by Nalini Singh
Page 14
“Fen,” she said, heart heavy at the thought of her old friend grown so very frail, the light of his life beginning to flicker in the slightest wind. “Fen was there. He held me through the terrible dark of that night, until Keir was able to come. If I could Make Fen, I would in a heartbeat, but I cannot. ” Tears clogged her voice. “He is my dearest friend. ”
Noel went motionless. “He can walk freely into these rooms?”
“Of course. ” She and Fen had never again been lady and liege after that stormy night as her babe bled out of her. “We speak here so we will not be interrupted. ”
Noel’s hands clenched on her arms. Frowning, she went to press him for his thoughts when the import of his question hit her. “Not Fen. ” She wrenched out of his embrace. “He would no more harm me than he would murder Amariyah. ”
“I,” Noel said, “have no idea of how that safe works, much less the combination. I wouldn’t even know where to begin. But Fen… he knows so many things about you. Such as the date you lost your babe, or the day your child would’ve been born. ”
The gentle words were a dagger in her soul. Because he was right. Five decades ago, she’d changed the combination to what would have been her lost babe’s birthing day. It hadn’t been a conscious choice as such— the date was the first that had come into her mind, embedded into her consciousness. “I will not believe it. ” Frost in her voice as she fought the anguish that threatened to shatter her. “And I will not allow this evidence technician to come here. ”
“Nimra. ”
She cut him off when he would’ve continued. “I will speak to Fen. Alone. ” If her old friend had done this, she had to know why. If he had not— and she couldn’t bring herself to believe him capable of such treachery— then there was no cause for him to be hurt by the ugliness of suspicion. “Unless you think he’ll rise up to stab me while I sit across from him?”
Noel made no effort to hide his irritation, but neither did he stop her as she headed for the door. Exeter was waiting to speak to her at the bottom of the staircase, as was Asirani, but she jerked her head in a sharp negative, not trusting herself to speak. Nothing would be right in her world until she’d unearthed the truth, however terrible it might be.
Fen wasn’t at home, but she knew his favorite places, as he knew hers.
“Ah,” he said when she tracked him down at the sun- drenched stone bench on the edge of the lily pond, his near- black eyes solemn. “Sadness sits on your shoulders again. I thought the vampire made you happy. ”
Noel had dropped back as soon as Fen came into sight, giving her the privacy she needed. Heartsick, she took a seat beside her old friend, her wings draping on the grass behind them. “I have kept a secret from you, Fen,” she said, eyes on a dragonfly buzzing over the lilies. “Queen died not because her heart failed, but because she drank poison intended for me. ”
Fen didn’t reply for a long moment undisturbed by the wind, the pond smooth glass under the wide green lily pads. “You were so sad,” he said at last. “So very, very sad deep inside, where almost no one could see it. But I knew. Even as you smiled, as you ruled, you mourned. So many years you mourned. ”
Tears burned at the backs of her eyes as his wrinkled hand closed over her own where it lay on the bench between them. “I worried who would watch over you when I was gone. ” His voice was whispery with age, his fingers containing a tremor that made her heart clench. “I thought the sadness might drown you, leaving you easy prey for the scavengers. ”
A single tear streaked down her face.
“I wanted only to give you peace. ” He tried to squeeze her hand, but his strength was not what it had been when he first strode into her court, a man with an endless store of energy. “It broke my heart to see you haunting the gardens as everyone slept, so much pain trapped inside of you. It is arrogant of me to make such a claim, ridiculous, too, but… you are my daughter as much as Mariyah. ”
She turned up her hand, curling her fingers around his own. “Do you think me so fragile, Fen?”
He sighed. “I fear I learned the wrong lessons from my other daughter. She is not strong. We both know it. ”
“There would’ve been no one left to protect her after I was gone. ”
“No. Yet still I could not bear your sadness. ” Shaking his head, he turned to face her. “I knew I’d made a terrible mistake the very next day, when you faced the world with strength and courage once more, but by then, Queen was dead. ” Regret put a heavy weight on every word. “I am sorry, my lady. I will take whatever punishment you deem fit. ”
She squeezed his hand, emotion choking up her throat. “How can I punish you for loving me, Fen?” The idea of hurting him was anathema to her. He was no assassin, simply old and afraid for the daughters he’d leave behind. “I will not let Amariyah drown,” she promised. “As long as I draw breath, I will watch over her. ”
“Your heart has always been too generous for a woman who wields so much power. ” Making a clucking sound with his tongue, he waggled an arthritic finger. “It is good your vampire is hewn of harder wood. ”
This time it was Nimra who shook her head. “Such mortal thoughts,” she said, her soul aching with the knowledge of a loss that came ever nearer with each heartbeat. “I do not need a man. ”
“No, but perhaps you should. ” A smile so familiar, it would savage her when she could no longer see it. “You can’t have failed to notice that those angels who retain their… humanity through the ages are the ones who have mates or lovers who stand by them. ”
It was an astute statement. “Do not die, Fen,” she whispered, unable to contain her sorrow. “You were meant to live forever. ” She’d had his blood tested three years after he’d first come into her court, already aware that this was a man she could trust not to betray her through the ages. But the results had come back negative— Fen’s body would reject the process that turned mortal to vampire, reject it with such violence that he’d either die or go incurably insane.
Fen laughed, his skin papery under her own. “I’m rather looking forward to death,” he said with a chuckle that made his eyes twinkle. “Finally, I’ll know something you never have and maybe never will. ”
It made her own lips curve. And as the sun moved across the lazy blue of the sky, as the sweet scent of jasmine lingered in the air, she sat with the man who would’ve been her murderer, and she mourned the day when he would no longer sit with her beside the lily pond as the dragonflies buzzed.
That day came far sooner than she could’ve ever expected. Fen simply didn’t awaken the next morning, passing into death with a peaceful smile on his face. She had him buried with the highest honors, in a grave beside that of his beloved wife. Even Amariyah put aside their enmity for that day, behaving with utmost grace though her face was ravaged by grief.
“Good- bye,” she said to Nimra after Christian, his voice pure and beautiful, had sung a heartfelt farewell to a mortal who had been a friend to angels.
Nimra met the vampire’s eyes, so akin to her father’s and so very dissimilar. “If you ever need anything, you know you have but to call. ”
Amariyah gave her a tight smile. “There’s no need to pretend. He was the only link between us. He’s gone now. ” With that, she turned and walked away, and Nimra knew this was the last time she’d see Fen’s daughter. It didn’t matter. She had put things in place— Amariyah wouldn’t ever be friendless or helpless if in need. This, Nimra would do for Fen… for the friend who would never again counsel her with a wisdom no mortal was supposed to possess.
A big hand sliding into hers, his skin rougher than her own. “Come,” Noel said. “It’s time to go. ”
It was only when he wiped his thumb across her cheek that she realized she was crying, the tears having come after everyone else had left the graveside. “I will miss him, Noel. ”
“I know. ” Sliding his hand up her arm, he placed it around he
r shoulders and held her close, his body providing a safe haven for the sorrow that poured out of her in an anguished torrent.
In the days after Fen’s death, Noel began to discover exactly how much the old man had done for Nimra. From watching over her interests when it came to Louisiana’s vampiric residents to ensuring the court remained in balance, Fen had been the center even as he positioned himself on the edges. With his loss came a time of some confusion, as everyone tried to figure out their place in the scheme of things.
Christian, of course, tried to take over, but it was clear from the start that he had too much arrogance to play the subtle political games Fen had managed with such ease… and that Noel quietly began to handle. Politician he wasn’t, but he had no trouble putting any idea of rank aside to get things done. As for his right to be in the court at all, he hadn’t asked Nimra’s permission to remain, hadn’t asked anyone’s permission.
He’d simply called Dmitri and said, “I’m staying. ”
The vampire, who held more power than any other vamp Noel knew, hadn’t been pleased. “You’re slated to be stationed in the Tower. ”
“Unslate me. ”
Silence, then a dark amusement. “If Nimra ever decides you’re too much trouble, I’ll have a place waiting for you. ”
“Thanks, but it won’t be needed. ” Even if Nimra did attempt to throw him out, Noel was having none of it. She was painfully vulnerable right now, and without Fen here to guard her secrets from those who would use her grief to cause her harm, someone had to watch her back. Mind set, he began to do precisely that, using the members of the court, senior and junior, to Nimra’s advantage.
Sharp, loyal Asirani was the first to catch on. “I always knew we hadn’t seen the real Noel,” she said, a glint in her eye, then passed him a small file. “You need to handle this. ”
