by Sasha Goldie
When my last job dried up, I really hadn't been good for much. I was about to run out of savings, never went to college, and with my damn leg I couldn't even reenlist.
"Yeah, when my last job ended, I moved back here. My parents are getting older and it was a good time to make a big move." Probably more information than I needed to share, but I didn't really want to say I didn't have a job and had to figure out what the hell I was going to do.
"I'd like to catch up," Carson said sincerely.
Taking a drink to give myself time to think, I looked around the room. My unit had to go back to their deployment on Monday, and it would be nice to have a friend in town. Ian and Corey were nice but hadn't really reached out to hang out or anything.
"That sounds nice," I told him. "It would be great to make a friend in town. Or, remake, in our case.” I hoped he knew I meant friend. I didn't want him to think I was hitting on him. He was one of the few people in Three Lakes that knew I was gay. For the time being, I wanted to keep it that way.
3
Carson
The cracking of my jaw muted the sound of the music coming from the radio in my truck. "Ouch," I muttered as I rubbed my face. I'd been yawning all the way back from Bend. I'd have to get used to getting up earlier once the restaurant opened. Corey and I were to split responsibilities, but ultimately it was my business and my responsibility. I wanted to be in-house as much as possible.
The diner's baby blue front called to me. Daisy's coffee really was amazing. Pulling in, I parked the truck and looked in the back. I hadn't gotten much cold stuff, and it was in a cooler with ice. Everything else would keep while I got a cup.
"Daisy," I said as I staggered, bleary-eyed into the diner. "I need caffeine." I'd been up until after three, closing down the brewery and cleaning. But we'd needed some supplies from the big box store in Bend, so I'd gotten up early to get that done before it was time to open again.
"You look like it," she said with her eyebrow raised. "You need food, too. Go sit at the counter, the booths are full. It's busy for a Tuesday."
Climbing up on the stool, I didn't really pay any attention to my surroundings or who else was in the place. I just watched Daisy pour a cup of heaven for me. "You're an angel," I murmured as I lifted the steaming mug to my lips.
"It's good coffee, isn't it?" A masculine voice near my ear made me jerk and slosh hot coffee over my hand.
I let out a little squeal and snatched a napkin from the metallic holder in front of me. "Max," I said, turning to face my blue-eyed friend. "I didn't see you."
"That was obvious. Sleepy?" He grabbed another napkin and mopped up the coffee I'd spilled on the counter.
"Very. I'm not used to being up before noon and I got up at seven to make a supply run to Bend," I explained before trying to drink my hot coffee again.
The rich liquid slid down my throat, promising me I'd have energy soon and my eyes would stop scratching.
"I'm an early riser," he said as he dipped a French fry in ketchup.
"Hungry?" Daisy asked, offering a menu.
"Yeah, but I don't need a menu, just bring me a burger all the way and fries." She nodded and wrote my order on a little green pad, hanging it in the window between the kitchen and dining area.
A young girl I'd never met snatched it and disappeared.
"Who is that?" I asked, craning my neck to see her.
Max raised his eyebrows. "She's here for the summer with her parents and wanted work. She's cute, isn't she?"
I hadn't even noticed. "I guess. I was just curious who replaced Corey."
"She's not here for long," Daisy said. "Fortunately." She dropped her voice to a whisper. "She's horrible."
"I'm sure Tyler will wake up soon," I said, trying to comfort her. "He'll want his job back and you can go back to the kitchen."
She smiled sadly. "The longer he stays asleep, the slimmer his chances of waking up are." A bell dinged behind her and she turned and grabbed the plate the cook had slid into the window. "It may be time for us to start preparing."
Her words hit my heart hard. Sucking in a deep breath, I focused on my coffee and tried not to think about never hearing my friend's obnoxious, interfering voice again.
"I heard a little bit about what happened," Max said softly. "The whole town is upset about it."
"I just hope they catch the guy that did it," I muttered, blinking my eyes rapidly to push the emotions away.
"That would be ideal." He took a big bite of his burger. "Ugh, she is terrible, it's burned." I looked at his slightly charred patty as he did. He shrugged and took another bite. "Oh, well," he said around his chews. "At least I didn't have to cook it."
I laughed at his attitude. "You don't like to cook?"
"Nah, I don't mind it. But it's not worth getting upset over."
That was true. There were plenty more things to worry about. "Well, looks like we have a chance to catch up unless you're in a hurry," I said.
"I'm not. I'm still looking for my next career move, and I find myself with far too much time on my hands." He looked down as he said it. Maybe he was embarrassed. But it couldn't have been easy to find work after leaving the military. I had no judgments to give him, only support.
He didn't say anything else.
"I know I said something last Saturday, but the conversation we had on my last night in Three Lakes weighs on my conscience, and it has since then."
Max tried to wave off my apology, but I wouldn't be brushed off this time. He needed to know how sincerely I regretted my words. "I was an idiot. I was going through some serious self-exploration and discovering my own sexuality. I never should've rejected you the way I did."
"It's okay," he said gently. "But, I'll admit it did hurt. It cut deep. Your words make it better, though. We were so young, and we've all done or said something thoughtlessly. I know I have."
"Well, thank you. Back to less awkward things, I'm about to expand the brewery, and I'll be needing a lot of help. If you want something to keep you busy while you career hunt, it's not exactly a career, being a server, but the offer is open."
He looked at my face as I tried to make my expression nonchalant. If he needed money, I'd gladly give him a job. The brewery really did need more employees with the kitchen opening in a matter of days.
"I might take you up on that," he said. "It's a nice place."
"Thanks. My summers here stuck with me, and when I found myself managing a bar in Seattle, I decided I didn't want to manage someone else's bar forever."
"You were in Seattle?" he asked with a laugh. "My home base was there while I was deployed."
"Small world. We probably lived there at the same time." We both chuckled. Daisy handed me my food, which was luckily not burned, and I dug in.
"So," I said after I'd gotten a few bites in. I hadn't realized quite how hungry I was. "I started researching locations. My parents were not happy when I decided to use the remainder of my college fund to pay the down payment on the business loan, but now they're thrilled, of course."
"What made you come back here?" he asked.
"Do you not remember?" I couldn't believe he didn't remember the incident that made me decide on building the brewery into the gold mine.
"No way." Max's eyes lit up. "That's what made you think to come back here?"
Nodding, I nudged him with my elbow. "I owe you all my success."
The first summer I'd spent in Three Lakes, I was eleven and Max was eight. He lived there, and we'd run into each other at one of the local swimming holes. Our parents had hit it off and we'd been thrown together all summer. Luckily, we got along.
I'd spent the night with him the night before. His parents' house was positioned far up into the mountains, nearly at the county line.
We’d decided to go for a hike that morning. We packed up like real explorers—mainly juice boxes and toaster pastries, but they’d come in handy later.
"I didn't think we'd ever get out of there," Max said with his
eyes closed. "I had nightmares for weeks after."
"I still can't believe we hiked that far away." His parents' house was about four miles from the old gold mine, but we got it in our heads that we were going to find gold in that old mine, and we knew the basic area it was in. His poor mom had thought we were climbing trees in the woods behind her house. She had no idea we'd gone so far.
"Do you remember how pissed our dads were?" He snorted. "My dad nearly took my head off once he was done hugging me."
We'd packed flashlights, so once we got the front boards off the mine, we made our way deep into the mountain and promptly got lost. Luckily for us, nothing caved in like would've happened on a dramatic television show. It just took us most of the day to find our way back out.
They'd realized we were not in the woods behind the house about halfway through the day and started looking for us, driving all over the county roads. Once they found us, our parents had lectured us for two hours and made sure we knew exactly how worried they were.
"So, when Three Lakes came to mind for a possible location, I researched the demographics, realized they didn't have anywhere for the tourists to grab a beer and jumped in with both feet. Moved out here." Shrugging, I continued. "The county passed liquor-by-the-drink years ago, so the biggest obstacle I had was the construction of the building inside the mine. It's a cool effect, but it really doesn't go very far back so it wasn't so bad. At first, the official that had to give approval thought I wanted it to go way back into the mine and he was freaking out.”
"You used your college fund?" Max asked with a surprised look on his face. "How'd you get your parents to go for that?"
"I started working at a bar on campus and soon left college because I was making so much money bartending. It was great. Then I moved up to shift lead, then assistant manager, and before long I was managing the place. I had a knack for it. I've taken a few online classes in marketing and finance since then but never completed my degree. I only took those classes because they had relevant information to help me make the most of my place."
"Wow. So, they didn't have much choice."
"Not really," I said with a laugh. "Like I said, they came around eventually." Daisy refilled my coffee. I probably should've refused any more caffeine, but I was horribly addicted. "What did you do when you left the service?" I laughed and continued before he could answer. "I don't even know what branch you were in."
"Green Beret," he said with pride in his voice. "When I left the army, I took a job that was only temporary. It ended earlier this year, so I'm back to be near my parents." He said it in a rush, then clammed up again. He really wasn't much into talking about himself.
"Do you know what direction you'd like your career to go?" I asked, genuinely curious about his life. He was so mysterious, not talking about why he left the army or what his job was. Maybe he was one of those snipers and he wasn't allowed to talk about it.
Of course, that just made me want to know more.
"I'm researching a few options," Max said vaguely then cleared his throat and changed the subject. "It’s nice catching up." He smiled tentatively at me as he pulled a few bills out of his wallet and dropped them on the counter. "I hadn’t realized how much I missed having my buddies around until they visited last weekend."
"Oh, yeah, what were they in town for?" Another thing I’d been really curious about.
"They helped me move here," he said. "They had a free weekend, so we were finally able to get all my stuff here from Seattle. My apartment over the garage looks like a war zone right now." He chuckled. "And I know war zones."
"Am I allowed to ask what you did in the army? Green Berets are a pretty elite group, aren't they?"
Max turned and stared me in the eyes, and when he spoke, his voice was deadly. "Don't ever ask me that again."
Max
I gave the line all my effort, trying to be as scary as possible. Carson blanched and his eyes widened. "I'm so sorry," he breathed. "I didn't know it was a big secret."
The charade was too hard to keep up. Laughing, I clapped him on the back. "I'm just fucking with you, Car. I can't talk about the specific missions, but it's not that serious."
He breathed a sigh of relief and laughed along with me. "You really had me going," he said, turning back to his fries.
"I'm sorry," I apologized, still chuckling. "It was too easy, though. You were always easy to scare." I'd gotten him good many times over the years when we were kids. I wondered if he'd outgrown his gullible nature.
Our conversation slipped into more reminiscences of our childhood. Maybe he could be a friend after all. He'd apologized about what he'd said when we parted last, so that was good. His words had haunted me over the years. I hadn't wanted to hate him, but if he hadn't apologized, I might have begun to.
We sat and talked while the lunch crowd emptied out of the diner around us. Finally, Carson pulled his phone out of his pocket. "Shit," he exclaimed as he jumped up. "I've got to get to the bar. Pearl will kill me if I'm not there to unlock the door." He handed Daisy a twenty. "Keep the change, hot stuff, I've got to run."
She laughed and waved us out the door. I followed Carson to his truck.
"It was really nice, sitting and talking," I said. The beginning had been a little bit awkward, but it had gotten much easier after my joke. Both of us seemed to loosen up a little.
He closed his door but then rolled down the window. "Can we get together again?" he asked.
Nodding, I put my hand on the truck door. "Definitely."
"If you want that job, come to the brewery. I’ll put you to work, take your mind off that free time you were complaining about." His voice was teasing. He didn’t judge that I wasn’t working.
"I’ll do that. I want to finish getting unpacked, but I’ll come tomorrow. What time is good?"
"Around this time, two-ish. I’ll be doing paperwork and prep. We open at four."
I slapped my hand on the truck hood as he backed out, then headed back to the shop.
I hadn't been kidding about the war zone. Boxes and stuff piled up all over the living room, kitchen, and bedroom. Ian had rented me the apartment furnished, albeit a little sparsely, but the price was low enough that even if I didn't find a job quickly, I could pay the rent with my disability pay from the army, and still have enough left over for food, though maybe not anything else. My savings account was beginning to look pitiful the longer I went without adding anything to it. The money from serving would be welcome, as would the distraction from the direction my life had taken.
Ian had kept the second bedroom for storage until his house was built, so I had to fit all my belongings in the four remaining rooms. Even the bathroom hadn't escaped the deluge of boxes my buddies had trucked down.
I decided to start in there since it was the smallest room. Maybe finishing it would give me a sense of victory so I could tackle the living room. I'd hate for someone to come over and see how bad it was.
Sitting on the floor, I opened the cabinet and the box labeled bathroom and started organizing. Soon, my leg cramped, and I rubbed at it, trying to ignore the phantom pains shooting up my missing ankle.
Carson was on my mind the whole time I worked. Apparently thirteen years wasn’t long enough to erase the crush I’d had on him, because the butterflies had returned the moment I saw him stumble sleepily into the diner. I'd figured my nervousness around him at the bar had been reconnection jitters.
Yeah…Apparently not.
I hadn’t felt so natural and comfortable with someone since I’d broken up with Do-Yun. I’d spent a long stint in South Korea, and we’d met on base. He was a Korean soldier assigned to our base. Our relationship had been something of a whirlwind, and I’d really thought we’d spend the rest of our lives together.
My last encounter with Carson, when we were teenagers, popped into my mind again. I was finally able to think about it without growing angry. His apology had healed the hurt I'd felt all these years.
"Carson, can w
e talk?" Butterflies turned into a tornado of nerves as he sat up in his bed. We'd spent the night together, as we had so many summer nights for years. But this was going to be his last summer in Three Lakes, possibly forever, and I had to tell him how I felt.
"What's up?" he asked, leaning on his elbow. We'd have to get ready soon and go to church with his parents. I needed to get the words out quickly or else I'd chicken out.
"Carson, we’ve been friends for a long time. I don’t think I have a closer friend than you," I said. "Even through the school year, the guys at school don’t know as much about me as you do."
"Yeah, me too. I like my friends at school, but this is different. I guess because we can spend so much time together?" He shrugged, unconcerned by it.
"There’s something you should know. I’ve never told anyone this before."
Carson sat up, his eyes sparkling. "I love secrets."
Best to just blurt it out. Rip off the bandage. "I think I’m gay."
He blinked several times. "Okay." Sitting up, he crossed his arms in front of him, his body language closing off. "How do you know?"
"I have a crush on you." I stumbled over my words, more nervous than I’d ever been before in my life. "And I think it’s more than a crush. I have real feelings for you."
"Well, I don’t…Not—There are no feelings like that for you." His face pinched and he looked angry. "I’m not gay, gross." Jumping up from his bed, he grabbed my overnight bag and began stuffing my clothes and CDs into it. We’d been sitting around listening to a band I’d found and loved. "You should go home. Ugh, you’ve seen me in my swim trunks."
He thought I was gross. I had seen him naked, but it was an accident. I would’ve never violated his privacy on purpose. Though, that image of him was burned into my brain. I couldn’t stop thinking about how attractive he was, and how well he’d treated me over the years, up until that point, anyway. I hightailed it back home, tears streaming down my cheeks. Instead of calling my parents for a ride, I walked and gave myself time to calm down. By the time I walked in the front door, I’d put a mask on and they had no idea and never would.
