His stare was intense, his jaw flexed with conviction. There was no doubt he meant it, and her heart fluttered at his promise. He’d uttered the words from the depths of his soul, imbuing them with the beauty of true emotions. God, to have him look at her like that, as if his world would be right only if she was okay… it was incredible. A gift. Even if, in the end, he wasn’t able to do it.
She knew why she’d given him the golden light. His intense loyalty and commitment to family honor was so admirable and so beautiful that she couldn’t help but treasure it. Ian had shown her how to break her bonds and follow her own heart. He’d given her freedom, and for that, she would never regret her choice, even if he would never love her the way she wanted to be loved. “Better to have lived and lost,” she said softly, “than to never have lived at all.”
His eyes narrowed. “Isn’t it ‘loved’ not ‘lived?’”
Her throat ached for what she felt for him, with the need to tell this solitary warrior that she loved him, but she couldn’t do it. She wouldn’t do it. Not when he couldn’t give it back to her. So she shrugged. “I’d never truly lived until I saved you. You gave me the gift of life. That’s what matters.”
But as she turned away, she knew it wasn’t all that mattered. Love mattered. Love was why she’d saved him. And love was why she had to kill Catherine. Love might be beautiful, but it had a razor edge of pain that hurt more than anything she’d ever felt before.
Ryland was perched on the edge of the pit. “I’m going in. If Thano’s down there, I’m going to find him.”
Alice stiffened. “You’re going to jump in there?”
“Why not? I got an angel of life here to keep me alive, right?”
Alice’s jaw dropped at his assumption. “We have no reason to believe I’m one of the Order’s trinity. Don’t do something so—”
Ryland jumped, instantly swallowed up by the hell below.
“Ry!” Kane swore and dematerialized. He was back in a split second, his body streaked with black and purple slashes. His hair was on fire, and his skin was sloughing off. “I can’t find him. It’s a nightmare down there. We can’t go in there.” His face was grim. “I don’t know how Ry or Thano could have survived that. It almost killed me and I was only in there for a split second.” Kane looked at Alice. “Do you feel Ryland? Has he called to you for help, as his angel of life?”
Alice blinked, and shook her head. “No, I haven’t felt anything.” Should she? She had no idea what it was supposed to feel like to save anyone.
“Well, shit.” Ian ran a hand through his hair. “We need to get to Cardiff fast then, and have him shut it down.”
“Yeah.” Kane looked around, searching their surroundings. “Which way?”
Alice followed his glance. They were at the edge of the forest. In one direction was the meadow that they’d landed in. In another was the pit. To the left and right stretched more woods. There was no sign of civilization or any kind of inhabitants. “What if his house isn’t on the surface? What if the pit is the front door?”
The three of them stared grimly at the seething chasm. Jump, or not?
Chapter Sixteen
Ian stared into the grisly depths of the sinkhole that had taken Ryland, and shook his head. “No,” he said. “We can’t take the risk by going in after him. If we all die, there’s no one to finish the job.” He met Kane’s grim gaze. “If Thano’s alive, Ryland will find him. The rest is up to us.”
Kane grimaced, but he nodded. “I’ll take us quickly. We’ll scour the island. Come on.”
Ian grabbed Alice’s hand, dragging her away from the edge, even as discomfort with his choice raged through him. How could he walk away if Ryland needed him? But his mission was bigger than that. He had to see it through. Even if the team felt he wasn’t up to Order standards, he would never withdraw his oath. Stopping Cardiff from destroying the Order was part of his oath. Breaking the curse was his other duty. Nothing else. He had to stay focused on the big picture.
Alice stared at them. “What? You’re going to leave him in there?”
Ian spun around. “We have to,” he said, even as the words ripped him apart. “We have no choice. It’s our duty.”
“Screw your duty! What is wrong with you guys?”
“Nothing’s wrong with me,” he snapped, drawing her close. “Do you have any idea how fucking hard it is to walk away from him? But if he’s dead, then we’ll die too. If he’s alive, then he’ll take care of himself until he finds Thano.”
“But what if he’s alive and in trouble?” she challenged.
Ian couldn’t hide the wave of regret, but he ground his jaw. This was why the Order was for only the elite. Because sometimes it was hard as fucking hell to make the right choice. “We won’t let him down,” he said. “All he has to do is stay alive until we find Cardiff and get him to shut it down.”
Alice tried to pull out of his grasp. “No, we have to help!”
Kane touched her arm. “I tried, Alice. There’s no way to find him in there. If there was a way, I would do it.” Rage flared in his eyes. “He stood by me when I needed him, and I’m going to fight for him. Come on.”
Ian felt Alice’s turmoil, but after a moment, she looked over at the pit and nodded. “Okay.” But even as Ian took her hand and put his hand on Kane’s shoulder, completing the circuit, he felt her unease.
Something was wrong. Alice? What is it?
She looked at him with troubled eyes. I don’t know. I just feel like he needs our help.
We’re going to give it to him. Don’t worry. Ian glanced over at the pit as they began to dematerialize. Remember, the Order is more immortal than any other warriors.
She met his gaze. Yes, but if it’s because I’m your angel of life, then we have a problem. Since I broke the rules and the pearl started glowing, I’m not sure whether I still have those powers or not. You all might be unprotected. You might not be so immortal anymore.
Ian gripped her hand more tightly. Or, now that you’re not constrained by your limitations, you might be even more powerful than you were before.
Her face was tense. How do we know which it is?
I don’t know, but I expect we’ll find out. Before they could finish the conversation, they dematerialized, and the hunt was on.
*
“We found it,” Alice whispered in stunned disbelief when Kane helped them materialize for the eleventh time, having taken them from spot to spot around the island in search of Warwick’s domain.
This time, they’d hit the jackpot. Towering above them was a castle made of black stone. Six towers, with black flags billowing from the ramparts. Stone gargoyles perched beside every window, the glittering rubies in their eyes so realistic it made chills run down her arms, as if they were living creatures trapped heartlessly in a casing of rock.
The sky above was a conglomeration of purple and black clouds, churning and rumbling. The castle was perched on the far edge of the island, the back half of it built on rock pilings that suspended it over the ocean. The ocean was whirling and raging beneath the shadowed structure, whitecaps crashing against the walled side.
It stretched nearly a hundred yards along the coast, with stone railings lining the upper decks. Alice almost expected to see the ghost of an ancient sea captain’s wife leaning on the rail, staring out over the horizon, still waiting for her true love to return, her tattered dress lashing against her legs in the harsh wind.
It was a haunting sight, and she could hear the howl of the wind as it whipped through the ramparts, down empty corridors, through windows that had no glass. It was a place of loneliness and isolation. No beauty. No salvation. Just the cold, harsh existence of a life battered by storms and surf so brutal that not a single weed clung to the stone, not a single blade of grass braved the sandy ground around the building.
Kane and Ian went low, crouching behind a massive boulder that was covered in patches of green lichen. She knelt beside them, but the emptiness of the existence
before her tore through her like a great vacuum. There was no life in that mausoleum. Just death. Suffering. Emptiness. She knew what that felt like. It was what she’d carried with her for so many years, until Ian had finally freed her.
“I need to see where I’m taking us,” Kane said softly. “Otherwise we could end up in the middle of a wall.” During their search of the island, each time Kane had teleported them, it had been to a place close enough that he could see where he was going to materialize.
Ian searched the building. “Take us to the ramparts on the north side. It’s well covered. We’ll go from there—”
“No.” Alice couldn’t take her gaze off the center widow’s walk where she’d felt that presence of the ghostly widow. She pointed to the spot. “There. That’s where he’ll be. That’s where he spends his time.”
Ian looked over at her. “How do you know?”
“Because if the person I loved was murdered in my arms, that’s where I’d wait for his spirit to return to me. The ocean brings life. He built this castle for her.” She could feel it in every fiber of her body. She was absolutely certain.
Alice, other people aren’t like you. They don’t come back to life when they die.
She didn’t look at him. The spirit never dies, Ian. Not unless Catherine— She stopped, suddenly realizing what she’d been about to reveal.
Ian stared at her. “Catherine kills the spirit?”
Alice didn’t answer, and this time it wasn’t because she was bound by angel rules. This time, it was because answering his question would unlock secrets that were too dangerous for the world. This time, the secret was her choice, and it felt good.
Ian probed at her mind. Alice. Talk to me about Catherine. Help me understand.
You have to choose whether to trust me, Ian, even without knowing all the facts.
He swore softly. Alice—
“I see him.” Low, dark venom undercut Kane’s words. “That’s him. The man who tried to make me kill Sarah.”
Alice looked toward the castle, and her breath caught in awe. Galloping toward them across the surface of the ocean was a massive black stallion, his rider wearing a black cape that billowed out behind him, flapping in the wind. The horse’s hooves were silent, despite the water splashing up all around him. Together, they were a shadow in the wind, streaking across the ocean as if the seas themselves had granted the duo passage. Warwick’s head was bent low as he urged his horse on, hiding his face from sight, but she recognized the animal and the breadth of the rider’s shoulders. “That’s him,” she whispered. “That’s the man who killed me with the death spell that’s haunting me.”
“Deathbringer. The winged demon horse.” Ian went still beside her, his fingers digging into her arm. “I’ve never seen him before,” he said. “All I’ve ever found were his hoofprints.”
As they watched, Deathbringer leapt from the surface of the water, his sleek body stretching out as he vaulted toward the top of the ramparts, a good hundred feet in the air. His tail was gorgeous and shiny, his mane almost two feet of silken strands. But the true beauty came from the supreme grace of his rider, who seemed to move like the angels themselves as his horse sailed to the rooftops.
Deathbringer landed with total silence on the widow’s walk that Alice had pointed out. The horse spun to face the ocean, raising his majestic head toward the water. The pair went utterly still, facing out across the expanse of frothing waves, immobile in the swirling wind.
“They’re waiting,” she said. “They’re waiting for his woman to return to him.” How many hours had he spent standing there, waiting? Suddenly, her heart ached for that kind of love, for that kind of loss, for the strength of a commitment that could span so many centuries. She looked over at Ian, and her heart fell. His attention was riveted to Cardiff, his eyes cold with the lethal focus of a warrior.
What happened to the man who had been so consumed by her that he couldn’t be apart from her without falling into despair? Was it the fact that the bond locked her to him? Had that given him the security he needed to forget about her?
She looked down at the brand on her arm. All that was left were two small lines. His half of the death stage, and he’d never satisfied his half of the trust stage either. Despite all that they’d been through together, despite the fact that she’d shared with him her deepest secrets and offered everything to him, he hadn’t trusted her enough to satisfy the bonding stage.
Ian needed her alive. He needed her in his life. But it was simply self-preservation. He didn’t trust love, because it had failed everyone in his family. Love meant death by the greatest dishonor. It wasn’t simply that Ian was focused on his missions. He believed that love was the greatest demon there was. Which left no place for her.
“On three,” Kane said quietly.
“You stay here,” Ian told her. “I don’t want anything to happen to you.”
Words that formerly would have made her heart sing now felt empty and dull. He didn’t want to protect her from harm because he cared. He wanted to keep her safe so he didn’t kill himself.
He looked over at her and frowned. What’s wrong? You feel sad.
She lifted her chin. Nothing.
Ian narrowed his eyes. I don’t believe you. When this is over, we’re going to have a talk.
Yay. A talk. What a way to melt a girl’s heart.
“One,” Kane said.
Ian put his hand on Kane’s shoulder. Alice, I promise you that after we take care of Cardiff, I’ll find Catherine for you. If she’s in there, I’ll find her.
Alice knew he was telling the truth. The whole truth. He would find her, but he wouldn’t kill her.
“Two,” Kane said, moving into battle stance.
Ian stood beside him, flexing his hands. Both men were ready to call out their weapons the moment Kane teleported them. They were waiting until the last second, so that the crack and flash of black light wouldn’t alert the wizard before they attacked. Alice. Tell me you’ll stay here and wait for me. I won’t be able to focus if I’m worried about you.
He was worried about her? The words were cruel, because she wanted them to mean so much more than they did. Fine, she lied, not even trying to hide the fact she wasn’t telling the truth. She wanted him to be tuned into her enough that he sensed her lie. I’ll stay here.
Good. His approval filled her, and she knew he was barely focused on her. I’ll be back. He grabbed her suddenly and hauled her over to him, kissing her so fiercely that she felt her head spin. Desire and passion rushed through her, stripping away her defenses. Her heart cried for him, for what he wouldn’t give her, and for a split second, she clung to him, not wanting to let go.
“Three!” Kane shouted.
Ian released her instantly, grabbing onto Kane as the night split with the resounding crack of four Calydon weapons being called out. Black light exploded through the air, and she saw Deathbringer rear up as he whirled around to face them.
Kane and Ian shimmered and then faded—
At the last second, she lunged forward and brushed her fingers across the back of Ian’s shirt, a touch so light he could never feel it. A touch that was enough to make Kane’s magic include her and spin her away with them to the ramparts where the battle awaited.
The moment they landed, Alice saw Cardiff spin toward them. Not wanting to be seen by Warwick or noticed by Ian, she immediately scurried through the nearest doorway, darting down the steps just as he turned and faced Ian and Kane.
She couldn’t see Warwick from where she was, but she had a clear view of Ian’s profile. His face morphed into shock at the sight of the man who had destroyed his entire family. Six hundred years of his emotional burdens rolled through her. She hesitated, torn between going back there and supporting him, and trying to find Catherine.
But why go back to Ian? He’d keep her from Catherine, and he was so obsessed with the wizard that he hadn’t even noticed her slipping past him. A warrior who would hear a butterfly sneeze from a
thousand miles away hadn’t noticed her holding onto his shirt and then running past him into the stairway.
She had her answer. Ian wasn’t for her.
It was time to leave him behind and go find Catherine.
So she did.
*
Ian materialized on the widow’s walk just as Deathbringer whirled toward him. For a split second, he was frozen in awe at the sight of the man who had haunted his family for generations. A dark hood enveloped the wizard’s face, casting it into shadows. But Ian could see the sunken hollows of his cheeks, the thin black line of his lips, and a nose misshapen from too many battles.
He was not a man who had survived immortality well. Was that because of the loss of his soul mate? Ian’s mind flashed to Alice, and he suddenly understood what had driven Cardiff for so many centuries. If he lost Alice, he knew it would destroy him. At the thought of Alice dying, grief surged over Ian, so violent and so powerful that he went down on his knees, gasping as stark desolation raced over him. He was suddenly overwhelmed with fear for Alice’s well-being, and he turned his head, searching the woods for the sight of her standing safely by the rocks he’d left her near.
She wasn’t there.
True fear attacked him. Alice? Where are you?
There was no answer for a split second, and terror tore through him. Alice!
I’m here, Ian. It’s okay. Don’t worry about me. She sent soft waves of reassurance, instinctively understanding his fear for her safety.
But it wasn’t enough. He needed to see her. The sense of doom was too strong. Where are you?
Again, a hesitation, then an answer that made his heart freeze. I’m looking for Catherine. I’m in the tower.
What? She was in Warwick’s castle? Ian spun around and saw a stone doorway behind him. He inhaled and caught the faint scent of flowers that he associated with Alice. Alice! That’s too dangerous! He sprinted for the door, driven by the instinct to go after her, to protect her, to—
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