by Len Webster
Julian.
His name made her flinch. She’d tried not to remember it, but it had been hard. Stevie rubbed the back of her neck where she had a tattoo of his initial. He had made that spur-of-the-moment decision to push her out of her comfort zone. Looking back, she should have had it removed, but she couldn’t do it. Somehow, they had been the better chapters in her life, even though she wished she could forget. There were days when she wondered if he’d kept her initial tattooed on his chest. According to him, that was where it belonged. She had been foolish to believe him then. They had been just a summer fling.
After Thailand had been her darker times. Only her stepbrother, Jarred Harper, had been able to bring her back. When she had left for London, she had vowed never to reveal her secrets about Julian to Jarred.
Sighing, Stevie placed the envelope on the table next to her and glanced back at Rob. Telling him it was over was something she hadn’t wanted to do. She knew well that she had never had a problem being with men. But Rob was different. Rob was an exception.
If only I’d met him first, then maybe things could have been different.
Rob had never looked at her the same since she had called it quits. But Stevie knew why he hadn’t. Since he’d lain eyes on Allison O’Connor, Stevie knew things had changed. No matter how much Rob tried to hide it, she knew he was attracted to the young Sydney socialite. And that secret smile he directed towards Ally as she danced with her little cousin, CeCe, confirmed it.
Shifting her focus back to Noel and Clara dancing, Stevie was envious. The way Noel looked at her best friend with such love made her jealous. It was disgusting how jealous she was. She was happy for them, but a love like theirs was only for the privileged and the pure. A love like theirs was only for them and no one else. Everyone who watched were intruders. Outsiders looking in.
“It’ll happen for you.”
She turned her head and instantly grinned at the man next to her. His freckles had always made her feel better about herself. If she had ever wanted to make someone proud, then it would always be him.
“Big talk for someone who already has it,” she teased.
Jarred sighed and then gave her a tight smile. “Stevie, don’t be so hard on yourself. What they have, what Annie and I have, is something that you’ll have someday. You’re a good person who made a mistake. Don’t punish yourself for the rest of your life. You deserve love. Just don’t run or you’ll miss out.”
I already had it.
I already ran.
I already missed out.
The guilt weighed heavily on her chest, the memories threatening to resurface. She had left him. She’d given him no reason or chance. She had just wanted to vanish.
I was afraid to be in love with him.
I was afraid that maybe he could love me.
It was too spontaneous.
It didn’t make sense.
“I don’t deserve love, Jarred. You were in London. You saw what kind of person I really am. What I’m really capable of,” Stevie reminded.
“Don’t. You’ve come a long way since then. You were lost. I don’t judge you based on those times. I know what a kindhearted person you are. You are responsible for that,” Jarred said, pointing at Noel as he kissed his wife.
The only thing she had ever done right in her life was making sure Clara found her way back to Noel. Convincing Liam had been easy. All it took was alcohol to get him to open up. Clara had been a tougher task—she had almost given up her happiness for Liam’s.
“I didn’t do anything. It was all them.”
Jarred snorted. “You were the one to convince Liam to go to Boston. You know Clara is forever grateful to you.”
Stevie gazed down at the envelope and then back at her stepbrother. “I’m going to miss her,” she confessed in a small voice.
Jarred’s hand rested on her shoulder. Then he nodded and said, “Me, too. You know, one day someone is going to want to love you the way Noel loves Clara… maybe even more.”
Stevie’s heart ached. She wanted a love like theirs, but she knew she didn’t deserved it. Not when she’d had it. Not when she’d decided it was better to walk away than feel it. And after that last morning in Thailand, she had decided she never wanted to feel anything as intense as what she had with Julian. No matter how much she wanted it.
“Are you excited to move into your new home with your new husband in Boston?” Stevie asked after Clara had finished her father-daughter dance and joined her by the tables.
Clara’s smile faded as she began to fiddle with her wedding ring. Then she sighed. “Honestly, Stevie, I’m terrified.”
She frowned and peeked over at Noel as he laughed with Clara’s brother, Alex. “Why?”
The bride’s lips made a tight smile. “Just don’t tell him that I am, okay? I’m scared I’m going to be a terrible wife,” she confessed.
Stevie exhaled in relief. She’d never understand that one thing about her best friend. Clara was always so unsure of her worth. Her insecurities had her running away on so many occasions. They shared that, though Stevie had never told her.
“Clara, you’re going to be an excellent wife. You shouldn’t worry about that.” Stevie clutched Clara’s arm and gave it a reassuring squeeze.
“I gave up The Pepper Point,” Clara stated as she reached for a champagne glass from the waiter who had walked past.
Stevie’s eyes widened at the news. “You gave up an entry position at the best restaurant in the Southern Hemisphere?”
Clara quickly downed the champagne and then nodded. “It wasn’t an entry position. They offered me head dessert chef. I’d be making four times what Mistral is offering me. I’d be the real deal.”
“Why did you do that?” Stevie asked, astonished. The Pepper Point wasn’t just the number one restaurant in the Southern Hemisphere, but it had also surpassed Heston Blumenthal’s London restaurant to take the sixth best restaurant in the world.
Clara looked over at the tables and smiled the moment her eyes met her husband’s. “Because he’s worth it, Stevie. I’m terrified that he won’t see how much I really love him. I just want to be enough for him.”
“You are more than enough for him. He loves you. But I get that you don’t want to tell him about The Pepper Point. He’d never let you move to Boston to be with him.”
“Exactly. Noel would be quitting his job, and I can’t have that. He knows I gave up restaurant offers. I think it made him feel guilty; that’s why he asked me to stop naming the restaurants. But I like Mistral’s offer. I’d take any offer to be with him. Anyways, are you packed for Sunday?”
Just before their engagement, Clara had asked if Stevie wanted to move into her old apartment. Clara didn’t want to sell it and would rather have someone she trusted occupy it while she moved to Boston.
“Not yet. Papa is still reluctant about me moving into an apartment in the city,” Stevie replied and picked up the envelope off the table.
“Papa?” Clara asked with a raised eyebrow.
It was a slip of her tongue. Stevie had always tried to control what she said around people. What she said and how she acted was the only thing she had control of in her life. She felt guilty that she was never truly honest with her best friend. Besides Jarred and his mother, no one knew her father had married French socialite and model, Collette Agustin. For a year in Collette’s life, she’d been married to Nathanael Appleton.
Stéphanie Élise Agustin Appleton.
Shortly after Collette gave birth, she’d missed the French runway and decided to go back to modeling. She then divorced Stevie’s father, and once she’d retired, she moved to London. When Stevie was three, her father remarried and she had a new stepbrother. Though she grew up in Melbourne, she had spent summers with her mother and grandparents in Paris. They had ensured she never forgot her French heritage.
“Stevie?” Clara called her name, breaking her thoughts.
“I call my father, papa. Some people say that,” St
evie explained.
Clara glared at her as she adjusted her veil. “And what do you call your mother?”
Maman.
“Collette,” Stevie stated and held out the envelope. Clara eyes fell to the envelope and then back up at Stevie.
“What is this?” Clara asked once her husband approached her.
“What do you have there?” Noel asked, peering at the envelope. Stevie smiled at the way he wrapped his arm around his wife’s waist.
Clara had placed a kiss on his cheek before she opened the envelope. She let out a small gasp and glanced up at Stevie. Surprise filled Clara’s eyes. “You kept them.”
Stevie shrugged. “Thought you might need them. Like I’d listen to you when you ask me to do something.”
Clara flicked through the photos she had once asked Stevie to burn. The large smile on her face had Stevie grinning.
“Thank you for keeping them.” Clara’s eyes glistened with tears.
“Seriously, thank you, Stevie. I never kept them on my phone,” Noel said.
“Nolan, come dance with your grandmother!” Granny Parker yelled, interrupting them. Noel let out a sigh and excused himself, leaving Clara and Stevie alone.
“Can I ask you a favour?” Clara asked as she returned the photos back to the envelope.
Stevie nodded and noticed whom Clara was staring at.
Liam.
“Now that you’re moving into my old apartment, do you mind keeping an eye on him for me? I just want him to be okay.”
It was a request Stevie understood. Now that they’d be neighbours, they’d run into each other. Clara loved Liam, and she didn’t want him derailing. But that was Clara—she thought of other’s needs and happiness before her own.
“I’ll keep an eye on Liam for you.”
Taking his suitcase from the boot of the taxi, Julian handed his fare to the driver and took in the Eagle Ridge golf course. He smiled at the sight of the Victorian inspired clubhouse. Julian had fond memories of Eagle Ridge. Before his mother had died, his father had a weekend ritual of playing golf along with Noel, Alex, and Max’s fathers. When she died, his father lost the love of his life and didn’t know how to continue without her. Julian never remembered anything other than his mother’s warm smile and hugs. His aunty had helped raise him and Rob while their father slowly accepted and recovered from their mother’s death.
While Julian climbed the steps to the main entrance of the clubhouse, he noticed one of his best friends with a woman, arguing. He held the handle of his suitcase tighter and walked up the remaining steps.
“You need to leave¸ Sarah. You can’t be here!” Max growled.
“Max, please! Just talk to me. I’m sorry. Please. I love you!” Sarah desperately begged.
Julian set his suitcase down and then cleared his throat. They both turned, their eyes wide and surprised to see him. “Not missing the party, am I?” Julian asked, raising his eyebrow at Max.
Sarah glared at him with her harsh blue eyes. He knew the kind of woman Sarah really was, even as a teenager. He had caught her terrorising Clara back when Alex had dated her. Clara had begged him not to say anything to her brother, and he had listened. Looking back, he should have told Alex the verbal assault his sister had endured.
“Julian, you finally made it,” Max said, eyes flashing in relief.
“Can’t miss this. Clara would kill me!” He moved towards them.
Max snatched his arm back from Sarah’s hold and held them out for Julian. After a quick embrace, Julian scowled at Sarah.
“And what are you doing here?” Julian asked in a rough tone.
“I’m talking to my boyfriend,” she said matter-of-factly. The sunshine hit Sarah’s hair and toned it down from its harsh colour. Julian knew Max had always had a thing for Sarah, but Alex had dated her first.
“I’m not your boyfriend,” Max stated in a disgusted tone.
“Max,” she cried, offended by his statement.
“You broke them, Sarah! You lied. You’ve always lied. If it weren’t for Valerie, the truth would never have come out. I let you in and you manipulated me. You say you love me, and how do you prove it? By hurting my two best friends. You don’t give a fuck about anyone but yourself. How I wanted a future with you, I don’t know. Everyone warned me about you, but I thought I saw a good person.” Max paused then took a deep breath before he roared, “I never want to see you again!”
Julian flinched. Max had always been a gentle person, so it came as a surprise to see him so enraged.
“Max, plea—” Tears began to well up in Sarah’s eyes.
Julian kept quiet, allowing Max to properly end whatever it was that they had together.
“Leave. Before Alex or Noel find out you came and crashed the wedding. I’m done with you.”
“You have to believe me. I meant it when I said I love you!” Sarah cried.
Max just shook his head and walked past Julian. Sarah’s tears continued to slide down her face as she watched him walk away. Turning around, Julian stared at Max as he fished out his keys from his pocket and picked up Julian’s suitcase.
“You packed light,” Max pointed out, ignoring Sarah’s presence.
“Didn’t bring much from Milan. I don’t have baggage like you,” Julian replied.
Max tensed. “I did have baggage,” he stated as he went down the steps. Julian followed.
As they got closer to the car park, Julian could hear Sarah sobbing. But it wasn’t his business to make her feel better. Her lies had come between Noel and Clara. For that, he could never forgive her or feel an ounce of pity towards her.
The moment they reached the Porsche Cayman, Max unlocked his car and set Julian’s suitcase on the ground.
“Nice car,” Julian praised.
Max leant on the car and shrugged. “The pros of being a lawyer. I get paid too much to represent assholes. Just like you and advertising.”
“Don’t remind me. I used to love my job… the idea of my job. So, you and Sarah?”
“Sorry you had to see that. I had no idea she’d just show up. I came out to take her call and there she was. Don’t tell Noel or Alex. I don’t want to upset Clara,” Max said, staring at his keys.
“You liked her that much, huh?” Julian asked.
“I thought I did. When Noel found out, I just changed. He told me he wanted to break up with Andrea and I just started to see Sarah differently. Then…then I found out what she did. I’m the reason they broke up. I brought her to that club and to Katie’s party. I can’t even look at Clara without feeling guilty.”
Julian squinted at him. “Stop being a dick! It’s not your fault. Get over it and stop feeling sorry for yourself. They got married. Did you forget that? Noel and Clara got married and have a house together. Stop being a depressed shit and grow some balls.”
Max nodded and pushed off the car. Upon opening the boot, he placed Julian’s suitcase inside and mumbled, “Thanks. I needed that.”
Julian shrugged once Max had closed the boot and faced him.
“Clara’s waiting for you. We better get you in there before she gets a hold of Rob and demands that he find you.” Max began to walk away from the car and towards the golf course.
Julian stood still, his eyes firm on Max’s back as he called out, “Does Noel know what happened back in New York?”
Max halted. Then he turned around and faced Julian, guilt written all over his face. “No.” His nostrils flared. “He can’t know.”
“He’s not gonna care. He’s just married Clara,” Julian explained.
Max glanced away from Julian’s probing eyes and at his car. “Just leave it, Julian. You’re forgetting where she lives. I’m here and she’s in Boston. I’m all kinds of fucked up. I was with Sarah, for God’s sake. She doesn’t need anyone like me, especially after Noel. Let’s just go enjoy tonight.”
Julian breathed out and nodded. He would let it go but only for so long. But he couldn’t forget what had happened on that golf
course in New York all those months ago. Just as Julian was about to speak, his phone vibrated in his pocket. With a groan, he retrieved it and unlocked his phone.
Tara Morris: Don’t forget Monday morning you have that consultation with Rogers & Co. advertising.
As he and Max entered the brightly lit ballroom, Julian noticed his father talking to Alex and Clara’s father, James. The smile he wore made Julian happy. He had missed him and neglected to keep in contact. But Julian had his reasons. If his father had known why he had left for Sydney, then he would have undoubtedly stopped Julian. It was flight instead of fight but waking up alone all those years ago cemented his actions. Flight for a burdened heart.
Alex and Rob walking towards him had Julian returning his phone in his pocket and ignoring his boss’ text message.
“You finally made it!” Alex pulled Julian in for a hug. When Alex let him go, Julian saw the large smile on his face.
“Sorry. The delay in Sydney was ridiculous,” he explained with a shrug. Feeling his phone vibrate in his pocket for the second time, Julian took it out to see Tara calling.
“Who’s Tara?” Alex asked with a cocky grin.
Julian declined the call and returned it back into his pocket. “Just my boss.”
“I thought you were moving back to Melbourne for good? I thought that meant quitting your job,” Rob said, disgruntled.
“I have one more consultation job and then I’m done. Tara gave me this one job to decide whether I want to run the Melbourne office or break off and find somewhere else to work.”
Max, Rob, and Alex swapped questioning glances.
“Tara?” Max asked.
Rob sighed and shook his head, disapprovingly. “My little brother is banging the boss. For fuck sake’s, Julian!”
It was just like Rob to jump to conclusions. What Rob didn’t know was that he had been offered a VP position at a competitor’s firm in Melbourne, hence the real reason for his return home. This consultation job would be his last before he quit Tara’s advertising firm. What good would Julian’s promotion be to Rob? He had never been proud and that had made the decision to move to Sydney all the more easier.
