by Len Webster
“What do you want, Tara? I told you that I was off until after my best friend’s wedding,” he reminded her as he sat in the cart, staring at the golf club.
“Don’t forget about Monday. We don’t deal with an advertising company like Rogers & Co., but they just became our biggest account. Something is wrong if they need our consulting. Maybe their business structure is ineffective. You majored in management, so you should be able to figure this out. Just do what you do and finish this job. I want you back in Sydney.”
His jaw clenched and he took a deep breath in. “You offered me the Melbourne office.”
“I’m taking that offer away. I need you in Sydney, Julian. Melbourne is fine without you.”
“No!” Julian growled. “That was not the deal! I went to Milan. I sold my fucking soul to do all the shit I’ve done for you all these years. I did what you wanted and the deal was I got the Melbourne position.”
“Don’t forget who the boss is, Julian. The offer is mine to make not yours. Just finish that consulting job and come back as soon as it’s finished.” Before Julian could fight back, Tara hung up. He stood up and slammed his palms into the steel pole of the golf cart.
“Might want to relax there, Julian.”
He turned around to see Alex with an extra beer in his hand that he handed to him.
“Thanks,” Julian said appreciatively and took a long sip of the cold alcohol.
“Must be weird being back, huh? With Rob and Stevie…” Alex trailed off and leant against the golf cart.
Julian breathed out and sat back on the cart. Then he took another sip, this time savouring the bitter taste. He needed something stronger. Beer definitely didn’t cut it. “I don’t want to talk about it, Alex,” he mumbled as he shook his head and placed the beer bottle between his legs.
Peeking up, he met Alex’s eyes. They were just a shade darker than Clara’s, but hers were a colour that was so unique to her. A pang of jealousy exploded in his chest. Had he seen what Noel saw in Clara all those years ago, he would have avoided Stephanie and avoided moving to Sydney.
“How do you feel now that Noel is officially your brother-in-law?” Julian asked to remind himself that Noel and Clara were fate. And so was meeting Stephanie.
A relieved smile spread across Alex’s face. “Like I can finally breathe again. Those two, I swear! But I’m happy. My sister is finally happy, and Noel’s always been my brother, just like you boys all have.”
Julian nodded. They had all grown up in the suburbs together; even after all those years, they were still brothers.
“How are you and Keira doing?” He wanted to hear about other people’s lives. He wanted that moment where he was distracted from the lonely and pathetic life he lived. Julian wanted to be lost in the stories of his friends’ happiness.
“Good. Really good. After watching Noel get married, I’m eager to get my ring on Keira’s finger. Not to spoil my sister’s day, but I need to get something off my chest,” Alex breathed out.
Julian stood up and placed the glass bottle on the cart seat. “What’s up?”
A smile touched Alex’s lips, and his body relaxed. “I’m going to be a father.”
“Well, holy shit! Congratulations!” Julian shook his head, and they shared a hug. When he took a step back, he could see the pure joy in Alex’s eyes.
“Thanks. I cried when I found out. Not going to be chicken shit over it. I’m going to have a son or daughter. I can’t imagine any other woman than Keira being the mother of my child.”
“How long have you been keeping this from Clara?”
“’Bout a month or so. Just before they got engaged. We haven’t told Clara yet because I wanted her to be excited about the wedding. We’re not sure if we’ll tell them before their honeymoon or when they get back to Brookline. I’m excited that my little sister’s moving to the States. She’d want to be close to her niece or nephew, and Massachusetts is closer than Melbourne.” Alex took a long pull of his beer then placed the empty glass bottle on the roof of the golf cart.
“You’re going to make an excellent father.” It was the truth. Even as a teenager, Julian saw it. Alex had it programmed in him. The way he looked after and loved Clara so unconditionally throughout the years was more than enough proof that he would.
“Thanks, Julian. I hope so. I just wanna be more than what my dad gave Clara. I’m just going to love that little kid. I love him or her already.” Alex gave Julian a pleased nod and looked over at the golf club.
“Noel gets married and you’re having a kid. When the fuck did everyone suddenly grow up?”
Alex chuckled. “It’s good to have you home. Rob and your dad have missed you. Let’s go back inside and have ourselves a memorable night!”
Julian nodded and followed Alex back into the wedding.
Rob’s hand settled on the small of her back, and she missed the feeling of his touch. He was safe and strong. She missed their closeness and friendship in the last few weeks that they had been apart. Keeping it a secret was a tough task. Noel and Clara had just gotten engaged, and it seemed cruel to dampen their blissful moment with the news of her unwillingness to try more with Rob.
Stevie wasn’t sure how she’d missed it. How she hadn’t connected the dots. Rob’s blue eyes were a fraction off Julian’s, but staring at them, she now saw it. The reason why Rob brought it all back was because he was the older brother of the man she’d lost her virginity to.
“You okay?” Rob asked in that low voice she had come to love. He’d never used it on anyone else. Just her. She cared for Rob, even loved him. But it wasn’t the love he expected from her or the love he deserved so she was stepping aside. She didn’t deserve to keep Rob’s heart; that honour was not hers to be bestowed with.
“I’m fine,” she lied.
“I wish you’d have given me a chance, Stevie,” he said sadly, swaying her in time with the soft music.
“Rob,” she breathed out as the sadness settled on her chest.
“I don’t want to be with Jewel. I’ve said that so many times, but you don’t want to believe me. I thought I did, but then I met you and I don’t understand my life without you. These last two weeks, not hearing from you, have been painful. You’re like my best friend, Stevie.”
The hurt in his eyes had her looking away for a moment. The guilty feeling that used to settle now consumed her. The reason she couldn’t make it work was because of his brother and the fact she couldn’t forget him.
“Rob, it wasn’t working. Dinners and PJ’s was fun. You think you want me, but I’m only just going to be your friend. You’ll find someone. I know it. It’s just not me. And you’re like my best friend, but I can’t be more with you. It’s not fair,” she said stepping out of their dance.
“Stevie,” he begged quietly, ensuring they didn’t make a scene.
Ash-blonde curls caught her attention and she grabbed Ally’s arm, yanking her for attention. “You haven’t danced with Ally yet. We’ll talk later, Rob. Just enjoy today, for Noel and Clara. Can you do that?” Stevie saw the way Rob looked at Ally, and although he tried to hide it, it was clear she fascinated him.
“I…uhh was about to find Liam,” Ally stuttered, studying her hands.
“I thought we were dancing, Stevie?” Rob ignored Ally’s presence.
Stevie sighed and gently nudged Ally into Rob’s chest. She had noticed him tense before his hands were on Ally’s arms, pushing her aside.
“Sorry,” Ally mumbled.
“I have to go,” Rob mumbled, irritated. The apology in his eyes was hard to miss. He was reluctant and that left Stevie with a sour taste in her mouth. He had stared past Ally before he started to walk away.
“Robert Moors!” Stevie called out, and he stopped.
He turned around and raked his fingers through his hair. “What, Stevie?” he exhaled.
“You can be angry with me; I’ll take it. But don’t you dare take your anger out on Ally. I was only suggesting that you dance w
ith her. I’m sorry you don’t see it my way when it comes to us,” Stevie explained, ignoring the heat that spread through her heart.
Rob moved his gaze to Ally, and his shoulders slumped. “Shit!” he cursed and returned to Ally. “I’m sorry, Ally. I didn’t…shit! I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I didn’t mean to treat you like that.”
“Oh, no. Don’t be. I’m sorry. I’ve made things a little awkward here. I’ll just go.” She gave them both a smile and wandered over to her brother’s table.
“You’re clueless,” Stevie pointed out and shook her head.
“I’m clueless?” Rob asked, offended.
Stevie nodded her head at him.
“No, the only clueless one here is you! Forget it. You want me to go back to Jewel then fine! Whatever. We’re done here.” Rob stormed out of the ballroom and countless pairs of eyes trained on her. She should feel triumphant, but she didn’t. He was the first man she had let past her walls in a long time, and it was bittersweet.
“What was that?” she heard Jarred ask.
Stevie shrugged then faced him. “That was Rob being set free,” she stated, and before she could refuse, Jarred had wrapped his arms around her. She chanted to herself not to cry. She told her stupid brain to forget Robert Moors and to let him be free. It wasn’t right. It never was. Not with him. She wasn’t meant to move on with her life with him. He wasn’t the one she was meant to marry and grow old with. He was a Moors. She’d have someone someday. She just had to ensure it wouldn’t be Rob because she wouldn’t make him settle for second best.
“I’m okay, Jarred,” she said and pulled away.
“You sure? I know he’s the first guy since…London.” His voice was a low whisper when he’d said ‘London.’
Stevie looked away and caught sight of Julian next to Alex, laughing. He looked at peace with his life. He said he had searched for her, but she was happy he hadn’t found her. From what Rob said, Julian had become successful in life. She hadn’t. And London was one of her shameful secrets.
“I was stupid in London. Just don’t bring it up because I can’t remember it. I won’t be okay this time. Leave him in the past,” she softly begged. She never wanted to return to London. Never. But she had promised she would for him.
“Just know that I won’t let you go back,” Jarred promised, and Stevie smiled.
“I know you won’t. London changed us both. I’m sorry about back then.” She would never stop apologising. She saw a side of Jarred she had never known. She had taken a step too far, and she’d almost lost her sanity. That was when she knew her life was spinning out of control. “I’m going to get my cue cards for the toasts. I’ll be back.” She excused herself with a tight smile.
Scanning the room, she noticed Noel and Clara talking to some guests, their backs towards her. Stevie knew it was the perfect time to slip away and have a moment to herself. To find her equilibrium. When she woke up this morning, she had never expected her day to turn out the way it had. She’d hoped she could have outrun her past just long enough to where it no longer mattered. But she hadn’t been fast enough.
Stevie slipped out of the wedding reception and into the hallway. She didn’t need her cue cards; it had just been an excuse for her to escape. She was one to flight never to fight. Not even in London did she fight. She just kept running. Always running.
Walking towards Clara’s bridal suite, Stevie paused for a second unable to shake off the uncomfortable feeling that engulfed her. She shook her head, knowing she was being paranoid, and continued to the door.
Then she felt a tap on her shoulder and she halted. Stevie swallowed hard. No one would tap her shoulder like what she just felt. Her chest rose and fell with each heavy breath of air she took. She tried to will her legs to make a movement, but she knew her heart was against her head.
Fingertips ran along the curve of her neck, and she let out an involuntary sigh and shut her eyes. A touch that seared her heart. Stevie bit down on her bottom lip to stop herself from letting another pleasurable sigh escape. The fingertips reached the base of her neck, and her heart stopped. Before she could step away and stop him, he moved her hair over her shoulder.
“Nice to see you kept my initial on your neck,” he whispered in her ear. His hot breath made her heart jump, and she opened her eyes slowly. Her heartbeat picked up and she clenched her fists to control herself.
When his fingers traced the ‘J’, it sent an achy tremor to her chest. She remembered their impulsive decision to mark the week. He had held her hand as his initial marked its place on her skin, not just her heart. The ache increased and she knew she needed to put a stop to his actions.
We can’t do this.
I can’t do this.
But his breath near her ear was making it hard to think; her thoughts had become foggy from his closeness. “If we’re being honest, then your initial is still tattooed over my heart. Where it’s belonged from the moment I met you.”
She flinched. He had told her on Karon Beach that he belonged to her and that she owned a spot in his heart. Though she had known it was too early for him to love her, it had still given her hope.
Swallowing hard, Stevie knew a line had to be drawn. Taking a deep breath and encouraging a form of courage to infest her system, she spun around. She would tell him that the girl he’d known was long gone. She’d been a teenager—in love with the idea of a summer romance—wanting to be someone different for a little while. Though she wasn’t honest with her name, she was honest with her feelings. Her week with Julian was the last time she was that honest and free with a man.
The look in his eyes was one she didn’t know. It was as if he was trying to decide if Stevie was still the same girl, comparing her looks from then to now, and she was doing the same. It was hard to believe, but he was more beautiful—in the fallen angel kind of way. He looked fragile and unwilling, but there was a flash in his blue eyes that she didn’t get.
Stevie’s lips parted, and she was about to tell him that the past was the past when his eyes darted to her lips. She furrowed her brows. Just as she was about to speak, Julian grabbed her face and crashed his lips to hers.
She was surprised, but instantly, the feeling of familiarity took hold of her heart. Her eyelids fluttered close as she gave into his kiss, her resilience breaking. His lips were as soft as she had remembered, but they were also demanding. With each movement, she felt her heart ache with such warmth that she wasn’t sure if it was painful or pleasurable. She fisted his suit jacket in her hands, bringing him closer. Their bodies touched, shocking her, and she gasped.
Julian seized the opportunity to slip his tongue past her lips. As she felt his tongue dance and stroke against hers, her heart inflamed. It was all too much yet it wasn’t enough. She let out a moan and held him tighter.
It was all too familiar and the memories came back in flash floods. Before she could even stop herself, she uttered one word.
“Julian.”
He tensed in her hold. One word and she had exposed her past to him. She’d voiced his name. All because she still craved his lips. She knew that the moment she’d said his name, there was no turning back. Her heart had just experienced a form of rebirth from that one kiss. And he’d finally got what he wanted. Acknowledgement. She had given him what she didn’t want to give, the awareness that she remembered. She had just unsealed the doors she’d wished she hadn’t, and his name had instantly burst through every one of her walls.
“You said my name,” he said against her lips then pulled away. She could feel the fear in her as she regretted the way her resilience broke, crumbled, and even faltered.
“I-I,” she stuttered the moment his fingers ran down her neck.
“I’d never forget lips like yours. You can try to forget, but what we had together was memorable and it fucking haunted me that you left. But you said my name and now I know you haven’t forgotten. That kiss and my name on your lips proves that our week together still has a place in your he
art. Even if you deny those memories of us, I’ll still have them. And now I have this one. That one kiss is one for the memory vault.”
Stephanie didn’t say a word. Her blue eyes conflicted and her cheeks red. Holding her again brought back all the memories. His dreams and fantasies never did her justice. She was beautiful. Even more beautiful than when she was eighteen. Her lips still perfect. But the way she kissed felt more practiced, not as innocent as she’d been. The thought had him frowning. She had been with other men since him. He knew that the possibility that she hadn’t was unrealistic. He’d be a hypocrite if he were angry over it because he had been with other women since her. He’d been trying to forget—the way she breathed, the way she smiled, the touch of her lips, and that moment when she reached that peak of pleasure he gave her—in the touches of other women. But he could never forget any aspect of Stephanie. His heart didn’t want him to.
It hurt him to know that someone else had seen her moan and sigh. Someone else had experienced the feel of her. Had she just stayed, he would have been it for her. For life. That was the thought he had the moment he took her virginity. That she owned him. Breathing out and trying to vanquish the image of another man pleasing her, Julian brushed her curled blonde hair away.
“I’ve finally found you,” he softly stated. Julian leant in and pecked her lips, memorising and loving the burst of pleasure he felt when they made contact. Pulling back, he saw her uncertainty in the way her facial features tensed. She didn’t see it his way. That it could have been perfect for them. She was reluctant. He could see it in those cloudless blue eyes of hers.
I have to make her remember how good we were together.
That no man she has been with could compare to me.
I will be it for her.
He let his thumb brush along her bottom lip, feeling her shiver under his touch. He still had an effect on her, and he noted that as a victory. He’d find a way. He wasn’t leaving Melbourne as long as she lived here.
