“Call them. Tell them to stop.”
“Do I need to introduce you to them? I can’t stop them, and I don’t want to,” Avery says as she stares at my arm. It’s a bruise and scratch . . . I don’t have gangrene setting in. I look to Lee Lee.
“Oh no darlin’. As soon as Mason beats the shit out of someone, he fucks like an animal, and I’m not willing to give that up. Call me greedy. Get your ass in the shower so we can get you ready.” Every person in the state of Kansas has lost touch with reality. That may be a bit harsh. Every person who lives within a two-house radius is fucking delusional. Including myself. I get up and head to the shower, as I snag my lingerie. I ignore the grin from Avery and the snicker from Lee Lee.
I wasn’t prepared to see him walk in the front door, dressed up with his gray eyes bluer than I’ve ever seen. Cradling that precious baby in his arms sears my insides. A flash of melancholy hits me, wondering if my dad was ever like this with me . . . I’m starting to forget all the good times and the last memories of him are erasing along with everything I hold dear.
“Ready?” His voice is soft, trying not to startle Julie. I nod and meet him at the door.
“You look stunning, Saylor.” His eyes haven’t left me since he entered. It unnerves me and spurs me to want more . . . but I can’t pursue that.
“Thanks.” I rise on my tiptoes to kiss his cheek, inhaling his scent. I groan and can’t stop the blush.
He chuckles, vibrating his body and causing my breast to brush against his arm. “Fierce.” His breath tickles my face as he whispers.
“Huh?” I’m staring at his lips; they’re moving, but nothing is making sense.
“The name of my cologne. It’s Fierce.” Fucking figures. My core clenches and pulses remembering every bit of fierce he showed me last night . . .
I stare at him. He doesn’t need to know I’m planning to buy that cologne and spray my pillow with it. Saturate it. Wash my bedding in it. “Is it expensive?” This causes him to chuckle again.
“I’ve got an extra bottle. You can have it.”
I shrug; I’m humiliated enough, so it doesn’t bother me. “Thanks.” He takes his free hand and guides me to his Jeep. I gawk in fascination with how gentle and thorough he is while buckling and securing Julie in her car seat. When he’s done, he reaches for my hand and helps me in the passenger seat—it was unnecessary but nice.
“The top has to stay on tonight.” He nods his head to Julie. He backs out of the driveway, heading towards the highway.
“We could have ordered in. I don’t think she should be around a lot of people. She’s so little.”
His smile stops my breath. “She’s almost four months, Saylor. She’s not going with us, but it means the world to me that you would be okay with that. I’m dropping her off at my parents, and we’ll pick her up after dinner.”
“Deacon,” I sigh. This is ridiculous. “Turn around and we can order pizza.”
He glances at me before concentrating on driving. “No way in hell am I gonna miss showing you off in that dress. It’s fine. A few hours will make my parents happy and keep them off my back. Next week I’m having a sitter watch her during school and practice. Driving back and forth was too much. I want my parents to enjoy her, not raise her.”
And I fall harder. This isn’t good. He can’t say shit like that, making me wish for something I don’t believe in. “I know I just found out about Julie, but I have to say I admire you. You’ve made her your priority. That’s uncommon for a guy your age.”
“It isn’t, Saylor. I’m her father. She’s my responsibility, and I love that little girl more than my own life.”
“It is, Deacon. At your age, it’s commendable. Some grown men don’t take that responsibility.”
“They aren’t men. Cowards. Pieces of shit.” I swallow my retort. I need to reconcile that part of my life myself.
“Where’s her mom?” I watch for telltale signs of pushing too far. Being too nosy. I know via Avery and Emberlee she walked away but I want to know if she’s coming back.
“Gone. Didn’t want her, so she signed her rights away.” He’s relaxed like he just recited a bedtime story to his daughter. I have a bad taste for dads in my mouth, but to hear a mother could walk out . . . I can’t comprehend that. My mom gave up her life, her freedom, her everything for me. I’m thankful for everything she did. All while never making me feel I was a burden. I worry about her, seeing her in love, head in the clouds . . . I don’t want her to lose herself and have to pick up the pieces of her heart again. Nobody deserves to be a fool twice; but when you fall in love, that’s the risk. “You’re quiet all of a sudden. You shocked?”
“Honestly?”
“Always. I can handle it.”
“I’m disgusted. Sad. Shocked.”
“Explain.”
“I have a preconceived notion that dads are the bad guys. Daddy issues and all. I love my mom, and I watched her struggle to survive for years, but I was always her first and last thought. If you told me you didn’t want to be a father I’d believe it quicker than you telling me her mom didn’t want her.” I can’t stop looking back at her sleeping in the backseat. How?
“Wow, Saylor. I don’t know if I should be offended.” He winks at me. “I get it. I don’t agree with any parent walking out, but it happens no matter if you’re a mom or dad. Probably more men leave but some women aren’t wired for kids.”
“Then they should figure it out before having them.”
“I want to agree, but if I did I wouldn’t have her. And I can’t imagine my life without her.” He stops in front of a mini-resort. He shuts the car off and jumps out, working on getting Julie. She’s rousing, and her little grunts undo me. I brush my hand over her head and feel his eyes bore into me. He doesn’t stop staring at me, and I can feel his gaze penetrating. “You coming, Shortstop?”
“I’m good.” I don’t feel right meeting his parents, and I don’t feel comfortable in a house this size. The front door opens, and I see a woman coming down the walk.
“Deacon, hurry up and give me my angel.”
“Hey, Ma. Glad to see you.” He smiles over his shoulder before turning to me. “She just wants me for my DNA.”
She smacks the back of his head. “Hush up.”
“Ouch. Be careful woman, precious cargo.” He faces her with Julie in his arms, and his mom reaches for the little bundle. “Were you raised by wolves? Say hello to Saylor.” My breath falters, and her eyes widen.
“I didn’t know you had a guest with you. Damn it, Deacon. I look rude.”
“And deranged. Don’t forget that part.” She smacks him again.
“Hi, I’m Sara. This delinquent’s mom. Nice to meet you, Saylor.”
I feel rude because I didn’t get out of the Jeep. “Hi, Mrs. Douglas. Nice to meet you.” I reach to unbuckle my seatbelt, and she stops me.
“You can come in and chat when y’all get back. And I do think I introduced myself as Sara, not Mrs. Douglas.”
“Sorry.”
“No apology needed. But calling me Mrs. Douglas makes me think my gray is showing and I need a hair appointment.” She smiles and winks. “Give me that baby and go feed Saylor.” Not waiting for her son, she takes Julie from her. She carries herself with a grace only a mother can have as she snuggles Julie to her chest walking to the house wearing heels and a chic outfit. Factor in the million (or more) dollar home and her beauty, and I’m out of my element.
“Bye, Ma. Love you,” Deacon hollers after her.
“Love you too, Son. Shoo.” Her eyes are trained on Julie’s face, and it’s adorable.
He hops back in and starts the Jeep. “Let’s go eat.” Half way down the street, I notice the diaper bag.
“We have to go back. You forgot her stuff.” His eyes glance back to where I’m reaching for the bag.
“No. I have that in case something happens between houses. They bought everything to keep at their house. She has a nursery there and diapers, for
mula, blankets, toys . . . it wouldn’t surprise me if next week she has a pony.”
“How unoriginal. I was thinking a unicorn.” His dimples show, teeth flashing, and his laughter booms in the car.
“When you let down those defenses, you’re kind of funny.”
“Don’t get used to it.”
“Oh, I will. I’ll bring out the real you, Saylor.”
Question is—who is the real Saylor? I think I’m just discovering her.
Walking into the restaurant, I feel nervous. I wasn’t raised with multiple forks on the table; we used the same one to eat our salad and meal. I’m going to make a fool of myself. Swanky is the only description I can come up with. Sophistication. Class. Exclusivity. This place reeks of it. I pull his hand. “What’s wrong?”
“Do we have to eat here?”
He tilts his head, studying me. “They have the best steak.” Shit. He said the magic word. Steak.
“It’s a bit fancy for little ole’ me.” I bat my eyelashes. “Outback would have been fine.”
He shakes his head, “Come on, Saylor. We have a reservation, and I’m hungry.” I roll my eyes and allow his hand at my back to lead me into the high-rolling steakhouse. Once we’re seated, he jump-starts the conversation. “I know your major is marketing but why?”
“Not a lot of risk. You sell someone else’s product. They succeed, you succeed. They fail, you find another product.”
“Is that what you’ve always dreamed of doing?”
“I didn’t plan a dream career or decide a major for any other reason than being able to take care of myself.”
“That’s sad.”
“It’s realistic. Why didn’t you go into the majors? Your parents would have helped with Julie.”
“True, but I’d more than likely have been picked up by a minor or farm team and had to work my way up. I played like shit last year, and you don’t normally just go to the majors. You work up.” He sips his water. “I didn’t want my parents raising Julie. This is their time to enjoy. My dad can retire at any time, and I want them to travel. They were pretty disappointed in the circumstances, but they’re proud of the decisions I’ve made.”
“But you didn’t give up baseball all together?”
“No, but it doesn’t mean the same to me. I love it, but I hate leaving Julie with the sitter or my parents. I don’t think I could give it up, and that scares me. I’m supposed to be selfless. Parent first.”
“You are, Deacon. To be a good parent you have to have part of yourself intact. I love that you put her first, think of her life, but if you aren’t happy she’ll sense that as she gets older. Believe me, that hurts more than missing you for a few hours.”
“Experience?”
“Maybe. That subject’s off-limits.” I feel myself closing down.
“Soon nothing will be off-limits. Your dreams will be mine. Your goals—I’ll help you achieve them. You’ll see.”
I want to run.
Outside.
Home.
To his arms.
All conflicting. None seem like the right choice.
I watch every emotion shut off. It didn’t come gradually; it was like slamming a door, ending all progression we’d made. I don’t regret it. I’ll tell her every day. I’ll break through. I don’t know what it is—just a feeling of completeness I get when she’s near. I meant what I said in regards to giving up baseball. If she was by my side, I wouldn’t dream of giving it up. After three years, I’d pack her and Julie up and take them with me. Whichever team chose me to play, I know I’d be able to make a home with her. She’s the reason I think that way.
She admitted she has daddy issues, now I need to find the root of her problem. Her reaching back to stroke Julie’s head like it was second nature caused a visceral reaction in me. My heart sped up, and I wanted to haul her out of the car and take her right there in my parents’ driveway. The intense need to possess her, own her, fucking stake my claim. She has me messed up and out of control. I don’t know which way is up or down, if I’m coming or going. Her defiance makes me want to fuck it out of her yet revel in the spunk. I swipe my hand down my face and exhale my frustrations.
She fights everything.
The connection we share.
The heat between us.
The way we work after such a short time.
I’m not asking her to move in or marry me. I’m asking for a chance. She can’t give me that if she keeps closing down. I’ve opened up the most important part of my life to her . . .
“I wanted to apologize for last night.” I don’t regret a single moment of it, but I hate that I may have taken advantage of her. I didn’t slow down long enough to hear what Alec had done to her, and if Mason and Caden hadn’t calmed me down and gotten the information I needed, I may have been eating dinner in a prison. Our steaks arrive, and her eyes widen as she licks her lips.
“I didn’t order this.”
“I did. You said you like steak . . . this is the best steak you’ll ever have.” Her lips draw tight, and I feel the frustration coming off her in waves. “What did I do this time?” My frustration level is mirroring hers.
I watch her eyes close, see her chest rise as she inhales. I stop myself from reaching across the table and caressing her face. As much as she confuses me, the need to comfort her is greater. Her eyes open, and the emerald color with spots of sunshine staring back at me beckon to me. They are clear, she’s opening her pain up to me, and I don’t know what’s causing it, but I want to end it. “I’m sorry. You didn’t do anything wrong. This is new to me.”
“Someone being nice.” I smile at her.
“No. I don’t know. I’m not used to friends. The only one I had was so long ago.”
“Saylor, you’ve got lots of friends. They haven’t known you a lifetime, but from the moment you met them . . . they were all your friends. Mason and Caden protect you and watch out for you like Lee Lee and Avery. Lee Lee is thawing her ice queen act, and Avery loves you.”
“And you?”
“I’m not being friend-zoned. We’re definitely not friends. I’ll be your friend after.”
“After what?”
“I’ll let you know when it happens.” I wink at her and pick up my fork to start eating, hoping she’ll follow suit.
I regret that wish when her lips close over her fork, and the moan leaves her mouth. I squirm in my seat and reach down to adjust myself. I’d give anything to be that fork. Those thoughts aren’t helping my dick situation. Puppies . . . vomit . . . baseball stats—nope that one gets me hard as well. I resign myself to an uncomfortable night. At least I’ve got her across from me. That is a prize in its own right.
“We’ve had enough serious for the night. Let’s finish the game from Bonefish. Just you and me.”
“Is this what you call the ‘getting to know you phase’?”
“Stop overthinking. Shoe size?” She laughs.
“Random. Five and a half.”
“You’re so damn tiny.”
“You didn’t answer.”
“Seventeen.” She chokes on her food.
“You’re kidding.”
“Did it feel like I was kidding last night?” I hold her eyes and see her cheeks redden. Now she’s the one squirming in her seat, and I’m sitting back gloating.
Dinner passes with relative ease—each of us railroading one another with questions. I hate to end it, but I need to get Julie and get home. “Ready?” She pushes back from the table and stands.
“Yep.” The silence isn’t uncomfortable, both of us mulling over the information garnered tonight.
“You know you have to go in with me to get Julie. Otherwise my mom will come and drag you in herself.”
Her look is priceless. She’s fidgeting in her seat, her color has paled, and her eyes are bulging. “Is that necessary? You could drop me off at the end of the street and tell them you took me home.” I laugh.
“You want me to lie to my parents. Shocking.
”
Her eyes narrow. “Like you’ve never lied to them.”
“Actually, no I haven’t. I have no reason to. You’ll understand when you meet them.”
“That can’t be normal.” This girl kills me.
“You lie to your mom a lot?”
“No. If I don’t want to talk, I clam up. But it’s different. You’re a guy…a player. A baller. Deacon, I’ve slept with one other person in my life. My weekends were spent babysitting or helping my mom with a side job for extra money. I told you I’m not this girl.” She waves her hands encircling the restaurant.
“I think you sell yourself short. I told you this was a chance to find who you are—I want to be a part of that journey.”
“I still don’t want to sit down with your parents.”
“What are you worried about?”
“I don’t come from money. I’m at school on a scholarship. Sure, my mom married well this time, but the money isn’t mine.”
“Saylor,” I shake my head. “You have so much to learn. Yes, I grew up with money. I have a trust fund from my grandfather, and I don’t have to work—ever. That’s not me. I was raised that hard work is the only way to get ahead. Yes, my parents pay for my schooling and expenses while I’m in school because that is their choice. My dad didn’t come from money. He is ex-Air Force and now an anesthesiologist. My mom was born with a silver spoon but still had to work every summer unless she was involved in activities. We don’t look down on anyone—money or not. That isn’t a priority for us.”
I see her sigh. “I just keep making horrible assumptions.”
“Yeah, you do.”
“Sorry.”
“Forgiven. We’re here. Come on and get it over with.”
“Back so soon?” My mom frowns as we walk in.
“Woman, you’re gonna give me a complex. Stop pretending you don’t love me.”
“Deacon, quit being a drama king. You’ll understand when you’re a grandparent.”
I freeze. “Quit that crazy talk. My princess won’t ever leave me.”
My parents both start laughing with Saylor joining in. “Maybe you should set an example for her,” she whispers to me. As if.
Playing Fate (Endgame Series Book 1) Page 6
