“Not at the moment.”
Macy eyed her with concern. “When are they letting you out of here?”
Erin shrugged. “I’m not sure yet. As soon as it’s safe for the baby, and I’m not pushing it.” She protectively covered her stomach with her hands.
“Gotcha. I’ll bring some of Aunt Lulu’s cake for you too.”
“You’re the best.”
Macy grinned. “I know.” She rose to her feet. “Let me get started on that errand. If you aren’t out of here today, I’ll be back to see you tonight.”
“Thank you.” She paused. “Macy?”
Her friend tipped her head to the side, her long black hair falling over one shoulder. “What is it?”
“I haven’t told anyone, but I’ve been thinking . . . about my current job and the baby and changes I need to make.” A planner by nature, Erin’s subconscious had been putting together lists and ideas even before they’d fully formed in her mind.
“I’m here for you. I’ll give advice or just shut up and listen. Whatever you need.”
Erin managed a smile. “I know.”
“Can I ask . . . what about Cole?”
She shook her head. “Not yet. I can’t talk about him. I can’t see him, knowing it’s over . . . but there are some practical things I need to take care of before he leaves.”
Macy eased closer to the bed again. “Like what?”
Erin glanced down at the white, waffle-textured blanket. “I need to see a lawyer . . . to discuss how to handle visitation, child support—” She swallowed a sob, determined to remain strong.
“Isn’t it too fast to think about all this? I mean, you’ve been through a huge trauma. Your stalker has just been arrested. You need time—”
“I don’t have time,” Erin cut her off. “You said it yourself. Victoria’s not a threat anymore. I’m safe. That means Cole can leave town anytime and go back undercover. I need to make sure these things are ironed out quickly, before he goes.”
Macy stepped close and touched her hand. “Okay. Whatever you need, we’ll do. And afterward, I can stay over. We can eat cake and ice cream, and watch South Park: The Movie and laugh over the dirty parts.” Macy waggled her eyebrows, causing Erin to chuckle. “Anything for you—as long as I’m that baby’s godmother.”
Erin rolled her eyes. “As if there’d be anyone else.”
“Yay, me!” Macy squealed, clapping her hands in joy, her laughter ringing out in the small cubicle.
“You’re incorrigible,” Erin said with a grin.
“There it is,” Macy said. “I want to see that beautiful smile on your face more often.”
Erin didn’t reply. With the thoughts running through her mind and the plans she had to make, smiling was the last thing she’d feel like doing for a good, long while.
Eighteen
Cole checked in with the hospital and learned his father was sleeping soundly and his vitals were good, but that he couldn’t visit until the morning. He drove back to Nick’s borrowed home, in no mood to pack up his shit or to do more than kick back and forget his problems for a little while. Tomorrow he’d move himself out of this house and drop Erin’s clothes off at her condo at some point during the day.
In the meantime, since Erin didn’t want to see him, Cole was on his own for the first time in weeks. He poured himself a bourbon and settled into an oversized chair. Alone with only his thoughts for company, the quiet mocked him, though he’d always appreciated silence before.
He’d barely touched the glass to his lips when the doorbell rang. “What now?” he muttered, heading to see who was interrupting his surprisingly unwelcome peace and solitude.
He opened the door, took one look at Macy Donovan, and groaned.
“Hello to you too,” she said brightly, pushing past him and walking inside.
“Make yourself at home,” he muttered.
“No thanks. I’m just here to get Erin’s things.”
On that pronouncement, Cole slammed the door shut, and Macy jumped at the sound.
“How is she?” Cole asked Erin’s best friend.
Macy eyed him warily. “Physically? She’s fine. A little bruised but okay.”
“And the baby?” He allowed himself a pass of bourbon before she answered.
“Also okay. They’re both hanging in there,” she assured him. “How are you?” she asked, surprising him.
He let out a harsh laugh.
“What was that for?” Macy narrowed her gaze.
“You’re concerned about me?” He treated himself to another swallow of liquid fire.
Macy stepped forward and grabbed the drink, snatching it before he could react and slamming the glass on the nearest table. “My best friend loves you, you moron. Of course I’m concerned.”
Cole choked and needed a minute to recover before facing her. “Erin said that?”
“Men are so dense,” Macy muttered. “She didn’t have to say it. It’s obvious. And you have to know it too. Why else would you duck and run?”
He straightened his shoulders, offended by the comment. “I did no such thing! I’ve been there for her ever since I found out she was pregnant, not to mention in danger.”
“In every way but the one that really matters to her!” Macy poked him in the chest hard.
“Ouch, dammit.”
“Baby.” Macy flounced over to the couch and settled in, glaring up at him from blue eyes that would drive some other man insane with need, and Cole pitied the unknown sucker.
He shook his head. “Macy, what the hell can I do? My job is dangerous, starting with the people I meet and inadvertently bring home with me, like Victoria. She ended up being a direct threat to Erin and the baby. Not to mention I don’t know from one minute to the next if I’ll get out alive. How can I subject Erin to that kind of existence?”
She stared at him with an expression of disbelief. “Are you for real? Do you think that just because you decide to spare her the joy of telling her you love her and want to share your life with her she’ll suffer any less when you go undercover?” Macy raised her voice as she spoke. “She loves you! Whether you tell her you return those feelings or not, she’s going to experience everything you’re trying to spare her from.” Her gaze bore into his, never once letting him turn away or blink.
“Shit,” Cole said at last, staring at the pint-sized dynamo who’d put him in his place.
“Yeah, I make sense,” Macy gloated, obviously pleased with herself.
Cole wasn’t taking the bait; his mind was on Macy’s words. She’d announced that he loved Erin and he hadn’t gone into a state of panic, nor did he want to run for the hills—or back to Manhattan, as the case may be. He also hadn’t argued the point.
How could he when Macy was right?
When Sam announced that Erin hadn’t wanted to see him, he’d sucker punched Cole and ripped out his heart. Cole just hadn’t put together why until Macy threw the reality in his face.
Men were dense. Cole in particular.
His head spun, and not from the little bit of alcohol he’d consumed.
Suddenly Macy hopped up from the couch. “I see I made you think, so my job here is done. I need to get my best friend’s stuff.”
Cole gestured to the front of the house. “Erin’s things are upstairs in the master bedroom at the end of the hall, but I can bring them to her tomorrow.”
Macy shook her head. “She asked me to get them, and she doesn’t need the stress of things not going as she expects—which reminds me. She’s got plans.”
Cole narrowed his gaze. “What kind of plans?”
“I don’t know specifically, and if I did, I couldn’t tell you. But I will say you have a few days to get your head on straight before Erin’s given the okay by her doctors to go about business as usual.” Macy paused, undoubtedly for emphasis. “In other words, once she puts some balls in motion, you’re going to have a tougher time getting through to her . . . emotionally or otherwise.”
; Cole swallowed hard. “Explain.”
The other woman shrugged. “She’s talking about seeing lawyers, about formalizing things between you two. I can’t say more than that.”
She didn’t have to.
Cole understood now, on a gut level, that his legal eagle was already strategizing to keep him not only at the emotional distance she’d already established, but at a legal one as well. She undoubtedly thought to relegate his role in her life to that of the baby daddy who’d make payments and see his kid on a court-dictated schedule.
Nausea swirled through him as he realized that was exactly what he’d thought he wanted. What he’d basically told her was exactly what she’d get from him. Enough money to provide for her and the baby while he went back to his undercover life.
A cold existence with no friends, no family, no ties or commitments. An existence he’d liked because it was all he knew and it had suited him. Until the night Erin danced her way into his arms and his bed. Until she invaded his life and pulled him kicking and screaming into hers, opening his mind and his heart to possibilities he thought he’d slammed the door shut on forever.
Time and again, he’d thrown those possibilities and Erin’s unspoken love back in her face.
Cole ran a hand over his burning eyes. “Macy?” He looked for her but she’d disappeared, having obviously headed upstairs to pack up Erin’s things while he’d been lost in thought.
A few days, she’d said. Not a lot of time to fix the situation and change a lifetime. But if he wanted Erin, and heaven knew he did, Cole had to try.
• • •
Hospital rules gave Cole fifteen minutes with Jed for this first post-surgery visit. Since he’d met with the doctor this morning, Cole thought he was prepared, but the sight of his father hooked up to so many tubes—breathing tube, stomach tube, IV, chest tube, and God knew what else—made Cole’s breath catch in his throat. He reached out only to realize Erin wasn’t there to steady him, and that, more than anything, cemented the decisions he’d made and the things he needed to do once this visit ended. All with no guarantees that he’d get what he wanted in the end.
Cole pulled up a chair to the edge of his father’s bed, close to his head. Jed lay sleeping and Cole didn’t wake him. He needed rest, and it was enough to know he was breathing, his heart was pumping, and there was a chance for them to try to come to terms with each other. For the sake of his child, if not for himself. Cole had long since stopped expecting anything from Jed, and that hadn’t changed.
“Hey, Dad.” Since he had his father’s ear if not his attention, Cole decided to talk to the man, regardless of whether or not he could hear. “Glad you came through the surgery. You look like hell, but you’re strong enough to get through this.”
Cole spoke low, wanting only to say what was on his mind, what had been in his head and his heart for all these years. “I know I was a pain in the ass growing up. I’m betting my own kid will give me a run for my money.” Cole managed a smile at the thought, along with a solid kick of fear.
He drew a deep breath. “But I’m not sure why we could never find common ground. Even as adults.” He hesitated before saying the next thing, but decided he had to get it out before the feelings poisoned him even more. “I’m not sure why you hate me so much or why what I do now is such a disappointment.” Cole shook his head, the pain of all the years nearly choking him.
“I won’t do that to my kid. At least I’ll be aware of trying to do better.” In reality, Cole had no idea how to handle a kid and wished the baby would come with an instruction manual. At least he had Erin to guide him. No matter the end result between them personally, he had faith they’d do their best to co-parent.
Cole wanted so much more than some formal arrangement, but after pushing her away for so long and hurting her in ways he was sure even he didn’t know about, he didn’t know what she wanted from him anymore. She wasn’t answering her phone, returning his calls, or replying to his texts to see how she was doing. Not a good sign.
He was forging ahead with his plan anyway, because no matter what Erin ultimately decided, leaving his job and starting a life here in Serendipity was the right thing to do, for Cole and for the child he wanted a relationship with.
“I’m going to try to do better than you or I’ve managed so far,” he said to the man lying in the hospital bed.
To Cole’s surprise, Jed opened his eyes, meeting Cole’s gaze. He swallowed hard, wondering how much his father had heard. Wondering if anything he’d said could break through the hard shell that surrounded Jed Sanders.
The same shell that Cole had protected himself with . . . until he fell in love with Erin and learned how much she—and life—had to offer.
• • •
On doctor’s orders, Erin was on bed rest for a week. If she had no more cramping, she could then start to move around slowly and work her way back to a normal routine. But Erin had already decided her normal had to change, and she had no desire to wait to start making modifications in her life. If she couldn’t go to the people she wanted to see, she’d just have to ask them to come to her.
Erin held court from the couch in her family room. Her parents, brothers, and friends came by, Macy with a different slice of Aunt Lulu’s cake each day. Although Cole had texted her and she saw missed calls and voice messages on her cell, she wasn’t ready to talk to him. Not until she had finished getting herself and her life together. Then, when she could act like lawyer-Erin, not Erin-in-love, she’d face him and know she could let him go without falling apart after he left.
To that end, her newest visitor sat on the chair across from the couch that probably had a permanent indentation from Erin’s behind plastered into it. “Hi, Kelly. I really appreciate you coming by.”
Kelly Barron, Nash’s wife, a pretty woman with brown hair with golden streaks, treated Erin to a warm smile. “My pleasure, believe me. It’s an excuse to leave Nash home alone with the twins,” she said, an almost-evil twinkle in her eye.
Erin laughed. “How old are they now?”
“The boys are thirteen months. I swear they’re twin terrors.” But the love in her voice and her eyes was evident.
“How do you find working with babies at home?” Kelly was a paralegal for Richard Kane, an outstanding lawyer in Serendipity.
In an odd twist of fate, when Kelly was new in town, she had met and fallen for Nash, not knowing he had once been married to Annie Kane, her new boss’s daughter. She’d also befriended Annie, not knowing the connection to Nash. Apparently, both exes had moved on, and with Annie married to Joe now, there were no hard feelings. And to help Richard out, Nash’s firm had recently merged with his. Sort of incestuous, yet not, and everyone got along.
“Hard,” Kelly said bluntly.
Erin wouldn’t have expected anything less than the hard truth. “I cut way back on my hours, and we had to hire help at home for when I’m working. And my sister, Tess, comes by a lot, especially now that she’s driving, which I love and which helps a lot. Honestly, the only reason I’m still working is for my sanity.” She brushed her long bangs out of her eyes. “I need those few hours to feel like a functioning, competent adult. Which I suspect you’ll understand soon enough.” Kelly laughed.
Erin blew out a long breath. “So I’m guessing being an assistant district attorney with night court and on-call hours while also being a single mom could get difficult.” She bit down on her lower lip in thought.
“Well, you’d need help at odd hours, but I’m sure it’s doable. Anything is if you want it badly enough.”
And there was the question. The more time she had with this baby growing inside her, the more chances she had to think about being a mom, and what kind of job would best mesh with that and be right for her baby. “I’ll have to figure out what I want.”
Kelly leaned forward in her seat. “I’m not trying to poach on Evan’s territory,” she said of the district attorney. “Well, maybe I am. But with the recent merger of the two firms
, we had some people leave, and we’re always looking for solid lawyers who can bring business to the firm.”
Erin’s eyes opened wide at that. “Really?”
Kelly nodded. “I can tell you that we’re very flexible with new moms, because I was one, and I made sure to have my husband rewrite any policies I didn’t like.” She grinned, letting Erin know she definitely had sway over the man.
She envied Kelly what she had—a husband she loved, who loved her back, and children they were raising together under one roof. She swallowed hard.
“So . . . want to meet with Nash and talk to him about coming on board? For selfish reasons, I’d love to have you around. Another mom to talk to, a friend I could get closer to . . . and you’d have a whole new challenge, interesting cases, variety. No night hours in the office unless you wanted them. We’re big on videoconferencing and working from home—”
“Yes!” Erin didn’t have to think twice. Not only had Kelly done a good selling job but Erin already knew she had to leave the district attorney’s office. She felt like she’d taken advantage of her colleagues there, she hadn’t pulled her weight lately, and they needed someone with more time than she’d be able to devote from here on in. She just hadn’t figured out what she wanted to do next, and Kelly’s suggestion was perfect.
“Great! I’ll have Nash call you, and you two can take things from there.”
Kelly’s warm smile assured Erin she was doing the right thing.
“Have you lined up babysitting help for when you need to work?” she asked Erin.
Erin pushed herself into a more comfortable position on the couch. “My mom is going to help in the beginning, and the rest depends on what you and I are going to discuss now.” Erin’s stomach flipped at the reminder of her real reason for needing to see Kelly today.
The other woman raised an eyebrow, but didn’t press Erin to explain.
She closed her eyes, pushing back the pain and focusing on the reality, forcing herself to meet Kelly’s patient gaze. “I need to have papers drawn up to give to the baby’s father. Of course I want sole custody, but I need to give him generous visitation when he’s around, given the fact that his job won’t let him have set weekly hours.”
Perfect Fling Page 24
