by Simon Okill
The crypto-zoologist focused his full attention on Lou's old flame.
Willis Johnson looked older, but that was to be expected after thirteen years. The guy was still a well-chiseled figure of a man.
MB decided to lay off manly descriptions, for Old Indian legend tells us that man who dwells on such things is on the wrong team.
"Hi, Willis. Long time no see." MB smiled in his amiable way.
"MB," Willis nodded, in a so-fucking-what attitude.
Merlot introduced herself, "And I'm Agent Merlot." She gave MB a thorough once over. She giggled. "Nice piece of Redwood."
Willis flashed Merlot a warning look.
"Uh . . . hi there, Agent Merlot." MB wondered why this gorgeous female was giggling and what she meant by the Redwood remark?
Merlot shook MB's hand, "Just make it Merlot, okay?"
"Sure thing, Merlot." MB beamed a wide smile. "This way," he gestured with a hand as he walked over to the edge of the clearing to the spot where Beau went to take a leak. "That's where Beau took a piss and that was the last place he was seen. No doubt he'll show up and come up with that same lame excuse-Bigfoot, as if?" MB paused and shook his head. "Everyone with an ounce of sense knows Bigfoot doesn't exist."
"But, you're a crypto-zoologist?" Merlot asked incredulously.
"That I am, but Old Indian legend tells us that man who finds what he has always been looking for has no reason to go on."
"But I thought you guys . . . you know . . . really believed in Bigfoot."
Sure, MB wanted to believe in Bigfoot. His job-not that he got paid or anything, depended on it, but so far he had nothing to prove the creature existed. Okay, he had plenty of photographs, most of which were displayed on Annie's Diner walls, and a few good casts of Bigfoot's big feet, but none of it was for real. He and Duane knew that.
MB sighed heavily and thought it time for another of his gems of wisdom to impress the FBI agent. "Old Indian legend tells us that man who finds truth in all things is wise."
A puzzled look flittered over Merlot's face. "That's cool. I didn't know that."
"Why should you? Old Indian legend tells us that it is a wise man that admits he doesn't know everything."
Merlot's expression lightened on hearing MB's latest gem.
"You seem to have one of those for every occasion, MB."
MB studied the agent's openly smiling face and thought, here was someone worth knowing. She sure was hot even if she giggled too much.
MB nodded seriously, but didn't speak. That was enough chat for now.
Willis and Lou stood staring at MB and Merlot with impatient looks on their faces.
"Give it a rest with those Indian legends, MB. You wouldn't know one end of an arrow from the other," Willis said with a knowing smirk.
MB looked hurt as he watched Willis walk off towards the area marked with yellow crime scene tape indicating the spot where Beau had gone to take a leak. He gave Willis' back the bird.
Lou followed Willis, a few paces behind.
MB watched with shrewd eyes as Willis ducked under the yellow tape, followed by Sheriff Lou. He hoped Lou would hit it off with Willis, and so left them some breathing space.
BUT THE SHERIFF and Willis stood by the tree where Beau had taken a leak, looking more efficient than gooey-eyed. They kept their distance. Neither uttered a word. There was an uneasy silence between them that spoke volumes.
Lou sighed with relief when MB and Merlot joined them. She was glad of MB's company, for he acted like a buffer between her and Willis. She watched the female agent slip on disposable gloves to survey the area around the tree and wrinkle her nose at the disgusting stench, even though the smell had by now dissipated to minimal strength.
Lou commented, "No sign of anything out of the ordinary, apart from that God awful smell." The smell reminded her of the Phantom Bigfoot. So, did Duane really have something to do with this?
"I've never smelled anything so bad . . . what is it?" Merlot asked with a grimace and a brief bout of coughing. She wiped her watery eyes. She took extra care not to touch anything with her clothes.
"It's mostly deer musk mixed with Beau's piss, extract of skunk and something I can't quite put my finger on," MB said with authority.
With eyes trained to look at crime scenes, Merlot scanned the ground by the base of the tree and pointed at snapped twigs. "Agent Johnson, what do you think?"
Willis grimaced and grunted as he thought. "I still believe the kid's fooling around . . . but I could be wrong," Willis declared in his super efficient way.
Merlot remarked, sarcastically, "That's a first."
Willis glared at his partner with clenched fists.
Lou furtively glanced at her old boyfriend and thought it wouldn't be the first time you were wrong, Willis Johnson, you heartless bastard. It was wrong to ditch me like that, you heartless bastard.
"Like I said, Beau's done this before," Lou said with an edge of hostility to her voice.
She and Willis made eye contact.
The unease between them was plain for MB and Merlot to see.
Lou told herself to put aside her personal feelings and concentrate on the situation at hand. Was she wrong not to take Beau's disappearance seriously? She was reminded of the tale of the boy who cried wolf. What if the wolf in Beau's case was some grizzly or some sicko? No, she still didn't think that was the case. He was fooling around and she was sure of it. She knew Beau. Knew what sort of kid he was. Knew he liked to have the sheriff's department going out on wild goose chases looking for him, just like his old man.
"Yeah, but where is he now? That's what I'd like to know," Willis said.
A serious look settled on Lou's face, but she wasn't thinking about Beau. A thought had just occurred to her—was Willis married? Divorced? Seeing someone in a serious relationship?
"Woooooeeeeeoooooeeeeeaaaaaa."
Merlot stood erect and looked wide-eyed at the surrounding impenetrable forest. "What the fuck was that?" She hugged MB like a frightened girl.
MB WAS MOMENTARILY taken aback as Merlot covertly squeezed his firm ass. He gently pushed the agent away, looking awkward.
Sheriff Lou looked seriously unsettled by the howling as she released the strap on her holster and placed a trembling hand on her trusty Magnum .44.
"Wooooooooo-wooooooooo-woooooooo."
MB sighed, knowing it was probably Duane. He watched with considerable amusement, as Lou and the FBI agents looked startled, scanning their surroundings with wide eyes. He had sent his recordings of those sounds for analysis. He got nothing.
"It's just Duane-o," he suggested, with the air of someone who knew what he was talking about.
"Are you sure that was human?" Merlot pondered out loud. Fear furrowed her brow. She grabbed MB's arm and held tight.
MB stared into Merlot's fearful eyes and smiled to placate her terror. "Nothing to worry about . . . he gets a kick out of making that weird noise when there's someone to hear it, like you three." MB chuckled.
"Have you actually seen him make that sound?" Merlot asked as she released MB's arm.
"Good question . . . and I have to admit I haven't caught him at it . . . but he has told me he likes to make those noises to spook hunters, and just for the sheer hell of it."
"It has to be Duane . . . he always was weird," Willis remarked.
In the not too distant distance that strange call could be heard again—"woooooeeeeeoooooeeeeaaaaaa."
A snapping of undergrowth could clearly be heard.
"Wooooeeeeaaaaaeeeeeoooo."
"Waaaaeeeeeooooaaaaeeee."
"Sounds like more than just one person," Merlot said with an edge of fear. "You positive Bigfoot doesn't exist?"
MB placed a hand on his heart, "I'm as certain as a chief can be."
"Quit that chief shit," Willis warned.
"No I won't . . . so what you going to do about it?" MB looked ready for a fight then smiled.
"Give it a rest, you two." With that, Sher
iff Lou left the crime scene and trudged back to her car.
MB blew a kiss at Willis and grinned.
Willis shook his head in annoyance. He raced after Lou and grabbed her by the arm.
She whirled around and stabbed Willis with a hard glare, "Let go."
Willis, thrown off by her gruffness, stammered, "I . . . I . . . was going to ask you about . . ." He stopped. "Never mind. We need to speak with Beau's parents. They still live off Mill Road?"
Lou nodded her head yes then shook her arm free.
17
ON THEIR RETURN to Big Beaver, Agents Johnson and Merlot parked their shiny black sedan outside the Flucker residence on Mill Road. The house was a white clapboard affair, replete with a white picket fence, and an avenue of rose bushes leading up to the porch.
Willis knocked on the door and waited with a look of trepidation on his face. He turned to Merlot, "Leave the questions to me."
Merlot saluted Willis.
Rose Flucker opened the front door to the FBI agents wearing a brightly colored floral kimono, and a shoulder length blond wig.
Agents Johnson and Merlot flashed their ID badges for Rose to get a good look at, which she did, making sure the faces matched the IDs.
"Willis Johnson, is that you?" Rose said with a smile on her face. "I'd heard the FBI were looking for our Beau."
Willis remained serious faced. His tone was strictly professional and to the point. "Indeed . . . we'd like to speak with you and Walt about Beau's disappearance."
A troubled look flittered across Rose's face. She looked somewhat dubiously at Willis, totally ignoring the female agent. "You really want to speak to Walt? Are you sure? I mean, you and he never did hit it off."
"Be that as it may, we need to speak to both of you in order to clear this mess up. The sooner we do that, the sooner we can leave."
Rose shrugged her shoulders and gave another smile. "Okay, come on in, but I can't be responsible for Walt."
Agents Johnson and Merlot stepped into the hallway of the Flucker residence.
Willis gave the décor a discerning look. On the walls were stuffed heads of animals and Rose's delicate paintings of flowers and local scenery.
Rose closed the door behind them. "This way," she said cheerfully as she led the way down the hallway.
From her cheerful manner Willis realized Rose Flucker wasn't taking her son's disappearance seriously, even though it had been a full two days.
As Rose walked down the hallway she informed her guests, "Walt is in his spaceship, don't you know."
The FBI agents stopped momentarily and exchanged questioning looks.
Merlot grinned and whispered, "His spaceship . . . this I gotta see." She drew out her cell phone in readiness.
Willis didn't respond. His expression was serious. They'd both read the report on Walt Flucker and his alleged alien abductions. The man was a major league nut job. Just like most people in Big Beaver.
"Oh yes . . . his spaceship. He spends a lot of time in there, these days. It's down in the basement."
Walt's make-believe spaceship was in the basement. As good a place as any, thought Willis. As they followed Rose Flucker, Willis recalled that as a teenager Walt used to watch a lot of sci-fi on TV, especially Star Trek. As he got older it was the X-Files. It figured that Walt would make up a story about aliens abducting him.
Rose reached the basement door first and opened it.
The light was already switched on allowing them to see into the depths below. They remained in the hallway and peered down the wooden stairs that led into the basement. There was a lot of clutter down there, noted Willis, but no sign of a spaceship.
"This way," Rose cheerfully said, as if calling to pets.
The FBI agents shrugged and followed Rose. At the foot of the steps Willis gave his surroundings a quick look. There was still no sign of a spaceship. But what did he really expect? Some crappy kid's model made out of tinfoil?
Rose pointed over to a closed, inconspicuous yellow wooden door. "It's in there." She walked over to the door.
The agents followed, not knowing what to expect.
Willis approached the closed door with trepidation at coming face to face with Walt Flucker. His pulse rate went up a notch.
The wooden door looked just like any other wooden door, thought Willis. He'd at least expected the door to Walt's "spaceship" to be made of some kind of metal and be gray in color.
Rose pressed the communication panel on the side of the door. It gave several loud clicks. She spoke into the communication panel.
"Greetings, Captain Flucker . . . Agents Johnson and Merlot are here."
There was no reply. A moment later the door automatically swung open accompanied with a swish noise, just like in Star Trek.
The FBI agents exchanged quizzical glances before stepping inside Walt's "spaceship."
The first thing Willis noticed was the steam, like a sauna. The second thing he noticed was Walt Flucker immersed in a hot tub, like a sauna. There was something different about Walt, but he couldn't quite put a finger on it?
Merlot suppressed a giggle. Her eyes were wide with amazement.
"Pinch me, Agent Johnson . . . am I seeing what you're seeing?"
Willis didn't reply, but gave Merlot a friendly punch in the arm as he followed Rose into Walt's "spaceship." The steamy heat of the room made an instant impression. He could feel beads of sweat on his brow.
Merlot pretended to rub her sore arm as she followed her partner.
The door closed behind the FBI agents with another swish.
Willis gave his surroundings a disdainfully quick glance. If he didn't know any better he would say that he was in a Swedish sauna room.
The walls, from floor to ceiling, were made of paneled cedar wood. There was even a massage table in a corner. And on one side of the room was a long wooden bench.
Seated on the wooded bench were six life -size female dummies with blond wigs dressed in kimonos, and standing to the side of them was a life-size plastic cutout of a pudgy Elvis Presley dressed in his white Las Vegas regalia.
Over in another corner of the room was a small glass-paneled room. Inside the room was a shower cubicle. The only other things that stuck out like sore thumbs-as did everything else, were several '70's-style, groovy, wax lava lamps. Very trippy indeed!
This is too weird, thought Willis, as he tugged on his tie to loosen it and allow some of his body heat out. The sweat on his brow trickled down his face. He could feel his shirt sticking to his back.
Walt remained in the hot tub and watched the two agents approach. His eyes narrowed as he focused all his attention on Willis. His lip curled into a snarl, just like Elvis.
"Shit, if it isn't Willis Johnson? I heard you'd joined the Feds."
Willis hadn't expected a warm welcome. "We'd like to ask you a few questions about Beau."
"What for . . . Beau is just fooling around." Walt looked pleased at Willis' discomfort. "You look a little hot under the collar, Willy boy. You and your hot partner fancy a dip?"
"No, we would definitely not fancy a dip," Willis said curtly, as if offended by the very suggestion of immersing himself in the hot tub with Walt Flucker.
Now, if it had been Lou in the tub . . . no, don't go there you idiot. Get into character-the rock. That's better.
"When did you last see Beau?" Willis demanded.
"Well . . . before he went missing," Rose said in a matter-of-fact obvious way.
"Uh-huh . . . did he seem . . . upset about anything?" Merlot asked, emphasizing upset.
Willis shot Merlot a look to keep quiet, but knew beyond all doubt she wouldn't be able to keep her big mouth shut.
Merlot poked out her tongue and shrugged.
Rose thought for a moment and smiled. "Beau's a fun-loving boy . . . why would he be upset if he's having fun? Always has a smile on his face."
Walt looked affectionately at his wife. "Have to admit, Beau sure takes after his sweet mother . . . wouldn'
t harm a fly."
Walt and Rose smiled lovingly at one another.
"So you don't think he could have run away?" Merlot asked, as she undid several buttons of her blouse, revealing cleavage.
Walt looked incredulously at Merlot. "Not our Beau . . . he'd have no cause to, would he, Mother?" Walt smiled at Rose who agreed with a nod.
Walt turned to Willis and asked, "Well . . . what do you think of my spaceship?"
Willis paused for an incredulous moment before he dared to reply. The asshole couldn't think he was actually in a spaceship, could he? If he did, he was all the way nuts.
"It's just a sauna," Willis sighed in an irritated way.
Rose gasped with shock and put a hand to her mouth.
Walt's face reddened with rage. He took in a deep intake of breath, repeating that rapidly to calm his anger down. He looked absolutely stunned by what Willis had just said. His eyes widened with indignation.
"Well, yeah . . . it is a fucking sauna, asshole . . . but it's much more than that. I'll have you know this is an exact replica of the room the aliens had me imprisoned in," Walt implored in an indignant tone of voice. "You see the massage table over there?"
Both agents glanced at the massage table then looked back at Walt.
"Don't tell me . . . it's Doc McCoy's surgical table," Merlot said with a chuckle.
Walt faltered, giving Merlot a condescending look before continuing, "No . . . it's just a massage table, little lady. These gorgeous female aliens massaged my entire body, and when I mean entire, I mean down there." He pointed to his genitals floating free in the hot tub. "And it was done on a table just like that. Not two or three female aliens, but a whole horde of them, and all at once. Their touch sent shivers down my spine. And they did strange things to me which I cannot go into detail about." Walt indicated with his eyes that Rose would be upset if he went into detail. "I lie awake at night thinking what they did to me."
