by K. C. Wells
Fuck. Fuck. So much for hoping. “I know. I’m sorry.”
Vic took his seat again. “There isn’t anything to be sorry for,” Vic assured him, then took a sip. “But we do need to discuss it.”
Rob shrugged. “What’s there to talk about? I said what I did. It’s not like I can unsay it, right?” His stomach clenched. Please, let’s not talk about this?
Vic appraised him quietly, and Rob squirmed in his chair. He’s not going to let this drop, is he? Of course, Vic wouldn’t be Vic if he did.
“I’m not about to brush your statement under the carpet, much as you might like me to. Talk to me. Tell me what’s on your mind.” He cocked his head to one side. “Are you trying to say you’re gay?”
“What?” Rob scoffed. “Fuck no.” His heartbeat raced and his palms grew clammy.
Vic’s smile was indulgent. “Okay, then what is it? Do you often blurt out to men that you want them?”
In years past Rob would have been more likely to cut off his tongue rather than ever say those words. That thought shocked him. What’s changed in me?
The answer was all too obvious. I just got pushed to the edge. Where is there left for me to go?
“Okay, so you’re not gay. What, then?”
Rob’s headache returned with a vengeance. I don’t want to talk about that night. Ever. And answering Vic’s question meant veering too close to the truth. “Can we not do this?”
“Well, if you hadn’t told me you wanted me, we wouldn’t be discussing it in the first place. But now? I need to understand.”
“I only sleep with women,” Rob barked. “I don’t sleep with men.”
Vic nodded slowly. “Okay. So you’re saying you’d sleep with any woman?”
“No, of course not.”
“Then explain it to me. Let’s start with an easy question: what kind of woman do you sleep with?”
Rob shrugged. “They have to be young, and pretty is a definite plus. I don’t want anyone taller than me because that seems awkward.”
Vic smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “So what you’re telling me is you do care about who you sleep with. You obviously enjoy the act if you’re able to perform.”
Of course he could perform. “Yeah, I like it.”
Another slow nod. “Then maybe you’re bisexual?”
Rob considered the question for a few moments. To his mind, that sounded better than being gay. “Maybe,” he answered with a hint of hesitation. “I never really thought of it in those terms.”
“There’s nothing wrong with being with men or women or both. Sexuality isn’t an either-or. There’s a whole spectrum out there, and many people live their entire lives believing they have to be one or the other, but that’s not the case. There’s nothing wrong with being gay or bi or pansexual. In fact, it’s something to celebrate, because you’re admitting that what’s inside a person is more important than what’s on the outside.”
They sat quietly for a few minutes, apart from the occasional slurp of coffee.
“I didn’t mean to freak you out,” Rob said at last. “I never meant to say that to you.”
Vic put down his mug and regarded Rob closely. “I figured as much, but you did say it. Care to tell me what brought it on?”
Rob’s stomach clenched. “I got fired yesterday.” He waited for the demands to know what the hell he’d done, for the how could you be so irresponsible? remarks.
“Okay.”
Rob blinked. “For theft.”
“Oh. What happened?”
It took Rob a second or two to realize there wasn’t any condemnation in Vic’s tone, just curiosity. He tried to figure out the best way to explain it, but then decided on just going for it. I’ve already blurted out the one thing I never wanted to say, so in for a penny….
“About seven years ago, Jamie and I went into the supermarket where I work… worked. We thought it would be fun to steal some things. We got away with it, so we did it a few more times. Then I got uncomfortable about it, and we stopped.”
Vic folded his arms across his chest, his brow creased. “So they fired you for something you did when you were a kid? You know they can’t do that, right? We have laws that prevent it.”
Rob nodded. “Yeah, I know. I could file a complaint, but I won’t. Even if they gave me back my job, I’ve lost any chance at their trust. I wouldn’t feel comfortable there anymore. And I know we were kids, but it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t excuse what we did.”
“No, it doesn’t, but that was long time ago, and you confessed to it.”
He shifted uncomfortably on his chair. “Not really.”
“Then how did your boss find out?”
Rob sighed. “I saw Jamie the other day. I said something that apparently got him mad enough to go and tell my boss what we’d done.”
“Jamie sounds like he’s a dick,” Vic said.
Rob shrugged. “It doesn’t matter. I took responsibility for what I’d done, and it got me fired.”
“And this guy is a friend?” Vic arched his eyebrows. “Some friend.”
Rob huffed. “Maybe not now, but back when we were kids? The two of us were thick as thieves.” Jamie had been fun, exciting, and made Rob feel alive. He had actually enjoyed Jamie’s company, and then….
He shivered. One night was all it had taken to change the way Rob saw him, forever.
“Rob?”
You know you’re going to have to tell him, right? He’d come this far; there was no going back now.
Rob picked up his mug and held it tight. He closed his eyes, knowing it would be easier to talk if he didn’t have to look at Vic, or have Vic staring at him. “A few years ago, Jamie and I went out and hit a dance club. We met two girls there—sisters, actually. We bought them some drinks, danced with them for a while, and then Jamie told them his parents had gone away for the weekend and that they should come over. The girls talked about it and agreed. We piled into Jamie’s car and headed back to his place. It didn’t take long once we got in the door before we were all naked and sprawled out in his lounge.”
He paused long enough to take a drink, then forced himself to open his eyes. “Up until that night, I’d never seen him naked, never mind fucking some girl. But there we were, me banging one girl on the couch, while Jamie did the other on the rug.”
Vic said nothing, and Rob was glad of the silence.
“I glanced across at him and he smiled at me, giving a thumbs-up.” Rob shivered again, the memory still sharp as ever. “Oh, God, it was… fucking hot. He was sweating as he pumped into her, and I was… I…. Fuck, I couldn’t take my eyes off him. Forget about the girl I was fucking—in my head, it was just me and Jamie.”
“You envisaged the two of you fucking instead?” Vic asked quietly.
Rob nodded. “I swear, until that day, I’d never thought about another man that way. But the way he looked as he drove his dick into her, the way his body tightened and rocked and moved…. When we were done, I got dressed and ran home. The entire way, I was wondering what the fuck was wrong with me.”
Vic was silent again, but Rob knew he had to get the rest of it out into the open.
“After that, every time I saw Jamie, that’s all I could think about. I’d look at him, and it was that night all over again, me remembering what I’d felt. I had to stop hanging out with him, because I knew if he figured it out, there would be hell to pay.” Finally he got up enough courage to open his eyes.
Vic frowned. “Why?”
“Jamie hated gay people. He never stopped mouthing off about fags this and poofs that. He was always a mean sod to Alex, and every time I laughed it off. Not that he ever did anything to anybody, you understand, but when he started coming out with that shit, it still made your skin crawl. He could be a real scary bastard.”
“And what about your brother?”
“I don’t want to talk about him,” Rob snarled. Then in a softer voice, he added, “At least not right now. Is that okay?”
/> Vic gave him a speculative glance. “Sure, that’s fine. When you’re ready, I’ll listen. But your issues with Jamie aside, we still have to discuss what’s going to happen here. You’ve got no job, so I gather you’re probably going to lose your flat. What now?”
Rob had scarcely considered his future. What little he probably had.
What the hell am I going to do?
Chapter Thirteen
VIC WAITED while Rob pondered his questions. The poor kid seemed so lost. He could only guess at how hard it must have been for Rob to admit he’d had feelings for this Jamie person—the bastard—and to come to Vic for help when he got fired. And why wasn’t going to his family an option? Vic knew he could press for answers, but he didn’t want Rob to bolt, and he had a feeling that was exactly what would happen.
“I don’t want to go back to Manchester,” Rob stated firmly. “I like London. No one but you knows me here, and maybe it’s a chance for a fresh start.”
When Rob looked up, he had a hopeful expression on his face. Not to mention the words were exactly what Vic needed to hear. Right now, everything was in Rob’s court. He had to be the one to make the decisions, no matter how much Vic wanted to be the one to do it for him.
“Right. Okay, then, if you’re sure you want to stay here, then you’ve got some decisions to make. I’ve got a spare room, which you’re well aware of. You can use it until you find a place of your own. As for a job, I can check to see if there are any openings where I work. It won’t be anything glamorous, and it’s probably going to be hard work, but at least you’d have some money coming in.”
Rob’s jaw dropped. “Really?”
It was as if Rob had never been shown a kindness in his life. Every time Vic did something for him, Rob seemed to question his fortunes. It caused Vic’s chest to ache, not knowing what had happened to cause Rob’s issues.
He’s like a puppy that’s been kicked his whole life and has no idea how to react when someone pets him. And right then, Vic ached to pet him.
He shoved such thoughts aside. This was time for practicalities.
“Yes, but—”
“There’s always a but…,” Rob muttered.
It didn’t take a genius to realize Rob thought there would be sex as a way of paying him back. And in truth, Vic wanted Rob, probably more than he’d wanted anyone in a long time. But Rob wasn’t a one-off, and Vic didn’t want him to see himself that way. If this was going to work, Rob was going to have to learn a few things. Like how to take care of himself and how to slow down, to find himself. He seemed to have too many preconceived notions of what kind of person he was, and Vic couldn’t have that.
“Yes, there is always a price. It would be foolish to think otherwise.” Vic straightened in his chair. “So, here’s what’s going to happen. First, you’re going to learn to care for yourself.”
“I’ve been doing it for years!”
Vic loved the fire in Rob’s eyes and the belligerent tone in his voice. He wasn’t going to go down without a fight.
“Do you know how to cook?”
Rob opened his mouth, then closed it. After a few moments, he shook his head. “Never had a need. My flat doesn’t have a kitchen, and there’s always McDonald’s around the corner.”
It took a lot of effort for Vic not to groan. He could just imagine Rob with a tray full of a burger, fries, and the shakes he seemed to enjoy for almost every meal. He must have one hell of a metabolism. Vic had to work like mad to keep his physique. He grinned to himself. Maybe I’ll drag Rob off to the gym with me and get him involved in lifting.
Then again, he liked Rob just as he was.
“Okay, we’ll start with that. I’m going to teach you how to amaze yourself with how much you’ll love making things from scratch.”
Rob wrinkled his nose. “I live alone—why do I need to bother?”
Vic laughed, and Rob’s annoyance seemed to deflate quickly. “You’re not cooking for one. You’ll be cooking for me too. We’re going to be sharing the kitchen, working together to create delicious, wholesome meals.”
Rob seemed dubious at best. “Okay. What else?”
Now came the part Vic would enjoy most. “You’re going to learn to meditate.”
Rob’s eyes widened. “What the fuck for?”
“You know something? You swear too much. So that’s going to be another rule. I’m not going to say not to do it, but please try to curb it.”
Rob smirked. “I’ve heard you swear. That was you last night, wasn’t it, telling me to get in the fucking car?”
Vic speared him with a look. “I see your memory is coming back.” He picked up the coffee pot and refilled Rob’s mug. “Have some more. It’s obviously helping. And yes, I know I swear on occasion, but I don’t need to use it constantly.” After refilling his own cup, he sat back. “As for meditation, you’re all out of sorts. You haven’t got a center to build from. Trust me on this. I design things for a living, so I know the vital importance of good foundations. It keeps everything from crumbling, no matter how much stress is put on it.”
Rob snorted.
Vic sighed. “Ah, the smugness of youth. How blessed it must be to know it all.” He gave Rob another searching glance. “Okay, let me ask you a question. If you can honestly say no, then we’ll skip the meditation. Deal?”
Rob sounded flustered when he answered, and Vic could see him grinding his jaw. “Sure.”
“Right. When you’re upset—be it angry, hurt, or just anxious—what do you do? Are you centered enough to find an emotional spot that you can just let the negative emotions slide off, or do you get angry and have to bite back a retort? Assuming you don’t just go off on someone.”
Rob lowered his gaze to the table. His cheeks were flushed, and Vic knew what the answer was.
“Rob?”
“I get angry,” he admitted. “Before I got fired, I tried not to, but everything built up and I…. Yes, I have to stop myself from going off.”
It was gratifying to know Vic’s instincts were on the money.
“When I started as a landscaper, I did that too. I would get upset because something wasn’t going right, and I would just blow up. A friend of mine suggested meditation, and I found it worked for me. It may help you too. All I’m asking is that you give it a chance.”
“Will you be with me?” Rob asked, meeting Vic’s gaze. “While I meditate, I mean.”
“Yes. I’m going to teach you. Well, as much as I can, anyway. I’m not perfect. I still have days when I can’t help but get angry, but it’s a lot less now.”
Rob sighed deeply. “Okay, I’ll give it a try.”
That was all Vic needed to hear. “Sounds good.” It warmed him that Rob was willing to at least try to change. “First things first. Did you bring all your stuff?”
Rob’s mouth went down at the corners. “All I’ve got is the change of clothing that I shoved into my bag.” He looked around frantically. “My bag! I must have left it at the bar.”
“No, you threw it into the back of the car, remember? I put it at the foot of your bed. You obviously didn’t see it when you got up.” He grinned. “You were probably still too hungover.”
Rob folded his arms and dropped his head onto them. “I think I spent all the money I had on me in that pub.”
“I understand why you got drunk. It was an emotional day for you. As long as you don’t make a habit of it, we’re good.”
Rob sat a little straighter. “It won’t happen again. I don’t drink much anyway.”
“Good. A glass of wine with dinner is one thing, but getting so drunk you don’t know where you are? That’s dangerous.”
Rob smiled, and some of the tension evident in his body seemed to bleed out of him. “Yes, Mum.”
Vic laughed and cuffed Rob on the shoulder. “Cheeky brat. So, the bulk of your clothing is still in your flat?”
Rob nodded.
“Then we’ll go to Manchester and collect the rest of your things. I contac
ted the club and asked them to send your jacket here, so that’s a start.”
“We’ll go? You’re going to go with me?”
Vic chuckled. “I’m on holiday, remember? I have two weeks to do nothing but help you get on track. Well, start, in your case.”
Rob’s cheeks tinged pink. “You shouldn’t have to waste your time off dealing with me.”
In truth, it surprised Vic too. He’d been desperate for time off. His whole plan had been focused on going to the club every night, finding a sub for a little play, then coming back home and relaxing. Yet helping Rob seemed a lot more fulfilling. Vic had to admit, he had developed an attraction to Rob, but his first priority was getting Rob comfortable with himself.
“If I minded, I wouldn’t have suggested it in the first place,” Vic said with a smile. “Besides, I haven’t been to Manchester for a while, so we can make a day of it.”
Rob’s shoulders slumped, and he wouldn’t meet Vic’s gaze. “Yeah, okay. If you want.”
The less than enthusiastic response told Vic that Rob really, really didn’t want to go back there.
“Rob? If you don’t face them, problems are always going to keep a hold on you.”
Rob dipped his chin even farther. “You’re right.”
He still didn’t seem convinced, but Vic wasn’t going to press for more than what he’d already been given. And while he might not want to tell me now, who knows how he’ll feel after we’ve spent some more time together?
“What about… sex?”
Vic had been expecting the question, but the innocence in Rob’s expression was beautiful. “What about it?”
“I mean…. Well, are you going to expect me to… you know?”
The contrast was delightful. He can talk about fucking a girl on the couch, but when it comes to merely alluding to sex between men, he’s as bashful as can be. It only added to Rob’s charm, as far as Vic was concerned. The thought of helping Rob take his first steps along that path, of watching his face as he discovered how good sex could be with a man….
Slow down. Let’s not run before we can walk. There’s a long way to go before that particular path is even in sight. Right then he had to allay Rob’s fears.
