Flynn didn't speak.
“When you decided that you couldn’t do this,” he said, moving his arms to encompass the area, “she let you go. We faced down council and lied to them to keep you safe.”
He was so damn hurt because he’d given up so much too. Look at him. He was some hybrid human-vampyre.
“She gave away a soul, something we covet, to have our children. Why? Because she was afraid if you didn't have a child of your own, you’d leave us. Yes, you’re right. She’s definitely using you, Detective Brogan,” said Jacques, trying to control his temper.
“That’s not fair,” he said, approaching his mate.
“No, it’s not, but this is life. She’s pregnant and scared too. She’s questioning if she can be a mother, and you’re stressing her out over something that may, or may not, even happen. We don’t know what fate has planned, so why let it destroy our family?”
“Yeah, it’s easy for you to say, Jacques. You’d be welcome here leading the family. I’m just the human. Despite all I’ve given, and bled for this family, I’d be told to leave, and we both know it. I’m simply food for the vamps in this house.”
He stared at him. “I never thought I’d say this, but I’m disappointed in you, Detective.”
With that, he left. If he didn’t, he might be forced to slap some sense into his mate and friend.
Someone had to.
Alone, Flynn stood in the nursery, his heart aching at what had just happened. The day had started so damn good.
He’d had amazing sex.
The woman he loved baked him cookies.
And then he found out the truth.
Jacques was absolutely right.
He was fighting with Jolie over something that didn't matter. She wasn’t going to die because he’d keep her safe. If that time came, he’d offer up himself to let her go on to care for their children.
The conversation had been useless.
And he’d let the human part of him win.
Once again….
* * * H a r c o u r t e * * *
Her heart ached.
So, she went to the only place where she could still feel him. In their quarters, Jolie found herself holding on to Flynn’s pillow, just to keep his scent with her.
It soothed her, giving Jolie a little control back over her emotions.
She hurt.
Did he really believe that she’d only used him? Was that possible? Maybe she wasn’t cut out for the partner thing after all.
When she heard the door open, Jolie tensed until she felt him near. Immediately, the flood gates opened.
“Oh, Jacques,” she whispered, her tears overwhelming her. “What do I do now?”
Jolie couldn’t believe she’d taken off his ring and handed it back to him. That had to hurt Flynn because it broke her heart.
“You were angry. This will all calm down. You’re hormonal, and he’s human. Apparently, it’s really a volatile brew.”
“I just thought he knew us, but he doesn’t.”
He stroked her cheek. “He does, Jolie. This was a sucker punch to him. I think you knew he’d react like this. Flynn, if anything, is predictable.”
She was aware.
“Do you think I’ve used him or you?”
“We use each other. That’s what mates do. When one is weaker, the other ones will compensate. It’s symbiotic. While Flynn may be changing into us, he’s still, at his core, human. They’re solitary creatures. We’re pack animals. You can’t judge them the same. I’d want my child to be raised by one of our kind. I’d want our baby raised by Flynn, but if he’s going to run, you can’t stop him.”
And that was the problem.
She feared he’d take off. It wasn’t that he’d take their child. No. It was that he’d abandon them. That’s why she’d gotten so damn angry.
It bubbled up in her.
“You need to stay calm and relax,” Jacques stated, feeling their detective approaching.
Whenever someone told her that, it just pissed her off even more.
The door to their room opened.
“Jolie, can we talk?” he asked softly, getting a look from Jacques that he couldn’t even begin to figure out.
He wasn’t sure if it was disgust or sympathy.
Maybe it was a little of both.
“Please, Jolie,” he pleaded, even when she wouldn’t look at him.
She said nothing.
So, he continued. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have questioned what we have. You’ve never given me anything but love, and I didn’t have a right to hurt your feelings. It just caught me off guard. I shouldn’t worry about it because I believe that we can keep you safe, so you’ll never die.”
Jolie could feel the anger building. With each word, she wanted to rage. Why couldn’t Flynn just give her time to calm down? Inside, she was scared, hurt, and angry.
It was a dangerous mix.
Flynn took a chance. Moving toward them on the bed, he took a seat beside her on the mattress.
“Please forgive me. I let my emotions get the best of me. I should know better.”
When she faced him, Flynn knew he was screwed. All the love was gone from her eyes, and in its place was pure animosity. He supposed he deserved it.
“You should know better, Flynn. I’m so damn sick of this. Either you’re in, or you’re not. You stood there and accused me of using you, but what about me? Maybe I was just a handy woman to get you a child.”
He blinked as if trying to figure out what she meant.
“Let’s face it. I’m giving you one hell of a gift. You now have immortality, and a child who will live forever. You’re afraid of losing your family, and you found a woman who could promise that wouldn’t ever happen.”
He wasn’t sure if the gasp of surprise was from him or Jacques, but it would have hurt less had she physically struck him. She was right. That was his biggest fear in life. He’d lost everyone, and he couldn’t survive it again.
“Maybe that’s really how it is. Look at it from my perspective,” she snapped out, knowing it was a direct hit.
The anger had gotten the best of her.
He stayed calm. Now he knew how she felt when he said it to her. If Jolie wanted to punish him, this was a good way to do it. “I suppose I deserved that,” he replied, looking down at her ring in his hand.
That boat had sailed.
“Here,” he said, handing it to Jacques. “Put it away for me. One day, I might have a daughter. She might want it to make it into a necklace.”
Jacques didn't like how this was turning out.
Something had to be done.
The people he loved were crossing that line, and the family was fracturing apart.
“Again, I’m sorry,” he said, his voice thick with emotion. “I see I damaged us, so I’ll leave you alone, Jolie. I’m sorry I hurt you this much. You deserve a man who won’t do this to you. I won’t make you get on and off this ride anymore. I’ll stay to be with my child, but I’ll move back into my old quarters. You’re free.”
With that, he turned and walked away.
She stared after him.
What had she done?
Oh God! What had she done?
Jacques said nothing, but he wasn’t pleased with her at that moment.
She sighed. “I just went too far, didn’t I?”
“When you handed him back his ring, you did the same thing you accused him of doing. You quit on him and were a huge hypocrite.”
Jolie felt bad.
“I get that you’re angry, but Flynn came here and swallowed his pride to apologize. I imagine that wasn’t easy for him. He’s not one to share his emotions, but he tried.”
Jolie closed her eyes.
“Pride matters, Jolie, and believe it or not, he has swallowed it for this family many times. What you just did was wrong. He hurt you, but that didn't give you the right to hurt him back. This isn’t the Jolie I fell in love with. She’d never break someone like that
. He lost everyone, and you were more than happy to point that out. Well, now he’s losing everything all over again. You took his fears and played with them. I’m disappointed in you.”
Never had she been admonished by Jacques before. He was always her defender. “I’ll fix it.”
She held out her hand for the ring. When he hesitated, she knew she’d been a total ass.
“I hope you do.”
It didn't take long for her to find him. Flynn was sitting at the kitchen table with Jolie’s cookies and a sandwich. It was odd because Flynn didn't really like to eat anymore. It made him sick.
“May I join you?” she asked, as she headed toward the refrigerator to get him a drink.
“If you want to,” he stated.
When she paused to sit beside him on the bench, he slid over.
“Why the sandwich?”
He didn't look at her. Instead, he struggled to swallow the food. “Since we’re done, I won’t be drinking blood anymore. I’m going to try and reclaim what’s left of my humanity. I’ll need to eat.”
That hurt her.
“Flynn.”
“No, Jolie, you’re right, but not for the reasons you think. I wouldn’t leave, but imagine how it feels to know you can’t do something. All those years you were Goethe’s prisoner, you couldn’t do so many things. When the littlest things get taken away, you panic. That’s all I did. I got scared. I thought I was safe sharing it with you, but I wasn’t.”
She felt horrible.
She never took the time to look at it from his perspective.
“I did lose everyone, and you did give me a family again. I’ve never said thank you, and I should have. I won’t leave. I have nowhere else to go. You win. I can’t fight any more about this.”
“Flynn.”
He shook his head. “Don’t.”
They sat in silence. Finally, he couldn’t do it. “I need to go,” he said, trying to get out of the bench.
“Flynn,” she began.
“I’m going to be sick, Jolie. Please move.”
She got out of his way as Flynn rushed from the room. In the hall, she heard the bathroom door slam.
Instead of leaving him alone, she followed. He’d locked the door, but that was about as effective at keeping her out as a cross or garlic. With her mind, she flipped open the lock.
Inside, she found him violently retching.
Jolie didn't hesitate. She moved to his side and held back his hair as her detective got sick. Here was the proof. He’d moved too far into their world. He couldn’t go back.
When he literally finished tossing his cookies, Flynn moved away from her touch. “Please don’t,” he said, not able to be near her.
Jolie didn't understand.
“Since we’re done, I can’t handle your touch. It reminds me what I lost. I’ll stay, but I’ll need to be far away from you. I’ll also need to feed from someone else.”
His words hurt her. “Flynn.”
“It’s okay. I’m a cop. We’re not easy to love. I never thought this was real anyway. No one gets this lucky--certainly not me.”
She moved toward him, knowing she had one chance to fix this. “I was wrong, and I hurt you. I don’t deserve you, Flynn. You died for me. The human is gone forever, and that’s a bigger gift than a child. I was so angry that I thought you’d leave again, that I never saw the truth. You’re trapped, Flynn. I’ve not only taken the choice of leaving with a child from you, but I’ve stolen your humanity.”
He stared into her eyes.
“I’m sorry.”
He couldn’t do this without her. Flynn knew the truth. Without them, he’d never make it. Bending down, he pulled a silver dagger from his boot. “Here,” he said, handing it to her hilt first. “End me. I can’t live like this. I can’t remain trapped between your world and mine, all alone. I’m not strong enough, but you are.”
She stared down at the knife. “Oh, Flynn,” she whispered, seeing exactly how much pain he was feeling. It was buried beneath the layers so deep, she’d missed it.
“When you gave me the ring back, I lost the only thing holding me to this world. I don’t want to go back. Just end me.”
He dropped to his knees in front of her. When his eyes closed, he waited for her to stop his pain. “Please. I gave you what you needed before, and now I need you to do the same.”
Jolie would die first. She knelt before him. “I love you. I didn't know you felt like this.”
“I’m not as strong as you think,” he whispered. “I’m drowning, Jolie. I can’t keep my head above water.”
“Take me back,” she finally said. “I don’t deserve it, but please take me back. I want to wear your ring, Flynn. I want the world to know you love me. I shouldn’t have hurt you. This all got way out of control.”
“I don’t want to die alone,” he whispered, right before he let the emotion free.
Jolie took his face in her hands. “You’re not alone. I love you. I’ll always love you.”
He stared into her eyes as a wave of darkness overtook him. “Save me. God! Save me.”
Jolie knew she couldn’t do this alone.
∞ Chapter Thirty ∞
Late Tuesday Evening
Flynn opened his eyes. Somehow, he’d managed to get back to their bedroom. For a while, he didn't remember what happened, but now it was coming back to him.
“What happened?” he whispered. He could feel Jacques wrapped around the back of him, pushing warmth and energy into his body, while Jolie did the same against his chest.
“You made yourself sick,” she said, stroking his cheek. “You can’t eat anymore. You poisoned yourself.”
Yeah, that part he recalled.
“I see.”
He went to move away, but neither would let him. “Flynn,” Jacques said, knowing that they needed to stop this. “Please stay. I love you.”
The admission made his heart skip. Jacques had never directly said it to him before. Yes, they said they loved their unit, but never like this.
“We’re a family. You’re valuable to Jolie and me. I know you’re hurting right now, but I’m asking that you let us show you how much you matter.”
“I don’t want to hurt either of you, and I’m doing that all the time.”
It was time for the truth. “Once, I hurt Jolie so bad, that I wanted to end my life.”
He listened.
“It was about three hundred years into our partnership. I was merely a guardian, and it was eating away at me. I was going to leave her. In fact, I did.”
Flynn rolled to his back to stare into Jacques’s eyes. “Really?”
“Yes. I left for a month. I couldn’t handle it. I packed up and left. I bailed on her, leaving Jolie alone. That’s how Balzac ended up in this family. When I abandoned her, she had to find males to protect her.”
“Why?” he asked.
“I loved her, and wanted to have her as my own. Instead, I opted to run. That’s why she reacted the way she did today. It’s her biggest fear. Losing us, it would kill her. You didn't cause that wound in her heart. I did.”
Well, at least that made him feel a little better. “You came back?”
“I crawled back. I begged, pleaded, and offered to do anything she asked, if she’d forgive me.”
Jolie stroked Flynn’s rough cheek. She loved the feel of stubble beneath her fingers. “It’s why we never mated earlier. I was angry for many years after that. I was just starting to fall in love. I just didn't know how to tell him. Then I went to find him one night, and there was a note. He’d abandoned me. I hurt you, and this isn’t an excuse, but a glimpse into why I got upset. Your fear is being alone, but so is mine.”
“I’m not using you, Jolie. I’d die for you. I’d die for Jacques. I’m not here because I don’t have a family. I’m here because I found the people I love most in life.”
“Then stay,” she said. “I’m not perfect. I have dark spaces in me that you’ve never known about. There�
�s pain and hurt in there that I’ve kept hidden for centuries. I need a learning curve. I’ve never handed over my heart to anyone before. When Jacques left me, I died inside. It took three hundred years to rebuild that trust again. If you leave, I can’t say I’ll be able to carry on. I need you, Flynn. Without either of you, I’m not whole.”
A tear slipped down her cheek.
“Please forgive me for being a horrible person. I knew what to say to hurt you, and it came out. I can’t promise I won’t do it again, but I promise that I’m learning.”
Flynn stared at her.
“We need you. If you leave our bed, it won’t be the same. I’ll give you anything you want. I’ll kneel. I’ll hand over my pride to keep you with me.”
It was only fair, since he’d continually done just that.
“Jolie,” he whispered, knowing that she just offered to do something big.
‘I’ll call you master every day,’ she whispered into his mind. ‘Here and now, I’ll serve you. Tell me what it’ll take to earn back your trust, and it’s yours,’ she offered.
He was shocked.
“It’s true. Tell me what it’ll take, and I’ll do it right now.”
“Love me again. Tell me that you still love me. Promise me that you’ll never take my ring off your finger again in anger. That’s all I want. I’m willing to risk the rest. I’m willing to stay, not leave, but if you hand this back to me ever again, I won’t put it back on a third time.”
Jolie knew she’d wounded his pride. Her big strong detective had a soft spot on his heart, and she’d struck it.
“I swear on my life.” She held out the ring and waited for him to slide it back on her finger.
When he did, Jolie felt a wave of relief.
Flynn was still hurt, but he was willing to let it go. For them, he’d swallow anything. With one arm, he pulled Jolie close, holding her to his body. With the other, he dropped it over Jacques hips, moving him toward them.
All three cuddled.
The contact eased his pain.
“I think I know how to make you feel better,” Jolie offered, running her hands across his chest.
“What?” he replied, pretty sure he knew what was coming.
Dangerous Retaliation (The Harcourte Vampyre Society Book 4) Page 42
