The sudden pressure of his manhood against her thigh brought Jenny suddenly back to her senses. With a little cry of despair, she pushed him away.
She was both disappointed and relieved when he let her go without a struggle.
“I’m sorry, Jenny,” Fallon said thickly. “You looked so pretty lying there, and I…oh hell,” he said gruffly. “I’m sorry.”
Jenny refused to meet his gaze. How would she ever be able to face him again? He must think she was no better than a harlot!
“Jenny.”
“What?”
“Look at me.”
“I can’t.”
“Look at me.”
She faced him sullenly, her cheeks hot with shame. Why didn’t he just go away and leave her alone? He had stirred feelings she had never experienced before, feelings that made her feel vulnerable and confused.
Feelings she had never had for her own husband, or any other man. Guilt washed over her, hot and bright. She had betrayed Hank, betrayed her marriage vows.
“It’s all right, Jenny,” Ryder said with an understanding smile. “You’re lonely and unhappy, and I’m…hell, I’m lonely too.”
“I’m so ashamed.”
“Don’t be. You haven’t done anything wrong.”
“No, but…”
“But?” Fallon’s dark eyes watched her carefully, almost as if he knew what she was thinking.
But I wanted to. The words thundered in her mind, and she blushed furiously. For the first time in her life, she had wanted a man to hold her, caress her. She had wanted to feel Fallon’s hands on her flesh, taste him and touch him in return. And he knew. That was the worst of it. He knew it.
Ryder placed his fingertip under her chin and forced her to look at him. “But?”
She stared up at him, wondering at the curious expression that lurked in the depths of his midnight-blue eyes.
“Never mind,” she said irritably. “I’ve got to get back.”
Ryder let out a deep breath, refusing to acknowledge that he wanted anything more than her companionship.
“Still friends?” he asked, grinning at her.
Jenny’s heart skipped a beat. Did he know how remarkably handsome he was when he smiled like that? It made her heart pound and her blood race. She clenched her fists to keep from reaching out to touch him one last time, to confirm that his chest was rock-hard, to measure the width of his shoulders, the length of his thigh, to run her fingers through his hair.
“Still friends,” she agreed.
His grin was infectious and she smiled back at him. How could you stay mad at such a man?
“Good.” He rose easily to his feet. For a moment, he stood there gazing down at her. “Give ’em hell, honey,” he drawled, and with a wave of his hand, he walked away.
Jenny watched him go, feeling strangely bereft. He was a handsome man, tall and lean and virile, with a smile to break a woman’s heart. How many women had he loved? How many women had loved him?
Rising, she smoothed her skirt over her hips, patted her hair into place. Kneeling at the river’s edge, she splashed cold water over her face and neck, wishing she could douse the fire Ryder Fallon had ignited deep within her.
Alope looked at Jenny sharply when she returned to the wickiup, but instead of shying away from the other woman’s gaze or making excuses for her prolonged absence, Jenny glared back at her, her expression openly defiant, almost as if she were daring Alope to start something.
“We need wood,” Alope said. “Get it.”
Only yesterday, Jenny would have backed down. But that was yesterday. She’ll never respect you if you don’t fight back. Fallon’s words echoed in her mind. Once she knows she can’t bully you, she’ll stop.
Jenny squared her shoulders and took a deep breath. “Get it yourself.”
Disbelief flickered in the Indian woman’s eyes as she took a threatening step forward.
“You dare to defy me?” Alope exclaimed.
“I’m not defying you,” Jenny replied calmly, though her insides were shaking like a leaf in the wind. “I got the wood this morning. I’ve gotten the wood every morning and every night for the last four years.” She sent Alope a sugary smile. “Now it’s your turn.”
A gleam of something that might have been respect flickered briefly in Alope’s black eyes and then was gone.
‘Very well,” Alope said, conceding defeat. “I will gather the wood in the evening.”
Jenny nodded, her expression impassive, but inwardly she was turning somersaults. Fallon, bless him, had been right!
That night, for the first time since Jenny had been taken prisoner, there was peace in Kayitah’s lodge.
Later, in bed, Jenny surprised herself and Kayitah when she pushed him away.
“I don’t want to,” she said firmly, then held her breath, waiting to see what his reaction would be.
Kayitah sighed heavily as he rolled onto his side and closed his eyes. It had taken a long time, but his little white captive had become a wife.
The last days of summer gave way to fall. The nights grew longer, the sun lost its warmth. The trees put away their emerald garb and flaunted vivid gowns of gold and red and orange, but the beauty of the changing seasons was lost on Jenny as what had started as a niggling suspicion grew into certainty. She longed to confide in Ryder, who had become her closest friend and confidant, but she was afraid of what his reaction might be, afraid he’d change his mind about helping her escape if he knew.
They met in secret whenever they could both get away without being missed.
At first, Jenny had been reluctant to be alone with Ryder. The recollection of his kisses, of her reaction to them, still burned bright in her memory. But Ryder never mentioned what had happened between them, and she began to think maybe she had read more into his kisses than he’d intended.
Still, it was hard to be near him and not touch him. The feelings he had aroused in her were so new, so wonderful, it was hard to ignore them, to pretend she didn’t remember how her whole body had come alive at his touch. She loved looking at him, being with him, hearing his voice. She tried to tell herself it didn’t mean a thing, that she was just hungry for companionship, for the sound of her own language, for someone to share secrets and memories with.
She tried to convince herself that she would have felt the same if Ryder were old and ugly, instead of breathtakingly handsome. But it was a lie, and she knew it.
Ryder had praised her for standing up to Alope, and Jenny had basked in his approbation. It had been so long since anyone had complimented her, so long since she’d heard kind words that she’d almost wept with pleasure. And while standing up to Alope had been one of the hardest things Jenny had ever done, she had to admit it was also the best thing she could have done. The other woman no longer nagged her unceasingly, and while they hadn’t become friends exactly, they had decided to share the work between them.
Alope did the cooking because she enjoyed it, and Jenny fetched wood and water. They shared the task of sewing for Kayitah, and took turns tanning the hides he brought them.
Fallon’s status with the tribe was also changing. He was no longer viewed as an outcast. Daily he became more popular with the warriors and he was often included in their games. He gambled with them in the evening, danced at celebrations and rode with them when they went hunting. He often gave his share of the hunt to the old woman who had stepped forward and intervened in his behalf. Her husband was old and unable to hunt, so she was dependent on others to provide her lodge with meat.
At first, Jenny had viewed Fallon’s increased status with the tribe with hearty approval. After all, if he were free to come and go as he pleased, it would make their escape that much easier when the time came. And she had to get away, soon, before it was too late.
But then Fallon began to court one of the Apache maidens, and a new fear crept into Jenny’s heart. She knew that Ryder had lived with the Indians once before and had liked it. What would happen to her
dreams of escape if he suddenly decided to marry Codahooyah’s daughter and settle down? He wouldn’t be able to spirit her away and then return as if nothing had happened.
The thought of living with the Indians for the rest of her life tormented Jenny. She saw herself growing old, older, having Indian children, and eventually becoming an Indian herself.
It was a thought that filled her with dread. If she didn’t find a way to escape, she would never live with her own people again, never go to a concert or the theater. She’d never be able to attend church and partake of the word of the Lord. Never know what was going on in the rest of the world. Never enjoy a fine meal served on linen and crystal. Never wear anything but animal skins and moccasins. She’d never see Hank again…
When her doubts and fears grew too heavy to bear, she sought out Fallon, hoping he would alleviate her growing concerns, but he managed to avoid being alone with her until the day she trailed him to the river.
“You’ve been avoiding me,” Jenny accused without preamble. “Why? I thought we were friends!”
Fallon flinched at the hurt in her eyes. It was true. He had been avoiding her, which was no easy task when they shared the same lodge. During the day, he spent as much time as possible away from the lodge, hunting with the warriors or working the big black stallion. He had taken to sleeping outside at night, making his bed beneath the stars because it was getting harder and harder to watch Kayitah share her bed. She was forever in his thoughts, in his dreams, and it was driving him crazy. He yearned to hold her close again, to inhale the sweet womanly fragrance that was hers alone, to touch her hair, caress her cheek. Make her his woman. But he could not tell her that. She thought of him as a friend, nothing more. And he wanted to be so much more than her friend.
“I’m sorry, Jenny,” he said at last, “but it’s dangerous for us to be seen together. You know that.”
“Is that the only reason?” she asked suspiciously.
Fallon frowned. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It looks to me like you’re enjoying it here,” Jenny answered sourly. “Enjoying it and thinking of staying.”
Fallon snorted. “Don’t be ridiculous.”
“I’m not!” she fired back, arms akimbo. “You’re thick as thieves with the warriors, especially since you went on that raid last week. And now you’re courting Codahooyah’s daughter like she’s Juliet and you’re Romeo! And last night, I heard Kayitah talking to Marteen about taking you back into the tribe…”
Jenny’s voice trailed off as she realized what she’d let slip out.
Fallon lifted one black brow as he read between the lines and quickly understood what was really bothering Jenny. She was afraid he might decide to stay with the Apache instead of taking her home as he’d promised.
Fallon’s mouth twitched at the corners. “If I didn’t know better,” he teased, “I’d think you were making noises like a jealous woman.”
“Jealous!” Jenny sputtered. “Why you… I never…”
“Calm down, honey,” Fallon said, laughing. “I was only kidding. But listen, Jenny,” he said, serious once more, “we really can’t take a chance on getting caught down here alone. Not now. And for your information, I have no intention of settling down here or anywhere else, not now, not ever. But you’re right about one thing,” he allowed, grinning broadly. “I have been enjoying myself. I’ll try to watch it in the future.”
“You’re incorrigible,” Jenny said, pouting. But she was secretly relieved that he was not serious about the Apache maiden. She could not bear to think of him being married, holding someone else… She shook the thought from her mind. “Can we leave soon?”
“Soon,” he promised, noting the anxiety in her eyes. “You look a little pale, honey,” he remarked. “Are you feeling all right?”
“Yes, I’m fine,” Jenny said quickly. She took a step back and folded her arms over her stomach. “Just anxious to get away.”
Fallon studied her briefly, wondering what was really bothering her. She had been awfully quiet in the last few weeks, eating little, keeping to herself. She’d even managed to put Alope in her place and now there was peace in the lodge, something both men appreciated.
“We’ll leave as soon as we can,” Fallon said at last. “When the time is right, we’ll meet in the old sweat lodge an hour after midnight.”
Jenny nodded. For the first time, it all seemed real.
“You’d better go now,” Fallon said. “We shouldn’t meet again unless there’s a change in plans.”
Jenny nodded, one hand worrying a lock of her hair.
“What is it?” Fallon asked, concerned by the troubled look that flitted across her face.
“Nothing,” Jenny lied.
“Are you sure?”
“Yes. I guess I just can’t believe it’s true, that we’re really going to go.”
“We’ll do it all right,” Fallon promised. Or darn well die trying.
Chapter Twelve
The fall hunt was over and the Apache had meat to see them through the coming winter. A raid into Mexico supplied them with horses, blankets and warm clothing, as well as flour and other foodstuffs, including a large supply of coffee and several boxes of thin black cigars.
Jenny didn’t care for coffee, preferring tea, but Fallon drank several cups the first night it was available, and then sat back and lit a cigar, more content than he’d been in months.
Days passed and the trees lost their autumn leaves and the grass withered and died. The horses’ coats grew long and shaggy.
It was a busy time of year, with the men hunting and raiding and the women drying great quantities of meat. Fallon continued to spend as much time as possible away from the lodge, his hunger for Jenny growing with the passage of each day. Often, he stayed outside until everyone else had gone to bed, preferring the cold weather to the sight of Kayitah sitting beside Jenny, touching her hair, sleeping in her bed.
The few times he spent any time around her, he noticed she looked a trifle pale, was considerably more irritable than he’d ever seen her, and often seemed to be lost in thought, but he supposed that was only natural, what with the time of their proposed escape drawing nearer with each passing day.
Secretly, he prepared two makeshift saddlebags and filled them with jerky and pemmican for their journey. He ran a knowing eye over the horse herd and selected a rangy chestnut gelding for Jenny, wondering if she could ride astride with only a blanket. There weren’t any sidesaddles in the rancheria; in fact, there were few regulation saddles of any kind.
Roping the chestnut, he ran expert hands over its legs, paying special attention to its feet, making sure the walls of each hoof were firm, the frog clean and sound. It was not an idle saying that as the foot went, so went the horse. He worked the black stallion each day, more pleased than he could say with Katuhala’s gift. The black was a remarkable animal, swift, intelligent, easy to train.
Satisfied that both horses were sound, he turned them out in the corral with a casual remark to the herd boy that he would be using both the black and the chestnut in the future.
He learned the cause of Jenny’s disquiet on a day in late November. He’d gone hunting, intending to be gone most of the day, but his bow had cracked and he’d returned to the lodge early. Stepping inside, he caught Jenny changing clothes. In profile, the reason for her increased irritability was obvious.
She was pregnant.
It hit him like a blow to the groin.
“How far along are you?” he asked flatly.
Jenny grabbed her dress and held it in front of her as she whirled around to face him. “I don’t know what you mean.”
“You’re pregnant. How far along are you?”
“I’m not sure.” Jenny placed a hand over her abdomen. Due to worry and a lack of appetite, she had gained very little weight. “About six months, I think.”
He let out a long sigh. “Well, that tears it,” he muttered.
“We’re still going,
aren’t we?” Jenny asked, her eyes filled with alarm.
Fallon shook his head ruefully. “No.”
“You promised.”
“I didn’t promise to take a pregnant woman.”
“Please, Ryder, I’ve got to get away before the baby’s born. Please. I don’t want my child born here. I don’t want him raised to be an Apache.” She gazed up at him intently, willing him to understand. “This baby will be Kayitah’s first child. He’ll never let me go if the child lives. Never!”
Fallon shook his head again. “I’m sorry, Jenny, but the answer’s still no.”
She lifted her chin stubbornly. “I risked my life to save yours,” she reminded him. “And you gave me your word, as a warrior, to get me out of here.”
Ryder Fallon swore softly. “Dammit, woman, are you out of your mind? Do you think escaping from here is going to be a picnic? We’ll be traveling hard and fast. We won’t have much time to stop and rest. Kayitah will be after us the minute he finds out you’re gone.” He glanced pointedly at her swollen belly. “Especially now.”
“I never said I thought it would be easy,” Jenny argued. “But think about this. The trip will be easier if there’s just the two of us. If we wait until the baby’s born, it’s liable to cry while we’re sneaking out of the village, and we’d have to stop to feed it along the way.”
He took a deep breath, his anger rising as he realized he was neatly caught in a trap of his own making. He had promised to take her, and while he’d done a lot of despicable things in his life, he’d never broken his word. But he was sorely tempted to start now.
Jenny reached out and laid her hand on his arm. “Please, Ryder.” He heard the soft note of pleading in her voice, but it was the quiet desperation he read in the depths of her green eyes that changed his mind.
“All right, Jenny, if you’re sure this is what you want to do.”
“I’m sure.”
“We’ll leave right away. I’ll get everything ready and then we’ll go.”
Apache Runaway Page 10
