She felt herself blush and tilted her head forward so that her hair covered her face. She rejoined him on the floor and said, "It's hard for me to trust men because experience has taught me they're not very dependable."
He sat up and drew his knees to his chest, his arms crossed casually over his kneecaps, hands clasping his elbows. Light from the fire danced across his hair, giving it a reddish glow. Shadows settled in the angles of his face and emphasized his bold jaw, sharp cheekbones and expressive eyebrows. Kelly could have stared at him all night.
His smoky gaze locked with hers. "Tell me why."
He looked so sincere that she would have told him government secrets if she knew any. The boring secrets of her life would have to be enough. "My father was never there for me. When I was in grade school, he never once showed up for parent-teacher conferences. He never helped me with my homework. I had to make my own dentist appointments because Dad always forgot."
She sighed and took a sip of coffee, checking his face for signs of boredom. He still looked interested, so she went on. "I was thirteen when I had pneumonia bad enough to put me in the hospital. Not once did he visit me there. I was always alone. I grew up believing I had no one to count on but myself."
She heaved in a shaky breath, aware that she'd never told this to anyone. Speaking it out loud had brought the pain back, fresh and aching, like the pneumonia that had crushed her chest when she was a girl.
Sam's warm, rough fingers settled atop her own, and she glanced up into his face. The intense look he'd had a few minutes ago was gone. His eyes had softened, turned down a little at the corners. He didn't appear to feel sorry for her but rather sorry with her, as if his own painful past was easier to endure just by knowing about hers. She could never compete with what he'd suffered while growing up, and she didn't want to. But she was glad he might now understand why she sometimes behaved as she did.
He lifted her hand and curled his fingers around hers. "Kelly, what you said about me being a coward—"
"No, Sam, I didn't mean it. I only said that because—"
"Because you were angry, I know." He stroked her hand while staring solemnly into the fire. "I'm over most of what was done to me as a kid. It's the guilt I have trouble living with now."
Kelly didn't understand. "What do you have to feel guilty about? You were only a child."
He released her hand and leaned back against the sofa, folding his arms across his chest. "I was twenty-three when I returned to Star Mother to convince my mother to leave them."
"Did she?"
He shook his head. "She died the same night I went to bring her home."
"Oh, Sam." She struggled for comforting words that wouldn't sound patronizing. "I can see why you might feel guilty, but you must realize her death wasn't your fault."
"There's more." He sipped from his cup of lukewarm coffee, as if to fortify himself before going on. "She'd been sick, some kind of stomach virus I had thought, and Star Mother refused to take her to a doctor. It just kept getting worse, and because I always had to track them down whenever they moved camp, it took me several days to finally catch up to them. I demanded to see my mother, but the sentry I spoke with took me to Valya's tent instead."
When he paused, she could hardly stand the suspense. "So what happened?"
"Valya promised she'd take me to my mother, but I had to do something for her first."
"Which was?"
"Have sex with her." He grabbed his mug and took a healthy gulp.
Kelly tried to hide her shock. "And did you?"
He shot her a glance before refocusing on the fire. "I had no choice. And don't ask me if I enjoyed it, because if I said no, I'd be lying."
She had imagined Valya as old and wrinkled like a witch, and thinking of Sam in her arms made her a little queasy.
"I know what you're thinking," he said, his expression sheepish. "Valya is a lot older than me, but believe me when I say she didn't look it. In fact, I don't think she had aged a single day since I was ten. But I know that's impossible."
"How old did she look?"
"Five years ago she looked thirty, though she was well into her forties then. I have no idea how she keeps herself looking so young, especially after having nine children."
Nine kids? She immediately thought of breeding rabbits. "Why so many?"
"She and Von planned to repopulate Atria with their offspring." He rolled his eyes. "But I think Von was shooting blanks because none of the children were his."
She tried to shake off the image of Valya and Sam together in a carnal way. "So what about your mom?"
"By the time Valya was finished with me, my mother had already died." His voice became very quiet, his tone even and without inflection. "If I'd known my mother was that sick, I never would have..."
"It's okay, Sam." Kelly stroked his hair, the thick, brown waves like silk beneath her fingers. "You had no way of knowing, and it wasn't your fault."
"My mother had been poisoned."
"What?" Kelly sat back on her heels and stared at him. "By who?"
"Who else?" He tossed the remainder of his coffee in the fire and watched the hissing sparks fly. "I took my mother's body to the hospital and had it autopsied. She'd been slowly poisoned with arsenic."
"Why would someone do such a thing?"
"My mother was getting old, and she couldn't help out around the camp anymore. She was a burden Valya no longer wanted."
"Yet they wouldn't let her go home to you while she was still alive?"
"I don't know for sure, but it's possible Valya thought she was doing my mother a favor by hastening her trip to Star Mother."
"That's sick."
There was an edge of bitterness to his laugh. "You're telling me."
"Did you report it to the police?"
"You better believe it. And there was a full investigation, too. Not enough evidence. Valya, Von and their entourage got away with it."
Kelly finally understood something she'd been wondering about for the past couple of days. "So you gave up being a psychologist to go into the cult intervention business."
He touched his nose with his forefinger. "Bingo."
She followed his gaze to the flames in the fireplace and remained focused there, listening to the crackling logs and feeling the blanket of silence that settled between them. Only this was a good silence, a companionable quiet they wore like comfortable clothes.
She felt content to have finally uncovered some of the secrets that had shrouded Sam in mystery. Though the mystery had intrigued her, revealing the truth about his past transformed him into a man with even greater purpose than she had first thought. He'd chosen to share with her his most intimate secret, and it was an honor she held close to her heart.
"Kelly, about last night at Key Views..."
And everything had been going so well. "Please don't bring that up."
"Your timing couldn't have been worse. I tried to tell you that I—"
She had to stop him from going any further, or she'd lose it again. "Stop, Sam. Explanations aren't necessary. I don't expect you to feel the same way about me that I feel about you. It might be different if I weren't your client, but I respect your ethics, or whatever moral code you stand by. It's probably not even that. You obviously aren't attracted to me."
She paused for breath and heard him grumble something, but she wouldn't let him interrupt her with his excuses. "Just know how much I appreciate all you've done to help me get Jake away from Star Mother. We don't have him yet, but I have faith that you—"
He grabbed her roughly by the shoulders and tugged her to him, his lips pressing hard against hers. He smelled of coffee and wood smoke, and the thrill of being physically possessed by him brought her heart into her throat.
He pulled slightly away and whispered into her parted lips, "You talk too much."
Kelly stared into those dark gray eyes that smoldered with the same passion she had worked so hard to contain. She could scarcely believe Sam wa
nted her, maybe even as much as she wanted him. At that moment, they shared an understanding. No more hiding secrets and pretending everything was okay when it wasn't. They had given each other unspoken permission to finally be themselves.
She cupped his face in her hands and drew her fingers lightly down his scratchy cheeks, the masculine stubble pricking at her skin. Shedding her inhibitions like layers of clothing she no longer needed, Kelly ran her tongue along his upper lip. She nipped him gently before sucking the tender flesh she'd bitten. He moaned and captured her mouth with his, deepening the kiss.
He lowered her to the floor, their lips never parting, their hands roaming over each other's bodies with abandon. She loved the salty taste of his skin and his rugged smell of wood smoke mixed with a faint scent of soap. She breathed him in as she kneaded his back and trailed her tongue down the side of his neck, feeling the thundering pulse that beat there.
He pulled her closer, his hands slipping beneath her shirt, then her bra, making her gasp. He unbuttoned her shirt and teased her nipples with his fingers before nuzzling his face between the soft pillows of her breasts. His tongue tenderly licked across her chest, creating a warm, wet path to her heart and to her soul.
Slowly, he finished undressing her, taking his time to explore each inch of newly exposed flesh. Her blood reached an urgent simmer. It took massive restraint not to rip off his shirt and curl her fingers in the lush chest hair she had glimpsed yesterday. Instead she followed his example, torturing them both with a deliberate and methodical removal of his T-shirt, jeans and sexy blue boxers.
On the end of a raspy breath, he said, "You're driving me crazy."
She whispered, "I hope so," but his greedy lips ate the last word before it left her mouth.
The muscles of his back and shoulders rippled beneath her questing fingers. So warm, so powerful, and so overwhelmingly male.
As they indulged themselves in fevered exploration, their hands and lips competed for attention, offering sensation while taking it at the same time. The ache between Kelly's legs intensified as Sam tasted his way down her belly to the dark heat waiting to be cooled by his kisses.
He stopped before reaching his destination, and she nearly screamed for him to keep going. But he placed a gentle hand there instead, to fondle her while locking his full lips onto hers. Caressing hands skillfully played over her most sensitive places, never staying anywhere too long, as if afraid some other part of her body would become jealous. He made sure to pay equal attention to every inch of her, while the ecstasy building inside her threatened to explode.
He must have sensed her urgency because he lifted her bottom so that her legs could clasp around his waist. Smoothing his calloused hands down her sides, making her shiver, he leaned back to draw a long, seething gaze down her chest to her open thighs.
She should have felt self-conscious, but she didn't. His lingering stare seemed like the most natural thing in the world, as if this moment, this place—this man—had been waiting a lifetime just for her.
He reached into the pocket of his discarded jeans to tug out his wallet. He slipped out a condom from a folded compartment in the leather.
She took it from him and peeled off the wrapper. "Let me help," she said, her voice low and husky. He was like iron silk beneath her fingers as she gently rolled the condom over the thick length of him.
His hungry gaze fastened onto hers as he eased himself inside her.
Electric tingles ran up her spine as pleasure seared its way to the center of her being. She was amazed at how well they fit together, how natural it felt for them to join this way. He rocked her against him, ever mindful of her comfort and her need, as he angled back to allow his fingers room to play where their bodies locked. The sensation drew a spark from deep within her, igniting a rush of heat that exploded through every pore of her skin.
Sam gulped in a breath and held it, lowering himself to gather her close as he rocked harder, holding her tight against him until he shuddered. His muscles gradually relaxed, his breathing slowed, but he continued to hug her to him as if his life depended on her closeness.
He kissed her tenderly, and in a voice hoarse with lust, he said, "Let's take this party into the bedroom."
****
Kelly woke up the next morning in Sam's bed but with no Sam next to her. She experienced a brief bout of panic as she thought about yesterday morning's skirmish with the rattlesnake. Then she remembered the cult was no longer after them. However, she and Sam were still going after Star Mother.
"Sam?" she called from the warm, flannel-sheeted bed. "Where are you?"
"I'm getting us coffee," he answered from the kitchen. "Be there in a minute."
Kelly glanced at the clock radio on the natural pine nightstand. Eight o'clock. No wonder she still felt so tired after only four hours of sleep. They shouldn't have stayed up so late, but she wouldn't trade those blissfully sinful hours of lovemaking for anything in the world.
Kelly donned the same flannel shirt she'd taken from Sam's utility room yesterday. It still smelled like Sam, but now it had some of her scent on it as well. She tugged the collar up to her ears and fluffed a pillow against the knotty pine headboard at her back.
She peered over at Sam's dresser to take inventory of his clutter, but there was no clutter. Just his wallet and a pile of loose change. No knickknacks or souvenirs from his travels, no books or plants. But oddest of all, no photographs. Not a single portrait hung on any of the four walls, nor were there framed photos on the dresser. Not even a picture of his mother. Sam really was alone. But not anymore.
She inhaled the clean, fresh scent of plaid flannel sheets that smelled like they'd been laundered only yesterday. Consuela could probably be thanked for that. Thinking of Consuela, where was she today?
Sam entered the bedroom wearing only his navy blue boxers and looking scrumptious from head to toe. Handing her a steaming mug, he said, "Black, right?"
"Thanks." She accepted the coffee and took a sip. Strong, just how she liked it.
He sat beside her on the bed, leaned down, and gave her a languorous kiss that promised more to come. "Sleep okay?"
"Not enough." She yawned.
"You can catch up later," he said, his grin cheerful. "In the meantime, we have work to do. By the way, Consuela never showed up this morning."
"I was just wondering about her. Have any idea where she might be?"
He sipped his coffee. "I just finished talking to one of her brothers on the phone, and he said she arrived home last night at about eight then left again before seven this morning. He didn't know what her plans were, but coming here was obviously not one of them."
"Do you think she's okay? You know, mentally. Emotionally."
"I don't know. Unless she comes here, I have no way to reach her." A lascivious smile playing on his lips, he said, "As much as I'd love to spend the day in bed with you, we really need to get to work. It's late enough now that I can risk making a few calls without waking someone up."
Kelly thought back to their time by the fire, how they'd opened up to each other and revealed hidden truths never shared with another soul. It created a special bond between them. Now she could no longer continue her ruse of being able to pay for his time. She'd already paid him eight hundred dollars for yesterday but didn't have enough to cover his fees for today. She hoped they could work out a way for her to pay him back.
"Everything okay?" He ran the backs of his fingers tenderly down her cheek.
The fog of guilt already beginning its descent, she heaved a labored breath. She set her mug on the nightstand and said, "Sam, I haven't been totally honest with you."
He looked disconcerted. "What do you mean?"
Just come clean. She hesitated barely a second before blurting, "I can't pay what I owe you for Jake's rescue."
"But you've already paid me half."
She nodded and tilted her head to offer him a cautious look, squinting as if waiting for the second shoe to drop. "That's all
I could afford. I'm sorry, but I thought we could work something out for the balance. Maybe a payment plan or something."
"Or something," Sam said, sliding off the bed and starting to pace, one hand rubbing his chin.
"What do you think?" she asked, her heart somersaulting inside her chest. She sensed this didn't sit well with him.
He stopped pacing and stared at her, his gray eyes dimming to an angry glare. "What we did earlier this morning. Was that supposed to substitute for the rest of what you owe?"
She couldn't believe he’d just said that. "I beg your pardon?"
"You weren't bad, but I don't think it was worth eight hundred dollars."
"Hey," she said, indignance making her voice squeak. "I'm not a whore."
"Yeah? Well, neither am I, but I still want my money."
Eye's brimming with tears of hurt and anger, she said the most difficult thing she'd ever had to say to anyone. "I trusted you, Sam, and I'm depending on you. I need your help."
He paused, his expression stern though his mouth twitched as if holding back something he was desperate to say. "Sorry, kiddo, but you're on your own." Without another word, he turned to face the window. Outside, the cheerful song of chickadees cut sharply through the chilly silence.
Kelly sat for a minute, gazing at his rigid back. She felt the blood drain from her face as she recalled their lovemaking of only a few hours ago. An icy emptiness seeped into the pit of her stomach. What had happened to so drastically change those magical moments into this dark spell of despair?
She bit her lip to stave off the tears already spilling down her cheeks. Sam thought she had tricked him into helping her. He thought she was a whore.
So she'd been wrong about him, and he really was like every man she'd ever risked getting close to. Promises meant nothing to him. Trust was just a five-letter word. Fine. She'd take matters into her own hands and save Jake on her own.
She flung back the covers, leapt from the bed, and stomped out to the living room. After furiously yanking on her jeans and tennis shoes, she scoured the room for her backpack, her vision blurred by the tears that wouldn't stop. A map lying on the coffee table caught her attention. Sam must have been studying it before she woke up. She grabbed it and stuffed it in her back pocket.
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