss before snuggling by my side.
“In case you didn’t hear me,” I say. “Why are you showing your face?”
“Because it wasn’t worth the trouble, not after the shit with Jack today. I had to tell Soph the story of your dad when she came whining about what happened with the cops.”
“I don’t whine!”
“Like that,” he laughs, taking a quick gaze around the suite. “Everything work out okay?”
“He’s home and in his room.”
“Kids, go upstairs and hang out with your cousin,” he requests.
“Knock before you enter,” Sophia calls out as they fight to see who can reach the landing first. “Don’t fall! Boys, knock!”
Cove resumes the explanation when the kids are out of sight. “I told her that you know about the wedding. I decided it wasn’t worth the trouble to continue the surprise, since it wasn’t going to be one anyway.”
“That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. Why did you even come up with such a bogus plan in the first place?” I point to Sophia and say, “You show up and mess with me, saying you’re at my hotel because Cove’s a drunken asshole so you left him, and then I find him drinking Coke in the bar. He tells me you wanted to surprise me with your wedding, since for some odd reason you think I’m a control freak and you didn’t want me to manage things, which is what I do best by the way, and now he comes in and it wasn’t worth the trouble? Fuck! What a way to mistreat your big brother.” I sarcastically jerk my head, my mouth setting in a hard line. “You guys make me feel like I live in a fucking circus.”
“Well, you win as usual, Mark,” she admonishes.
“Yeah, I win seeing you happy and marrying this nutball... why is that bad? You win, not me. You’ve always been the champion, Soph. You landed this... this... this...”
“Loving and sensitive man?” She raises a brow.
“No, that’s not it.”
“Hey! That is it.” He remains laid-back about the tease.
“Cove never would’ve married a guy like me, so you win, sis. You got him. Choose your prize. Would you like the stuffed gorilla or the portable television set?”
We laugh and then Jules’ random question, “Why do you smell like meat?” cracks us up even more.
“See, I got stuck with this thing.” My thumb motions her way as we continue laughing. “How was your day, princess?”
“Same-old, same-old. I took over the hotel while you were out trying to take over the world.”
“I love it,” Sophia smiles. “The two of you are so cute together. I hope you have lots of babies.”
“No!” Another burst of laughter starts, this time directed toward me. “That’s not funny.”
“Aww, admit it, you love a good sibling tease.”
“That I do...” I lean closer to Jules and whisper, “go get the weed. The new bag.”
“That sounds like the perfect evening.” She stands and straightens her skirt. “I’m exhausted and could use a mellow night after working all afternoon on the wedding.” She smiles at my sister and leaves to get the pot.
“Check on the kids, too,” I request.
Sophia turns with her legs tucked under her body, facing me and placing a hand on my forearm. “She did so much work today. The decorations are tasteful and look fantastic. Oh, and we had so much fun working together, getting everything ready. I love her to death.”
“Me too. What time tomorrow?”
“Two. Did you see her poor hand? Last night we were working late and she got it caught in the ladder. Her knuckles are swollen and red.”
“I saw.” Fuck, I was hoping she had beaten the crap out of Sam. At least one hard punch to his nose or jaw. I guess thinking every wound comes from a fight is pretty cliché. “How many people?” I ask.
“With the kids and us, Jules’ parents and a few of her friends, maybe twelve?”
“Small’s good.”
“I want it to be quaint. This is about love and new beginnings—a ceremony marking the
next stage of our lives together. These are going to be our best years yet.” She tilts her head adoringly at Cove. “And just wait ‘til you see how pretty the room looks.”
“Which one?”
“We’re using one of the private dining spaces. Is that okay?”
“Of course.”
Cove cuts in, “Have things always been this way? Was I too drunk to realize it, or is this weird to you, too? Why aren’t we arguing and calling each other fuckheads?”
I smile and raise my hand for the weed delivery as Jules returns from upstairs. She says the boys are fine, watching the cartoon network while Jack’s talking on his cell.
“Thanks.” I hold a flame over the bowl and inhale, pause and enjoy the fact that none of them are making a sound, then lean back and exhale. “Fuck, that was such a long ass day... and to answer your question,” I pass him the bowl, “we’ve always been extremely loving and kind to one another. See what you’ve missed being liquored up?”
“Not funny.” Sophia elbows me where I was stabbed. I cringe for a second before changing quickly to a grin by the thought of Jack’s face after he dropped the bloody knife in the snow. I can’t wait to see how he reacts the next time he tries to stab someone, and hopefully it’s not me.
“You’re right.” I continue holding the bowl in his direction, coming back to the conversation. “I am proud of you. I know it’s not easy. I mean, weed’s not even addictive and I can’t give it up. It calms my nerves. And these days, I seem to need it every fucking day. You’re a better man than me for quitting.”
He looks at the closed bedroom door and back at Soph. They’re debating because of the kids.
“We can have fun sometimes. It’s not like we do this more than once a year,” she says to him. “I’m okay with it, and it’s not booze, so you won’t be breaking your sobriety.”
“Shit, this could be a fucking after school special,” he jokes, carrying the bowl to the kitchen to take a hit with Sophia following close behind. They’re hidden from the bedroom, just in case the boys walk out. Smart.
“Good, isn’t it?” Jules asks, taking the next drag when they return.
“Excellent.” Cove’s dimples show, his beaming expression lighting the room. “What’s gonna happen to Jack?”
“Ffffuck. I don’t want to talk about this when I’m high.” I gaze at the ceiling with a hand behind my head, feeling Jules’ thumb circling my palm. My heart pounds faster and harder than usual. I think that fucking greasy shit I ate for dinner is doing a number on my arteries. An instant blockage from two burgers, I just know it. “He’ll be fine,” I finally respond, deciding to discourage them from asking more questions by giving a real answer. “Nothing’s gonna happen to my kid. The court won’t do shit to a first-time offender. But I’ll talk to him.” I look at Cove who’s nodding slowly, not from my comment—because he’s stoned. I keep talking, unsure if he has a clue he’s in this discussion. That’s what happens to people who don’t smoke often, even with one hit, he’s toast, or maybe craving toast. “I can’t change Jack at his age, and I don’t want to either. So I need to make sure he makes wise decisions, like not carrying a gun in plain sight. Though part of that’s my fault. I haven’t taught him the where, when, why, and how of handling weapons. That’s coming... is anyone listening to me?”
“Yes, darling,” Jules laughs. “You’re always heard. Now go get some ice. I could use a cold glass of water.”
“Ice? Just grab some snow from the windowsill.”
“Mark.” She frowns.
“I’ll get it.” Sophia offers. “You want a lot in a bucket or just a glass?”
“I’ll get it.” I lean forward and exhale. “Can we use some of it later in bed? I think that whole ‘holding out’ crap for Cove and Sophia’s wedding is void once the ice enters our suite.”
“Ha! You’re making him wait because of us? That’s brilliant.” He relishes in a hard laugh over her power. “Oh man, if you could see your face... hell, where’s my cell, I’ll take a pic. I have to capture this moment.”
“I believe you. There’s no need for a photo when I’m fully aware my fiancé owns my dick. Trust me, the payback between us is always worth the torture we put one another through. She wants to wait? Well fuck, I wouldn’t want to be her tomorrow night when the time’s up and a full night of wild screwing begins. She won’t be walking for days.”
“Exactly,” Jules says as the bedroom door opens. Jack walks out with is nose in the air, sniffing like a hound. He puts two fingers to his mouth, gesturing that he wants a hit.
“Nope.” I shake my head and point for him to go back into the doghouse where he belongs. He drags his feet with a bowed head, cracking all of us up with his exaggerated performance.
“Later, buddy. When your cousins leave.”
I take another hit after he’s gone, find the ice container in the kitchen, and head for the door.
“I’ll be back in a flash.”
“Wait, kiss me,” she says.
“I thought you wanted ice?”
“I want both.” Her arms lift playfully and she puckers her lips. “We haven’t kissed all day.”
“Uhh,” I exhale and give her a soft kiss. “You smell like strawberries again. Fucking sexy.”
“I love you, Mark.”
“Aww, me too, Mark. I love you, man,” Cove laughs.
“I love my big brother, too!” Sophia grins.
“I love me the most.” I smirk.
On the way out, Cove starts telling Sophia about the breakfast he had with Sam, explaining that to some extent it was friendly... yeah, I have questions for him when I return. Like, how the fuck did Sam break ties with Paul without ending up dead? I can’t imagine him walking away without broken ribs or missing toes. Something must have happened. No one walks away from Paul Jameson.
The corridor’s dark and the carpet pattern distorts in blurry waves. I always feel this way when I walk around my hotel stoned. The space tends to close in on me and colors fade. I clear my throat and take rapid steps to the ice machine. At least I think my pace is rapid. Maybe I’m walking slowly... or is it a normal stride? Will I seem graceless if a guest sees me? No, that’s not me. I’m classy and refined... don’t overthink it. I’m okay. Fuck, no I’m not. I think this new batch of weed is different from what I normally buy. It’s hitting me hard.
Stop for a moment... smell the cinnamon sticks and pine branches on the corridor tables. Get your shit together. Breathe in, relax. Breathe out, relax.
Silent night, holy night,
all is calm, all is bright
round yon virgin mother and child.
Holiday music plays softly and the lights dim. The pot’s tricking my senses... hell, I wish my world always looked and sounded so beautiful. And this song can bring tears to my eyes when sung by the right person, like in this Nat King Cole version that’s playing. Slow down. Take a breath. Listen.
Holy infant, so tender and mild,
sleep in heavenly peace,
sleep in heavenly peace.
I sang this back in grammar school as part of our Christmas pageant. Poor Sophia was a sheep. I got to be one of the “wise men”—the one bringing the gift of myrrh. I complained at first, wanting one of the star roles, but was told I was too small to play Joseph, and too large to be Jesus. And then it was cool to learn myrrh was used for burial embalming, including Jesus’ burial. So I started calling myself the Myrrh Man.
Silent night, holy night,
shepherds quake at the sight;
glories stream from heaven afar,
heavenly hosts sing Hallelujah.
I’ll have to ask Soph if she remembers any of that, and Cove will get a kick out of the fact that she was a sheep.
Silent night, holy night,
Son of God, love's pure light;
The motion sensor activates the light in the small alcove where the ice machine’s installed. I open the front and pl
ace a large scoop in the container, humming along with the music.
This will be the first Christmas in years that Jack and I will spend together. I can’t wait to see his face when I give him the dirt bike he’s been admiring online. No motorcycle. Not yet. But he can ride off-road on my property. We’ll have to work on clearing a trail so he doesn’t run into a tree and break his neck... I bet he’s gonna love it. I know it...
“Fuck! Uh!”
I grab at the machine, trying to hold steady while a sharp object pierces my back. It twists and I feel it moving further inside my body.
“No!” Jules shouts from behind. “Stop!”
Warm blood drips down my flesh... the ice container slips out of my hand... cubes bounce and roll onto the floor...
Hallelujah to our King;
Christ the Savior is born.
SCREWED
“WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED?” Cove rushes to the door, seeing Jules helping me inside the suite with a weapon sticking out of my back. She’s frantic, and her hands shake in fright.
“Mark!” Sophia shouts.
Jack races out of the bedroom and yells, “Dad!”
Dax and Xav look over the landing and shriek in terror, running in circles, looking for a place to hide.
Sophia runs upstairs, shutting her kids inside the bedroom, as Cove takes over for Jules, assisting me up the stairs.
“What the fuck?” he exclaims. “There’s something in your back!”
“Don’t touch it.”
“Mark stay down here,” Jules pleads. “We need to take you to the hospital!”
“No, my bedroom.”
“Dad, what do I do?”
“Stay calm... Cove, bedroom... Jules, kill that fucker or I will.”
“Absolutely not!” She races to my side, helping Cove take me to my room. “Jack, get out of here, now!”
“No, it’s my Dad! Who did this?”
“Get out!” she demands, pushing him toward the door.
He falls to the floor, grabbing her legs and taking her down. “No! I’m not leaving!”
