by Leddy Harper
“Lost it?” It was clear in his eyes the moment it clicked. “As in…?”
“Yes. While I was unconscious, I went into preterm labor, and by the time I got to the hospital and delivered…” The words refused to come out. Even after all this time, when I thought about it—because I never spoke about it—the pain was so fresh it could’ve happened yesterday.
“From the attack?”
A hiccup tore through me when I cried, “Yes.”
“You said the guy you stole the money from is the one who broke in. Is that true?” His voice was so deep it was mostly air, as if his vocal cords couldn’t transmit such a low tone, and instead, skipped three out of every five syllables.
“Yes,” I answered confidently, feeling like a broken record.
“How did he find you?”
I faltered on my response—not because it was a lie, but because of where his line of questions would lead, and I wasn’t sure I was prepared to go there. “My grandfather died, so I’m assuming that’s what led him to me.”
“Who is he? What’s his name?” Desperation clung to his voice.
“I already told you, he—”
“That doesn’t matter anymore, Maggie. I need his name.”
“There’s no point.”
He slapped his palm against the wall behind me, less than six inches from my head, and it caused me to jump. Still, it didn’t stop him from pressing for an answer. “He came after you. He killed my baby—our baby! I want his fucking name.”
“And do what with it?”
“I don’t know. Find his grave and spit on it. Bring him back to life so I can kill him for what he did. What does it matter why I need it? I just do.” He was becoming more and more frustrated, and if I didn’t give him something soon, I feared how this conversation would end. “I need to hate someone for this. Why won’t you just tell me his name?”
“Because it’s my cross to bear.”
He calmed, and just when I hoped he’d let it go, he placed his hand over my stomach and lowered his lips to my ear. “If it was my baby, then it’s my cross, too.” Grief filled the air that held us captive in this heartbreaking moment. “Please, sweetheart. I’m begging you. Let me hate someone for this. Give me someone to blame.”
“I don’t understand. Why are you so distraught over a baby you just found out about five seconds ago? A baby you more than likely didn’t want. We were strangers to each other, so why are you acting like you lost something you were so attached to?”
He rolled his forehead to mine. “Just because I wasn’t given the chance to care doesn’t mean I don’t. Regardless of whether or not I had intentions of having a child with you or anyone else, it doesn’t take away the fact that I did. I’m not my father. I’ve always said that if I had a kid—no matter the situation—I would be there. And it kills me that I wasn’t. I wasn’t there for you, and I wasn’t there for…” He swallowed so hard his Adam’s apple dipped low. “For…him or her.”
“None of which you could’ve changed. Clearly, I didn’t have a clue I was pregnant when I left. Everything else happened before you resurfaced. What was I supposed to do? You were adamant about making me pay for stealing your car. You refused to hear a damn thing I had to say.”
“I know, sweetheart. And I’m sorry. I can’t change that no matter how much I wish I could.” He cupped my face, his forehead still pressed to mine. “But please…don’t punish me like this. Don’t use this as your way of getting even for how I treated you then.”
I wrapped my arms around his neck, hoping to distract him the way I had done so many times before. He gave in when our lips met, and his hold on me became demanding, offering the comfort I so desperately needed from him.
Unfortunately, it didn’t last long.
Talon broke the kiss, though he kept his mouth close to mine. And when he spoke, the sadness in his voice shattered me, left me in pieces so broken and small there was no way I could ever be repaired. “I need the name of the man who hurt you, who came after you. Who’d you steal the money from, sweetheart?”
I caved, unable to keep it from him a second longer. “Jerjinski. Zac Jerjinski.”
In a move so fast it left my head spinning, Talon pushed away until his back met the wall across from me. We stood face to face, and for the first time, I couldn’t read his expression. I’d never had a problem understanding his emotions or his intentions…until now. He silently spoke to me, yet I couldn’t hear him.
“Talon…?” His name came out in a hiccupped sob.
“That’s the guy you stole from?”
“Yes.” I couldn’t figure out why he sounded so doubtful.
“He’s the one who broke into your grandfather’s house?”
I couldn’t answer that, so I just stared at him and hoped he’d let it go.
“You’re lying, Maggie.”
My heart ceased to beat, and my lungs gave up taking in air. “No, I’m not. I swear…he was the guy I was dating—Zac. He took me to someone’s house out in Fleetwood. I was uncomfortable, so I took his backpack and left.”
“Maybe that’s true. But he didn’t attack you six months later.” He stepped closer, though not close enough. “I know for a fact he wasn’t there, because I killed him the night we met. And while you were being attacked in Florida, I was awaiting trial for the murder of Zac ‘Jinx’ Jerjinski. Someone may have broken into your grandfather’s house and hurt you, but it couldn’t have possibly been Jinx…because he was six feet under.”
The world around me spun. Everything tipped and swayed, and it took every ounce of balance to remain upright. “You told me you were in a fight. You never said anything about killing anyone.”
“I was in a fight. It got out of hand.”
“Y-you killed him?”
“Unintentionally.” His jaw ticced, and his eyes became impossibly darker, more haunted than I’d ever seen. “So either it was someone else who threw you through that window…or you made it up. Which one is it?”
I lowered my gaze to his feet and prayed the floor would open up and swallow me whole. And after a few deep breaths, I balled my hands into fists and gritted out enough words to answer him. “I didn’t lie about that.”
“No? So you only lied about it being the guy you stole the money from?”
I shook my head and fought to slow my heart. “That wasn’t a lie, either.”
“Oh, it wasn’t? You just told me you stole it from Jinx. Which one is it, Maggie?”
“I took the backpack from Zac—Jinx, or whatever you call him. I went with him, he asked me to hold onto the bag while he talked to one of the other guys, and then I left with it—stole it with the money inside.”
“There’s no telling what to believe anymore. You have everything twisted up in some perfectly plotted web, and what seems like the truth doesn’t make sense. Then you try to explain it, and all it does is confuse everything. It’s like you think you can make it go away by shuffling the deck.”
“I’ve never lied to you, Talon.” Tears streamed down my face, and I knew I’d reached the point where I either had to connect the dots, or lose him forever. I couldn’t connect all the dots, but I also would never survive without him.
“Oh yeah?” Incredulous laughter roared from his chest as he tipped his face toward the ceiling. When his gaze fell on me once more, utter betrayal shot through me. “Then tell me…how could Jinx have come after you? Did he wake from the dead and track you down?”
My chin quivered as I admitted the one piece I’d kept from him all this time. “I told you the truth, that the man I stole the money from had attacked me. I just didn’t tell you there were technically two people—Zac, and the man he was supposed to give the bag to. The guy who runs all the drugs in the area. The one no one can ever seem to track down.”
He was quiet for so long I wasn’t sure what to expect. Then he stepped closer, erasing the distance between us, yet rather than comfort, his proximity filled me with panic. For someone I could read so easily, I didn
’t have a clue what he was about to say until he opened his mouth and asked, “Whose money was it?”
I shook my head, but apparently, that wasn’t good enough.
“Who, Maggie? Who the fuck hurt you?”
“I can’t tell you!”
His anger vanished, and when he begged, “Why not?” he sounded as broken as I felt.
“You can’t do anything about it, Talon.” As soon as our eyes met, I wished they hadn’t. The pain reflecting in them tore me up inside, and I wasn’t sure I’d last another second. “Unless you plan to kill him, too. Which would mean you’d spend the rest of your life behind bars.”
He placed his hands on my shoulders, four fingers from each hand pressing into the muscles along the tops of my shoulders and both thumbs just above my collarbone on either side. And as he spoke, the meaning was not lost on me. “You told me you wished I had been there to save you…to scoop you up and carry you away. I’m trying to do that now. So why won’t you let me?”
Tears flowed effortlessly down my face. “Because you can’t.”
“Dammit, Maggie!” Again, he retreated to the opposite wall. This time, he turned away and leaned against it with his forearms shielding his face. His shoulders heaved, and I knew without a doubt, he’d never forgive me for this.
I went to him and laid my hand on his side, just over his ribs, and his frantic heartbeat drummed against my palm. “I’m handling it, okay? This isn’t your problem. It’s not your fight. If you get involved, it’ll only make it worse.”
“You’re wrong.” Tears garbled his words, yet I heard them loud and clear. He rolled to the side, pressing his shoulder against the wall to face me. “This may be your fight…but it’s my war. I’ll find out who he is, and then I’ll make him pay for what he did to you.”
“You don’t have to do this,” I pleaded. “I’m alive.”
He licked his lips and nodded. “Yeah? For how long? It’s obvious he still has a hold on you, control over you. And if you don’t tell me who he is, I can’t protect you. How am I supposed to keep you safe—keep you alive—if I can’t see where the threat is?”
“You can’t just go around killing people, Talon. And if you’re so concerned about protecting me, how do you plan to do that from a jail cell? You’ll get life behind bars.” I paused, too twisted in my confusion to continue until a clear thought came to me. “If you killed Zac…how are you not in jail right now?”
“I was convicted of voluntary manslaughter—basically, the jury believed that while it wasn’t intentional, it could’ve been prevented.”
Still, it didn’t make sense. “Why did they think that?”
His voice lowered, almost a whisper, when he said, “Because I left town.”
And my heart shattered all over again. “Did you know him?”
“Yeah. He worked at the shop. He called me, strung out on something and making no sense. He was freaked out, going on and on about someone killing him. I was gonna go find him and calm him down. Except I didn’t get the chance, because he showed up at the garage.”
“This all happened the night we met?”
His nod only further confused me.
“But he texted me until I turned it off—even afterward. I got them when I checked my messages in Mississippi.”
“I have no idea when you left that house, but I’m assuming since you were on foot, he had plenty of time to text you, call me, and make it to the shop.”
“H-how did that turn into him dying and you being the one who killed him?”
He ran his hands through his hair and down his face. And when he dropped his arms to his sides, he straightened his posture, as if he’d wiped away the emotion or pulled his mask in place. “It doesn’t matter, Maggie. This isn’t about what I did or how he died. It’s about you…and who attacked you.”
I shoved against his chest, anger fueling me like never before. “Like hell it is. You came at me, accusing me of lying to you. Maybe I didn’t tell you the whole truth, but I never lied. And now…now I find out you killed someone? You took a man’s life, and you expect me not to care? Is this normal for you? If so, I’m glad I found out now, instead of discovering years down the road that I’ve been sharing a bed with a psychopath.”
“Really? A psychopath? That’s what you think of me?” Hurt radiated through his anger.
“Yes. You’ve already put one person in the ground, and now you’re talking about doing it again. I may hate them for what they’ve done, for what they’ve taken from me…but I would never be able to live with myself if I was responsible for someone’s death—let alone willing to cause another.”
“It was a fucking accident, Maggie.” If I hadn’t believed him before, the remorse in his tone was enough to convince me now. Regardless of the rage that held his hands in fists and turned his face red, it was clear Talon regretted taking Zac’s life. “He came at me, demanding I give him money. I tried to get him to calm down so I could understand what was going on. Had he told me what he needed it for, I would’ve given him every penny I had. Instead, he was so fucked up on God knows what, freaked out about something he’d taken or lost and how he would end up in Lake Cuomo, that I had to forcefully push him off me.”
I silently cried for him as he retold his own nightmare.
“It all happened so fast,” he whispered, pinning me with his remorseful eyes.
“Then why didn’t you just tell the cops it was an accident?”
Talon looked away. His forehead creased, brows pulled together, as he stared through the front window and explained in heavy words. “It was obvious he was into shit I didn’t care to get tangled up in, and I panicked. I left the shop, went to the gas station. Then I realized one of the guys would show up on Monday and find him, and if I wasn’t there, they’d assume it was me. I swear, I planned to go back to the garage and tell the cops the truth.”
When he stopped, I asked, “Why didn’t you do that?”
His eyes met mine, and with that one look, I already had the answer. Though he gave it to me anyway. “You showed up.”
“How did I keep you from doing the right thing?”
“You didn’t.”
I waited for more, only to be met with silence. “You didn’t go back.”
“You’re right, I didn’t. But that doesn’t mean I didn’t do the right thing. I helped you. You needed me—like Jinx did when he called. I wasn’t able to save him…I could save you. After we got to the first motel, and I left to go to Walmart, I called one of the guys and told him about what happened. I couldn’t stand the idea of his body being there until Monday, nor did I want anyone to walk in and find it.”
It made no sense. This man had taken a life, admitted it to me, and still, I stood here, loving him more than I had an hour ago. More than I had this morning when he told me how he felt on a twenty-dollar bill.
Maybe I was the psychopath.
“See?” I fought to keep my emotion out of my voice long enough to get the words out. “You’re not a bad person. You’ve got such a good heart. You’re not capable of murdering someone. I can see the guilt in your eyes, and there’s no denying that this will haunt you for the rest of your life.”
“Don’t do that, Maggie,” he warned, his ferocious tone returning. “Don’t compare what happened with Jinx to what I’ll do when I find the asshole who hurt you. They aren’t the same. Jinx may have fucked up, but he wasn’t a malicious person.”
He didn’t need to convince me of that. I already knew it.
“Whoever this guy is—and I will find out—doesn’t deserve to live.”
“Then just go, Talon.” I refused to fight against him, on his behalf, any longer. I was aware of the truth, and I refused to be responsible for the ramification of his vengeance. “Leave. I’m not telling you who it was, because if I do, I’ll never see you again. You’ll either be in a grave or behind bars for the rest of your life. And I can’t accept either option.”
“It’s only a matter of time before I
get his name on my own.”
Even though it was pointless, I tried one last time to change his mind. “Just trust me. Please? Let it go. Let me handle it. We can go back to how things were before you showed up here today. Okay?”
“I can’t, sweetheart. I can’t pretend I don’t know about the baby, or about how in some perverse way, our paths had crossed earlier than either of us realized. And you can be damn sure I can’t forget that there’s someone out there, more than likely close by, who hurt you—who killed our unborn child. And he’s free to come after you again. Fuck that. Not on my watch.”
I was left with no other option than to let him walk out the door. There was nothing I could do or say to keep him from leading his one-man army into war against a power far bigger than he understood. And as soon as he was gone, I crumpled to the floor.
At least the last time that I had to learn to live without him, he was still out there somewhere. There was hope that we’d cross paths again, get a chance to reconnect. This time, there was no doubt in my mind that our time together was limited.
Talon would follow through on his threat.
Which meant I’d either have to visit him from behind a glass barrier…
Or in a cemetery.
Talon
My boots were heavy with each step on the way down to the parking lot. Defeat clung to me like a wet shirt, and I couldn’t breathe. I’d walked out without saying goodbye, without kissing her…without telling her how I felt. And every fiber of my being ached to run upstairs, hold her, and never let go. But I couldn’t, because this overwhelming need to understand everything she refused to tell me drove me to leave, to get in the truck and race home until I had the messages in front of me.
Except, that’s not how it happened.
As soon as I got in the truck, I grabbed my phone off the dash, where I’d tossed it after parking in the visitor spot next to Maggie’s car. And when I checked the screen, I noticed several missed calls from Jarrod, as well as the shop. Then there were texts.
Where are you?
Call me.
Dude, I need to talk to you before you do anything.
