by M Sawyer
The cold hand touched Melissa’s arm again. After a sharp prick, the red pain dissolved into thick, black nothing.
***
Melissa was asleep now.
The Shadow slipped into the hallway, which was conveniently empty.
Melissa had recognized her. She hadn’t seen the Shadow’s face, but she’d known.
The Shadow smirked and ducked into a restroom to shed her nurse’s scrubs and change into street clothes. On the way out, she checked the mirror; she didn’t resemble herself at all, with her hair back and her lips and cheeks coated with rouge.
Not that it mattered. No one here would know her anyway.
Amazing how easily one could masquerade as a nurse on the night shift.
She stuffed the scrubs into her bag, stepped out of the restroom, and glided confidently down the hall, even smiling at the doctor who’d directed her to Melissa’s room earlier. He nodded politely, with no flicker of recognition. She smiled. Coming here was stupid, unnecessary, but she had to see Melissa for herself. Invading her dreams wasn’t enough anymore.
Those feeding tubes would hold Melissa for a few more days, maybe weeks, but it was too late. Nolin would come running sooner or later, and they would all finally meet and see each other as they were.
Mother, daughter, and imposter.
Chapter 41
HERE WE GO.
She’d stalled long enough. Sitting cross-legged in the middle of her bedroom floor, Nolin picked up Alexa’s journal, drew in a breath, and opened the stiff cover.
No words on the first unlined page—just a drawing of a fern in soft pencil, slightly smudged. The next page: powdery, brown smudges of dirt. A pressed cottonwood leaf, perfectly preserved. Nolin flipped the pages through beautiful sketches of leaves, flowers, and a few pressed plants until she found the first words scrawled in a childlike hand:
Last night I dreamed I was running through the forest, and I fell in a hole. I wasn’t hurt, but I didn’t want to leave. I decided to stay there forever, and I did. I woke up disappointed to find myself in a sleeping bag on Melissa’s floor. When I finally got back to sleep, I dreamed about that tree again, the giant one that’s starting to fall over.
Nolin felt a jolt somewhere in her stomach. She knew exactly which tree Alexa dreamed about.
Alexa must have lost interest in writing that day, because a leafy pattern covered the rest of the page.
Nolin turned the page. She followed Alexa as she explored other holes like the ones she’d dug, and found strange tracks and objects in the woods. She recognized herself in the writing, a friend tucked between the pages like pressed leaves.
The only place I feel at home is Melissa’s or in the forest. I love being in the woods, but I always feel like I’m being watched. I can’t explain it.
Nolin noticed the pages were lightly smudged with dirt. The ink was smudged in a few places. Had Alexa carried this journal around with her, outside, even into the woods? A few of them were wrinkled with water damage. She hoped to hell that it was actually just water and not another fluid from the coffin. She shuddered and read on.
Alexa discovered areas where a patch of edible roots was neatly dug up in a manner unlike any other animal. She found symbols freshly scratched into trees and rocks, carefully carved animal carcasses, and strange scraps of fabric, light and translucent gray, like no cloth she’d ever seen. There were holes filled with soft grasses and small animal bones with odd teeth marks—almost human, yet deeper than human teeth could make in hard bone. Sometimes, she stumbled across simple traps, like snares fashioned from sticks and woven grasses.
She also found footprints. The tracks look almost human, only they’re smaller and longer. I’ve mostly found them near the big holes. I don’t think these things are human. They don’t seem like animals, either. Could they be something in between?
Nolin folded a sketch between the pages, a rough drawing of the town and the forest that wrapped around it. In the woods on the map was a circle of dots with a larger X in the middle. A shiver rattled through her, and she read the page.
I’ve plotted the sites on a map, Alexa wrote. They form a perfect circle, which makes me wonder what’s at the center. I have a feeling that their “base,” if they have one, is in the center of that circle. I’d find them there.
The Claw Tree, Nolin realized. That was their home.
Nolin turned the page.
We’re all set up to go, Alexa wrote. Melissa’s never been camping before, and technically, I haven’t either, but I can handle the woods. We’ll be fine.
Melissa can’t figure out why I’m doing this. I’ll explain everything on the way. She’ll be upset, but she’ll never be able to find her way back if she walks out. She won’t like it. I know she’ll believe me. It will make sense to her.
That was the last entry. Alexa never made it back from that trip.
Nolin closed the book. Her brain scrambled to fit pieces into the puzzle she’d been working on the entire week.
Alexa had planned to find the goblins and tell Melissa everything. Had she gotten that far? Had Melissa learned the truth?
Nolin remembered, years ago when she asked her father about Melissa. He said she’d always had troubles, but she really went off the deep end when Alexa died. Seeing her best friend die would’ve been traumatizing, but did learning of Alexa’s true identity have anything to do with it?
Nolin wished this would all go away. She knew it never would. Like Alexa, she’d never belong anywhere, never feel settled. All her life, she’d feel caught in between.
Maybe Alexa had the right idea, she thought. Maybe I should find them.
With Alexa’s map, she could get there.
Nolin struggled to string her thoughts together. From the haze of her half-formed thoughts, clouded by exhaustion, she had an idea.
Her daughter.
I’ll go find Melissa’s daughter.
If Nolin could find Melissa’s true daughter anywhere, the real Nolin, it would be at the Claw Tree. That was where she’d come from, where they’d both come from, Nolin and Alexa.
Nolin thought of the face she’d seen in the window the previous night. That face had always been there, watching, wanting to be found.
Nolin folded the map and slid it into her pocket. I’m coming to find you, she thought. You win. I’m coming.
Chapter 42
THICK BLOOD PUSHED through her veins. Nolin clambered to her feet, leaving the journal on the floor. Before she left the room, she glanced at the bed under the window, where her crib once stood, years ago.
That was where it all started, where she was exchanged for an innocent human baby and left to torment a poor mother for years while the true child was carried away into the woods. Who knows what happened to Melissa’s daughter after that? How had she turned into the wild, haunting apparition of Nolin’s dreams?
Nolin descended the stairs feeling heavy and slow, like she’d been asleep for days. The carpet felt rough under her feet. Her backpack was still propped against the couch where it had been for weeks. She bent to unzip it. Fumbling around inside it, her hand closed around the soft crocheted baby shoe. Without looking at it, she stuffed it into the pocket of her shorts along with the map.
There was something she had to do first, before she was swallowed by the woods. She had to see Melissa. She didn’t know why. To apologize? To say good-bye?
Her car keys glinted on the bar in the kitchen. As she reached for them, there was a knock at the door; three sharp raps, then a pause followed by three harder ones.
Nolin froze. No one ever knocked on their door. Melissa didn’t take visitors, and Nolin sure didn’t want any.
She stayed quiet, hoping the visitor would leave.
Three more pounds on the door.
“Nolin, I see your car out front!” came a familiar voice. He sounded scared, frantic almost. “I know you’re home.”
Nolin’s heart sank. Drew.
He pounded again. “Nolin, ser
iously, I’m worried about you.”
Nolin’s blood turned to ice, and she felt sick. He’d probably been trying to reach her, but her phone had been dead for hours. Slowly, she slunk down the hall, unlocked the door, and opened it. Drew rushed in and wrapped his arms around her, holding her tight to his chest.
“Why didn’t you answer my calls?” he asked. “You were really weird the other night and I haven’t been able to get a hold of you. I was really worried.”
“I’m all right,” Nolin said quietly. His bare arm touched her cheek; his skin was cold. She could hear his heart thudding through his tee shirt. Nolin wrapped her arms around his waist and pressed her face into his chest. She heard air rushing in and out of his lungs and felt his ribcage ripple along his back as he breathed.
“Yeah, well, I didn’t know that. I was scared something happened to you. Don’t scare me like that.”
“I’m sorry.” She didn’t know what else to say. She was sorry she’d worried him, and even more sorry for what she was about to do.
He kept hold of her shoulders when he pulled away. Nolin didn’t want to look at him. She felt his eyes boring into her. His thumbs pressed into the front of her shoulders.
“Look at me,” he said quietly. Stubbornly, she trained her eyes on the well between his collarbones. “Nolin.”
His hand slid up her neck and lifted her chin so that her eyes met his. His face was cast in shadow, but his eyes were bright, flaring like blue flames. The lines around his eyes were laced with concern.
“Nolin, what’s going on?”
“You wouldn’t believe me,” Nolin said in what she meant to be a flat and determined tone. Her voice cracked on the word me. Her throat felt dry and constricted.
“Is this about your mom?”
Nolin nodded without breaking her gaze. What could she say?
Drew sighed deeply, his jaw tightening. He brought his other hand to her cheek to cup her face, holding her focus to him. “Nolin,” he started, his voice quivering with frustration, “I don’t know what the hell is up with you. Something’s going on. I don’t know what it is or if I can help, but I’m not an idiot. I don’t like being left in the dark. I’m worried about you.”
Nolin bit her lip. Part of her wanted to tell him every last thing, no matter how ridiculous it sounded. Maybe then it would dissolve into nothing like a bad dream. Maybe she could forget all about it.
No. She’d hidden from it all her life, and she could never outrun it. She’d have to go.
“I don’t belong here,” she whispered. For the first time, fear welled up inside of her, about what she was about to do, what she’d find out there.
“Of course you don’t; you belong somewhere way better than here,” Drew said.
“That’s not what I mean. I don’t belong...” she nearly said with people, but that wasn’t quite right, either. Instead, she pressed her lips together.
“Where?” Drew said. “Here? Like, Earth?” His eyes grew wide and his eyebrows disappeared under his messy dark hair. “Nolin, please tell me you’re not thinking what I think you’re thinking.”
Nolin shook her head. He didn’t understand. Then again, maybe he did. Maybe that was exactly what she meant.
She had no plans for what would happen after she entered the woods. She wasn’t sure if she’d ever come back out. All she knew was that Melissa’s real daughter deserved her life back, and Melissa needed to see her true daughter again. Maybe she couldn’t fix things. Even so, she had to do what she could.
Maybe he understood perfectly.
“You are...” he said breathlessly, releasing her and running a hand through his hair, looking down at his feet, chewing his lip.
“Drew,” Nolin said, forcing her voice to stay steady. “Everything’s all right.”
“No,” he said hoarsely, “no it’s not. I may not have known you for long, but I know you. You’re not telling me something, and you’re thinking of doing something stupid. I know you are.”
Nolin crossed her arms, standing up straight. “Look, I’m sorry I came barging into your life. I just came back to check on my mom. Just...just forget I ever came back, okay?”
Drew looked at the floor and shook his head slowly. “Nolin,” he said, “I could never forget you because I never forgot you. You were gone for ten years, and I always wondered what happened to you.” He glanced up at her, his cheeks tinged red. “Sorry if that’s weird, I mean...I didn’t think about you all the time...you were my friend, though. Then you came back, and it was like you’d never left. And now all this, everything we’ve done and talked about... you think I could just forget all that?”
Something inside Nolin was tearing in two. “Why?” she asked.
Drew shrugged. “You’re the most genuine person I knew. You see things differently. You’re strong. You don’t take shit from anyone, even if it bites you in the ass. And I’ve never known someone who cares so much, about anything.”
Nolin’s steel faltered. She drew in a sharp, painful breath. “I’m sorry, I really have to go...” She stepped toward the door. His hand slipped around her arm, gently holding her back.
“Nolin...” he started. He took her face in his hands, his thumbs brushing over her cheekbones. Then, he lifted her chin and kissed her.
The ice in Nolin’s veins melted. Through the pain and terror inside her, something else rose to the surface.
Drew pulled away and held his forehead to hers. “I should have done that weeks ago.”
Something in Nolin screamed for her to stop, but her hands rose to his waist, and she found herself tipping her mouth upward to meet his.
He took the invitation and backed her against the wall, pressing his body into hers. She ran her hands beneath his shirt, up the sides of his ribs, his back. His mouth moved on hers as he slid his hands into her hair, then down her neck and over her back. Goose bumps prickled on her arms and legs. Nolin inhaled as Drew kissed her neck, her collarbones. His breath was warm on her skin. She felt his hands inside her tank top and the warm skin of his stomach on hers. She groped for the hem of his shirt and reached up to pull it over his head.
For a few moments, Nolin forgot what she had to do, lost in a blur of skin and heat. She hadn’t realized how much she wanted this. For weeks she’d stuffed her feelings down until they broke through. It felt like the most natural thing in the world. Nothing existed outside the two of them. Nothing else mattered.
She wrapped her arms around his neck to pull him closer, breathing in his scent of soil and freshly cut grass, pressing her lips to his shoulder.
Then her eyes fluttered open and fell on the window in the living room. The trees swayed, and she remembered. She had to leave, though she didn’t want to. But how? He’d never let her out of his sight after this.
“Drew...” she whispered.
“Mmm,” he responded. He kissed under her ear and slid his fingers beneath the waistband of her shorts.
With every ounce of willpower she possessed, she put her hands on his chest and gently pushed him away. He didn’t protest. His hands stayed on her waist.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”
“You didn’t,” Nolin said. It was true. Her mind wandered briefly, playing out the scenario to its inevitable conclusion. She could still feel the ghost of his touch on her bare hips beneath her shorts. “This just isn’t the right time,” she finished.
He closed his eyes and nodded. “I know.”
Nolin trickled her fingers down his chest. The sooner they got this over with, the better.
“I’m sorry for everything,” she said. “A lot of strange things have been happening, and I’m just not thinking clearly. I think I need to go see my mom.”
He nodded again. “I’ll take you.” Nolin was afraid of that. He kissed her forehead and bent to retrieve his shirt from the floor. Nolin watched sadly as he turned it right-side-out and pulled it over his head. Her entire body still tingled.
&nbs
p; “No, it’s fine,” she said quickly. “I’m not going to make you spend your evening in a hospital.”
“I don’t mind,” he insisted. He was suspicious. Nolin could tell because he wasn’t looking at her.
He kissed her briefly before taking her hand, and they left the house. Nolin resisted the urge to take one last look inside before she closed the door behind them. She allowed Drew to lead her to the truck and open her door, and she stole a final glance at the house. Was she happy to see it for the last time? She couldn’t tell. Maybe she’d be happy if she were going somewhere better. She wasn’t sure if where she was going was better or worse.
Drew’s hand slipped into hers and squeeze gently as they drove away. Her eyes drifted to the woods.
Maybe she could forget it. She could stay with him, follow him when he left for school and never think about this town again. Whatever lived in those woods could stay there.
But Melissa might be dying. Her real daughter was out there somewhere. Nolin had to make things right, one way or the other.
She squeezed back a little harder, drawing strength from him, because she would need more strength than ever to risk seeing him for the last time.
Chapter 43
DREW DIDN’T LET go of her hand until they reached the waiting room.
“Family only,” said the nurse at the desk, a thin, middle-aged woman in blue scrubs.
Drew squeezed Nolin’s hand before letting go. Her hand felt cold without his. Suddenly, she felt alone.
Drew chose a chair that faced the hallway where Melissa’s room was. Nolin wanted to tell him good-bye, or at least turn to look at him, but he’d know she was up to something. She felt his eyes on her as she walked down the stark hall to Melissa’s shared room. She was careful to walk steadily, unflinching under his gaze, to give no sign of her intentions.
Good-bye, she thought as she stepped into the room. She hoped beyond hope that she’d see him again, but she knew better than to get optimistic.
