“You’re not fine,” Lola whispers. Hearing her voice brings more tears to my eyes, and when I look up, I’m met with her watery, sad smile. “You haven’t smiled once since we walked in. You always smile.”
“Yeah, well….” I shrug, not knowing what to say as guilt consumes me.
“Okay, boys, you go get us some takeout. Her kitchen isn’t fit for me to cook in. Alison, you get the bin bags and gut the whole kitchen. Lola, you strip her sheets,” Mum orders, then looks at the sheets again. “And bin them.”
Everyone moves all at once.
“Wait… what… but…,” I stammer.
“No, no talking. You, my girl, are getting in the shower. Come on.”
With no choice, I let my mum help me to my feet, feeling a little weak. I haven’t eaten in two days, which probably wasn’t the wisest choice, a wave of dizziness hitting me.
“What am I going to do with you?” she murmurs sadly.
I stare at the troubled look in her eyes and burst into tears. I hate feeling so hurt, like such a failure.
“Let it out,” she whispers, pulling me in to her. I hold on for dear life, breathing in her fresh, earthy scent.
“I was such a coward, Mum. I just left without even explaining or telling him how I felt.” She rubs my back, cooing soothingly in my ear as I let it all out. I didn’t believe I even had any more tears to shed.
“You’re not a coward. Don’t ever say that again. You fell in love and got scared. What girl who’s been through the heartache you have wouldn’t do that? You have such a big heart, my darling girl.”
I cling to her harder, needing to be held. She does, wrapping her arms tighter around me, kissing my temple.
“I really messed things up with him. Now it’s too late to do anything about it or see if he feels the same. And even if he did, he wouldn’t now, not after what I did. I feel so stupid.”
She sighs. “You haven’t messed anything up. Have you tried calling him?”
Pulling away, I look up at her as I wipe my tears and shake my head. “I’m too scared to even turn my phone back on. I wouldn’t even know what to say to him. What do you say to someone you spent three amazing weeks with and then left without a word to?”
She runs her fingers through my hair, tilting her head. “Why don’t you start with sorry, and why you ran away?”
I laugh at that. “It won’t be that easy. He’s been hurt before, worse than me. His fiancée cheated on him with his best friend. But before he found out about them, he found out she was pregnant. He thought it was his. And according to his nan, he was hurt by the betrayal.” I pause, taking a deep breath. “I don’t even know why we’re talking about this. It’s not like he has feelings for me. I’m just some stupid event organiser he had a three-week fling with.”
Narrowing her eyes, she steps forward. “Stop! Stop talking about yourself like you don’t mean anything, Pagan Lily Salvatore. I won’t have it. You aren’t someone to have a fling with. You’re more than that, and any man, even the slimiest, can see that. And from what Alison told me, he was infatuated by you. So you, my daughter, are going to get in that shower, wipe those tears and come out as the Pagan we all know and love. Then we’ll talk about what you should do next. Now go!”
My eyes widen at the heat in her voice. She’s shouted at us plenty of times, but never like this.
“But―”
“No buts, missy. You’ll do as you’re told. When you get out, we’ll put a plan of action together. You’re going to eat first though. You’ve lost too much weight.”
“But―”
“What did I say?” she says in that mum voice of hers, giving me a pointed stare.
“I know, but―”
“But what?” she asks, sighing.
“But I love you,” I blurt out, because anything else can wait. More tears spring to my eyes as I pull her in for a hug. I’m grateful for my brother climbing through the window because I really did need my mum. I just didn’t know how badly until she was here in front of me.
A thought occurs to me.
“Mum?”
She pulls away, sighing again. “What now?”
I give her a weary smile, concern worrying my bottom lip. “Um, who’s going to fix my door?”
She rolls her eyes. “If you had answered the door, then you wouldn’t be worrying over it. We should make you live without one for the worry you put us through.”
“But?”
“But we’re not going to. I’ll have Dean get a new one when he gets back. Now go shower. You really do stink, darling.”
I roll my eyes at my mother, then head to the bathroom.
My only concern now is what plan she’s going to cook up. There’s no way I can go back to the Donovans, and a phone call seems insulting somehow. I can’t possibly see how we can fix this.
But there’s no denying that the thought of talking to him again, maybe even seeing him, has lightened my mood a little.
Mums really can fix everything.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
TWO WEEKS LATER
When my mum told me her plan, I happily went along with it. More so to get her off my back, knowing she wasn’t going to drop it until I gave in.
It was supposed to be simple.
All I had to do was call Drake, explain, say I’m sorry and that I’m madly in love with him.
So I promised her I’d do it tomorrow.
And we know how well they turn out for me.
I got my phone out of my bag, all geared up to call him. But the minute I pressed my finger over the button to switch it on…
I dropped my phone back into my bag like it was on fire.
And then promised myself tomorrow.
Days went by, and before I knew it, a week did. Then another.
I’ve resigned myself to doing nothing. It’s pointless and too late to do anything.
I’m hopeless when it comes to love.
Even my dreams are screaming at me, reminding me of what a failure I’ve become. A little girl, one I’ve dreamt about for a while now, haunts me. She comes to me each night, crying and breaking my heart all over again. I’ve never met her, but my feelings for her, even when I wake up, are fervid. It’s scary how much I care for her.
Everyone’s been by every day to check in on me. I’ve worked from home most days, but others, I’ve left Alison and Catherine to deal with it.
I tried escaping to the cabin my family uses for the rangers, but with my brother and my pestering mum, I only lasted an hour before one of them showed up.
The one day I went, I walked to the meadow―a place special to Dean and Lola.
And in a meadow full of wild flowers, I picked up a lonesome dandelion. It reminded me much of myself, surrounded by a lot of people but feeling utterly alone.
I picked it up, closed my eyes and blew, wishing for a happily ever after.
The past few days though, I’ve managed to spend my time alone, sitting in the back of Lola’s book/coffee shop. The place totally rocks and is very chic. She has the bright sofas with different-coloured pillows cleaned every two weeks so they stay fresh and new and oh-so-comfy. They’re my favourite place to sit, and for the past two days I’ve hogged the entire sofa, not letting anyone sit beside me or on the sofa opposite.
If asking for them to move didn’t get them to go away, me glaring at them surely did.
Which is what I just finished doing to a couple who thought it was okay to disturb me whilst reading a favourite book of mine. No one should be disturbed whilst reading about sexy military men.
“Pagan, you really need to stop glaring at my customers. Even Lorelei is scared to come over and serve you. She’s also getting a lot of complaints.”
“I’m okay with getting up and getting my own drinks.” I smile. “And I’m not glaring, per se. I’m just encouraging them.” I shrug.
“Encouraging them to take their business elsewhere?”
Now I feel bad.
I look over
to the door, and sure enough, the couple are grabbing their coats and leaving, clearly pissed. It’s pouring down rain, the skies dark. When I look back at Lola, guilt tugs at me.
“I’m sorry. I’m being a bitch. But in all fairness, I did ask you to have a ‘reserved’ post put on the table.”
“And I told you no,” she reminds me, her lips twitching.
“It would be so cool though. We could be like Friends, have our own table for the gang.” I beam, loving the idea.
“You kicked your brothers out when they tried to keep you company.” She takes a seat on the arm of the sofa.
I scoff, waving it off. “I was reading about Sawyer.”
She rolls her eyes. “If I think about the sign, will you back off my customers?”
“If you put the sign on the table, you wouldn’t need to worry about your customers,” I argue sweetly.
She sighs, shaking her head. “I’ll think about it. But please, just for today, let people at least sit opposite you. The storm is bad outside. They need somewhere to go.”
Since I love my sister-in-law, I’ll agree just this once. It’s a small sacrifice in the grand scheme of things because I know she’ll give in where my sign is concerned… eventually.
The door jingles and she gives me a pointed look before turning to greet the customer. Only my name is shouted as soon as they step inside.
“Pagan! Pagan!”
Alison, soaking wet, rushes in, heading straight for me with a panicked look on her face.
“Oh my God, what’s wrong?” I ask, dropping my book on my seat as I shoot up, meeting her halfway.
“It’s—oh, my God, Pagan. Your flat,” she gasps, pointing behind her.
My pulse starts beating wildly. “What? What about my flat?”
Oh God, it better not be on fire.
Please no.
I have things that are unreplaceable in there.
“Flat,” she gasps, still pointing.
But I know Alison. If my flat were on fire, she’d already be dragging me across the road with buckets of water, not standing here leaving me in suspense.
I glance at Lola, who looks as confused as I am. “Breathe, Alison. Tell me what exactly has you freaked out.”
She breathes in, calming herself before looking me dead in the eye. “There are people taking your stuff, Pagan. I told them you weren’t moving or anything, but they told me to take it up with the boss. You aren’t moving, are you?”
“You’re moving?” Lola asks, hurt evident in her voice.
My eyes widen as I look between them. “No!” Then I run without thought until I get to the door, turning back when I realise they aren’t following. “Are you coming?”
Lola steps forward but Alison stops her, shaking her head. “It’s best if you deal with this. Go on.”
Shrugging it off, I open the door and race across the street in the pouring rain. I see removal men walking down the side alley with boxes and my anger surfaces.
“Hey! Hey, what are you doing with my things?” I yell at the nearest man, stepping in front of him.
He stares down at me, clearly not worried in the slightest that he’s taking my things against my will. “I’m just doing my job, miss. If you go upstairs, our boss can assist you.”
“Boss?”
“Yes, miss.”
“Stop calling me miss. I’m not a fucking teacher. Now go put my things back,” I snap, pointing towards my flat.
He shakes his head. “Our orders are to pack everything into the truck. If you’re worried we haven’t packed anything, don’t. We got everything but the furniture.”
Worried he hasn’t packed everything?
Has he lost his goddamn mind?
I growl and step forwards to take the box away from him. “My things aren’t going anywhere with you.”
He sighs like I’m annoying him. “Look, I don’t get paid by the hour, so if you could just let me do my job, that would be great.”
I notice three more men walking back into my flat. “Where are they going?”
“To get the rest of the stuff. There’re only a few boxes left, miss.”
I stomp on his foot, ignoring his hiss of pain and cursing as I march to the side entrance to my flat. There’s an entrance at the back of my office, which is the one I mostly use since I don’t like the alley, especially when it’s dark.
I take the stairs two at a time, then come to a full-blown stop when I reach the front door, my eyes fixated on the man sitting on my mini purple sofa, making the thing look even tinier.
“What?” Tears spring to my eyes and I pinch myself, making sure this isn’t some dream. “Ouch,” I gasp, and more tears fill my eyes.
It’s real.
Very real.
Drake Donovan is really sitting in my front room, leg crossed over his other knee as he eyes me with a devilish smirk.
“All done.”
What the…?
I spin around, coming face-to-face with Ada. “What?”
She grins. “You can’t get rid of me that easily. I’m taking the boys out for something to eat before we head on. See if you in a few.”
“Take your time, Grams,” Drake orders, his voice raspy.
“Sure will. Got me some eye candy.”
Slowly, I turn back to the man of my dreams, my mouth opening and closing.
“Is this real?” I whisper.
His lips twitch as he stands, walking towards me. “You tell me. You’re the one who left me in the middle of a wedding―luckily not our own―and didn’t explain why or even say goodbye. So you tell me, Pagan Salvatore. Is this real?”
The heat in his tired eyes and the way his arms clench at his sides tell me it’s not about the situation, but about us. Vulnerability flashes in his eyes, but it’s gone within a second.
A tear slips free and he steps forward, wiping it away with his thumb before it can fall down my cheek.
“How?”
He smiles sadly, tucking my wet hair behind my ear. “It’s not the how you should be asking but the why. Why would I come all the way here, steal your things, and wait for you to come home?”
“Why?” I croak out, blinking back more tears that threaten to fall. I can barely see through them. I want to reach out and touch him, make sure this is real, that he is real.
He’s more beautiful than I remember. His hair is a lot shaggier, and he looks like he hasn’t shaved in a few days, but he’s still ruggedly handsome in the best kind of way.
Mine.
“Because six weeks ago, a woman walked in on me naked and molested me.”
Tears of laughter bubble free. “I didn’t molest you.”
My face heats at the reminder of our first encounter.
He smirks, stepping closer so our chests are touching, and looks down at me. “You did. But it wasn’t just that. It wasn’t that you assaulted me with a door, got itching powder on me, slapped me in the face or threw me in a pool. You walked into my life and gave it meaning, a purpose. I wake up every morning picturing your pretty face, go to sleep each night thinking about what you’re doing. You gave a man with no hope for a future a better one. You, Pagan Salvatore, gave me life. You became my life and without you, I don’t have any meaning, any hope or a purpose. Because my purpose in life is to love you. I love you, Pagan. I love you so much that the minute Aaron told me you left, I felt my heart break, truly break, for the first time in my life.”
Gobsmacked, I can only stare, tears trailing down my cheeks as I stumble forward, clutching his biceps.
His words….
“You love me?” I croak.
He loves me.
This can’t be real. It can’t. I feel like I’m floating underwater right now.
“With everything I am,” he tells me fiercely.
“But I left,” I choke out, gripping him tighter.
He laughs, and God, I’ve missed the sound so much it brings a fresh wave of tears. “Pagan, I tell you I love you and that’s all you
can focus on? You should know me better. I was never going to let you go.”
“But… it’s been three weeks.”
He smiles, running his hand through my hair again before cupping my cheek. I lean into his touch, savouring it and hoping I never have to give it up again.
I’ve missed him so much.
And seeing him reminds me of the pain I’ve felt without having him in my life, in my arms.
“I had some plans I needed to take care of first.”
“What plans?” I’m still whispering, though I don’t know why. It could be because I’m scared if I talk too loud, then everything around me will come crashing down. I’m not ready for whatever this is to end.
“Well, I’m now owner of a medical practice and have three other doctors coming to work for me. I also bought a house.”
“You’re leaving?” My chest hurts and I sag forward, breathing deeply as I try not to collapse.
He shakes his head, wiping my tears once again. “Yeah.”
My heart drops and a sob breaks free as I try to pull away, but he tugs me against him. It feels good to be in his arms, but I know he’ll be gone again soon.
“Why did you come, then? Tell me you love me?” I cry, wishing he didn’t have such a tight hold on me. I’d punch him right now. Maybe even knee him the nuts.
I hate that I love him so much.
“I’m getting to that part.” He glances away for a second, seeming to think about his next words.
I stop struggling so I can narrow my eyes at him. “Get on with it, then.”
He chuckles at my sass, kissing the tip of my nose. I sigh, melting against him even though another part demands I run away again and hide.
“My practice is in town―” He starts to say something else, but he doesn’t get a chance when I push him away.
“What?” I screech, looking at him with wide eyes. “In this town? Here? Where I live?”
He laughs, moving to pull me back against him. I go because, well, the love of my life just told me he’ll be working in my town. Here. Where I can see him every day and…
“Why have you taken all my stuff?” I ask warily.
He laughs harder at my expression. “Because until the house sale goes through, I’ve rented it off the owners. We’re free to move in.”
Wishing For A Happily Ever After (I Wish Book 2) Page 24
