by Leddy Harper
“I’m sorry,” he whispered across my lips, and all I could think about was how it had felt when he’d kissed me.
I held onto his arm, basically keeping it locked around me when I could sense his desire to pull away. “What are you apologizing for?”
“I didn’t mean to do that—bring it up again. You’ve already explained it; throwing it back in your face isn’t fair. It’s like…” His voice became soft, full of air, and he tucked his chin toward his chest. When his heated exhales met my shoulder, I relaxed into him, my mouth centimeters from his hairline.
“What’s it like, Talon?”
“Like I don’t feel the anger anymore, except it’s still there somewhere. If anything, I feel bad for holding everything against you—even if you weren’t aware of most of it. I regret my actions over the past two days…well, most of them. And still, my first reaction is to point the finger at you, bring up how you’d taken off, remind you of what you’d done to me—even if I’m fully aware that it doesn’t matter.”
“I understand. And it’s okay. I made a mistake; I shouldn’t expect to be exonerated or have the slate wiped clean just because there was some tiny, valid reason behind my actions. Sometimes, it just takes a little longer to forget than it does to forgive. Trust me, I’d love nothing more than for us both to pretend it never happened—that every second from us walking out of the motel room to this very instant never existed. But I can’t, so I don’t expect you to, either.”
He was quiet for a moment, his thumb grazing my elbow. “I want to forgive you, Maggie. And for the most part, I guess I do. Except, I can’t ignore the doubt that’s lingering in the back of my mind. On top of that, there’s the broken trust between us. Let’s be honest…there are things that have happened over the last four years—for both of us—that we haven’t discussed. All of this takes time. So as much as I wish I could flip the switch and forgive you, forget what we’ve done…I can’t do it overnight.”
Suddenly, his skin scorched mine, his closeness suffocating me. I was so stupid. All it took was one touch to believe things would be okay. He’d hit the nail on the head when he had called me weak. That’s exactly what I was—brittle and desperate for him to make me whole again. For him to let go of what I’d done, give us another chance. And as soon as he pulled me into him, wrapped me tightly in his embrace, I had believed he’d done all those things and more.
Yet he hadn’t done any of them.
I returned to the position on my side, creating distance between us. The last thing I wanted to do was punish him for his honesty—hell, he had all the right in the world to doubt me, not trust me, hesitate to forgive me. I didn’t deserve more. Still, it killed me when I thought I had it, only to realize I never did.
A large part of me wished he’d move closer and fill the void I’d created by turning away, and a small part that understood why he hadn’t. Nevertheless, every single part of me ached when he released me from his hold.
The entire ordeal that started when I rolled away and ended with the loss of his arm around me made me internally berate myself. It was childish and unnecessary. I’d never been this kind of person—the kind who does something for a reaction, only to be upset when I got a response other than what I wanted in return.
Seconds later, my emotions flipped again. His fingertips danced across my shoulder, his attention returning to my tattoo once more. And as if I hadn’t just died a little inside at the idea of losing him, he’d reeled me in with one touch, one stroke of his finger.
“Since we met, the first time I laid eyes on you, I’ve wanted to protect you. I’ve never understood it, nor have I ever felt that way about anyone else. It’s like this need within me to keep you safe—a compulsive desire.”
I stilled, clinging to his every word as if I’d die without them. And really, that’s exactly how I felt. Like my heart would stop beating if he took them away, and with them, I was on life support, hanging on for more.
“Hearing about someone breaking in and hurting you makes me see red. It kills me that you were hurt and I wasn’t here to protect you. It doesn’t matter how impossible it would’ve been for me to be here when that happened, because the only thing I can think about is how I wasn’t. And while I wish that was enough to completely forgive you, it doesn’t erase the fact that we know nothing about each other—more specifically, the last four years.”
I understood. It was logical and mature; although, I still would’ve preferred the more irrational option of total and blind forgiveness. Because now, I’d only get it if I told him everything. And I wasn’t sure I could.
My eyes were so sore and swollen with sleep that I was convinced they’d explode. And as soon as I realized Talon had woken me up before the sun even met the horizon, I had to restrain the need to smack him. Considering I had to get home, I didn’t moan and groan over how tired I was and simply got ready to leave.
While I changed in the bathroom, Talon straightened up the living room and folded the pull-out into the couch where it belonged. And when he took our bags out to the truck, I returned the blankets and sheets to the closet I had found them in last night. They weren’t washed, and honestly, I didn’t care. Whoever had been using this house as their own could toss them in the machine if they wished.
Talon had told me not to turn on many lights in any room that could be seen from the front of the house. So, in the dark, I shoved the folded linens onto the shelf I’d gotten them and tried to close the closet door. But something was in the way. No matter how hard I pushed against the door, it wouldn’t latch. I shuffled my foot along the floor, hoping to feel something and kick it away. Only, I met no resistance. It shouldn’t have bothered me. Hell, I’d just put away unwashed sheets, so leaving the closet open shouldn’t have been a big deal—except it was. The more I struggled, the more frustrated I became until I flicked on the lamp to see what had gotten caught in the way.
A duffel bag sat on the top shelf, hanging over just enough to prevent the door from closing. It must’ve shifted last night when I’d found the blankets, so I resituated it and turned off the lamp before leaving the room.
“What’s wrong?” Talon’s brow furrowed as he watched me walk into the living room. He stood next to the back door, waiting for me so we could leave. Yet now, he seemed more concerned about whatever expression I wore than getting on the road.
“Nothing. I just had a problem with the closet. Couldn’t get the door to close and had to turn on a light.” I shook my head and laughed at myself. “I kept feeling around in the dark like a blind idiot, not finding anything. Turns out, it was a bag near the top. Because—apparently—the floor is the only place something could be that would keep a door from closing all the way.”
He paused for a moment, the concern in his eyes shifting into curiosity. “A bag? What kind?”
“Heck if I know. It was black. Like one of those you’d take with you if you were going somewhere for a weekend.”
He nodded, and then glanced away. “Hey, do me a favor, will you? Can you turn off that light for me?”
I had no idea what he had up his sleeve, but rather than ask, I walked over to the table next to the couch and twisted the switch just beneath the lampshade. The room was now pitch black and eerily quiet. I shuffled my feet toward the door, only to discover Talon wasn’t there.
“Where’d you go?” I whisper-shouted…and then rolled my eyes at my ridiculousness. I would never understand the need to speak quietly in the dark, when thirty seconds earlier, I had no problem using a normal tone. Apparently, no one else would be able to hear me if a light was on.
I was met with silence.
So I asked again, this time, a little louder. “Talon?”
“Stay there, I’m just double-checking everything.” He was down the hall in the empty room where Gramps’s hospital bed used to be—where I’d just come from—and a minute later, he was on his way back, using the flashlight on his cell to guide his way.
“What were you double
-checking?”
“Making sure we didn’t leave anything behind. We’re good. Let’s go.” He held the door open for me to walk through. Once it was shut behind him, he waited for me to lock it with the hidden gnome key.
Directing him down the twisted, dirt road in the middle of the day was one thing…at five in the morning was an entirely different experience. Again, he had the navigation app to help guide him, but it wasn’t the easiest thing in the world to look at a phone and keep from plowing straight into a tree. And maybe ten minutes after we made it to the interstate, I curled up against the door and passed out.
I hadn’t planned to fall asleep. Actually, I had hoped we could’ve spent the time talking, maybe continue the conversation from last night. Yet I hadn’t been able to keep my eyes open, and when I finally woke up, the sun was high in the sky.
The clock on the dash told me I’d been out for over four hours, and the gas station in front of me offered an indication as to why I’d woken up. Talon wasn’t behind the steering wheel or next to the pump, and before I could give too much thought about where he was, he came strolling out of the convenience store with two plastic bags dangling from his grasp.
He opened the door and the cold air seeped inside. “Morning, sunshine.” Though his smile warded off the chill that accompanied him into the front seat. He passed me the sacks and started the engine. “Since someone slept until almost ten, I’m starving. I was gonna hit up a drive-thru after getting gas, but when I went in, I noticed they had breakfast sandwiches. They looked yummy. Hope you don’t mind.”
I couldn’t get over how chatty he was. This was the man who, twenty-four hours earlier, had woken me up and dragged me into a gas station because he didn’t trust me to stay in the truck. And here he was, smiling and talking to me as if we’d traveled back in time.
“If you need to pee, I suggest you do it now. I’m not sure when we’ll stop again.”
Had I gone inside to try, I probably would’ve been able to go. Although, I hadn’t felt the need, and instead, told him I could wait until the next stop. I was pretty sure my decision to skip it had more to do with the heavenly scent of maple and sausage—it hadn’t taken long before my sandwich was gone.
For the next several hours, we carried on surface-level conversations. Nothing deep, nothing remotely close to any topic that had been covered in bed last night. On one hand, I was happy to feel some sort of contentment from him, to enjoy this opportunity without the burden of secrets and pain. But on the other, I wondered how much of our issues had been swept under the rug, never to be dealt with again. As much as it appealed to me to forget the years we’d spent apart, I was fully aware that we’d never move on if we didn’t.
“Let me get this straight…” he began, his eyes on the road. “You have a degree in hospitality and management, yet you work as a waitress for tips at a small-town diner?”
I grew lost in the sight of Talon’s profile. It was hard not to compare it to the images etched into my memory from before. In a way, everything about him was still the same—predominate brow, hard edges along his jawline, the slope of his nose and fullness of his lips. Still, there were so many things about him that had changed…matured. He’d gone from the tough guy on the playground to a professional bodyguard.
He must’ve sensed me staring, because he glanced over. Without being flirtatious, the smile that tugged on his lips let me know I’d been caught. I both loved and hated it simultaneously—after the last forty-eight hours, I would’ve taken anything from him that didn’t translate into disgust. Now, I longed to have him look at me like he had a lifetime ago.
I shook my head and hoped my cheeks weren’t as red as they felt. “Yeah, well…I don’t have many options in Billings. There’s one hotel. One. And I’ve been on their list of applicants since August.”
“I wasn’t aware there were so many people in Billings that had a degree in hotel management.” His side-eye made me giggle.
“It’s a chain, so I’m sure they consider current employees before looking outside the company. And honestly, I would rather be somewhere else. I don’t care to spend my whole life trapped in a town that’s main form of entertainment is the fall pie-eating contest.”
“How long ago did you graduate?” Based on his tone, he seemed doubtful that I’d finished college.
“The end of summer.”
Talon’s brows knitted together while he hesitated, a question clearly sitting on the tip of his tongue. His expression relaxed, and just when I assumed he’d abandon his thought, he asked, “Is it a two-year degree?”
“No. Four.” Then I realized why he’d questioned it. “I did online classes, so I wasn’t expected to be somewhere at a specific time. We had deadlines and scheduled tests, but that was about it. Basically, I could do my work at two in the morning if that’s the only time I had to spare. It allowed me to finish faster than had I gone to a physical campus.”
“Why are you still there if you have your degree? You hate Billings.”
“I have to repay my uncle.”
“Oh, that’s right.” It was like I could physically see the lightbulb over his head. “He paid for your classes, right?”
I nodded, turning my attention to the life passing us by through my window.
“How much more do you owe?”
The number on my mental calculator never seemed to stop climbing. I was about to give him the best answer I could find when a sign on the side of the road caught my eye. We had passed many of them along the way, except this one in particular made me stop and question him.
“Where are we going?”
“Uh…home? Why?”
“You sure about that? Because we’re in Mississippi.”
His response shouldn’t have come as a surprise considering the smirk that twitched at the right corner of his mouth. “Maybe there’s a reason you were able to finish your degree so quickly. Was geography not a required course? To get to Iowa from Florida, you must travel northwest. Ironically, Mississippi is also northwest of Florida. And in case you think that’s just some odd coincidence…Mississippi is southeast of Iowa.”
I rolled my eyes and waved him off. “Shut up. That’s not what I mean. We didn’t drive through here on our way down, so I’m confused why you’d take it going back.”
“How would you know which route I took? You were asleep the entire trip…remember?”
“Except we stayed the night in Tennessee, close to the Georgia state line. See? I guess I didn’t need to take geography. There’s no way we would’ve been there had we gone through Mississippi.”
“Fine. You caught me. I’m taking a detour.”
“Where to?”
“You’ll just have to wait and see.” His grin should’ve eased the worry that choked me, but it didn’t. Instead, it made everything worse. And while he focused on the cars around us, I regarded him with panic tightening my chest, fear and paranoia knotting my stomach.
“I can’t, Talon.” There was no denying the alarm in my voice. “I have to be at the diner Monday morning. It was hard enough getting four days off to come with you…I can’t afford more. I have bills and things, and in case you’re not aware of how I get paid, I rely on tips—which I won’t have if I’m not there.”
“Calm down. I’m not taking you to California. You’ll be home in time for work on Monday.”
“Okay…what about tomorrow?”
“What about it? You haven’t said anything about tomorrow.”
I fought to calm down, to slow the pace of my frantic heart. I didn’t need him to see me like this and demand answers I couldn’t give. And knowing him—especially after his admission last night about his need to protect me—he wouldn’t let it go until he had a complete confession.
With my hands balled into fists, I took a few seconds and readied myself to speak. “It’s not like you gave me much time Thursday morning before we left. Regardless of what you may believe, I do have a life. I can’t just walk into my apartment at
eleven o’clock tomorrow night.”
He faced me for a moment, and the smile that hinted in his expression faltered. Though he didn’t dwell on it before returning his gaze to the traffic in front of him. “Don’t worry, Maggie. I’ll still get you home in time to take care of whatever you need to.”
If only he understood…
Then again, I hoped he wouldn’t.
At least, not until I was convinced of his loyalty.
Talon
I assumed she’d recognize where we were when I pulled off the interstate. When she didn’t, I was positive she’d figure it out before I made a right into the motel entrance. Again, she didn’t have a clue. Either she hadn’t remembered as much as I had, or her mind was somewhere else. In fact, she hadn’t shown any sign of surprise until I coasted into a spot near the lobby. And honestly, had she not glanced out the window and noticed the pool area just off the side of the parking lot, she probably still wouldn’t have put two and two together.
“Why are we here?” She had mixed feelings about staying at this particular motel—every last one of them were woven in her vibrant eyes. Doubt deepened the azure outer rim of her stormy irises, hesitation glittered in the silver striations near her pupils, and the powder blue of nostalgia softened the fusion like the sky after a summer rain.
“I figured it made sense after last night.”
“How?”
I tried to control the smile burning my cheeks, yet the fight was useless. “This was where everything went wrong between us. And last night, we managed to rebuild part of that bridge. I meant what I said about doubt and trust, and how we both need those in order to forgive and move forward. I figured this would be the best place to lay down the foundation for that. Don’t you?”
“No. Not at all. This was a bad idea, Talon.”
“Well, we’re here, so you might as well get on board. If not, it’ll be a lonely night for you.” I turned off the truck and hopped out. I hadn’t expected her to follow, so when I had to walk around to her side and practically yank her out of the passenger seat, I wasn’t surprised. “Just go with it…okay? If you still aren’t comfortable with it by the time we go to bed, I’ll get you another room and I’ll never bring it up again.”
