by elda lore
“You think I’m an angel?” I stared at the image. It wasn’t perfect, but a strange sentiment washed over me at the thought.
“I don’t know how to explain what I think, but you have that strange scar…” Her voice trailed off.
“I was struck by lightning.” My response was matter-of-fact, the concept old, the experience a long time ago. It was her turn to sit in the chair next to mine with a thud. Her mouth fell open as shaky fingers loosely covered her lips.
“Struck by lightning? My God, that must have hurt.”
“It did.” Blunt and true, my answer weighed between us. She waited for more. “I lived with my stepfather, a man unkind when my mother disappeared. One night he discovered she was with Zeke and had a daughter with him. He raged out of control. His vengeance focused on me.” I closed my eyes at the memory of repeated strikes against my younger body. “That night there was a horrible lightning storm. Thunder boomed. Lightning blazed. The rain was torrential. My anger paralleled it. I couldn’t take another beating in her name, and I turned on him. Lightning struck me and I struck him.” Memories flooded me. Energy crackled the space around me and the power of my stepfather, a man not really my father in any form. Electricity pitched from the earth and crept up my skin. I screamed in torture, but took the force and struck out at him.
I dropped the paper back on the table, releasing it from my shaky fingers. I stood and ran a hand through my hair. I couldn’t finish my story. I didn’t want Veva to know the evil I endured, the evil I could produce, the strength within me.
“What happened to him?” The question was inevitable, but I didn’t wish to repel Veva more than I already had. What happened next would remain in me. A vision of my stepfather floated before me, and then crystallized into the air, particles washed away in the rain, just like he had been that night. Such power thrilled and frightened me. I’d keep the secret, even though Zeke explained what happened once he found me. If Veva had trouble believing I was a god, she’d never accept the rest of the story. She’d think I was a monster.
“I gotta go,” I lied. I stepped around the table. To my surprise, Veva stood, reached out for me, and gripped my wrist. The electric prickles tingling up my arm caused me to pause. I spun to face her. Veva represented something I didn’t ever expect to find, but I wasn’t ready to get lost in those eyes questioning me. I shook my arm to release her hold.
“I’m no angel, Veva.”
VEVA
Later that night, when I entered my room, the original canvas sheet of my stormy night painting covered my bed. A note on the nightstand read:
To calm your fears and surround you in peace.
A lightning bolt scribbled next to the words marked the paper. My lips twisted, fighting a grin. Next to the note, I also found my heart-shaped rock surrounded with a delicate metal holder and dangling from a leather strap. The strap hung long and the charm fell between my breasts. The warmth of the rock surprised me and my fingers fumbled over the solid earth momentarily. I brought the charm to my lips and brushed it lightly over the sensitive skin. The rock nearly singed them with its heat. Dropping the heart, it fell with a soft thud back in place between my breasts. My hand covered the new jewelry and I realized I liked the tickling warmth more than I should.
The next morning, I found Zeke alone in the breakfast room. I hesitated a moment, stepping back from his line of sight, or so I had hoped.
“Good morning, Veva,” he spoke over a large newspaper spread near his cup of coffee. My shoulders sank, and I took a giant step forward to enter the room.
“Good morning, Zeke.” I loved Zeke, in my own special way, but a certain level of discomfort also wrestled inside me. I wasn’t afraid of him. On the contrary, my unease came from the desire to talk to him. I wanted to ask him questions, like: Why would a man leave a child? These thoughts haunted me when I pondered the disappearance of my own father, and my mother’s accusation of my blame. Zeke clearly loved his children. He surrounded himself with them like badges of honor. On the other hand, another question rankled in my head: Why don’t you love one woman? Because despite his numerous offspring, evidently, he never settled on one woman and I worried no man would ever settle on me. Too restless of spirit, I worried I wouldn’t decide on one man either. I couldn’t trust one. I had the track record to prove it. On top of those concerns rested the confounding questions of Solis’ origin and the mystery behind people I loved, but now questioned.
“You know, there are easier ways to get the news than an old-fashioned paper,” I offered, strolling to the breakfast bar heaped with muffins, bagels and fruit.
“I know,” he chuckled. “But I love how antiquated it is. It brings me comfort to scroll paper instead of a computer.” He smiled warmly as he brought his coffee mug to his lips and swallowed. He sat powerfully in his chair at the end of his breakfast table. A man clearly comfortable in his own skin, I could see how Solis inherited the confidence.
“Did you enjoy yourself the other day?” He questioned, folding the paper to give me his attention.
“I did, actually,” I answered as I gathered some fresh fruit on a small plate and walked to the table to sit near Zeke. “I’m actually afraid of heights, but Solis and Heph were excellent guides.”
“I see,” Zeke replied, as if I’d said something profound. He paused momentarily and then spoke again, his attention to the coffee mug. “And how exactly did they guide you?”
I stopped, a strawberry stabbed by my fork, mid-air to my mouth, frozen in motion. Innuendo rode in the undertone of his question.
“Excuse me?” I blinked. Zeke rose his mighty head and shook it gently, like brushing off a thought. His snow-white hair didn’t move with the motion, and he curled his large lips surrounded with white scruff.
“I meant, how did they help you climb?”
I sensed a greater implication to Zeke’s question. I wasn’t certain what he fished for, but I wasn’t about to hand Solis and Heph over like the daily catch. They took us rock climbing, not to an orgy.
“Solis is very encouraging. He knew I was frightened and motivated me to keep going. Heph is incredibly strong, but very agile, and he told me where to place my feet and hands to support myself.” My hands sweated a little at the thought. In the moment, I hadn’t been able to question what I was told to do, I just went with it. But thinking of the climb in hindsight, the reality of slipping and falling, made me shiver.
“Well, my boys are turning into good men,” he chuckled. His laughter broke the tension, and I braved the moment to speak candidly.
“I hear you’re sending Solis away for the rest of the summer.” I continued to raise the stationary strawberry to my lips and bit delicately into the sweet fruit. The taste reminded me of the farm, and a small pang of homesickness pricked me.
“Yes, well, I’m assuming your mother and her sister could use some support, since I’m staying here this summer.” He smiled, but the twinkle to his eyes was absent. Zeke strangely liked working on our farm, although he had his own elaborate estate. For a second, our summer stay seemed like a punishment to him, denying him where he’d rather be spending his time.
“You know, you could always go and leave Solis in charge here instead.” I don’t know where the suggestion came from, or why I offered the possibility. “I’m sure he’s a competent leader.” I actually didn’t know that. I’d heard rumors that Solis had only recently joined the estate and was slowly learning his father’s business, but the arrogance Solis exuded procured my opinion. Somehow, I just sensed he’d be the ruler of this estate one day.
“I’m not ready for Solis to lead yet,” Zeke bit out harshly, and the deep tenor surprised me. My fork fumbled at the force of his voice and a strange flip-and-catch distracted us both. He chuckled again to soften the strength of his words. “In his own time, he’ll rule, but not yet. I’m not that old.” He laughed and the twinkle to his eyes returned, as if he’d shared a joke with himself.
“Of course not, I just thou
ght, being new to the estate, he might benefit from staying here instead of being sent away.” Stop it, I scolded myself. Away was exactly where I wanted him to be, and yet I continued to reinforce his staying.
“Oh, did Solis mention he had newly moved here?” An eyebrow twitched upward and then fell as he picked up his coffee mug to disguise the question.
“Rumors,” I laughed. He joined me with another weak chuckle.
“Well, you definitely shouldn’t believe everything you hear. Especially on this estate.” He winked at me, his words haunting me. I suddenly thought of what I’d learned from Persephone and what Solis played off in the library. My insecurity took hold and I briefly believed Zeke was in on the fool’s game Solis and Persephone played with me; his wink a warning. I excused myself in need of fresh air.
+ + +
I found Heph near the stables. I hadn’t ridden a horse in over a year. I didn’t encounter many in California, and I missed my chestnut beauty, Spitfire, back home. She was a feisty filly like me, Zeke said, when I named her. She’d race like the wind, and my worries went with her as we crossed the large fields of our farm. Homesickness struck for the second time in the day, but the feeling passed the moment I saw Heph. He was a gentle giant, and his slow, awkward smile put me at ease.
“Thank you,” I said, holding out the pendant from my chest. His smile grew, but he ducked his head to avoid mine.
“You like it?” He shyly asked as he addressed the horse he brushed.
“It’s perfect. Very pretty.” My smile emphasized the truth of my words. He hadn’t polished the stone and the subtle silver wrap, serving as its holster, didn’t detract from the rough rock. The leather strap made for a more natural necklace than a silver chain, and I loved the uniqueness of such a piece of jewelry.
“Pretty necklace for a pretty girl,” Heph muttered, and the heat rose on my cheeks. It was sweet, not in a flirtatious way, but tender, and I blushed all the same at the compliment. I was used to being called hot, but not pretty. Never pretty.
“Who you calling pretty?” The deep voice behind me forced the hairs at my neck to stand at attention. My eyes didn’t move from Heph, but Solis’ presence surrounded me. His warmth seeped into my skin, but I remembered his joke at my expense and I refused to answer him. His breath tickled my neck as he breathed heavily behind while he waited for an answer.
“Veva is pretty.” Heph stilled the brushing motion and turned to face Solis. His big, dark eyes narrowed, and he glared at Solis over my shoulder. Words exchanged in that stare, and Solis finally replied.
“Veva is very pretty, Heph. In fact, she’s…” hot, the word rang through my head, so I blinked, startled, when Solis said, “stunning.”
Heph’s eyes opened wide, and I spun to face the mockery I sensed in his tone, but his expression held firm. His eyes fixed on mine and I melted under the heat inside them.
“Did you sleep well?” Solis reached up to sweep back a wayward hair from my ponytail. I shrugged in response.
“What’s this?” He reached out for the pendant I toyed with in my fingers. Seeing the necklace, he stopped my motion and slipped a hand under the stone to bring it closer.
“Heph made it for me.” I smiled over at Heph who looked away. His large shoulders set square, he returned to brushing the horse before him. My grin faded, and I glanced back at Solis, who continued to hold the necklace in his palm.
“It’s my rock,” he mumbled, his tone thoughtful and low, his eyes not leaving the stone. When he gazed up at me, the honey heat turned to swirling caramel. His brow pinched, but a smile grew.
“Want to take a ride?” He nodded at the horse. “He’s mine. Thunder.” My hand rose to pet the steed before me.
“He’s so beautiful.” My knuckles stroked the solid flanks of the gray stallion. Solis gave Heph some instructions, and another horse was brought to me.
“This is Chariot. She’ll treat you well.” Solis lifted me with ease into the saddle on the coal-black filly. We cantered out of the stable grounds, but as soon as we cleared the first fence, Solis called over his shoulder, “Race!”
It wasn’t a question, and he took off at a full gallop, sprinting down the lane beside the olive grove. I kicked my horse into a gallop and we charged behind Solis. I curled into Chariot and we cleared the hunches of Solis’ stallion, Thunder. Our horses pressed forth, neck and neck. Solis pushed Thunder harder, but I kept the pace.
“To that line,” Solis called out over his shoulder, the wind catching his words and lacing them back to me. He nodded in the direction of a broken fence. Behind the fallen, wooden structure stood a briar of low bushes marking the end of the property. Even further in the distance appeared a cliff, like the world ended and fell into nothingness. I leaned further into Chariot, determined to win, my heart matching the beating hooves beneath me as we pressed onward. I hadn’t felt this free in forever, I realized, and the rhythm of the horse spurred me on, taking with it any questions and doubts, along with my strange attraction to someone I was determined to despise. We drew closer to the fence and I sensed Solis prepared to claim victory. Not letting up on Chariot, I encouraged her to race for the fence and prepped her to jump.
“Veva.” The cry came too late as Chariot cleared the wooden structure and the prickly bushes in a graceful leap. Briefly, I had a sense of flying, as if Chariot wished to continue racing in the air. The space between the briar and the end of the cliff was shorter than it appeared from a distance. The edge of the world grew closer and I sat up, tugging back on the reins once we landed on solid ground.
“Whoa, Chariot. Whoa, girl,” I cried out, but Chariot seemed to have a mind of her own. A strange premonition of her leaping off the cliff before filled me with fear. Impossible, I argued internally. She’d be dead if she leapt from this height, but she barreled forward like she knew what she was doing and where she was going. Clamoring at high speed toward the edge of the cliff, I screamed for her to halt. Paying attention to nothing else but the impending edge, a hand suddenly reached over mine and Solis’ stallion forced Chariot to shift away from the cliff. Rocks skittered under Thunder’s hooves as he scrambled at the sharp edge, his footing hovering over nothing for moment, before we fully turned away from our demise. Solis pulled tight on the reins and Chariot cantered to a stop.
The instant the horses were in the clear and back toward the briar of bushes, Solis slipped off Thunder, dragging me off Chariot at the same time. We stood walled between the two heaving steeds, our own breaths falling rapidly between us. My heart raced so quickly my whole body vibrated like the thump of a parade drum. With hands on my shoulders, Solis shook me.
“Do you have a fucking death wish?” His fingers slipped to my upper arms and his breath covered my face, hot and angry. My body trembled with the fear of flying over a cliff on a horse and the adrenaline of racing Chariot. I didn’t have time to answer before Solis’ mouth crashed over mine. Hard and powerful, his lips burned. The force so sudden, I gave in to the instant pressure, thrilling at the weight and strength as his mouth controlled mine. One hand slid into my ponytailed hair, tilting my head. The other cupped the back of my neck, drawing in more of me, as if his life depended on my air to breathe. That’s when it occurred to me that Solis’ mouth was on mine. With strength I didn’t know I possessed, I forced him backward with a sharp press to his chest. His distance wasn’t far, as the horses still stood on either side of us.
Both of us breathing heavily, I gaped at him.
“Just what do you think you were doing?” My hands fell to my knees as I tried to catch my breath and calm my heart, which was racing faster than Chariot had been. The rock necklace dangled from my neck, swinging heavily to and fro in rhythm with my heaving chest. My lips tingled in that way any part of me did when Solis touched me. A prickly heat covered my skin, and a pulse beat between my thighs, matching my heart rate. I ached in a way I’d never felt before. I wanted Solis to touch me, and I cursed myself for the thought. My hands begged to reach ou
t for him, but I forced my fingers to dig into my kneecaps and hold steady. I would not throw myself at him.
“You scared the crap out of me,” he yelled, his booming voice startling me. I didn’t trust myself to stand, so I peeked at him over my shoulder. His hand slipped into his dirty blond hair and held back the chin-length locks. His head tilted toward Thunder as he stared up at the sky.
“I thought I’d lost you.” His eyes closed and his tone softened. I had to look away. The pained expression on his face tore at my insides. I couldn’t have scared him, could I? He couldn’t be afraid of losing me, could he? He didn’t have me. He didn’t own me.
“Come on, Veva, admit it felt good. Admit you’ve been wanting me to do that to you.” His smug tone extinguished any passion boiling inside me, and my sympathy for his concern dissipated. Thoughts of him thinking of me as his released, like words falling over the cliff, anger taking its place. I would admit to no such desire for him.
“Get over yourself,” I exhaled, righting myself. My hands rested on my hips. “I didn’t want you to kiss me.” My eyes pinched in disgust while my heart continued to leap. My insides vibrated with a need to feel his lips on mine in a less aggressive manner. I’d been with too many boys who wanted it hard and fast. Just once, I wanted it slow and sweet, and the chemistry with Solis would be nothing less than full-speed-ahead. I spun away from him.
“Veva.” He growled immediately behind me. I kept walking, minus my horse. He’d apologize, I realized. And I’d hate him. I didn’t want him to be sorry he kissed me. I didn’t want him to be anything, I lied to myself. I just wanted to get away from him.
“Take your horse,” he snapped, and I turned back, refusing to look at him. I hitched up Chariot and turned her away from the ledge. Her head pulled back on the reins, not able to tear her large animal eyes from the open space off that cliff.
