My phone buzzed from inside my pocket. I held up a finger at Wolfe while I pulled it out. I recognized the number as one of the lines from the doctor’s office. Dread flooded through me. They wouldn’t call so quickly unless they found something.
“Hello?” I said after I pressed the answer button.
“Miss Daniels, this is Marie from Doctor Hansen’s office. We’ve gotten the results of your blood work and we need you to come in right away,” she said.
I sucked in a breath. “I’ll be there in a few minutes,” I said, clicking off. I turned to Wolfe. “Can you take me to the doctor’s?”
“I think Baker should take you, Rainey . ” H e put his hands up defensively.
“There’s no time. I need to get over there and figure out what the hell is going on,” I protested. “Please, Wolfe.”
He sighed. “Okay. Let’s go . ” H e grabbed his keys off the counter and led me out of the house.
I sat in silence while Wolfe drove me. A wave of nausea hit me and I had to take several deep breaths before I felt like I wouldn’t puke. I closed my eyes and bit my lip, certain I was about to face my death.
“Rainey?” Wolfe asked. I opened my eyes and realized we were at the doctor’s office and Wolfe was looking at me with a worried expression on his face. He must have called to me a few times.
“Here I go,” I said with fake bravado.
I pulled open the door and Wolfe started to exit the truck, too.
“I need to do this alone,” I said, putting my hand up, gesturing for him to stay. He nodded at me with understanding, although I could tell he wanted to be there for me. I needed to do this alone.
I walked up the three steps into the building and went to the receptionist’s desk. She recognized me immediately.
“Miss Daniels! Come on in. We’ve got a room ready for you,” she said, standing and opening the wooden door for me to go straight to the back.
The examining room was small and I sat in the chair next to the table, fear coursing through every bone in my body. They wouldn’t have called me in unless things were worse, so at least I was prepared.
I didn’t have to wait long, either.
“Lorraine,” Doctor Hansen greeted me, a clipboard in hand. He closed the door behind him and took the rolling seat that was tucked under the computer desk in the room. He smiled at me and I was frozen in place. I gulped loudly and waited for him to tell me my fate.
“As I’m sure you can imagine, the leukemia is back,” he explained. “The problem is that it’s come back so fast, I’m doubtful more rounds of chemo will do much good. I want to stay positive, but I’m afraid that this time, the leukemia has come back fighting. Your body isn’t going to be strong enough to handle the necessary treatments…”
He kept speaking but I was already checked out. He was giving me a death sentence. When the doctor didn’t have much hope, it meant I was screwed.
“How long?” I interrupted him.
“Lorraine, there are some things we can do to prolong–”
“How long?” I asked a little more hysterically.
Doctor Hansen blew out a breath. “Three months.”
My eyes widened and my hands were suddenly clammy. I gasped for air as his words registered. I felt like I was hyperventilating. Doctor Hansen handed me a brown paper bag from a cabinet in the room and instructed me to bend over and breathe into the bag. In a few minutes, I was calmer.
When I sat back up, Doctor Hansen looked at me sadly.
“There are things we can do,” he said again.
“But all it would do is prolong it, right? And with chemo, I’d be sick,” I replied.
“Yes. Chances are, you’d be too sick to do much of anything. But you could extend your life well into next year,” he encouraged me.
“So, it’s either three months of tiredness but being able to do what I want or several more months being permanently attached to an IV and being stuck in a hospital. Those are my options?”
Doctor Hansen looked at his clipboard. “Yes. I wish there was more we could do. I strongly suggest you get a second opinion, but I’m nearly positive the results will be the same.”
“I’m going to forgo treatment, Doctor Hansen. If you have any meds that will help with pain at the end, I would appreciate it, but other than that, I’m not going to give up today when I have three months to live,” I informed him. I would get a second opinion, like he suggested, but I doubted it would be different.
He didn’t show surprise to my decision. Instead, he turned to the computer, typed out a few notes , and then turned to me. “I’ve sent a script over to the pharmacy for you. You can pick it up today. I would like you to come in once a week for checkups. Sometimes, we’re wrong about the dates, but the only way to know for sure is to keep doing blood work and tests.”
“I’ll be sure to do that,” I lied. If my time was up, either sooner or later, I didn’t want to know. Three months was hardly enough time to do the things I wanted to do. It was time to start living.
After more instructions from Doctor Hansen, I made my way out to Wolfe’s truck. He raised his brow at me in question as soon as I was inside the cab.
“Everything’s fine,” I told him. “They thought they found something, but it turns out it was a fluke.” I said it with a straight face and didn’t even flinch over the lie.
Wolfe hugged me. “Great! When are you telling Baker?”
I laughed. “There’s no need to tell him, now. I’m in the clear.”
Wolfe pulled away from me, his emerald eyes narrowed at me. “You still need to tell him. What if it comes back in the future?”
“Don’t get in the middle of this, Wolfe. I decide when and if I should tell him.”
He didn’t reply as he started the engine and put the truck in gear.
“Where to?” he asked.
“Baker’s place, please. I’ve got to get the van,” I instructed.
We drove in more silence, and although I was glad he bought my lie, I wasn’t about to let anyone find out the truth. I needed to get the hell out of there.
It was a small town, and eventually someone would let it leak that I had leukemia. I didn’t want to be around when it happened. Baker wouldn’t understand why I never told him, and Mallory and Gabby would fret over me and treat me with kid gloves.
Wolfe dropped me off and I mentally made my plans.
Chapter Ten
Baker
I rubbed the back of my neck, anxious to hear from Rainey. I texted her a handful of times in the last two days with no response. She was ignoring me and I deserved it. I never should have treated her that way. She was the woman I’d grown to love, and I wasn’t about to just lose her because I was an idiot. No matter how much I wanted to know what was up with her, I needed to be patient and wait for her to tell me. She was obviously dreading it, as was I. Something told me her news was going to change my life.
I picked up my cell, checking for the hundredth time to see if she texted me back and I somehow didn’t hear it. No messages. I took a deep breath and set it back down on my desk. I made it to work without driving off the road, but only just barely. Once or twice, I had to swerve back between the yellow and white lines because I was about to go careening into a ditch. Driving distracted was not fun.
I made it, though. Going into the empty bar had been depressing, too. I tried not to think of the last few weeks I’d spent there with Rainey, the conversations we’d had, and how much I cared about her. The Landing was where I’d made a fool of myself that first night she’d come home over a month ago, and I couldn’t imagine this place without her. Chances were, I screwed things up for us. I picked up my phone, typed out another apology , and pressed send before I could think twice. I shook my head at my own lack of willpower and then tossed the phone into the top drawer, hoping the whole out of sight, out of mind thing would work.
Jimmy appeared in the doorway. “Hey , boss, you got a minute?”
“Sure.” I neede
d the distraction.
He came in and sat in the chair facing my desk. He fidgeted for a minute before taking a deep breath.
“What are your plans with the bar?” h e blurted.
I blinked in surprise. “What do you mean?”
“Well, with Rainey gone, I wondered if you were going to abandon the bar to go after her,” he explained.
“Wait, what? Rainey’s gone? Gone where?”
“Oh, shit. I thought you knew. She flew back to LA yesterday morning. She didn’t even tell anyone. Mallory only found out because she called Rainey’s mom’s house to get ahold of her.”
He said it so casually, so matter-of-factly that I couldn’t do more than stare at him. Which made him more nervous.
“So, I guess what I’m asking is whether you’re going to leave us all high and dry or what? Because I’d like to buy you out.”
“Buy me out?” I sounded like a dumbass, but things in my brain weren’t computing properly.
“Yeah. If you’re going to give up the bar, I’d like to buy you out and take over. I’m been doing a lot of research about it, and if you hadn’t bought it when you did, I would have. I wish I’d gotten to it first, really. But I know what you have invested and the bank has approved me for a loan that would give you quite a bit more than what you’ve put in. The new deck adds a whole lot of value to the place and so they’re willing to loan me more. You’d be set for a while. Here’s my official offer . ” H e slid a piece of paper toward me. “Think about it.”
He left my office in a rush and I stared at the paper, not really seeing it. My mind was reeling over the fact that Rainey was gone. I pushed her so hard she left. It was as if she’d ripped my heart out and taken it with her. I leaned back in my chair and my whole body started to shake. I opened the top drawer and pulled out my phone with a trembling hand. I dialed the only person I could.
“Baker! Have you heard about Rainey?” Mallory answered on the first ring.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I demanded.
“I wanted to, Baker. Believe me, I begged her to tell you right away. But now the whole town knows and I think she left because she didn’t want to deal with all the pity looks,” she said.
“What are you talking about?” I clenched my fist around the phone. “The whole town knows about Rainey’s secret – is that what you’re saying?”
“Umm, yeah. You haven’t heard?” Her voice was low and filled with concern.
“No, I haven’t,” I replied through gritted teeth. “Tell me.”
“Let’s meet for lunch, Baker. I want to tell you in person,” she requested.
“Fine, meet me at The Wharf in fifteen minutes,” I told her. I heard her start to argue but hung up.
I wanted nothing more than to fly out to LA and drag Rainey back to Maine, but I knew it would be pointless. She wasn’t going to come back and be the subject of the town’s gossip. If I was going to get her back, I was going to have to make a sacrifice for her.
Before I lost my gumption, I called Jimmy back into my office. It looked like I was about to sell my bar.
***
Twenty minutes later, I pulled into the parking lot of The Wharf. It didn’t take me long to find Mallory.
“You’re late,” she admonished me.
“Bite me,” I retorted. We sat at a picnic table on the upper deck. “So tell me.”
Mallory swallowed and took a deep breath. “Rainey has leukemia.”
I didn’t reply or move, or even blink. I just stared at her.
“She found out a few years ago, when she moved to LA. The treatments she got seemed to work really well, though, and she’s been doing pretty well since then. She lost a lot of weight, between the treatments and the actual leukemia, though, so she kind of stayed away as much as she could. She didn’t want any of us here to be worried about her. Not even her mom knew about it. Her aunt helped her pay for the treatments and get her a job out there.”
“When…when my dad died, Rainey came out to support me, but she was afraid to tell me anything because of Dad’s cancer. She thought she was protecting me. Just like she thinks she’s protecting you by not telling you. But the truth is, I think she’s afraid of it. Wolfe told me that he took her to the doctor the other day to get the results of the blood tests she had done, because of all the bruising. He said she told him she was fine, but he didn’t believe her. He told me that her smile didn’t reach her eyes and he knew she was lying. And then the next day, she was gone.”
Mallory looked at her hands.
“So she’s dying, then,” I finished for her.
“That’s what we think,” she admitted.
A vice gripped my heart as I thought about losing Rainey forever. I couldn’t lose her, but more than that, I couldn’t lose her without telling her how I felt about her.
“I’m going to LA,” I informed Mallory.
“Are you going to bring her back?” She looked up at me, hopeful.
“Not if she doesn’t want to. She deserves to be where she’s comfortable, but I’m not going to let her pull away from me. I’m in love with her,” I confessed, speaking the words aloud for the first time.
Mallory smiled at me. “She needs someone like you.”
I didn’t exactly feel worthy of Mallory’s praise, but I took it anyway. I wouldn’t let Rainey go through the pain without support.
“I need your help,” I said.
“Anything.”
“Well, I need to get to LA, but I’m also going to sell the bar to Jimmy,” I started.
“Your bar manager? Wow, Baker. You are seriously in love with Rain, aren’t you?” Her smile grew wider.
“I guess I am,” I told her. “But I need someone to handle everything with the sale while I’m in LA. I’m not sure how long I’ll be out there and I don’t want to have to go back and forth with someone from the bank…”
“So you want me to take care of it? I’d be happy to help!” Mallory exclaimed. Her job at the bank was slightly different than what I wanted her to do, but I knew she wouldn’t mind.
“Thank you. I need to get a ticket to LA,” I said with trepidation. I didn’t have any qualms with flying, but I was worried Rainey might reject me. No matter what, though, I was going to get the words said aloud to her and let her choose.
“Well get going! I’ll handle everything with the bank,” Mallory promised as she stood, rushing me. I stood in front of her and she hugged me. “Go get her, Baker. You two are meant to be together,” she said with a smile.
I hugged her back and then drove home to pack and book a flight. I wanted to be in LA no later than tomorrow. I would win Rainey’s heart if it killed me.
Chapter Eleven
Rainey
LA wasn’t as glamorous as I remembered. In my head, it was pretty and sparkly, but in reality, it was crowded and hot, a little dirty , and void of emotion. In a sense, I wanted the emotional void, but it was still a lot to take in.
Of course, I was also facing a death sentence, which severely tarnished my perspective. Deciding not to get treatment had been a no-brainer, since it would only temporarily prolong a very sickly life. What I wanted was to enjoy what little time I had left.
Why I thought I belonged here, I’d never know. But I was here, which meant I was going to make the best of it. I glanced at my phone and ignored several texts from Baker, Luke, Mallory , and Gabby. There was even a stray message from Wolfe: Are you okay?
Since I didn’t have any answers for anyone, I didn’t reply. Texting back would lead to phone calls, and I couldn’t handle that. I was a coward for my actions, I knew, but I couldn’t help myself. I needed to get out, to get away. It was a harsh reality I was facing.
Death was hardly one of those things people thought about on a serious note until someone around them died, and I was dealing with my own mortality, which was far more intense. Three months, I thought. Three more months to live. It wasn’t enough. There were still so many things I wanted to do with my l
ife.
To distract myself on the plane to LA, I made a list of the things I wanted to do before I died. Then I threw it away when the drink cart came by and ordered a rum and cola. Even though alcohol usually made me sick, for whatever reason, it soothed my nerves on the plane. Then when I landed in LA, I spent several minutes in the airport bathroom, getting sick. Once I freshened up a bit, I met my aunt at baggage claim.
“Rainey!” she called, running toward me.
Brittney was my father’s younger sister, and was very hip. Aside from the fact that she was only twelve years older than me, she was more like an older sister than an aunt. She supported all my decisions regarding the leukemia, even when they weren’t the right decisions. Like keeping it a secret for so long. And not telling Baker.
I thought about texting him the truth, but I knew that was rude. I needed to call him, but I also needed to clear my head.
LA was full of life, even late at night when I arrived. It was well after dark and Brittney ushered me to her sporty car, refusing to let me carry any more than my purse. So I walked a few steps behind her and watched, bemused, as she awkwardly carried my suitcase and duffel. It was comical.
She tucked me into bed that night without so much as a question as to why I was back. I knew the morning would bring an inquisition, and it did.
Brittney grilled me with a hundred questions before I even had my first cup of coffee the next day. I answered her honestly, telling her about my death sentence. She pulled me close and squeezed me for several minutes. When she pulled away, there were tears in her eyes.
“I love you, kiddo,” she said, addressing me like I was an eighteen - year - old kid again. I didn’t mind. It was more of an endearment than a reference to my age.
“Love you, too. I just had to get away,” I explained. My sudden appearance was not expected, but she took it all with a grain of salt.
“Of course. I took the day off work, so we can hang out together. I want your LA doctor to see you. I made an appointment for you and then we’ll do something fun,” she said excitedly.
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