by DD Prince
He tightened his grip on me.
“Baby, don’t. Don’t do that. Just breathe.”
“I’m freaking out.”
I was. I was freaking right out.
He got off me and sat on the side of the bed and then pulled my panties the right way and fixed my dress as he pulled me onto his lap. His belt was still undone.
He put his arms around me.
“You’re shakin’. Hey. It’s okay.”
I tried to breathe, but I was having a full-on panic attack.
“Put your ear to my chest,” he said.
“Huh?”
“Do it.”
I did.
“Hear that?”
“What?” I felt his warmth seeping through his black dress shirt. I closed my eyes.
“Focus.”
I tried. I heard his heart beating.
“Hear that?”
“Your heart?” I asked.
“Yeah, just listen.”
“Rider, I…”
“Shhh. Listen.” He cradled my head against his chest and I did what he’d asked. I listened to the steady tempo of his heartbeat. I absorbed the feeling of him holding me, comforting me.
I did that for a few minutes. And my pulse was slowing down.
“Solid, steady,” he said. “It’s there, just doin’ its thing. Thumping away. Right?”
I nodded.
“That’s what you gotta do. Take one breath. Then another. I’m steady, baby. Solid. I want this. I want us. Just hold onto me. Like you do when you’re on the back of my bike and I’ll get us there.”
“But so much… in such a short amount of time, Rider. And drama. I---”
“Shhh. Listen.” He kissed the top of my head and kept playing with my hair.
I listened. I closed my eyes. He slowly reclined until he was lying flat on the bed and my ear was still to his chest.
He ran his hand through my hair.
“Life can be short, babe. I’m’ learning that. Life can be hard. Life can be sweet, too, if you open yourself up to possibilities. Never wanted a club girl for more than a little fun. You’re not a club girl.”
“No. I’m definitely not.” I whispered.
“You’re different. You’re gorgeous. You’re high fuckin’ maintenance. But, shit, you’re gorgeous. Your apartment is the shit. You work hard, and you care about that. You give a shit about people. People gettin’ their dream wedding day. Old lonely grandmothers who you give fuckin’ coupons to. Doin’ old lady hairdos at the retirement home for free.”
How did he know I went to the retirement home and gave free hairdos? Bronto.
“Your parents might be snobs, I don’t fuckin’ know, haven’t met them yet but your ma was a piece of work on the phone. I know that you work hard. You’re not looking for your folks to give you a hand-out. You’re willing to work for it. And you’re generous. I also know that what I see from you so far, you constantly fuckin’ surprise me. I’m sorry. I was wrong about you. And I’m fuckin’ glad I’ve had a chance to realize that before you wound up with a banker or a lawyer or some shit who gives you what your mother wants but not what you need or deserve. I am lookin’ forward to a whole lot more of seeing what you’re hidin’ from me.”
“I am high maintenance,” I said. “I have expectations. And expensive bedding that’s just for show. And I can be demanding.”
“That’s all right. I’m game. And I can be demanding, too.”
“Right. Sex.” I muttered.
He chuckled.
“And you think I’m bad at it.”
“Naw, baby. You’re lazy at it. You took those orgasms like you were entitled to them and then you were done. You were fuckin’ like a guy.”
I gasped and lifted my head off his chest.
“But, fuck. I see potential. You’re a canvas I can work with.” My face burned with embarrassment at him using the words I’d used the night before. “Few tweaks, I’ll get you there. And you’ll love every minute of it.” He put his hand on my ear and pushed my head back to his chest.
I listened to his heartbeat some more, trying not to feel mortified.
“We should get out there,” I said.
“In a minute,” he replied. “Wanna hold my woman for another minute.”
I was melting.
“Night before last night, you cuddled up to me when I rolled away.”
I lifted my head again to look him in the face.
“That was nice,” he said. “Never slept with a girl all night unless it was just a mess of drunken bodies passed out. No cuddling or any of that shit. Fuckin’ loved it those few nights with you. My head was fucked when I rolled away. You rolled in and it helped. Last night…without you… it sucked.”
I made a face.
“Though you made me really fuckin’ hard watchin’ you struggling down the hall with that suitcase, your ass in those little fuckin’ pink panties. And seein’ my name on your back while me and half a dozen other guys watched that sweet ass? That helped. If it weren’t for my name on your back, I would not have been down for that. Would’ve paddled your ass until it was pink like your panties. That says something, too, because I don’t usually get possessive. And knowin’ you were keeping my sister company when she was gonna have a night of crying herself to sleep? I figured I could sacrifice and sleep alone, so she could have that. Let Jojo borrow you for the night. I needed you, but she needed you more.”
I was not gonna cry. I was not gonna cry.
“But just sayin’, don’t leave me at night like that again. You sleep beside me or I’ll find you and bring you back to my bed. I need you tonight.”
Shit, if he didn’t stop, I was gonna effing cry.
His voice had gone husky and that threat had turned me on, for some reason.
He slapped my butt. “We should get out there.”
I sat up.
“You good about this?” he asked.
“This?” I asked.
“You and me.”
I shrugged. “I’m not sure…um, no. I’m probably not good about this.”
He leaned forward and kissed my lips. “What do I gotta do for you to be good about this?”
I shrugged. “I’m just…skeptical.”
“Stick with me and I’ll bust my ass to make that uncertainty evaporate. Okay?”
And those green-blue eyes were like endless pools. “Okay,” I whispered, “But… I don’t trust easy. I have these walls and it might take…” I let out a breath. “I’m high maintenance and you might get sick of that. And it might take more than a little bit for them to come down. And you’ll probably give up before you get through it.”
“I got a pick axe. I’ll pick away. Watch and see. I’m more stubborn than you. And you’re stubborn, gorgeous…”
I was trembling.
“You want this,” he stated.
I stared at him with big eyes.
“You want this, or you wouldn’t care so much. And baby, that means a fuckuva lot.”
I put my forehead to his chest. He put his arms around me.
“Open up. Give me you. I won’t make you sorry,” he said.
He kissed the top of my head.
And I just wanted to get lost in him all over again. I was afraid to speak, to breathe. The promise of him that I felt after that first night was nothing compared to the reality of him. I couldn’t kid myself that this would be easy. But, I had a feeling right then that it might be worth however difficult it’d be to get there with him.
God, but what if I was wrong?
His phone made a noise and he reached into his pocket.
“We headin’ out?” he asked.
I nodded. “Need the little girls room first,” I said. I went into the bathroom and got cleaned up and looked at my reflection in the mirror.
I had the look of a woman who’d just gotten fucked fast and hard. And I had the look of someone who was petrified. And I was. I wasn’t sure I wanted to roll with this. I also wasn’t sure
I was capable of doing anything but rolling with this. I took off the undies I had on and stepped back into the bedroom and he went into the bathroom. I put a fresh pair on and then he was coming out of the bathroom with a smile. He took my hand and took me toward the door.
“Wait. I just wanna make the bed.”
“Huh?”
“I hate leaving the bed unmade.” I went back to the bed and motioned for him to come help. He did, but he was looking at me weird.
“It’s not nice to get into an unmade bed when you’re tired. Or drunk. And if we’re partying later…” I shrugged.
“I agree that stopping festivities to deal with bed shit is not fun.”
I fought a smile, feeling my face go pink, because of the disaster of my duvet that first night.
He chuckled and helped me tidy the bed and then we left the room and headed to the kitchen, finding Delia, with two other women.
13
“We’re good, you two. Just heading out now to eat. Go have some food. Jenna, you can be on clean-up duty. Okay?” Delia was shooing us out of the kitchen.
“Sure,” I agreed, and Rider took my hand and we headed to where everyone was, to an area that opened to the outside. There were tables both inside and outside, and people sitting, standing, walking in and out. Some were getting plates of food from the massive spread. There were close to a dozen long tables that had to have twenty or so chairs at each. The place was crawling with bikers. Biker wives. Kids. People that didn’t look like bikers, too. The photo collages from the funeral home had been set up on one side.
Some people were dressed up and others were dressed down, so my flip flops with my funeral clothes didn’t look too out of place.
Jojo waved at me and I saw that she was sitting with Deke, Spencer, Deacon, and a few other people from the Aberdeen charter. They’d saved us seats.
Jojo’s eyes were now make-up free and a little puffy, but she gave me a small smile.
Rider waved at them and then pointed toward the food, gesturing we were grabbing some. Deke gave us a thumbs up.
The two long food tables were filled with lasagnas, crock pots filled with meatballs. All sorts of appetizers, salads, cold cuts, veggie and fruit trays, and buns.
And I was suddenly famished.
And I was going to sit and eat with my new boyfriend and his family.
My boyfriend. A biker. A biker who… no, Jenna. Don’t look back right now. Look forward.
He didn’t know me when he had a gang bang. He only had me kidnapped to protect me. He had never wanted an exclusive relationship with someone, not even spent the night sleeping beside someone all night cuddling like that. But, he wanted it with me. Me. He liked his name on my back. He looked out for me in multiple ways. A life with him could have lots of fun, laughter, good times.
But, if he’d never been in a relationship before, how did he know he wanted it? How did he know if he’d be capable of being faithful? Would that be a struggle? I didn’t want to be with someone who would ever be able to even fathom cheating on me. It shouldn’t take effort to be faithful to someone.
Normally, I led a cat and mouse chase with a guy and I decided how far to let him in. I was always careful with my heart. Some got in more than others. Never did they get in very far. Not since Michael. But, Rider Valentine had ploughed in despite my advanced defense system. Was I really gonna do this?
Shit. I wanted to.
I made a decision. I’d try. I’d be cautious, but I’d try. And hope that when all the drama was over, he didn’t change his mind and decide I wasn’t worth the trouble. And hope that this wasn’t a ‘thrill of the chase’ game. I’d have to try to stop myself from falling head over heels in case this fizzed out fast. It might be too late for that already, though.
We sat and ate with everyone. And people told stories. And showed their tattoos that’d been done by Luke “Lick” Hanson. And I sat beside Rider, his arm around me or on my chair. He was attentive. He got me a drink refill. He brought me a red velvet cupcake with that drink refill without my asking. He touched my hair. He introduced me to more people. He was demonstrative.
It felt nice. It felt promising.
I was still scared, but I was trying to ‘roll’ with it.
“I gotta have a bathroom break.” Jojo rose from the table after we’d been sitting for well over an hour with Axel and his woman Leah, the pretty platinum blonde I’d seen with Jojo the day before.
She’d told me that she’d partied with Ella the weekend before, the night of pudding shooters and pulled pork (according to the texts I had from Ella). They’d partied with Jet, initiating Ella into the Dominion Brotherhood Sisterhood with a shooter consumption challenge. She passed with flying colors.
Not surprising.
“That explains those texts I got from her,” I’d said with a laugh.
Leah was nice. She was feeling the loss of Jet of course, as they’d been tight, but Rider was right. This party here was to celebrate Lick. Leah promised me that there’d be a shooter initiation night for me as soon as possible.
I hadn’t seen Edge, other than for a very brief appearance at the funeral home. I overheard some people saying he was heading to Jet’s hometown to see her parents and be there for the funeral.
The club was planning to have a party for her when he got back.
She had a rough relationship with them, had minimal contact, but as she and Edge weren’t legally married, he had very little say in her final arrangements. I’d heard them say it wouldn’t be a ‘club’ funeral, because her parents were very anti-biker.
“I’ll go tinkle, too,” I said to Jojo’s bathroom break comment. “Bring you back a drink or anything?” I asked Rider.
“Beer would be nice, gorgeous.”
“Anyone else?” I asked.
I got a bunch of ‘nopes’ and ‘no thanks’.
I saw Bronto by the door when I went inside.
He was smiling at me.
“Hey Jenna. Jojo.” He said.
“Hey Bront…” Jojo said and gave him a high five.
“Teddy Bear,” I said low and gave him a mock punch in the arm.” He winced and grabbed the opposite arm, teasingly.
I smiled and gave him a look that I hoped spoke volumes. By his resulting smile, I think it did.
“Feet feeling better?” he asked.
“Yeah. Much,” I said. “Were you sent out for these?”
He gave me a nod. “They were squishy. I thought they’d be good.”
“Squishy is good. You did good. Thank you. How much do I owe you?”
He shook his head. “Nope. Nothing. We have a fund.”
“A sore foot fund?” I laughed.
“A fund to take care of guests of the club. But, looks like you’re an old lady now, so you never offer to pay back a prospect or a member for doin’ something for you. Your old man takes care of all those expenses. Okay?”
“Old lady? Bleck.”
“Not bleck,” Jojo said. “It’s an honor. Trust me. Lotta women want it and never get it.”
I winced. “I need biker broad lessons.”
Jojo laughed. “I got you. Let’s go. Ima pee my pants.”
“Thanks, Teddy Bear,” I said.
“Anytime, Jenna.” He smiled.
Not far from the door was a ladies’ bathroom with several stalls.
Washing our hands at the sinks after using the facilities I asked, “You okay?”
She shrugged. “It’s hard, but this is helping. People telling stories, celebrating his life. Everyone is treating me like I lost him and that helps, too, because it’s the first time I’ve been able to show my feelings for him. Makes me sad, though. Makes me want him here, so I can be on his arm, unembarrassed. But, we never got that.”
I nodded, sadly.
“But, he fucked that girl.”
I gulped.
“And I know he and I were early on, but I don’t know if he’d have kept doing things like that or if it was just ‘cuz he
knew I’m a virgin, so he had to get off, because he couldn’t get off with me.” She dried her hands and then her hands went into her hair at both sides and she looked tormented. “If I wasn’t and we’d been having sex, maybe he wouldn’t have been with Kailey. And if he hadn’t fucked her, maybe they wouldn’t have had him killed.”
“No. Don’t you take that on your shoulders.” I grabbed her hand.
She pulled her hand back. She was struggling. She was struggling hard. She needed space, so I took a step back.
She cleared her expression at my look of worry and fluffed her hair.
“Yeah. I just need… time.”
She jerked her head toward the door and I followed her back out, feeling worried about her state of mind.
She should not feel responsible for his death. At all.
But, unfortunately, guilt and, I’m guessing, grief, don’t work that way. I did not have a good feeling about Joelle Valentine’s road toward getting over this.
***
“Show us!” I goaded Brady.
It was dark and there were campfires burning in three big firepots. The booze was flowing, and the tunes were blaring. Lick’s favorite band had been Aerosmith, and someone had put together a huge selection of their songs to play on a loop.
Some people had left, others were obviously here for the night. I’d changed into a pair of black jeggings and a long drapey black and blue tee that Jojo had packed for me, washed a truckload of dishes with the other ladies, and now it was turning into a good time.
Someone turned off Aerosmith and put on some dance music.
There were a few grumbles, until a bunch of girls got up and started dancing and the complaints died down as the men were watching the girls. That guy from The Roadhouse who’d begged us to dance with him was in there with them. He spotted me and wiggled his finger at me to invite me into the group. I stood, and Rider grabbed my hand and tugged it, so I landed on his lap.
“Hey?” I joked.
He shook his head. “No.”
“Huh?” Was he serious? He looked serious.
“You dance way too sexy for these fuckers. I’d have to fight them off.”
I laughed and smacked his arm. His lips went to my ear and he sucked on my earlobe, giving me goosebumps.
“Serious, gorgeous. I clocked you that first night and thought you were damn gorgeous. But when you danced? Fuckin’ pulled me in like a tractor beam.”
